About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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29 comments

  1. Min

    Jurassic Park, huh? Well, all I can say is that the speech would have benefitted from a velociraptor or two tearing it’s way through the press corps.

  2. AbstinenceOnly Ed

    Today, my fellow Muslin Ted “Mahmoud” Kennedy is merrily shtupping his 72 virgins up in heaven. Allahu akbar, mothafuckaz!

  3. Suds McKenzie

    [re=395722]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: ” he is now paawking his caar in the Harvaard Yaaard in heaven”.

  4. Texan Bulldoggette

    A slight bit OT but is Mark Sanford the luckiest summbitch on the face of the earth? When he tearfully confessed his Penthouse forum adventures with his [racist] Latina on the Appalachian Trl, Michael Jackson died. Now, his Rep. Lt. Gov. really wants him to resign & Ted Kennedy dies. Why is Mark Sanford killing everybody?

  5. SayItWithWookies

    After seven months it still makes me warm inside to hear a presidential speech that doesn’t sound like a bunch of the most generic phrases rescued from the dumpster behind the Hallmark building.

  6. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    My favorite part is the end, where Obama eats Kennedy’s heart to absorb his power. Dick Cheney wasn’t expecting that.

  7. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    It is all easy to be nice to Sen. Kennedy today, but tomorrow Rush Limbaugh is promising a startling expose where he reveals how Kennedy singlehandley helped the Soviets make the United States a Socialist Workers Paradise.

    No wonder B. Hussein Obama loves him.

  8. Tundra Grifter

    According to MM4A, a jerk named Eric Stanger (at present employed by Premiere Radio Networks, ABC Radio/Citadel Broadcasting and – our favorite – The Sean Hannity Show) posted some very rude remarks about Sen. Kennedy on his (Stanger’s) Facebook page.

    Perhaps other Wonkette readers would like to give him the “defendglenn.com Support Wall” treatment.

    It just seems the least we can do. And, as the late, great Fred Sanford said, “If it’s the least I can do, I’ll do it.”

  9. Neilist

    In a late-breaking story: The United States Coast Guard earlier today reported that beachwalking personnel had found a wallet, apparently owned by Senator Ted Kennedy in the 1970s, washed up on the beach.

    As yet, there is no confirmation that the reported fingernail scratches on the same match those taken of Mary Jo Kopechne by the Coroner’s Office after what the Kennedy family then described as a “tragic underwater car racing accident” . . . .

    Also, in a related story, the New Delhi Daily News reports that Benazir Bhutto is STILL DEAD!

  10. Hooray For Anything

    I couldn’t help but notice that Obama doesn’t appear to be wearing a tie while giving his statement. You know who else wouldn’t? Ahmadinejad. Coincidence or not?

    [re=395758]populucious[/re]: If I were to be President, I’d never go on vacation because everytime one does, something bad happens, whether it be the death of a friend or the misreading of an intelligence briefing or a pesky hurricane getting in the way of a golf game.

  11. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=395781]Neilist[/re]: Chappaquiddick Eat a Dick. A whole bag. Seasoned with rat poison. You are a wretched fuckwad. And you’re still not funny.

  12. Guppy06

    I fear that the more Saint Edward gets lionized, the more entrenched the name “Kennedy” gets entrenched in American politics. For every Ted tribute I see, there’s yet another person with vague relations elected to some municipal or state office and generally fucking things up.

    American aristocracies are bad, mmkay? The Adamses, Harrisons and Buchanans are dormant, nobody’s heard a peep from a Roosevelt for a while, and the Lincolns had the good sense to die off. Does it have to get to the point where a presidential election boils down to one of the rapey Kennedys running against Pierce Bush or John McCain IV that voting someone based on name recognition alone might not be such a great idea?

    With that said, Chelsea 2016!

  13. hobospacejunkie

    [re=395801]Guppy06[/re]: The best way to rid ourselves of aristocracies is to make the “death tax” punitive. Then retarded, drug-addicted losers like W won’t be able to buy the presidency & loot the treasury.

  14. Neilist

    [re=395798]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: “And you’re still not funny.”

    Ah, but am I “snarky”?

    I leave the “funny” to ideologically pure Liberals like you. They are soooooo amusing sometimes.

    But let me try a joke anyway:

    Did you hear that Teddy and Mary Jo had already decided on a name for their illicit love child? If a male, they were going to call him “Buoy.”

  15. Neilist

    [re=395837]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Oh, you’ve heard that one?

    How about this one:

    Q. What were Teddy’s last words to Mary Jo?

    A: Honey, I’ve got to get back to Joan. Would you mind staying here and feeding the fish?

  16. Cicada

    [re=395834]Neilist[/re]: I’ve laughed at your Ted Kennedy jokes in the past, but now you’re just reaching. I hate to say it, but the Chappaquiddick jokes are going to quickly move into Sarah Palin baby name joke territory.

    Time to dig up some new material. If you keep fucking this corpse, like you have Benazir Bhutto’s, you will move into the land of has-been hack trolls. But hey, I guess you have to milk it for all it’s worth. In a few days 2/3 of your material will officially be in the ground.

    Sincerely,
    Skillet Palin*

    *see, it’s not fucking funny any more.

  17. WadISay

    This video shows Obama at the crossroads, and not metaphoric crossroads, but–uh–real crossroads. What’s up with that?

    FWIW, a friend is in Ireland today and reports that Teddy’s death is huge news there.

  18. PinkyTuscadero

    [re=395873]Cicada[/re]: I don’t want to take sides here in a silly little dust up between a rational citizen and a smarmy necrophiliac hack, but Skillet’s gold, baby.

    And Neilist, now you’ll have to move on to vitriol against someone else who’s battled scandal, fought back a substance abuse problem, and had to endure the pressure of upholding a family legacy. Hmm, whomever shall you go for now?

  19. Hooray For Anything

    [re=395901]WadISay[/re]: He’s gone down to the crossroads to try and sell his soul to the devil so he can become an awesome blues guitarist

  20. auduboner

    [re=395864]Neilist[/re]: You’re not funny, you’re not snarky, you’re obviously not quite human, so go suck your own dick somewhere else. You are reviled here. We are laughing AT you, not with you, asshat.

    Go over to the dittohead sites – they’ll think you are a genius, given their lead-based IQs.

  21. auduboner

    Ted was more of a mentor to Obama than he lets on. Think about it – any other male role models in his later life, once his grandfather passed? I hope he takes some time to mourn, and the balless Senate D’s pick up the healthcare ball for Ted.

Comments are closed.