Wonkette Went To Virginia For A Town Hall, And Randall Terry Went Nuts, The End

  photo tours

See, there he is! Randall Terry, who is somewhere between 37 and 124 years old, brought his Anti-Babykilling World Tour to the peaceful Virginia money cave of Reston yesterday evening to disrupt Rep. Jim Moran’s health care town hall, also featuring Doctor Howard Dean of Ver-mont. He succeeded for about 5 minutes, but then the cops kicked him out, and Howard Dean continued to slaughter babies, live, before the crowd of 2,500. Mostly, though, it was an informative (=boring) event, despite the 20-odd jackasses who couldn’t stop shouting monosyllabic vagaries whenever they didn’t like something.

The line was so long, at South Lakes High School in Reston! Fortunately there was a “secret other line” on the far side of the school that was much shorter, albeit filled with Larouchies and racists.

Joining your editor on this terrible soujourn were local Moonie videographer Liz Glover and former Wonkette guest editor/current Huffington Post funny man Jason “DCeiver” Linkins, seen here greeting his fans in some choppy Vulcan dialect. FACT: Only two famous humans have ever graduated from South Lakes High School in Reston, Virginia: NBA injury-bot Grant Hill, and Jason Linkins. They were lovers.

Yeah yeah yeah, shut up…

TOO SOON.

Why is ObamaCare stupid for being very compassionate and efficient?

INSIDE: The bleachers were packed, hence the awkward racist/non-racist seating contrasts.

What’s gay Santy Claus doing during Jim Moran’s opening remarks? Does he have a question (NOT THE TIME FOR THAT YET, IDJIT), or is he going “Full Nazi Salute”? Answer: who cares.

Another interesting fact about South Lakes High School is that its gymnasium IS NOT AIR CONDITIONED. This was of great concern to Liz Glover, who brought some sort of Muslim fan.

A few more obnoxious folks, maybe 8 or 10 of them, concentrated in this area and kept interrupting the proceedings with such terse mouth-farts as, “NO!” At one point Jim Moran literally read the exact sentence in H.R. 3200 banning illegal immigrants from purchasing government health care, to which these folks responded, aptly, “NO!” He read them the sentence, and they did not believe it! Some people just hate Mexicans so much.

Poor Jim Moran. A portion of his presentation sought to debunk the various “Myths” floating around the Internet, but he went through ELEVEN myths, the last few of which your editor had not yet come across. Important takeaway: there will, in fact, be Death Panels, in every American home.

UNION THUGS!

After Moran’s one-hour university lecture, it was Howard Dean’s turn to explain his piece and take some questions, because he is a Doctor and knows most things about science. This is when Randall Terry (the Khaki Demon standing on his chair here) and his nuts decided to disrupt everything for 10 minutes.

Lots of shoving ensued, between old people and young people. It was amazing!

Etc etc…

One goon’s sign, decorated with purple and red sperm.

Look everyone, one of Randall Terry’s obnoxious comrades was no less than all-England national footballer Michael Owen!

Fox News’ Griff Jenkins — a lecherous douche of world-historical import — was there, Twatting the whole thing or God knows what. We saw him chit-chatting with a hot New York Times reporter for a while. Perhaps the whole bloody affair is rigged, after all.

But things did finally cool down, allowing Howard Dean to explain the French health care system’s development after World War II, as is his wont.

This was our cue to leave and go to the nearby restaurant, Chili’s. In honor of health care reform, Jason Linkins ordered the Bacon Burger; Liz Glover ordered some monstrous chocolate cake topped with ice cream that, when punctured, “erupts” with hot chocolate fudge from the inside; and your editor ordered the appetizer called “Mini Burgers,” which was simply four Bacon Burgers.

We could have died.

This post is dedicated to Ted Kennedy.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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110 comments

  1. kipperthegod

    Such a shame that the name of Wendell G. Byrd will now forever be linked to this shameful event.

  2. Hawaiiexpat

    It’s difficult for me to rank who the biggest ASSFLAKE is among:

    a) Randall Terry

    b) William Kristol

  3. Tommmcatt

    Yes, yes, they are all very thuggish and illiterate, even the libtards. Why are they all so fat, though? AND WHY ARE THERE NO SEXY NUDE PICTURES OF NEWELL?

    That is all.

  4. Hawaiiexpat

    Oh, by the way, if:

    a) I was not already married, and;
    b) If she were blind, and;
    c) If she had no taste in men whatsoever…

    Wonkette’s Liz Glover would be my hottie future ex-wife.

    Just saying…

  5. Gopherit

    Jason Linkins is a total cock-block.

    And watching Liz eat hot chocolate love and you didn’t take video? You FAIL, Jim.

  6. RoscoePColtraine

    Why didn’t they just invite that douchebag up to the stage and knock down his points one by one?

  7. Min

    Props to Liz for even having such a fetching fan with her. I always carry one, myself, but I live in the foul, humid crucible that is the Cumberland Basin.

  8. jesusbutter

    It’s definitely time we take a page out of the wingnut manual and just shoot that mofo Randall Terry. Preferably in his church.

  9. ManchuCandidate

    My comment is limited to questions:

    Only one photo of Liz?

    Where’s a taser crazy cop when you need one (for Randall Terry)?

    Seriously, only one photo of Liz?

  10. spryte

    That doesn’t look like Michael Owen at all!

    For one thing, he doesn’t appear to have any broken bones. There are people breathing near him and he is not yet visibly injured. Thus – NOT OWEN.

  11. Noodle Salad

    Whose bright idea was it to have all these stupid town halls anyway? Fire this person, immediately. Forever. If the Bush Administration taught us anything, it was the three step process to getting whatever legislation you wanted to pass. 1) Use terra. This should have been the “Make Sure Grandma is protected from Muslin Swine Flu Bombs” AMERICA UNITED ACT. 2) No debate. EVAH. 3) If someone does try to debate, call them America haters, or bin Laden enablers, whatever.

  12. itgetter

    [re=395635]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Dining room tables don’t have “points.” They have legs.

  13. FredZiffel

    I hope everyone spent 10 or 15 minutes yelling USA, USA, USA! I can never get enough of that.

  14. Gopherit

    [re=395635]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: He has points? I thought he was all enraged spittle and hot air?

  15. give us a bob

    I fully expect to see the events of yesterday evening immortalized in the upcoming release of Town Hall Hero. I already have my AR-15/N64 console and controller, so I’m ready and waiting to blurt out racist, xenophobic nonsense at digital librulz on the teevees.

  16. Anonymous Office Zombie

    What’s up with Liz and olde tyme fans? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just curious.)

  17. the problem child

    [re=395636]Min[/re]: It is fetching, isn’t it? And I bet she knows how to use it to rap lecherous knuckles, too.

  18. DoctorCulturae

    Just another meeting of zombies in a scholiasmistic high school gym all wearing clothes from Walsmart & Daffy’s. Oh the horror. Oh the polyester mixes. (Excepting Ms. Liz’s top ftw.)

    Dems reactive quality to all this continues to be depressing. Please say what it IS and not just react to what it obviously IS NOT. Okay, I ask for a lot.

    I need to get back to grieving at the altar of Teddy.

  19. Atheist Nun

    Ooh, look! Simpletons! And Bumpkins! All in the same place, wanting to be on THE TEEVEE. And then you guys had to eat their native trick foods, where you take some food and split it into 4 pieces and charge more money for the novelty effect! I am impressed.

  20. ChernobylSoup v2

    Jim, you should have taken Randall Terry to Chili’s with you. Then had the wait-staff gather round and sing, “I want my babyback babyback babyback, I want my babyback babyback babyback…”. Just to watch his head asplode.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    It’s nice to see that Randall Terry, who in the ’80s looked like Robin from the old Batman series, has since blown up into an extra from La Cage aux Folles. Poetic justice, meet a sagging hypocritical windbag.

  22. inedalo

    wasn’t bush always talking about his mandate? obama should use that term also- saying i won the election (with a much larger margin than dubya) and i can claim my MANDATE, i.e, i get to do it My Way. someone remind those regressed idiots who won the election in 2008.
    i think americans are far too ignorant to deserve Socialized Medicine (even tho every member of congress enjoys such a plan for themselves!).
    -former DC resident now enjoying free health care in socialist Europe.

  23. CorkPopper

    When people like demented shitsack Randall Terry become obsessed with “rescuing babies”, it always make me wonder what terrible, horrible thing they have done that they are trying to make amends for. Or what woman wouldn’t sleep with them in their horny youth, giving them the urge to punish all women who dare to take control of their bodies. One or the other.

  24. Death Panel Wagon

    Hmm. I think it is time to break some bottles and start stabbing people in the neck, prison-style.

    This is fucking ridiculous.

    And I don’t care how many of these assholes conceealed carry, they are too fat to reach into their own pockets without getting their flippers caught in their fat folds for anyone to worry about getting shot by one of them.

  25. professionalcynic

    And who shows up to this clusterf*ck but people who don’t have to go to work. Lazy socialists.

  26. DustBowlBlues

    Since wonkette has dedicated this to Ted Kennedy, and since I just heard miniMax Baucus on the teevee talking about how Ted was the greatest senator ever, even back to the Roman Senate, maybe the Kennedy legend of courage could induce Baucus to grow a pair.

    Seriously, wouldn’t the family agree to letting Health Reform advocates use his “the dream lives on,” etc speech in ads for health reform? Maybe in Montana?

  27. lawrenceofthedesert

    Why are you covering actual events? You’ve already embarrassed David Denby enough, if that’s humanly possible. Mentioning mini-burgers (there is a devastating Jack in the Box commercial for them out here in the West) could have sprayed a tincture of junketude over the entire pilgrimage; thank god they weren’t sponsored. (Btw, “Tincture of Junketude” also is the name of Peggy Noonance’s personal fragrance.)

  28. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=395659]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Randall Terry should go home and throw out every thread of clothing in that shit brown color. It does nothing for his complexion.

  29. CorkPopper

    [re=395659]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Aaah. Of course. I guess the terrible horrible thing in his case might be having teh ghey and being Catholic, leading to a hatred of all things that remind him of sex that reminds him he is an abomination in the eyes of his Church. Someone should break it to him about Saul of Tarsus, maybe he’d feel better.

  30. saggyboobedhag

    I like the backside view of cops on bike.

    But I think they should have assault rifles strapped to their bare thighs.

  31. Canmon (the Inadequate)

    [re=395639]spryte[/re]: Michael Owen wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this talented man, because of his physical injuries, is essentially worthless.

  32. Texan Bulldoggette

    Couple points: memo to Randall Terry–the last guy who wore a T-shirt under a suit jacket & was cool was probably Don Johnson or Tom Selleck.

    Second point, Chili’s — really?

  33. mookworthjwilson

    Please tell me you, or someone else, took this oppurtunity to kick Griff Jenkins in the babymaker!!!

  34. mayor

    Given the 2,400 people supporting health care reform and the 100 screaming yahoos against reform, two things are perfectly clear:

    (1) – Support for health reform is dying. We all know if 100% of people aren’t behind something, it won’t pass in the senate.

    (2) – This is all great news for John McCain.

  35. Tommmcatt

    [re=395627]Hawaiiexpat[/re]:

    The answer to that question is, of course:

    c) Charles Krauthammer

  36. honkyman

    Want to untie the black ties Liz Glover wears on her fetching shoulders in the heat. Yeah. Also those sunglasses. Also taste the whip in love not given lightly. Taste the whip, now bleeeed for me. That is all.

  37. Uncertainty Vice-Principal

    I just log in here to remind myself why I moved to Europe years ago.

    Works, too.

  38. My choice. My Wonkette.

    Why didn’t union thugs assault Randall Terry?! And the sour-faced old women?

  39. Long Form Def Certificate

    I want to know why no one tried to start the Wave. I would have.

    Make it absurd.

  40. P Drizzle

    I’m with the xeno-dudes. How can we possibly deal with these imigants and their anchor babies sucking at our tax base like it’s mama’s teat? If only we could find a way to get rid of the bambinos before they’re born…

  41. S.Luggo

    My new uninversal healthcare motto: “AHAWK”.

    Pitcher 8: It’s been years since I’ve seen a middle-aged white guy give a decent Black Power salute in a crowded high school auditorium. Years.

    Picture 9: Why is Liz making laff-laff at the guy showing her how to make the shape of a vulva with his fingers? I could do that in 5th grade and would have continue to have if the nuns hadn’t kicked me out.

    Next: My new uninversal healthcare motto: “AHAWK”.

  42. TGY

    Aha! The ‘number of tweets’ count on this thread is astronomical compared to Wonkette’s usual rating. Must be Liz’s smile.

  43. AbstinenceOnly Ed

    Way out west [of DC] (Way out west [of DC])
    Story trolled (Story trolled)
    Bout a bunch of bloggers
    Snarky and droll (Snarky and droll)
    Writing high (Writing high)
    of a health care battle
    Braving town halls full of idiotic babble
    Yippeeayay surly Wonkette bloggers
    yippeeyayo surly Wonkette bloggers
    yippeeyayay surly Wonkette bloggers – HYAH!

  44. Oldskool

    Good loward, one woman knows her doctor is not the president. Wonder how much time she spends deciding those things. “Let’s see, daddy is not, momma is not, preacher is not…”

  45. I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    [re=395637]jesusbutter[/re]: “Preferably in his church.” there, I fixed that for ya’

  46. SayItWithWookies

    [re=395674]CorkPopper[/re]: Knowing Terry, he’d just use it as justification for staying in the closet. And damn my failed /a tag.

  47. steverino247

    [re=395695]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Uh, that’s the Horst Wessel Lied you have in mind there.

  48. RoscoePColtraine

    Okay, so it’s a non-air conditioned gym crammed full of hot, screaming, sweaty people on a summer evening. Why doesn’t the loon lose the jacket?

  49. teebob2000

    She shows up around ME dressed like that, and I’d “erupts” with hot chocolate fudge from the inside, too!

  50. assistant/atlas

    I don’t see a picture of anyone punching Griff Jenkins in the nuts. Did someone fail to do that or just fail to capture it on “film”. Either way, ’twas a fail.

    [re=395713]gurukalehuru[/re]: Virginia’s blue now, so it was the commie librul socialist fascist nazi hippie gay muslins who had homefield advantage.

  51. BadKitty

    [re=395637]jesusbutter[/re]: “Preferably in his church”
    Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  52. teebob2000

    [re=395672]lawrenceofthedesert: devastating Jack in the Box commercial[/re] The one with the midgets — er, tiny people?? — dancing in westernwear!! We get that in the central timezone, too. Midgets make me laugh.

  53. finallyhappy

    The Md meeting- We didn’t have any famous crazies and we had actual Messicans(or their commie gay socialist supporters) cause they were wearing CASA t-shirts. We also had a lot of other not-white people- the Reston meeting looked really, really white. Only one guy shouted out a few times. And I went home and made dinner. The END

  54. jagorev

    Nice pictures, Jim. I especially like the one of Liz.

    Has Wonkette upgraded from Barbie Polaroid cam to an SLR?

  55. Native of SL UT

    [re=395742]teebob2000[/re]: The best thing about midgets is their porn because it only takes half as long to download.

  56. Snarkalicious

    [re=395635]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It is highly difficult to refute utter nonsense in an effective way in front of a crowd without the heavy use of processed opiates. Howard Dean, unfortunately, is a tweaker.

  57. germansteel

    If they ever really invent the technology for time travel, I would pay money for them to go back to the date of Randall Terry’s birth and have a poorly trained abortion doctor with unsterilized surgical instruments and a rusty set of plumbers pliers for a forceps perform a temporarily botched partial birth abortion on him. By “temporarily botched” I mean that he would suffer for 5 or 10 minutes before he died in the dirty alley where it would be performed, with or without benefit of clergy. Amen.

  58. El Pinche

    I was expecting the standard dialog:

    Griff Jenkins: “You wouldn’t punch a guy with glasses would you?”

    Jim Newell (takes his sunglasses off): “No.” (proceeds to punch the FoxNews tool in his face several times).

  59. slowuncle

    [re=395742]teebob2000[/re]: You get dancing Western midgets in your timezone or the commercial?

  60. El Pinche

    Expect a lower comment count since many of us in here are busy fapping to Liz’ picture. We’re a bunch of animals!

  61. hobospacejunkie

    In picture #7 it looks like some kook’s sign says something about a “bleeding pussy,” though that’s probably a deliberate misreading on my part.

  62. montresor

    Wow, that’s Jason Linkins? Either he needs to change that picture he’s using on HuffPo, the one where he’s trim and lean, or you posted a picture of the guy who ate Jason Linkins.

  63. AbstinenceOnly Ed

    [re=395894]montresor[/re]: please tell me his column is called “Linkinsblog” please?

  64. whorediamondsareforever

    I sat behind the “glitter sperm lady.” Her friend was the very first person to be called out by Moran just 10 minutes in, asking her for the LOVE OF GOD, please just shut the fuck up for one second and let other people speak.

    Then the woman left, because if she is not allowed to speak every single second of the town hall, then it is un-AMERICAN and the Mexican terrorists have won.

    I also broke up a fist fight, and then had found a Klan flier on my car windshield.

    Suddenly, I’m feeling a strong desire to purchase some TruckNutz.

  65. El Pinche

    Liz Glover ordered some monstrous chocolate cake topped with ice cream that, when punctured, “erupts” with hot chocolate fudge from the inside

    Are you really talking about a cake here?

  66. widget09

    Who orchestrates these idiots? My gut says it’s the AM radio clowns and the mighty Hindenberg airship. Nobody just wakes up and say’s “I’m going to go to that town hall thingy and raise hell”.

  67. DustBowlBlues

    [re=395659]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “Randall Terry,”

    Whether by luck or ignorance, I’ve never heard of this guy until today. BTW–Who is monitoring the winger sites so a wonkeratti can bring us the craziest thing they’re saying about Ted?

    Don’t look at me. I’m old and fragile.

  68. chascates

    Jason Linkins is seriously deranged-looking. And Liz Glover is so hot she has to fan herself.

  69. finallyhappy

    “Obama is not my doctor”?? I find the independent crazies so much more interesting than Larouchies and by more interesting, I mean equally in need of serious long term psychiatric care.

  70. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Why does Griff Jenkins always have a look on his face like Bill O’Reilly has been shoving a loofa up his ass?

    Wait, I just answered my own question, didn’t I?

  71. iolanthe

    [re=395665]CorkPopper[/re]: That’s always puzzled *me* too. These arrogant shitsack ‘winger men don’t *look* like the kind of guys who go all mushy at the thought of dear iddle widdle babies; they don’t *look* like the kind of guys who get up in the middle of the night to feed and cuddle their own kids.

    I’ve also concluded it has a lot more to do with hating women than loving babies. The one guy I’ve personally known well who was like this was some crazy Middle European kid) didn’t like *ANYBODY*. Especially not women. But babies? Oh, this guy hated noise, and germs, and chaos. If he’d had to spend a morning watching an 11-month-old, I’m sure he would have killed and eaten it.

    But oh, how this douche could pontificate against Abortion and “Modern Women”, and yearn for the good old days of the American 1950s.

    He was maybe 25 in the early 90s when we’d listen to Rush together in the office at our codemonkey job. When I pointed out to him that I’d actually *lived* in the 1950s, and was old enough to read a newspaper and pay attention then, and it was obvious to *me* that they weren’t that great, he’d just call me either “misled” or a “Communist”.

    Funny what “freedom” seems to mean to these people: mostly it seems to be *their* freedom to push other people around.

  72. iolanthe

    [re=395937]widget09[/re]: Actually, *I* went to a town hall meeting at UCLA two weeks ago, “to raise hell.”

    There were maybe 350 people: 10 random anti- idjits (all fat, except for one skinny good-lookin’ cowboy who carried a sign saying “OBAMA = DEATH”, or something clever like that); 10 in-your-face obnoxious LaRouchies, half of them black, for effect. And over 300 Progressives carrying healthcare signs, including yours truly.

    The MSM media didn’t cover it. But DailyKos did. They took 10 pics of the event, including one of me, looking just like one of those grannies Obama intends to kill. It may still be up on the DK site.

  73. Who_Knew_2

    Am I the ONLY one sick and tired of the reich-wing’s campaign for ignorance? From fox news to the bat-shit crazy town hall shouters, this is little more than a campaign of non-information. Better yet; a campaign of NO-information.

    From what I see, it appears the average reich-winger has but one goal and that would be; to remain as ignorant, ill-informed, and as stupid as humanly possible.

    And, we all have seen that a reich-winger with a desire to remain ignorant is ALWAYS an over-achiever in this goal.

  74. RED

    A “goal” implys an actual intellectual thought process. Do you actually believe that the average reich-winger engages in such a tiring activity?

Comments are closed.