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She has to stay home and wash her wig.NEWS SHOCKER: Meg Stapleton, holder of the World’s Worst Job as spokeswoman for an increasingly fragile and erratic unemployed publicity hound, had to once again explain at the very last minute how Sarah Palin would not be headlining an event that the event organizers thought she would be headlining. This happens every five days or so, so Meg should probably just have some boilerplate text cooked up to explain these embarrassing incidents.

This time it’s an event promoting an Alaska ballot measure aimed at making it illegal for teens to get an abortion without telling their parents. The Alaska Family Council has been advertising that Palin would give a speech and become the first official signer of the ballot petition tonight at ChangePoint, the Anchorage megachurch.

Palin spokeswoman Meg Stapleton said Wednesday, in response to inquiries from the Daily News about tonight’s event, that “this is the first we have ever heard of a speech.” She said Palin is out of state and won’t be there.

[…] Alaska Family Council President Jim Minnery said it was news to him when a reporter told him that Stapleton was saying Palin had no knowledge of the speech, which his group has been promoting. He said organizers have been talking to Palin “contacts” for weeks about it.

Sweet suffering Jesus. Either literally HUNDREDS of event organizers over the past year have concocted the same elaborate fantasy that Sarah Palin would be attending their shindigs even though Palin never committed to such things, or Sarah Palin is on a meth binge in her Wasilla basement. These are the only two explanations.

Palin won’t show at fundraiser, denies accepting invitation [Anchorage Daily News]

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  • Serolf Divad

    Sorry, I haven’t been following this Sarah Palin person. She’s a soprano, right?

  • Nappied Hypotenuse

    Washing her Trig, donchamean?

  • SomeNYGuy

    Either literally HUNDREDS of event organizers over the past year have concocted the same elaborate fantasy that Sarah Palin would be attending their shindigs even though Palin never committed to such things, or Sarah Palin is on a meth binge in her Wasilla basement.

    Why not both? Hey, go for the gusto!

  • contentsunderpressure

    I have a “Super Sucker” sanitary vacumn service card in my wallet Meg. Want?

  • nbawriter

    Honestly, she isn’t going to live until 2012, is she? There has to be some crazy self-inflicted lethal end to this crackpot, right?

  • SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    Now all the babies will die, Jesus will be sad, and it will be her fault. Why does she hate babies and Jesus?

  • glamourdammerung

    Expect her to say something really, really stupid now. There seems to be a pattern at this point of blowing off a commitment, then twittering about bizarre conspiracies. Since the last one was that Obama wants to murder grandmothers, I can only imagine how strange the new one will be.

  • Slrcrw1

    Out of state or out of mind? Moving to Mass. to run for Teddy’s seat.

  • mollymcguire

    Obviously Alaska Family Council President Jim Minnery hates the troops.

  • charlesdegoal

    If the ballot measure passes, does this mean that all Alaskan teenagers who have had an abortion would now have to tell their parents about it? Seems pretty pointless to me.

  • Cape Clod

    I think she believes that she can serve these organizations better by not attending their fundraisers. North to the future, baby!

  • freakishlystrong

    Nah, it’s simple, a year ago they booked Gov. Sarah Palin to speak at this event. She quit being Governor, so voila’! Nuthin’ to see here.

  • 4tehlulz
  • SayItWithWookies

    Either that or the event organizers have been negotiating with Canadian DJs unbeknownst to them.
    Oh — or it could be that Trig has learned how to answer the phone.

  • shypixel2

    Sorry Alaska Family Council, I’ve had her busy in my basement. Y’all can have her after I’m done with her.

  • BigDupa

    Perhaps Levi could pinch hit?

  • New Wave Phlebotomist

    It would be at least the fourth time in recent months that an anticipated Palin speech has fallen through.

    Someone actually anticipates Palin speeches? I thought that only Wonkette did that. And as for …These are the only two explanations</i., I’m with Occam on this one.

  • S.Luggo

    “[Alaska Family Council President] said organizers have been talking to Palin “contacts” for weeks about it.”
    You idjet. Sarah communicates only thru ‘Twitter’. That’s one of kids, I believe.

  • Prommie

    Every time the media makes up lies about Sarah Palin, our brave troops who are over there protectin’ the media’s right to lie, they shed a tear, because they are so sad that the media is abusin’ those precious first amendment freedoms by attackin’ poor defenseless Trig and tryin’ to take away his second amendment freedoms, also.

  • FredZiffel

    Hey, Alaska Family Council, check with Levi, he’s probably available. And he could bring Kathy Griffin along.

  • nbawriter

    Also, I need to get a job at the Anchorage Daily News. That slapdick is a walking stimulus package for that newspaper.

  • SomeNYGuy

    I’ve heard she’s down to 70 lbs., completely bald, and stays locked in her room listening to Edith Piaf records.

  • gjdodger

    Has anyone else come to the conclusion that Palin’s resignation, which political analysts spent weeks trying to decipher the meaning of, was basically the equivalent of, “I don’t wanna go to school”?

  • Norbert

    [re=396244]Slrcrw1[/re]: Palin and Kennedy share the fact that they are both lying IN state.

  • Junior

    I don’t care if she’s a crazy meth-head, I still want to meet Sarah Palin in the bar of a Ramada Inn in Elkhart Indiana and take her, a giant bottle of Pinot Grigio and a bucket of ice to my room. The horror I would experience upon waking would be hilarious in retrospect.

  • The Station Manager

    You can’t expect her to make it to every (any?) event thrown at her. I mean, come on, she’s a very busy person, doing… ??? Well, I’m sure she’s got something going on.

  • SomeNYGuy

    Ain’t nothin’ goin’ on ‘cept the rent.

  • Prommie

    [re=396269]Junior[/re]: It would be even better if we double-team her, dude, come on, ya gotta admit. Just get her really hammered, she’ll go along with it.

  • widget09

    Sarah Palin, like George W. Bush, must have an IQ of 80 or so. Thank god that walnuts didn’t win the election, because, if he were to die, the US would be utterly & completely up shit creek, with NO paddle. What’s up with the devil’s salute in the Anchorage Daily News? I think the religion causes mental retardation.

  • Crazybroad

    [re=396244]Slrcrw1[/re]: OH THE HORROR!! Ted Kennedy would most certainly rise from the dead to put a stop to that. That might be fun, actually. The Sarah Palin story arc is getting a little old. Nothing jazzes up a storyline like ZOMBIES!

  • OReillysVibrator

    Meth binge. The press needs to start asking questions

  • OReillysVibrator

    Ohh heh I didn’t even read that last paragraph before writing verbatim “meth binge” in my last post. I think that confirms it’s veracity.

  • DP

    Hey everyone, ‘m hosting a kegger at my house on Labor Day. Sarah Palin has promised to make an appearance. Honest.

  • snideinplainsight

    What’s up with the whole Kathy Griffin thing, anyway? Does anybody understand that?

  • WadISay

    Truly, Meg Stapleton’s life has to make any unemployed PR/spokesperson longing for a gig think twice. I bet she spends 98% of her day just trying to figure out where Miss Bunnybrains is and what she has said in the last 24 hours.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=396285]OReillysVibrator[/re]: “Meth Panels”.

  • Oldskool

    [re=396243]glamourdammerung[/re]: “There seems to be a pattern…”
    Yes, followed by a detailed explanation on Facebook complete with footnotes, written all by herself of course.

    [re=396252]shypixel2[/re]: “Sorry Alaska Family Council, I’ve had her busy in my basement.”
    Palinizing, eh. I hear ya.

  • germansteel

    She’s going to a funeral in Boston, I hear, and will eulogize the deceased. Everybody is looking forward to it.

  • Canuckistanian

    Hey Sarah, how about – in honour of the troops defending your freedom – ya quit goin’ AWOL on everybody?

  • MonaLisa65

    Nah, people… I’m sure she’d just thought the jowl-tuck and microdermabrasion effects would have faded in time to attend this event; but ‘no one’ told her to stay off the tanning bed in the interim.

    Note to $P: At your age, staying out of the sun in general is a very good idea. You can always put a treadmill in your meth-la… I mean, ‘basement’.

  • JadedDIssonance

    They’re waiting for the new ring to come back from the Jeweler, after she threw her other wedding band in a lake.

  • Larry McAwful

    I’ve heard her speak. She’s worse than Miss Teen South Carolina. I think you’re right about the meth binge theory.

    We need health care reform so Sarah Palin can get clean before her teeth snap off.

  • ella

    [re=396269]Junior[/re]: It would be worth it just to hear how she pronounces Pinot Grigio.

  • Bearbloke

    I believe today or tomorrow is the 1-year anniversary of Mooselini’s Divine Appointment as Queen of “Real ‘Merika”, and Christian Warrior Empress of the rest of this filthy heathen world and all of us furriners and terrorist-pals who desperately need the MILFy touch Her Trigtarded Grace… so, let us all REJOICE in Her arrival in our otherwise wasted lives, and let us strive to emulate Her example.

    We can start by lowering our IQs to match Her’s, and free ourselves of the SINFUL PRIDE of having average intelligence, “For only a Trigtard shall lead them, don’cha know!”… we can then work to lower the test-scores of our oddly-named children, to show the world how WE REJECT THE WORKS OF SATAN, and his ‘public education’ full of BLASPHEMOUS ‘science’ and ‘test scores’ and ‘logic’ and ‘open minds’ and ‘social(ist!) diversity’ and whatnot…

    PALIN 2012!!!1!! – Do it for the mouth-raped children, OR THEY’LL BURN IN HELL

  • SayItWithWookies

    My next theory is that it’s a Pavlovian reaction — she was rewarded once for quitting her gig as governor, and now it’s become a conditioned response. With the smaller-brained critters it doesn’t take much reinforcement to get to this point.

  • coochiemama

    Uncontrolled bi-polar disorder perhaps? With a sprinkling of meth on top?

  • trickyrick

    [re=396240]nbawriter[/re]: one can only hope.

  • StoneAge

    Palin must be a liberal plant. Think about it. Embarrassing the McCain campaign repeatedly and costing him the election? Bailing on her conservative state a year and a half early? Taking the air out of a megachurch-sponsored anti-abortion rally? She’s gotta be a liberal plant!

    Or some kind of vegetable, at least.

  • trickyrick

    [re=396263]SomeNYGuy[/re]: not Piaf, Palin listens to Dolly Parton.

  • eclecticbrotha

    I think Sarah cancelled when she remembered that Thursday is “hot threeway with Bristol and Levi” night. Also.

  • One Yield Regular

    There once was a Queen of the Bitters
    Who twatted out tweets on the Twitters
    She twat “I’ll be President Palin!”
    But the thing she was best at was failin’
    So now she’s just Queen of the Quitters.

  • liquiddaddy

    She doesn’t even have to do hard core, just a moaner movie on Sho Time, with a harmless shower scene or something would be just fine with me. Time is running out.

  • PrairiePossum

    Every time Levi surfaces in the media spotlight, Sarah secretly asks herself why her horny teenage daughter didn’t do the right thing and abort the little blob.

  • eclecticbrotha

    [re=396250]4tehlulz[/re]: Founded by the creator of the “Clap Clap, Point Point” craze herself:
    http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/147378/february-06-2008/clap-clap-point-point?videoId=147378

  • trickyrick

    [re=396319]coochiemama[/re]: Pregnant again and not showing?

  • Junior

    [re=396278]Prommie[/re]:

    No thanks, nothing crazy. This is simply one trainwreck and one dazed onlooker connecting.

  • StoneAge

    [re=396328]One Yield Regular[/re]: I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard at a limerick. Thank you.

  • Humpback

    These event organizers should demand a receipt. And a non-refundable deposit.

  • the problem child

    $P is actually locked in Meg Stapletongue’s basement in Upstate NY taking the lotion from the bucket and rubbing it on her skin. Her “treatments” are not yet complete, as she has yet to learn obedience.

  • Schmegeg

    She is busy in Los Angeles pitching “So You Don’t Want to be Euthanized?”

  • FlownOver

    [re=396269]Junior[/re]: Particularly when you wake in an ice-filled bathtub, and find that you’re short one kidney.

  • Sick Puppy

    [re=396337]trickyrick[/re]: she doesn’t show until the 10th month.

  • teebob2000

    The problem is they were doing the talking using Jeebuz in the Sky as Palin’s “contact.” Obviously, something was lost in the translations from Religiousnut to Aramaic to Twatwaffle and then back again.

  • professionalcynic

    The last time I went on a meth binge, I got invited to all kinds of events that I didn’t remember getting invited to. It’s perfectly understandable. Stop making stuff up media!

  • NYNYNY

    Oh! Sorry ChangePoint- looks like Sarah doesn’t care as much about your church. She’s our event here at Truthfront in Jack Hole, South Dakota this afternoon! She’s going to be the first signature on our petition that would make abortion illegal unless the woman is accompanied by both of her parents and Glenn Beck. She’ll be getting here any moment…well, actually, she should have been here by now…

  • June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=396264]gjdodger[/re]: A+

  • Paul Tardy

    Jezz Louise it’s not like she don’t have a half dozen children and a crop in the field. No you know women in politics are largely ‘spinsters’.

  • Gorillionaire

    [re=396325]trickyrick[/re]: She must not be listening too carefully because Dolly is most certainly not a Palinista.

    BTW, ChangePoint and other megachurches (TM) across America…I am you genuine contact person for scheduling events with Ms. Palin. Speeches and personal appearances can be reserved by putting a $100,000 deposit in my paypal account.

  • donner_froh

    She couldn’t even host a right wing talk show because the the syndicators want you to show up every day and stay there for the length of the show. Wouldn’t last a week.

  • rocktonsammy

    SP is very very busy building her library.

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=396402]rocktonsammy[/re]: Actually, I think she is still trying to avoid having to pay taxes on all those “gifts” in her garage.

  • thefrontpage

    Palin bailed on our joint ACLU-PETA-GREENPEACE Fundraiser scheduled to be held in Seattle this coming weekend, too!!!

    Three months ago, she said she was going to be there, and she was going to talk about human rights, animal rights and environmental issues for two hours, and then sign copies of her new book, “Human Rights, Animals Rights and the Environment: New Ideas for the 21st Century.”

  • GreenHalo

    I have to admit, I’m rethinking my unconditional willingness to hit it. I mean, there’s this, or Michelle Bachman talking about kneeling and obeying the will of the patriarchy. If Bachman keeps this up (and Off Her Meds Barbie keeps disintegrating), I’m gonna have to remodel my Hate-Fuck Shrine.

    Serious question: if Evil Smurfette ACTUALLY chain-huffs 88 rails of crystal and her heart ACTUALLY explodes out of her chest, resulting in her actual DEATH, will there be a mass rending of garments and swinging of banhammers when people hurl pails of fresh shit at her still-cooling remains? Or is that just a Democratic thing?

    Obviously, fellating her corpse isn’t an option, so we’d be spared the current, non-Republican embarrassment (of COURSE the family “don’t want to leave [him] alone” you starstruck perverts, JESUS!), but still.

  • TeddyS

    I know this is difficult for people who operate on Faith in the Snowbillie, but here is a suggestion: Get the dumb bitch to sign a flippin’ contract before you start hootin’ and hollerin’ about how she’s going to be anywhere at anytime. Make sure that Meggie also signs it. She quits things, you betcha’. And that’s just one reason that we love her. Palin for Prez!

  • Hooray For Anything

    Considering the more she bails on something, the more popular she gets with the base, I’m thinking she’s just going to bail on everything between now and 2012 when she’ll have like a 75% approval rating with Conservatives. Then, in the middle of running for President, she’ll quit, thus ensuring her eventual victory in the Presidential Campaign. She will, of course, quit the Presidency a year or two into it and thus go down in history as one of our greatest Presidents and be carved onto Mt. Rushmore.

  • Maus

    Ahahah, she is such a lazy princess.

  • slappypaddy

    there’s been a misunderstanding. i don’t know what it is, but i am eager to concoct some bogus and surreal story. the organizers were speaking to her contacts, but she wasn’t —

    oh never mind. that joke i was about to tell, it’s really lame. sort of like babble spass, but nowhere near as funny. isn’t she hunkered down somewhere, waiting for the second coming? she is rumored to believe it will be one hell of an orgasm. she trembles in anticipation. nice ass, for a milf-cow.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Who the fuck would attend, much less become a member of, a church called “ChangePoint?” Sounds like a line of Sears-brand ovens.

  • yellowdogdem

    [re=396244]Slrcrw1[/re]: Nooooooooo!!!!

  • yellowdogdem

    [re=396278]Prommie[/re]: Eeeeeeew!

  • Hawaiiexpat

    Palin is like Lucy holding the football.

    Suckers.

  • TGY

    She’s a proponent of early withdrawal, obvs.

  • Rascalcat

    That’s what “mavericks” do, evidently. They don’t show up for speeches and quit on their electorate.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=396308]ella[/re]: Pinot Trigio?

  • Rascalcat

    Now you know why it took 5 differient schools for her to graduate college.

    “Term paper due? I did not agree to do this term paper. No one told me about this term paper. Are you sure you are not just making this “term paper” crap up. Eff it, I quit!”

    Dear Daddy Palin,

    Yet another liberal college is picking on me. Can I come home and shoot something?

    Love,
    Sarah

  • teebob2000

    [re=396431]Rascalcat[/re]: No – mavericks do that FIRST before anyone else. Once every ol’ boy’s club Washington insider starts doing it, that’s when she stops.

  • Pithaughn

    [re=396263]SomeNYGuy[/re]: Oh come on! Palin does not, nor has she ever had enough taste to enjoy the enchanted Edith. More likely, if she likes music at all ( I have my doubts, she has never once indicated to me that she has any kind of music appreciation, probably hard to hear music over the mega decibel output of Super Dudes modified 2 stroke snow machine, while simultaneously making rythmic sucking noises)it would be more like Tammy Wynette or maybe Creed, possibly White Skank, sorry, I mean White SNAKE.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Nobody ever got pregnant from anal.

  • DustBowlBlues

    When will she twat about Ted K or post something on her fb page? It’ll be unintentionally offensive, probably in reference to the fact she could respect him more if he hadn’t wanted a health care plan that would kill baby Trigger.

  • Pithaughn

    [re=396269]Junior[/re]: Or as that Texas hippy, oh, Wille Nelson, said once, ” a bottle of tequila and one of those keno girls that can suck the chrome off’a trailer hitch”.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oh, and whichever editor made the stupid comment about her doing meth in Wasilla–why the fuck would she be in Alaska, anyway? Meth, yes, though my money’s on psychedelics. That would explain her bizarre “speeches”.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=396259]Prommie[/re]: WTF–Is Prommie actually Sarah Palin’s wonkette avatar that she uses to spy on us? Seriously. No one could sound more logical in that absolutely incomprehensible Bible Spice babel.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    Does she have adult ADD? Ritalin, please. Also, I wish she’d reconsider being a crosseyed flautist.

  • MissM

    This reminds me of her touching story about how when she was pregnant with Trig, that she briefly considered getting an abortion. Does the snowbilly cunt not know that that is called a CHOICE?? Shit like that makes me want to punch her in the taint.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=396291]WadISay[/re]: “Meg Stapleton’s life has to make any unemployed PR/spokesperson longing ”

    Are you kidding me? All she has to do is sit by the facebook and tell everyone that Sarah “didn’t do this, didn’t say that, no, no, no.” It’s easier than being a Republican explaining your ideas for health care reform.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=396366]teebob2000[/re]: Which goes to show that Wingnutz STILL don’t understand sarcasm.
    To them “Yeah, all right! Okay! Sure! Whatever you say! See ya there!” is a done deal.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=396370]NYNYNY[/re]: So far, I’ve laughed the hardest at yours. But I also have a bite size Milky Way melting in my mouth, so maybe that’s why I’m so happy.

    Ackkkk!! Candy! Now I’m going to be obese and as stupid as Bible Spice.

  • MonaLisa65

    [re=396430]TGY[/re]: No, not really… but she gave it the (quadruple) ol’ college try.

  • mardam422

    “this is the first we have ever heard of a speech.” She said Palin is out of state and won’t be there.

    […] Alaska Family Council President Jim Minnery said it was news to him when a reporter told him that Stapleton was saying Palin had no knowledge of the speech….

    I didn’t know that she didn’t know that I didn’t know blah blah blah blah.

  • heroinmule

    She better hope her base of mouth-breathing peasants remains bananas for her. At least G-Dubs was smart enough to choose Rove as a handler. This is what happens when your top advisor’s main accomplishment is looking HAWT in snowmobiling pants. What a PR abortion!

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=396447]Pithaughn[/re]: White Skank is an almost-anagram win. And as for her musical appreciation, she said she reads EVERYTHING, so that has to include Rolling Stone. Then again, she probably cancelled her subscription when they endorsed Obama.

    [re=396289]snideinplainsight[/re]: Kathy Griffin had an appearance at some teen award show recently and she took Levi as her date. No word yet on where they went to after-partay and how much he “earned.”

  • heroinmule

    [re=396412]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I’m terrified that W has so degraded the level of public discourse that people are going to expect this shoot from the hip bullshit from all their leaders. It’s the only way I can explain Glenn Beck.

  • yosoy

    Is that a pic of Rudy Giuliani in drag again?

  • Flanders

    Meth binge.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=396603]heroinmule[/re]: we can all so hope. as long as she’s around and hasn’t hopelessly fucked up (though she’s working on that), she fractures the goppies. but that’s only if she avoids the george wallace outcome (ask gore vidal).

  • smitallica

    [re=396250]4tehlulz[/re]: What is it with these megachurches naming themselves like bad accounting software packages? ChangePoint, Watermark, Saddleback or Camelback or WhateverTF. What happened to truth in naming, like Messiah McHoley-Hands House of Batshit Crazy Jeebus Freaks?

  • Fly Over Girl

    Don’t cry for me, Alaska.
    The truth is I never loved you.
    All through my meth days,
    My slut existence.

    I kept my promise,
    Now keep your distance.

  • Snarkalicious

    Which one of you fuckers is doing this, and do you hiring?

  • Bowdoin

    I read some twitter that claimed she is right now at Charles DeGaule on a special invite from Sarkozy himself! Only, she don’t have no passport, and somehow nobody in Paris knows anything about it.

  • Bowdoin

    [re=396240]nbawriter[/re]: No to be predicting, but the drifting away of both Reagoon and Charlton Majestic began with repeated missed appointments.

  • Flanders

    [re=396278]Prommie[/re]: Hey, Prommie, I’m all in, even if Junior backed out. Thursday night, right?

  • chascates

    I figure all of her hair fell out. That would explain why she only communicates through her Facebook page (or someone like her only far more literate does).

    It must be killing her not to be able to be in front of a camera.

  • Bruno

    Now that she can afford coke, she sticks to Crystal Meth. How prole.

  • Bruno

    We need Bill Kristol to host an intervention. After all, Sarah was all his invention after all

  • Bruno

    So based on the other news for the day, if Sarah! got fat, she’d be even stupider?

  • One Yield Regular

    [re=396805]smitallica[/re]: And the actual buildings have become all huge and glistening and Scientology-like as well. I just drove past one in South Carolina that looks more like it’s awaiting the return of the mothership than the return of Jesus.

  • AutomaticPilot

    Maybe she’s hiking the Appalachian Trail.

  • Prof. Junk

    [re=396243]glamourdammerung[/re]: Is this good enough?

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/26/sarah-palin-tells-friends_n_269559.html

  • aleks

    Either literally HUNDREDS of event organizers over the past year have concocted the same elaborate fantasy that Sarah Palin would be attending their shindigs even though Palin never committed to such things, or Sarah Palin is on a meth binge in her Wasilla basement.

    Those are both staggeringly plausible. Maybe sometimes it’s been one and sometimes the other?

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