A group of important politicians, including Senators Harry Reid and John Ensign and also the beloved waitress-assaulting alcoholic buffoon Governor Jim Gibbons, gathered ’round uncomfortably to dedicate a new 2900-acre shooting park in Clark County, Nevada yesterday. Ensign reportedly “gazed into his lap, fiddling with his wedding band, turning it this way and that, slipping it off and putting it on different fingers.” What a douche!
Every politician had to stand up and give an awkward little speech about how much they loved guns and the Second Amendment and guns, and the whole thing was just humiliating and awful. It was particularly bad for Governor Gibbons, who was totally ignored by everyone.
The only thing sadder was John Ensign, who told a weird story about his 12-year-old relative who got accidentally shot in the chest.
Not sure what that means, as sheep are just goat-eyed demons with extra hair, but it sure has a nice ring to it. Anyway, long story short, all these dudes clearly don’t give a shit about guns.
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That’s just too baaaaaaaaaad.
Suck it, Johnny. It’s the price you pay when you run to Mommy and Daddy to cover up your mistakes instead of using that whole personal responsibility thing you Promise Keeper types keep harping on.
There must be plenty of sheep with a secret sorrow wherever Ensign lives, the horny little bastard.
The sheep better be careful around him.
looking “like a sheep with a secret sorrow.”
I know they have contests for intentionally-bad-Hemmingwayesque writing. Do they have contests for intentionally bad emo lyrics? Because I’m setting that phrase aside, just in case.
“Shooting park” is not a phrase I’ve ever heard before. I’ve only recently been introduced to the term “Meat shoot” which is way way less interesting than I initially thought it would be.
This guy isn’t anywhere near orange enough to be a republican I want to know about.
Dick Cheney was quite pointedly not invited.
But what’s this about John Ensign playing wistfully with his wedding ring while think, saucily, about a sheep?
The only thing sadder was John Ensign, who told a weird story about his 12-year-old relative who got accidentally shot in the chest.
You know, I could almost like Ensign for that little piece of sedition.
[re=395418]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: it is worthy of Bulwer-Lytton, clearly.
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2009.htm
And, is a sheep with a secret sorrow one who was knocked up by her farmer but then he forced her to abort? Does Michelle Bachmann know about this?
Nevada: Where men are men and sheep are worried.
Effing Jebus, what is a “shooting park”? I picture someplace where you stroll through lovely gardens with your AK-47 and try to pick off squirrels and old men feeding pigeons and ice cream vendors.
What the hell is a ‘shooting park?’ Is that like that place where they killed all the buffalo in “Bless the Beasts and Children?”
“like a sheep with a secret sorrow” is a direct quote from PG Wodehouse, where he describes someone coughing softly like a sheep with a secret sorrow. My opinion of the Las Vegas Sun just shot up enormously.
Senetor Ensign was born at a time when men were men & sheep were nervous. Ewe!
[re=395435]WadISay[/re]: That is called a “town hall.”
[re=395432]ella[/re]: win
“This isn’t a gun, I’m just happy to see ewe.”
The “Secret Sorrow” of course refers to barnyard Act of C ongress tryouts before power brings on more alluring opportunities.
Did you hear of the bestial boy who bragged of bagging every conceivable animal of various descriptions? He was asked for his favorite. Which is best?
“Oh, women … but sheep are good, too!”
Wow. Jim “Dandy” Gibbons looks like he’s waiting for the Golitely to kick in. And why are there no pics of the whackjob woman constituent with the gun control t-shirt? I haz a sad, LV Sun!
[re=395431]Doglessliberal[/re]: I’m visualizing that! And laffing.
Sen. Ensign, just resign as you should and experience the sweet silence of the lambs. Then Hanibal Lecter will eat you.
Sounds like Ensign needs more pussy.
Nevada: Where the men are men and the sheep have a secret sorrow?
[re=395439]jagorev[/re]: You are wonderful, and my esteem for Wonkette posters grows ever greater. And, if it is Wodehouse, then it is not, in fact, Bulwer-Lytton-worthy.
Gov. Jim Gibbons said, “You can have all the guns you need, but you never have all the guns you want.”
And by guns, he meant cocktail waitresses.
The first thing I’d do is tell a story about how gun safety FAILED at a new gun park. Ensign, is there nothing you can’t fuck up?
A bunch of politicians dedicating a “shooting park?” Is this the script for the season premiere of South Park? I’m sure Ensign’s wife would love to spend some time with Johnny in the shooting park.
[re=395470]Gopherit[/re]: Ya think he just got dropped from a bunch of wedding invite lists?
That story has Wrong written all over it, especially Harry Reid holding a rifle. He doesn’t look the part, sorry. And why are they making a big deal out of a “shooting park”, whatever that is. The range I go to can barely find the keys to the gate, forget a ceremony.
A “shooting park” is clearly a place where you take your guns to get a little sunshine and exercise. Your guns need this. It’s like a dog park, only occupied by small-peen gun nuts and their obsession-objects, rather than pooches and people who pick up their poop.
[re=395461]El Pinche[/re]: Yeah, the marital bed at Casa Ensign is probably not heavily used at present. Whereas at C Street…
[re=395465]Doglessliberal[/re]: Second the praise to [re=395439]jagorev[/re], an elitist to be sure.
[re=395431]Doglessliberal[/re]: Fursuits, ergo yes.
Goat-eyed demons with extra hair?! How’d Blagojavic get into this narrative?
Nevada needs its own theme park. Let’s call it, “Nevada”.
[re=395439]jagorev[/re]: Graduation from the level of shitting on newsprint all the way to plagiarism is a laudable achievement indeed. I will mail them a cupcake.
In Scotland there are stabby parks…
Am I the only one disappointed that a encounter between armed 2nd Amendment loons and a smattering of borderline useless to despicable pols resulted in no</b tangible reduction on either side?
C’mon people, it was a literal shooting gallery (or ‘park,’ as folks want to call it)! It has to be broken in properly!
Closing that tag. Sorry, left the shout-lock on.
[re=395461]El Pinche[/re]: It’s a shame that he’s run out of female staffers.
BTW: Casting call for you ladies. http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/tlg/1326233130.html
Goat-eyed demons with extra hair: College Republicans. Eventually they go bald, perhaps to jail, and suffer an early and grotesque death panel.
He’s probably just trying to figure out how long he should be in “mourning” for Ted Kennedy before it’s OK to try to bang his widow.
Most shooting parks are for people who lack the ability to pry their fat rumps out of their barco-loungers before noon and refuse to risk existance more than a few hundred yards from emergency medical attendants and a wet bar, and yet need the testerone buzz of “hunting”.
The “game” is kept in pens until the “hunters” stagger close enough. From a hardened underground bunker a safe distance away an attendant opens the pens gate by remote control, at which point they are electrically “prompted” to flee (the game, not the hunters).
The results are rarely surprising but once you’re “kill” is stuffed and mounted, who really can say that you shot it while it was tied to a post? A favorite sport for Republicans of the “tiny ween” variety and though reprehensible, it pales in comparison to the antics of their larger weened cousins (namely geh secks with children) so I suggest we let them have their fun.
Here’s video of the three of them at the event.
[re=395427]gurukalehuru[/re]: Come on, he was just feeling a little sheepish.
~
[re=395432]ella[/re]: Our sheep in Nevada are a little different. They got handles like goats – Dall’s sheep and other big horn sheep.
[re=395513]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: Sheep got your tongue?
[re=395439]jagorev[/re]: Wow, I was just going to write “Buhler?? Buhler?? what is the sheep stuff?” I am impressed that you knew a PG Wodehouse quote. I mean, you didn’t by any chance search it on the interwebs, did you?
[re=395508]dijetlo[/re]: Yuck. That’s now what I would call a park.
THIS is a park!
~
P.G. Wodehouse is a wealth of Wonkette-worthy quotes, and quite frankly, we could all do with a little levity.
“I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.”
P. G. Wodehouse
That is as strange a story as I have read lately. “Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid held up his held up his childhood rifle”? Politicians in my state are dumb, mean, and relatively venal, but Nevada seems to have a transcendent, almost-Californian quality in its weirdness.
[re=395465]Doglessliberal[/re]: “It was a dark and stormy sheep with a secret sorrow, by the name of Bertie Wooster…”
He might have appeared more as a dyspeptic llama, or a melancholy yak. The looks are very similar.
“fidgeted with his wedding band looking ‘like a sheep with a secret sorrow.’”
I’m pretty sure they meant goat – like that goat named Sylvia in the Edward Albee play.
Sheep are too stupid to have secret sorrows. They’re more the in-your-face-or-on-your-shoe sorrow types. Goats have more sly sorrows than secret ones: sneaky, gonna-get-you-for-that sorrows.
[re=395439]jagorev[/re]: P.G. Wodehouse *is* the cat’s pyjamas or, alternatively, the snail’s ankles.
[re=395508]dijetlo[/re]: That is a canned hunt. A shooting park, at least here in Illinois, is where you go to shoot competitive trap and skeet. The targets have hair.
[re=395442]widget09[/re]: Just because the great U. Utah Phillips died last year doesn’t mean we should offer his jokes uncredited. Similarly, it was unconscionable that Ms. Smith didn’t credit Paul Simon for perusing the famous line from his hit song, “Like a sheep, with a secret sorrow, I shall lay me down,” etc. These are important intellectual property rights, people!
[re=395439]jagorev[/re]: [re=395554]the problem child[/re]: [re=395596]TGY[/re]: Not to go full Wodehouse-nerd on you guys, but you are all wrong. Wodehouse routinely describes Jeeves as giving the occasional “soft, low, gentle cough like a sheep with a blade of grass stuck in its throat.” It is the brother of Aline Hemmingway from “The Inimitable Jeeves” who is described thus: “as for the brother, he looked like a sheep with a secret sorrow,” as well as “a sheep caught in the mist on a mountain top.
[re=395596]TGY[/re]: The eel’s eyebrows as well. And my favorite Wodehouse line: “I closed my eyes and sleep, that does something to the something sleeve of care, washed over me in healing waves.” That’s a paraphrase, but I think it’s pretty close.
[re=395661]AxmxZ[/re]: Not to go all reading comprehension on your ass, but I don’t think I, or anyone else here, ever suggested that this quote was descriptive of Jeeves. It isn’t. Props to you for getting the full quote and context.
“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”
P. G. Wodehouse
It’s a little something for Nevada’s Korean War vets who relax and reminisce while “shooting Parks.”
[re=395684]the problem child[/re]: I beg to differ. Quoting jagorev: ““like a sheep with a secret sorrow” is a direct quote from PG Wodehouse, where he describes someone coughing softly like a sheep with a secret sorrow.”
Playing with his wedding ring like a Reverse Gollum. Can’t wait to get rid of it.
[re=395732]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Another excellent literary reference- or not.
[re=395439]jagorev[/re]: Yep — Wodehouse, describing Jeeves. Pretty classy reference for the Lalaland newspaper.
[re=395491]S.Luggo[/re]: We already do!
[re=395418]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: That’s Wodehouse, as others have noted. I’m not sure if this is plagiarism so much as homage. It might have been better phrased with the addition of “as the poet said.”
[re=395655]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: I did not know that! I heard that about 25 years ago.
[re=395661]AxmxZ[/re]: Wow. You win.
I’m hoping a ‘shooting park’ is actually a shooting range, where there are safety rules, established lanes for shooting with backstops and proper methods of containing the rounds.
A shooting park sounds like an open area where you can mill about and fire at will at anything within (or outside of) range. Which is possibly exactly what they would have in this state.
Possibly John Ensign should have told the story about when the gun lobby had gone off and killed his integrity.
No, I guess he had better not.
That would have reminded all the others pols about their loss of integrity, and the ceremony would have gone on interminably.
Uh, a new 2900 acre shooting park? You’re in Nevada, just go to everyone’s favorite 4,000 acre shooting park, North Las Vegas. Open day and night, full video-game style immersion. And if you want to just improve your aim shooting at tin cans and rocks, there’s a 80 million acre shooting park called the Endless God Damn Unholy Fucking Desert. They’re both FREE people.
[re=395497]give us a bob[/re]: Am I the only one disappointed that a encounter between armed 2nd Amendment loons and a smattering of borderline useless to despicable pols resulted in no</b tangible reduction on either side?
C’mon people, it was a literal shooting gallery (or ‘park,’ as folks want to call it)! It has to be broken in properly!
Fucking brilliant. ROTFLMAO, for ever.
And, yes; Nevada is weird, but it’s not Arizona strange.
BTW, I can’t think of another state where the top leadership is in a sadder state. While Reid comes out looking better, comparitively, to these other two fools, he’s still Harry Reid at the end of the day, meaning that he’s forever been a weiner.
Gibbons and Ensign are pitiful, pathetic dicks-of-men. In a state famous/infamous for its sleezy but enjoyable sex they’ve managed single-handedly (unless they use two hands) to kill any kind of seedy allure Las Vegas may have had left. They need to stick these sad clowns in Circus Circus and implode it. Where Nevada was once a virilent hard-on of a state, it’s now a limp fallus.
Oscar Goodman for Guv!
[re=395964]jagorev[/re]: If by ‘win’ you mean ‘expose the sadness that is your life for the internetz to mock,’ then yes, I do win. I win so hard.
Hmmm – if sheep are just goat eyed with more hair then why don’t wolves donn goats clothing? Just wondering.
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