Wonkette Went To Virginia For A Town Hall, And Randall Terry Went Nuts, The End

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See, there he is! Randall Terry, who is somewhere between 37 and 124 years old, brought his Anti-Babykilling World Tour to the peaceful Virginia money cave of Reston yesterday evening to disrupt Rep. Jim Moran’s health care town hall, also featuring Doctor Howard Dean of Ver-mont. He succeeded for about 5 minutes, but then the cops kicked him out, and Howard Dean continued to slaughter babies, live, before the crowd of 2,500. Mostly, though, it was an informative (=boring) event, despite the 20-odd jackasses who couldn’t stop shouting monosyllabic vagaries whenever they didn’t like something.

The line was so long, at South Lakes High School in Reston! Fortunately there was a “secret other line” on the far side of the school that was much shorter, albeit filled with Larouchies and racists.

Joining your editor on this terrible soujourn were local Moonie videographer Liz Glover and former Wonkette guest editor/current Huffington Post funny man Jason “DCeiver” Linkins, seen here greeting his fans in some choppy Vulcan dialect. FACT: Only two famous humans have ever graduated from South Lakes High School in Reston, Virginia: NBA injury-bot Grant Hill, and Jason Linkins. They were lovers.

Yeah yeah yeah, shut up…

TOO SOON.

Why is ObamaCare stupid for being very compassionate and efficient?

INSIDE: The bleachers were packed, hence the awkward racist/non-racist seating contrasts.

What’s gay Santy Claus doing during Jim Moran’s opening remarks? Does he have a question (NOT THE TIME FOR THAT YET, IDJIT), or is he going “Full Nazi Salute”? Answer: who cares.

Another interesting fact about South Lakes High School is that its gymnasium IS NOT AIR CONDITIONED. This was of great concern to Liz Glover, who brought some sort of Muslim fan.

A few more obnoxious folks, maybe 8 or 10 of them, concentrated in this area and kept interrupting the proceedings with such terse mouth-farts as, “NO!” At one point Jim Moran literally read the exact sentence in H.R. 3200 banning illegal immigrants from purchasing government health care, to which these folks responded, aptly, “NO!” He read them the sentence, and they did not believe it! Some people just hate Mexicans so much.

Poor Jim Moran. A portion of his presentation sought to debunk the various “Myths” floating around the Internet, but he went through ELEVEN myths, the last few of which your editor had not yet come across. Important takeaway: there will, in fact, be Death Panels, in every American home.

UNION THUGS!

After Moran’s one-hour university lecture, it was Howard Dean’s turn to explain his piece and take some questions, because he is a Doctor and knows most things about science. This is when Randall Terry (the Khaki Demon standing on his chair here) and his nuts decided to disrupt everything for 10 minutes.

Lots of shoving ensued, between old people and young people. It was amazing!

Etc etc…

One goon’s sign, decorated with purple and red sperm.

Look everyone, one of Randall Terry’s obnoxious comrades was no less than all-England national footballer Michael Owen!

Fox News’ Griff Jenkins — a lecherous douche of world-historical import — was there, Twatting the whole thing or God knows what. We saw him chit-chatting with a hot New York Times reporter for a while. Perhaps the whole bloody affair is rigged, after all.

But things did finally cool down, allowing Howard Dean to explain the French health care system’s development after World War II, as is his wont.

This was our cue to leave and go to the nearby restaurant, Chili’s. In honor of health care reform, Jason Linkins ordered the Bacon Burger; Liz Glover ordered some monstrous chocolate cake topped with ice cream that, when punctured, “erupts” with hot chocolate fudge from the inside; and your editor ordered the appetizer called “Mini Burgers,” which was simply four Bacon Burgers.

We could have died.

This post is dedicated to Ted Kennedy.

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell