Wonkette
- Martin Peretz of The New Republic has an extremely developed, terminal case of xenophobic crotch rot. [Barrett Brown: True/Slant]
- Senator Grassley is only interested in the perfect health care bill. It must be as strong as an ox on ‘roids, as whimsical as a bicurious white tiger. It must birth from Adam’s meatiest rib. It must be a masterpiece, it must be perfect. [Matt Yglesias]
- The aporkalypse will kill 50% of everybody. [AMERICAblog]
- Charlie Crist reveals that his secret Judaism saves white people from Hurricanes every year when he visits the Holy Land and sticks his cock into the Wailing Wall. [AP]
Well and of course, even if the bill is a perfect 10, he won’t vote for it unless a lot of other Republicans do, too. So, in summary, screw you, Chuck Grassley.
I’m only posting a comment because comments were closed.
I forgot the really funny thing I was going to post hours ago when the comments were off, but trust me you’d all be peeing yourself if I remembered. Take that, political humour! Ha!
What’s this here comment box doing on this post? It wasn’t around before.
Sorry, Charlie, but it’s too late to start acting like a lunatic fundie now; even if you didn’t like the buttsex, you’ve shown yourself to be far too sane to win a modern Republican primary against a wignut true-believer.
Why does it say 4 comments when there are two comments and three tweets? Riley, you are SO buying drinks tomorrow, so go to the ATM right now. BTW, I’m not reading the tweets because tweets are Iranian.
Pat Robertson perenially denounced Disneyland, Miami and other heathen elements of Florida for being gay-friendly. Now it turns out that an orange bisexual is on the LORD’s side against Robertson, who, I can only hope, will be donning sackcloth and ashes and traveling the nation repenting of his wicked and judgmental ways.
Of course that self-righteous troll wouldn’t do that in a million years, but a person can dream.
Unfortunately, Marty Peretz is quite likely circumcised, which would give him a 50% chance of immunity from the fatal form of crotch rot, according to the CDC. Not the xenophobia part of it though; if anything, circumcision intensifies it.
As someone else has said: “Jesus H. Christ on a cracker!” Not that I don’t like Florida, but I hope about 5 hurricanes converge on Florida simultaniously, just to shut that fucker up.
Truly, because of our wicked tolerance of hurricanes, God hath visited Pat Robertson upon us. Amen.
Mahousu: Yeah, that was hideous. Does Peretz write like that all the time? ‘Cause reading that paragraph of his was like watching an anteater on mushrooms try to drive a forklift.
“Not that I am bothered by his or anyone else’s racism, which is directed only towards mere people. But why his perpetual assault on grammar? Grammar isn’t an Arab, Marty. You’re thinking of algebra.”
See, I just knew Barrett Brown was part of the Wonkette Grammar police.
My grotesque fantasy is for every asshead against the public option to get pig herpes, so I can go to their house and tell them “Hello I’m with the government, we were going to bring you the cure, but since we knew you were against any form of socialized medicine, we thought it would be best if you just choked on your own feces and died.”
Boy I’m mean.
SayItWithWookies: Wow, Where can I see anteater try to drive a forklift or even a small car?
finallyhappy: You need to get these mushrooms, see…
Well, I learned from Glenn Beck’s only remaining advertiser that “Angie’s List” can help me find a doctor who won’t cut my diabetic mother’s feet off. I think Grassley should check into this.
finallyhappy: If Eric Cantor holds a health care forum, the fuckers will show up wearing M-4s and armbands, stoned senseless on corn, and invited to the podium as featured speakers.
I’m sleeping with the Uzi under my pillow tonight.
sludjbunni: Just pass the word around that Cantor is Jewish. I can almost guarantee you’ll need a “special election” in no time.
Jukesgrrl: Can the underaged Riley buy drinks but not drink them? Actually, this sounds like Socialism. Can we use our Second Amendment Rights to take back Our Cuntry?
Methinks the Waggregator™ needs to lighten up on all the meat references.
This True/Slant guy is onto something, except he’s not really one to complain about others’ writing styles….
facehead: You are indeed viciously mean. But in a good way. And a funny way. Moar pleez.
SomeNYGuy: Of course Cantor is Jewish. That’s why they call him Dixie Jew. (Or, at least I do, anyway, but the MSM hasn’t picked up on the term).
Crist is nothing compared to Spooky Doktor Tom Senator Coburn (R-Okrastan) who was featured twice on the socialist network, MSNBC tonight. So, let me just get it out right here, before Young Riley twats about it:
Coburn is a dick and anyone who voted for him is a douchebag and Oklahoma is a douchey state full of dicks.
I think that about covers the comment this asshat freak merits. Please, god, send a bag of flaming dog-shit covered dicks raining down on him. He is an evil, evil, creepy man. He may not be orange, but he parts his hair in the middle. ‘Nuf said.
That’s as much bad language as I can bring myself to use, although I take pride that as least I’m more vulgar than wonkeratti commenter June Cleaver can bring herself to be.
Grassley is doubly dickish because his fucking state is responsible for America’s high-fructose corn syrup induced illnesses. Fucking Iowa owes us all health care reform.
DustBowlBlues: They grow in a monoculture and expect diversity? No, wait, they don’t expect diversity…
When either the piggy flu or the vaccine you suckers take for it kills all you youngs, we olds will take over the world & make all your blackberries, ifones, & other such satan-inspired electroniky thingees into hash pipes.
So even tho’ Charlie-boy is a professed Methodist, Yahweh answers his prayers for deliverance? Jeez, Yahweh, back in the day you’d have sent down a hurricane with a locust chaser just for the impertinence. What happened to ya?
DustBowlBlues: You go girl! Great description of Coburn, he of the vagina-styled hair. He really did OK proud at his town hall meeting today. Makes me ashamed to be a US American.
CNN is reporting Senator Kennedy died.
summer of death continues…
Teddy Kennedy is gone. Let’s see if the wingnutz are as “respectable” to him as they were whining about how bad the libs were about Robert Novak.
Reilley, brilliant shit: aporkalypse.
No snark. R.I.P Teddy K.
glamourdammerung: Joshua Norton: Fuck!
there goes the vacation.
glamourdammerung: Wow, sorry. Where was Cheney.
If Ted Kennedy had been President we already would have had good health care.
Suds McKenzie: Butt I didn’t even plan one, he typed sadly.
I haz a sad because Ted Kennedy didn’t live to see health reform realized.
This news has brought to mind that even the wealthiest of us, with the best doctors, nicest treatment facilities, and access to state of the art medical technology, eventually reach the end of the road. All of the nonsense about prolonging life vs pulling the plug on grandma loses meaning when you realize EVERYTHING ultimately boils down to putting off the inevitable.
[/Maker's Mark induced transcendental rant]
Here’s hoping Uncle Ted is banging hookers and drinking scotch straight from the bottle with Jack and Bobby up in heaven.
I’m going to go out on a cynical limb and say that the Dems will invoke his name every minute for the next couple of months to get a good reform bill passed. Even more cynically, I’m sort of hoping they will. It’s pretty slimy to make him a martyr for the cause, but no less slimy then anything else we’re seeing.
Come tomorrow the braying asses such as Beck, O’Reilly, and Limbaugh will only be talking about the death of Mary Jo Kopechne, his drinking & carousing, ‘extreme left’ views, and him being a ‘limousine liberal.’
Overpaid provocateurs who are known only for trying to foment mob violence won’t have anything good to say about a man who championed democracy and people who weren’t born into his class.
imissopus: slimy compared to … ???
glamourdammerung: May flights of angels sing him to his rest. Worst fuckin’ news of the night.
RIP Senator Kennedy.
imissopus: I don’t find that cynical. It’s good politics & I have to believe Sen. Kennedy would want his name used in that way. LBJ did the same to help get some of his monumental legislation passed after JFK was killed.
I remember as a kid (late 70s) my parents hating Ted Kennedy & scoffing at “nationalized health care.” I was too young & dumb to know any better but I do remember that socialized medicine did seem like the impossible dream then & for many years after. Goddammit I hope Obama & the jellyfish Democrats don’t fuck up this opportunity. Use ol’ Teddy any way you have to. Except I just realized — where’s that 60th vote gonna come from for the next 5 months?
The Wonkette done broke.
hobospacejunkie: I don’t think Baucus, Campbell, and Lieberman wouldn’t vote for anything worthwhile. Obama’s going to have to start playing hardball. Reconciliation and be done with it. If he does nothing else and serves only one term that would be the best thing for all Americans and something he would always be lauded for.
I agree with Hobospacejunkie and imissopus that if using Ted Kennedy’s name will get us a health care bill, I’m all for it, but, as I sometimes do, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here.
Ted Kennedy was a limousine liberal who outlived his usefulness by about 40 years and a month. The fact that he was a slimy, murdering bastard is not actually changed by the fact that he was OUR slimy, murdering bastard. He left that girl in the car to die.
How will Wonkette handle the death of Ted Kennedy. Shall be weird. Also.
Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity saying something ugly about Ted Kennedy in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….
imissopus: Suds McKenzie: hobospacejunkie: Don’t worry, I bet within 12 hours, Rush Limbaugh will be saying that we should defeat health care reform because Kennedy had his choice of the best doctors, therefor poor people should not have government sponsored healthcare.
You will feel better then.
biznesskommunity: He was a great man with some serious flaws in his youth. Still, having three martyred brothers can’t be easy. But you think this is weird, just imagine some of the get togethers when he first gets to heaven. Still, they must have really good whiskey up there. I think I’ll down a few shots to Ted, and hope that we can give him a good memorial with a good health care bill.
FOX keeps switching back and forth between live coverage of Kennedy and a rerun of Glen Beck. Being whipped sawed between reality and paranoid delusional petty ravings like that is enough to give you nausea.
finallyhappy: SayItWithWookies:
FUCK YOU I’M AN ANTEATER!
I can’t imagine growing up in the Kennedy family was that fun. Joe pushing all the kids to be the best at everything. Joe saying fascism maybe wasn’t that bad when he was our ambassador to England. One sister born with what at the time was a hopeless and embarrassing condition. Oldest son lost in the war. Jack injured. Jack elected. Robert elected. Both assassinated.
And then to try and be effective during:
6/7 years of Nixon
4/3 years of Ford
(I’ll leave out Carter)
8 years of Reagan
4 years of Bush I
8 years of Clinton toadying to every party & issue
8 years of horrifying tragedy that may not be able to be made right
7/8 months of what looked like hope, before you got a terminal disease
RIP Teddy, You Great, Drunk Lion of the Senate.
You just know he held on to the bitter end, with every fiber of his being, to be able to cast that last vote for health care, so, uh… don’t fuck it up you fucking pussy democrats.
Sláinte! I’m sincerely fucking sad.
Is it bad that upon the first notice that Teddy had died, I checked Wonkette for ironic Denby-iring snark?
I already said my RIP…hope he went peacefully with his loved ones around him - can’t ask for anything better than that.
Looks like Prince Phillip is getting his wish early…Could all be fear mongering hype - only the Father of time knows for sure. My brother received the swine flu vaccination back in 1977 - back then the only people that died from swine flu were the fatalities from the vaccinations - not the flu itself. Hope there is no repeat on that one.
“If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.”
— Prince Phillip - Duke of Edinburgh, leader of the World Wildlife Fund - quoted in ‘Are You Ready For Our New Age Future?’, Insiders Report, American Policy Center, December ‘95
Die hard Wonkette’s will love this cartoon for sure:
http://www.daybydaycartoon.com/
on2u: Oh, for fuck’s sake at least spell his name correctly.
The truth hurts - alot of people trusted this guy.
http://hotair.com/archives/2009/08/21/oh-my-obama-being-called-a-fascist-now-on-air-america/
The only person worthy of trust is God.
on2u: You are not going to last long around here. I dare you to try one of those retarded monster cut & paste jobs on one of Newell’s posts tomorrow. Trust me, he’ll love it.
mattbolt: Tonight, we are all David Denby.
Ironically, Ted Kennedy will be buried before Michael Jackson.
But will he be buried in Massachusetts, or with his brothers at Arlington?
kapish: It’s already begun…
Teddy = Moses
Obama = Joshua
on2u:
Whoa, I think you may be at the wrong window here, peanut.
Terrifying fact, Our Dear Glorious Leader, Comrade-Mullah Obama, could club baby seals to death with Trig Palin in a simulcast, pay-per-view extravaganza and he’d still have twice the favorability rating of the Republican party. In short, there is nothin’ you can do about our little communist take over. The people have spoken.
“Elections have consequences” Dick Cheny
“Go fuck yourself” Ibid
facehead: This sounds more like a wonderful dream than a grotesque fantasy. Particularly the part where they choke on their own feces and die. I imagine Beethoven’s 6th (Pastoral) playing and beautiful children smiling as they do so.
Extemporanus: Actually, I once ate ants. I was in Burma(many,many years ago- not during the time of the junta). I was having the burmese version of afternoon tea and had some sort of two piece bun with a filling. I took a few bites and at some point, looked at it and it had ants crawling on it. However,I have never driven a forklift.
Ted Kennedy - RIP. At the town hall yesterday(Maryland- not VA), there was a jeep parked near me with the nasty Ted Kennedy bumper sticker(on the side of the jeep). I considered- but did not do- sharpie pen vandalism of the bumper sticker
imissopus: imissopus: I think Sen. Kennedy would be perfectly happy to have his death used as the psychological lever that gets health care reform passed. It would not bother him at all.
kapish: Thanks! I’m def going to use a hollowed out cell phone to hide my dope today when I go for jury duty. I always get caught when I stick it into my depends waist band. It’s now the first fucking place they look.
Oh, I now see what happened. RIP Uncle Ted. I am sorry to see you go.
dijetlo: I think Cheney really meant that Supreme Court Appointments have consequences, and as resistant as I am to saying it, I have to totally agree with him on that.
chascates: That’s what they’re paid to do, isn’t it? I just hope they know that when their time comes, the dancing on their own graves will rival Riverdance.
You would wail too if Charlie Crist’s meatstick came anywherre near your cracks and crevasses.
“whimsical as a bicurious white tiger” may be the best original english phrase i will read all month.