PROFILES IN LISTENING COURAGE  1:41 pm August 26, 2009

Orrin Hatch Sings, For Ted Kennedy!

by Ken Layne

Beloved Utah Republican Orrin Hatch loves to sing, and he loves to compose songs, so he can sing them! The songs are often about the Mormon God, but this time the song is about the Liberal God, Ted Kennedy, who has tragically died of old age and sickness. Enjoy! [YouTube via "Scott R."]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


Car Ramrod August 26, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Yeah, where the fuck is Newell today?

ella August 26, 2009 at 1:45 pm

I made it to :32 before I shoved a chopstick in my ear.

Neoyorquino August 26, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Damn, I was a little impressed. I could hear a little bit of Tom Waits in there somewhere.

Extemporanus August 26, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Wrong video, Ken. The one you posted features Lou Rawls doing a cover of “Baby, I Love Your Way”.

Carrie_Okie August 26, 2009 at 1:48 pm

no fuckin way am I watching that. Wait…is Asshcroft in there too?

slowuncle August 26, 2009 at 1:50 pm

At work now, so I can’t enoy Orrin’s crooning ’til I get home & mix a martini, put a red lampshade over the bulb and embrace the horror. If it’s anything like the velvety,dreamy tones of John Ashcroft then I’m in for quite an evening.

Extemporanus August 26, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=395526]Neoyorquino[/re]: The Senate has been drinking, not me.

american mutt August 26, 2009 at 1:50 pm

old, white, man love is endearing.

facehead August 26, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Lionel Hutz Esq. August 26, 2009 at 1:52 pm

It is a well established fact that good music cannot be written unless you are 1) drunk, 2) drugged up or 3) having wild sex with a young woman.

Orin Hatch’s songs prove that rule.

[re=395523]Car Ramrod[/re]: Remember, he went to the town hall last night? I assume he didn’t make it out alive, or was deemed unworthy by the death panel.

(Most likely he got drunk and lucky and is a little hung over, see my initial point).

S.Luggo August 26, 2009 at 1:54 pm

No listen.

DickTaterPeeNoShay August 26, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Don’t quit yourday job.

Bearbloke August 26, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Ick! I still prefer the dulcet tones of PM Rudd:

Poopley J. Crandleberry August 26, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Next on Orrin Hatch’s Love song’s Greatest Hits 27
“The Time of my Life (and i owe it all to you)

nmmagayar August 26, 2009 at 1:58 pm

[re=395524]ella[/re]: better tan me :23, and rammed a paring knife in my ear

RoscoePColtraine August 26, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Will never click the clicky on the video, sorry. If I want to listen to warbly, corny singing I’ll listen to John Ashcroft. *shudder*

Gopherit August 26, 2009 at 2:01 pm

There’s no fucking way that voice belongs to Orrin Hatch.

And fuck you for posting that, Ken.

Gopherit August 26, 2009 at 2:02 pm

[re=395538]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Oh he and liz are making Ohohohbama babies.

Extemporanus August 26, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=395551]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Will you listen to El Ted sing a song in illegal alien?

the problem child August 26, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Sorry, but I don’t really want to know what rhymes with Tedward Kennedy.

AbstinenceOnly Ed August 26, 2009 at 2:07 pm

[re=395526]Neoyorquino[/re]: The piano HASN’T been drinking, because it is Mormon.

CapnFatback August 26, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Already heard it. It’s called “Tears in Heaven,” and it’s about a guy who profits off of his son’s death and his ability with the guitar.

Min August 26, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Aww, I think it’s kinda sweet. Painfully earnest and incredibly bad, but still kinda sweet.

Country Club Jihadi August 26, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=395526]Neoyorquino[/re]: That “somewhere” might be a Vegas lounge. He also reminds me of Bill Murray’s “Nick Winters”.

Come here a minute August 26, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=395544]DickTaterPeeNoShay[/re]: Yeah, go ahead and quit your day job — but stop singing too!

RobPetrified August 26, 2009 at 2:10 pm

While the righties are dancing on his (virtual) grave, I can’t help but think of the old joke about the Scottsman who built a fine stone fence, a bar, a pier, and a church.
But was he known as Angus the builder? Noooo.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 26, 2009 at 2:11 pm

[re=395556]Gopherit[/re]: If you braved death with Liz at a townhall, wouldn’t you go back, get wasted, and fuck the night away? It must have been just like the end of Watchmen, except replace exploding psychic squid with old angry Conservatives. All right, so it is exactly the same.

Bypartizoa August 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Orrin sounds like a 50-year-old black man

V572625694 August 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm

[re=395569]RobPetrified[/re]: Ever hear the one about the coke-sacker, the cork-soaker, the sock-tucker, and the Real McCoy?

JSDC007 August 26, 2009 at 2:13 pm

But who will now sing for Orrin Hatch when someday he goes off into the Mormon yonder?

I guess Marie Osmond, fellow Mormon and purveyor of tacky dolls on cable shopping TV can take a minute or two to sing “There’s no stopping your heart.”

SayItWithWookies August 26, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Um — just a thought folks — this would be a great time to visit that YouTube page, offer Senator Hatch our condolences and politely suggest that it would be a lasting tribute to Senator Kennedy if he supported a bill to ensure that the millions of Americans who can’t afford healthcare could get it.

TGY August 26, 2009 at 2:14 pm

[re=395551]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Could be worse. Could be Slim Whitman-style. Wheeee, eeee, eeee-up-ya-eeee! Cowboy yodeling makes Mormon Baby Jesus cry and martian invaders’ heads asplode.

facehead August 26, 2009 at 2:15 pm

I want to shit and fart all over Mike Enzi’s head (in honor of Ted Kennedy):


hockeymom August 26, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Guess all that praying and fasting by Michelle Bachmann paid off.
If you’d like to thank her in person, for the death of Ted Kennedy…you can do so tomorrow…when she HOSTS A TOWN HALL MEETING IN MINNESOTA.

Lake Elmo, MN, Aug 27 -

Health Care Reform Public Forum

With special guest, Congressman Michael Burgess, M.D.

Thursday, August 27th
Doors open at 1:45 pm
Forum runs 2:45 pm to 4:00 pm
Oak-Land Junior High School
820 Manning Avenue North, Lake Elmo

Bring your camera.

Gopherit August 26, 2009 at 2:19 pm

[re=395570]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: absolutely. Enjoy yourself, you crazy kids.

desertwind August 26, 2009 at 2:20 pm

He’s no Charlie Pride.

SouthernDem August 26, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Well the song kind of sucks, but I gotta say that Orrin is pretty good. I’m impressed.

Chuckie Jesus August 26, 2009 at 2:22 pm

The Ur RickRoll was Rick Astley himself. Back in 1987, I couldn’t believe it was a white man with a black dude’s voice, either.

GreatOldOnesParty August 26, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Well, if Hatch ever gets voted out of office, he’s always got a career as a lounge singer.

“Thank you! You’re beautiful! Tip your waitress.”

user-of-owls August 26, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=395559]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: The piano HASN’T been drinking, because it is Mormon.

But the dining room table, which is Catholic, is completely shellacked.

RoscoePColtraine August 26, 2009 at 2:25 pm

[re=395557]Extemporanus[/re]: Now you see, ol’ Teddy didn’t fancy himself a singer, probably knew he couldn’t sing, and so that was quite entertaining. It’s these fucking geezers who write their own material and think they could have played at the Opry that I just can’t stand to watch – even if I’m doing so with the full intent of mocking them for it.

Bearbloke August 26, 2009 at 2:26 pm

[re=395580]TGY[/re]: Hey ! I happen to like Slim Whitman… however, Sen Hatch can go gargle on a big bag of splintery dicks in a deep dark cave somewhere to help improve his signing voice…

Gopherit August 26, 2009 at 2:26 pm

[re=395581]facehead[/re]: “If I hadn’t been involved in this process as long as I have and to the depth as I have, you would already have national health care,” he said.

Fuck you, Enzi, you obstructionist bitch.

Gopherit August 26, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=395579]SayItWithWookies[/re]: brilliant!

WadISay August 26, 2009 at 2:29 pm

“Beloved Senator” my sweet butt. I predict that, in 100 years, you will be able to get paid time off work to urinate on the graves of today’s Republican senators from the former Confederacy (including Oklahoma).

CapnFatback August 26, 2009 at 2:30 pm

[re=395590]SouthernDem[/re]: Snark aside, equally impressive is that this tribute was released early enough to try to nip some of the impending vitriol from the crazies in the bud. Never fear, though. I’m sure Rush is whippin’ up something nice.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 26, 2009 at 2:33 pm

[re=395587]Gopherit[/re]: Its not like it hasn’t happened before:

Yep, apparently Jim and Liz are taking the midnight trip to Maryland again. Its so cute that they have to make up excuses to get together.

SayItWithWookies August 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm

[re=395601]Gopherit[/re]: I posted one but it hasn’t shown up yet. Although my YouTube login might not carry a lot of weight with Mr. Hatch. It’s ZoroasterIsMyCopilot.

Bearbloke August 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm

[re=395581]facehead[/re]: So how long until this bastard dies of soul cancer? Or is Mike Enzi’s (R-’Death to Americans’) soul dead already?

Hawaiiexpat August 26, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Cue all of the Freepers to spew the RINO charge at Hatch in 3…2…1…

TGY August 26, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=395599]Bearbloke[/re]: Well, that proves you’re not a martian!

AnnieGetYourFun August 26, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=395562]Min[/re]: Agreed. I can’t mock honest, if doofy, tributes to a dead friend. Just can’t.

Bearbloke August 26, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=395606]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “the midnight trip to Maryland”
is that another euphemism for teh butseks?

gurukalehuru August 26, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Oh, pukebarfvomit, that was vile. Not so much the song, just Orrin Hatch.

Bearbloke August 26, 2009 at 2:41 pm

[re=395613]TGY[/re]: Riiight, Human – please continue to believe that, and tell that to your fellow livestock humans, also….

Paul Tardy August 26, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Powerful Iraqi Shiite leader has died in Iran … Abdul-Aziz al-Hakim died at 59.

Now that’s a news story. Ted Kennedy died when he was put on the No Fly List by a minor Bush functionary.

Gopherit August 26, 2009 at 2:42 pm

[re=395609]SayItWithWookies[/re]: mine appeared. I wonder how long it will stay up.

angrycrank August 26, 2009 at 2:47 pm

That was far less horrible than I thought it would be. And the sentiment was nice. Damn, when you can’t snark at Orrin Hatch, what’s the point of going on?

ella August 26, 2009 at 2:49 pm

[re=395549]nmmagayar[/re]: That was the merciful thing to do. Eardrum euthanasia.

lawrenceofthedesert August 26, 2009 at 2:50 pm

The road to hell is paved with an Orrin Hatch song, and the voice is pretty mysterious for a teetotaler’s — does he smoke asphalt shingles, maybe? He sounds like Phil Harris after his fifth rehab (jeez, I’M even too young to know who the blog Phil Harris was — but wasn’t he the Joe Cocker of the 1940′s?). Quite a surprise — I expected Orrin to sound like Doodles Weaver.

Atheist Nun August 26, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Ken, your band should totally cover this song. I have an idea for a video, too: We’ll need 20 rolls of duct tape, about a gallon of lube, a dildo with the word “Healthcare” silkscreened on it, Orrin Hatch, and we’ll somehow have to crash Ted Kennedy’s funeral.

engulfedinflames August 26, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=395597]user-of-owls[/re]:” But the dining room table, which is Catholic, is completely shellacked”

The chairs, being Baptist, must not fornicate while standing as it resembles dancing.

SayItWithWookies August 26, 2009 at 3:09 pm

[re=395621]Gopherit[/re]: Reposted, and it’s there now. Oh, if politeness, reason and a bit of sentiment won the day. Shut up — a boy can dream, can’t he?

El Pinche August 26, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Request ! Orin Hatch & John Ashcroft duet of Wind beneath my Wings!! You could totally use this for enhanced interrogations! However, there is the high risk of death.

Carrie_Okie August 26, 2009 at 3:15 pm

OMG Shirley MacLaine is next!
Run Shirley, run!!!!

Cathangover August 26, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Uh, Orrin hatch has a really fucking good voice. Color me non-partisan.

DustBowlBlues August 26, 2009 at 3:19 pm

Okay, I’m going to stick this in here because it’s Kennedy related. If I hear another old Republican talk about how collegial the senate used to be, I’m going to vomit. None of them want to mention the fact the whole place went to shit when Newt and his gang of Christians took the House. Yeah, I said. it. Fundamentalist Christians destroyed the US Congress. Republicans suck shit. Which is why they will burn in hell.

DustBowlBlues August 26, 2009 at 3:24 pm

In a show of true support for Sen Kennedy, I am some friends are going to show up at the Sept 13 rally for health care–in Oklahoma! And I don’t even own a machine gun to protect myself from the wingnuts.

There’s strength in numbers, however, so the dozen or so liberal Democrats in this asshat state will stay close by each other.

RobPetrified August 26, 2009 at 3:29 pm

Well, yeah.

Buzz Feedback August 26, 2009 at 3:35 pm

Let the eagle soar.

Native of SL UT August 26, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Because he is my Senator, I would like to thank the computer Nazis at my company for not allowing us to see YouTube. Most days that pisses me off, but today makes up for it.

SayItWithWookies August 26, 2009 at 3:54 pm

[re=395696]DustBowlBlues[/re]: It’s probably September 12, since that’s when Glenn Beck’s rallies are taking place. I was thinking about this last night and came up with the idea to have a booth with “Just say NO to socialism” on it and encourage all the 9/12ers to put their Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare and SCHIP cards into a convenient portable shredder. Then of course berate them for being commies when they refuse.

assistant/atlas August 26, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Mitch McConnell is the only man in the Senate who looks more like a turtle than Orrin Hatch.

geminisunmars August 26, 2009 at 4:42 pm

[re=395597]user-of-owls[/re]: win

[re=395696]DustBowlBlues[/re]: You go, gir. . .bo. . . wonketter!

the prophet of Deseret August 26, 2009 at 5:13 pm

Putting comments on youTube is an excellent idea, and we all should do it. Of course it won’t work, as his actual constituents have been trying to get his attention for years, to no avail. I always get back the standard form letter: “Thanks for your input, but the Senator will have to see your magic underwear before he considers giving a shit about your needs.” Welcome to Utah, a theocracy by any other name.

On the plus side, when I was but a tiny DC intern we made a giant poster of one of Hatch’s album covers, and stuck it on the wall to motivate us.

montresor August 26, 2009 at 5:47 pm

I’ve heard Orrin Hatch sing, and that’s not Orrin Hatch! Ha ha ha ha ha good one!

SayItWithWookies August 26, 2009 at 6:03 pm

[re=395847]the prophet of Deseret[/re]: There’s only an outside chance of changing his mind. But barring that outcome, the larger the twinge of shame he has to choke down when voting No on an immensely popular and eminently sensible bill that will improve the lives of millions, the better.

But call me a romantic, I still think better sensibilities can be called out.

defeatism August 26, 2009 at 7:43 pm

[re=395710]Buzz Feedback[/re]: LET THE EAGLE SOAR is RIGHT.

MIRACLES August 26, 2009 at 9:40 pm

Um, this fucking ROCKS. Blows “Let the Eagle Soar” right on out of the water.

anothercountryheardfrom August 27, 2009 at 7:54 am

Rick rolled again!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: