Obama Baby Boom Is Not Entirely a Fiction

by Sara K. Smith

The joys of motherhood.A certain Baby K. Smith is due into the world at any moment, like TODAY, and its mother will probably need to look after it for a while until it figures out how to work the safety on the shotgun and open its own beers. You will be left in the capable hands of your male editors, who will maybe force themselves to drag their asses out of bed at a vaguely human hour for the next few months.

Do you know what a blast it is to write for the Wonkette, and how deeply you, the reader, will be missed during these upcoming months of sleep deprivation and poop duty? A whole lot, is the answer. Wish us luck. We will see you in December.

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Hola wonkerados.

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Buzz Feedback August 28, 2009 at 11:33 am

Wow. Congratulations. First child? Hold on. If not, you know the drill. Carry on.

TGY August 28, 2009 at 11:33 am

OMG! OMG! Congrats! *HUGS* Good luck, and so forth, with the Spawn of SKS.

AbstinenceOnly Ed August 28, 2009 at 11:34 am

This is why your kind don’t belong in the foxhole, shootin’ babies out of every orifice and such. Err, I mean congrats.

Grandpa Cornpants August 28, 2009 at 11:34 am

Best wishes and thanks for your hard work!

snideinplainsight August 28, 2009 at 11:34 am

Wow, who knew??1? Best wishes and God bless -

dum librul August 28, 2009 at 11:34 am

Congrats, female editor Sara. I was not aware you were teh preggarz.

Nigerian Business Executive August 28, 2009 at 11:35 am

Yay! We’re more fun than sleep deprivation and poop duty!

Congratulations, Momma K. Smith et al. We’ll miss you.

Lucky2130 August 28, 2009 at 11:35 am


hoosiermama August 28, 2009 at 11:35 am

Oh my goodness! Congratulations to a great editor from a fan you do not know but is happy all the same and wishes you the best. Sleep when the baby sleeps!

finallyhappy August 28, 2009 at 11:35 am

Good luck and enjoy the baby. Send pictures.

Joehoya August 28, 2009 at 11:36 am

See what happens when you have sex? Let this be a lesson to us all.

mardam422 August 28, 2009 at 11:36 am

So how is writing, or reading for that matter, the Wonkette not considered poop duty?

And is “poop duty” redundant?

Terry August 28, 2009 at 11:36 am

Congratulations, Sara!

The male editors of Wonkette have probably prepared you pretty well for what you’ll encounter when Baby K. Smith reaches two years old or so. The teen years, as well.

RoscoePColtraine August 28, 2009 at 11:37 am

Good luck, Sarah, I’ll miss you most of all. Sleep is overrated. For what it’s worth I have a new puppy, so I can sort of relate. Only instead of 3am feedings I have 3am poopings. But anyhoo….all the best. Hurry back.

freakishlystrong August 28, 2009 at 11:37 am


Mr Blifil August 28, 2009 at 11:38 am

Oh shit. Of fuck. Honey, do you feel hot? Do you want a washcloth. Where are my GODDAMN KEYS??? Do you think I should ask a cop car if they will escort us to the hosp…FUCK SARAH IS THAT WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR? Why are you so freakishly calm, I haven’t even packed your mix CDs yet? Enya. Lots and lots of Enya. OH GROSS I THINK ITS ALREADY CROWNED where is the FUCKING DOULA???

Big Liver August 28, 2009 at 11:38 am

I will miss your exquisite taste and sublime wit. Very best of luck, and thank you.

TurdBlossom August 28, 2009 at 11:38 am

Wow, congrats SKS! You will be missed, a great deal. I trust this child’s nursery is already decorated with animated Blingees.

nbawriter August 28, 2009 at 11:39 am

My fish swim!

RoscoePColtraine August 28, 2009 at 11:39 am

[re=397188]Joehoya[/re]: Not when you keep it to the butsecks. Or, you could just swallow all the babies.

Hopey dont play that game August 28, 2009 at 11:39 am

All the best to you and baby. Name suggestions:
Girl: Palin Bachman Smith
Boy: Bronk Drywall or Rock Hammerbreaker Smith

Bliz August 28, 2009 at 11:39 am

Congratulations! Best of luck with your little poop machine.

Rodney Badger August 28, 2009 at 11:39 am

They mainly sleep during the first few months. After your body recovers from the act of producing an object-signficantly-out-of-proportion-from-whence-it-exits you should be able to offer some bloggings every four hours or so.

Monsieur Grumpe August 28, 2009 at 11:40 am

What have you been up to Sara?

Congratulations and a toast to health and happiness to you and your child!

takes12no1 August 28, 2009 at 11:40 am

Congrats SKS! Remember a baby swing is very useful and can be easily moved into the bathroom so you can take a shower even when baby is awake…and when they get older they can take a shower with you.

Godless Liberal August 28, 2009 at 11:40 am

Dang, y’all, she told me she was a virgin.

Gopherit August 28, 2009 at 11:41 am

Oh, Sarah, congrats!. And how awesome is it to have FMLA from a job that no reasonable person would have called work anyway?

ManchuCandidate August 28, 2009 at 11:41 am

Is the baby daddy, Newell?

Congrats SKS.

leave me at your own risk August 28, 2009 at 11:41 am

Congratulations & good luck!

mardam422 August 28, 2009 at 11:42 am

Congratulations!!!11! Best to you and the newest K. Smith. Oh, yes, the father too, whoever he may be.

This is excellent news for John McCain.

jasper f. krone August 28, 2009 at 11:42 am

Congratulations! Toddler F. Krone is offering to babysit.

Will it have it’s father’s eyes?

Big Liver August 28, 2009 at 11:42 am

They can take a shower with you from day one; I did that with all four of mine, and it was great.

ChernobylSoup v2 August 28, 2009 at 11:42 am

Congrats. Is the sperm donor as fetching as you? Cuz if so, that will be one perfect child.

Oh, and you gave yourself away as a first time momma by mentioning “months” of sleep deprevation. That’s cute. Try YEARS, darling.

Best wishes in the history of wishes.

isadelia August 28, 2009 at 11:42 am

Wow, congratulations! But do we really have to be left with boys? Will Juli at least be posting more?

mardam422 August 28, 2009 at 11:43 am

I, for one, welcome our new poop covered, wide awake at 3AM, projectile vomiting overlords.

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2009 at 11:45 am

Yay! Congrats, Sara — and I’m so glad you finally mentioned this, because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to spill about your upcoming Smithling and haven’t. Anyway, best wishes and I hope you still surface from time to time, ’cause I’m going to go into SKS withdrawal if you don’t.

Come here a minute August 28, 2009 at 11:45 am

Good luck!

What I want to know is how did this not leak out? Particularly with all the leaking out you’ve been dealing with the last few months, plus immense amounts more (INCLUDING FROM NEW PLACES) in the coming months. More joys!

Jim89048 August 28, 2009 at 11:45 am

You mean that Palin Memorial Empathy Belly (TM) was REAL?

Curved August 28, 2009 at 11:45 am

Congrats, SKS! I sher will mis yer purdy reye-tinz’ Can I have your Purity ring since, you known, you don’t need it?

magic titty August 28, 2009 at 11:45 am

Holy crap – and you’ve been blogging all this time??? Ken Layne is an evil, evil bastard.
Anyway, Muchos Congratulations, SKS!

So, next Wonkette editor to get pregnant will be…Riley??

trickyrick August 28, 2009 at 11:45 am

Just think how awesome Sarah K. Smith will be when she gets over the whole ‘pregnancy shrinks your brain’ syndrome.

Come back when your brain is back to normal? Yes? All righty then. Best wishes to you and family….congratulations.

Neilist August 28, 2009 at 11:46 am

Actually, with the right load and a steady hand, you can open beers with a shotgun.

Difficult, true, but theoretically possible. You know, like a “Non-Libidiness Kennedy”? Or a “Kennedy Who Has Not Killed Someone Using A Motorized Vehicle”?

But more to the point: GOOD LUCK, SARA!!!! (Blame the father for the contractions, even if the “father” is only a turkey baster.)

Lascauxcaveman August 28, 2009 at 11:46 am

Don’t look at me. My alibi is solid.

Noodle Salad August 28, 2009 at 11:46 am

Today we are all your baby.

OReillysVibrator August 28, 2009 at 11:47 am

Poop duty? This kid, without doing any work, is going to have someone change his or her diapers? THIS is socialism. It’s time people stop freeloading off the government’s (or in this case, the mother’s) teat. For shame Sara.

trickyrick August 28, 2009 at 11:47 am

[re=397216]mardam422[/re]: word. the tiny tyrants are always the best.

Doglessliberal August 28, 2009 at 11:47 am

To what address do we send Baby’z First TruckNutz (TM)? And are you going with the traditional blue/pink scheme or can we get some camo or USA flag Nutz for the little one?

house of the blue lights August 28, 2009 at 11:48 am

Give in. Welcome your new 7 pound overlord. It’s the easiest route all around. And don’t forget, Your Newborn is Like a Narcotic. (

twowheeljunkie August 28, 2009 at 11:48 am

WOW! Congratulations.

An American in Toronto August 28, 2009 at 11:48 am

Some more big congrats and enjoy this time with the Smithlet. The real fun begins when they start to move and you can’t leave them on the bed all day.

Heywood Jablome August 28, 2009 at 11:48 am

I haz a sad cuz U iz mah fayvrite heer.

But it’s for a good cause – countering the overwhelming tide of idiocracy.

May this child grow strong on your intellect, vocabulary, cultural references (hi and lo), and, most of all, your cleverness. Oh yeah, better throw some love in the mix. Love seems to be good for kids.

Kaylub August 28, 2009 at 11:49 am

Congratulations and good luck; do share a baby picture (onece it gets all darling, not when it’s all red and squishy and looks like a naked mole rat)

facehead August 28, 2009 at 11:49 am

I thought she only did anal.

JK SKS, gratz and GL!!!

4tehlulz August 28, 2009 at 11:50 am

[re=397220]Curved[/re]: How presumptuous! Are you sure that Sara is not about to give birth to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (v.2)?

ella August 28, 2009 at 11:50 am

Today??? Wow, congratulations! (And kiss your sleep goodbye.)

tootsieroll August 28, 2009 at 11:50 am

Whew! Snuck that one in under the wire before all the mandatory abortions!

SKS, I am very happy that someone of your intellect and wit has chosen to reproduce. Also.

Snarkalicious August 28, 2009 at 11:52 am

[re=397215]isadelia[/re]: Fear not! We can press Waggaman into service as a tranny blagger.

patrickman August 28, 2009 at 11:52 am

This birth is an affront to Trig

dum librul August 28, 2009 at 11:53 am

I feel all speshul and stuffs since today is my birthday too. So now me and new baby Trig will have something to share forever.

commiegirl August 28, 2009 at 11:54 am

OH MY GOD YOU ARE HAVING AN OBAMA BABY! I am so happy for you, and for Obama! Good job!

charlesdegoal August 28, 2009 at 11:54 am

Mes felicitations, Madame. As for those late-rising male editors, shame on them indeed: it’s almost noon (or dix-huit heures, as they say here) and we haven’t hear a pip from them.

Bronkers August 28, 2009 at 11:54 am

Best wishes, new mom Sara. Here’s hoping your obstetrician has small, sure hands and that you and NewBaby K. Smith will be healthy and whole. As to happy, we Wonketteers have no doubts on that score.

4tehlulz August 28, 2009 at 11:55 am

I’m sorry, I was so offended by Curved that I forgot to say congratulations, not only for the child, but also for the epidural. Cuz that’s the shit right there.

JohnnyMac August 28, 2009 at 11:56 am

Congrats on the kid but please don’t pull a Palin and fly to Alaska after your water breaks.

yargisbargis August 28, 2009 at 11:57 am

Congrats. The real fun begins when they discover the artistic capabilities of the stuff inside their diaper.

annievt August 28, 2009 at 11:57 am

This is excellent news for your readers. Nothing exercises the snark muscle like a newborn and sleep deprivation. The picture says it all!

Good luck with s/he who must be obeyed!

Min August 28, 2009 at 11:58 am

Have a wonderful baby, Sara! And keep it away from Fox News during its formative years.

AnnieGetYourFun August 28, 2009 at 11:58 am

[re=397217]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I can’t BELIEVE you didn’t tell ME, at least. I was all just thinking, “Shit, now, Wookies clearly knew this if they were out drinking and Jim was pretty much hooked up to an IV drip of whiskey and Sara was being all prim with soda water – WHY COULDN’T HE SHARE THIS TIDBIT?!?! I can keep a secret!”

Congrats, Sara. Good luck with all of the various duties, and remember that most infants, after the age of 3 months, can hold up to a good outdoor powerwashing. I will truly, truly miss your witty observations for the next… however long it will be.

Also, I very much doubt that there will be any content on the web before 11AM Pacific Time. Can any of the exotically-named interns wake up before 3PM or anything?

greywindz August 28, 2009 at 11:58 am

[re=397221]magic titty[/re]: Ditto. Well congrats Sara, I will miss your lessons of life…Hail from India…

Just one question…where did you manage to get that appropriate “joys of motherhood” photo?

hockeymom August 28, 2009 at 11:59 am

Congrats! Kids are the best (on most days).

Two bits of advice:

1. Natural childbirth is overrated. As is your OB. Start kissing up to the nurses and anesthetist RIGHT NOW. They are your new best friends.

2. If you have a baby boy, do NOT coo over him as you change his diaper. He will pee straight into your open, “ooh, isn’t he cute”, mouth.

WIDTAP August 28, 2009 at 12:00 pm


Finally some evidence that at least one of the Wonkette editors prefers sex somewhere other than the butt.

AnnieGetYourFun August 28, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Um, was there going to be a naming contest for this little monster?

I vote for “Wesson”, in honor or Neilist.

hockeymom August 28, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Oh, and make sure you get a copy of the birf certificate.

AnnieGetYourFun August 28, 2009 at 12:02 pm

Um, naming contest? I vote for “Wesson”, in honor of Neilist.

The Cold Sea August 28, 2009 at 12:03 pm


slappypaddy August 28, 2009 at 12:03 pm

aw right! poppin out another libtard. way to go, sara!

(if you haven’t done this baby thing before, be prepared to be exhausted beyond what you believed to be the limits of human endurance. if you have done it before, no sweat, right? nappie goes around the middle parts, binky goes in the pie-hole, and the little piggies go wee-wee-wee all the way home.)

Maxine of Arc August 28, 2009 at 12:03 pm

Mazel tov! (Make sure to get the long form berf certificut…)

Magog August 28, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Many congratulations, Momma K. Smith, and a warm (pending) welcome to the newest Wonketteer!

MARCdMan August 28, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Congratulation SKS, we’ll miss you around here, post baby pics!!!

the problem child August 28, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Congratulations and enjoy the new adventure with all the new equipment which you are about to discover. If it makes obnoxious noises and seems to entrance the child, is a baby toy, even if it was formerly a sex toy or meant for the dog.

jodyleek August 28, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Babies are like little Dick Cheneys – wrinkled, snarling, non-ambulatory fiends. They scare the crap out of you and keep you up at night wondering what truly awful thing they are going to do next.

Have fun!

hockeymom August 28, 2009 at 12:07 pm

[re=397258]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Wesson + Smith. Good one!

nbawriter August 28, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Oh, and good luck … I’m sure Wonkette has a super-awesome healthcare plan.

Try to not get any afterbirth on the faux leather backseat of Layne’s Datsun.

BlueStateLibtard August 28, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Congrats! I’m thrilled to see the proud Wonkette line being carried on!

SayItWithWookies August 28, 2009 at 12:09 pm

[re=397251]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Forgive me, dear — awful secret-keeper that I am, I didn’t want to put anyone else in the position of bearing such knowledge, as it was a veritable labor of Hercules for me to keep quiet about.

Oh, and SKS, if you were going to name the child SayItWithWookies K. Smith in honor of my fierce and proven devotion, I would be honored. Of course your child might hate you forever, but at least you’d get that aspect of parenting out of the way early.

swgm August 28, 2009 at 12:10 pm

I thought Obama was personally escorting all pregnant women to the abortion clinics? You must have sneaked under the radar while he was praying to Mecca or something. Anyway…congratulations!

Jewdishoowary Square August 28, 2009 at 12:11 pm

Congrats, Sara! And don’t worry — parenting is just like moderating Wonkette commenters, except you only have to handle one loud, immature, attention-seeking shit machine at a time.

stink, but August 28, 2009 at 12:13 pm

Congrats, Sara! But, uhm seriously, what is this? Obamacare ain’t passed yet. Pop that kid out and then it’s BACK TO WORK!

AnnieGetYourFun August 28, 2009 at 12:13 pm

[re=397258]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Shut up. You said it once. No need to say it again.

[re=397270]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I forgive you. And I think “Wookie” is actually kind of a cute nickname, but then, I am a hipster stuck in a nerd’s body.

slappypaddy August 28, 2009 at 12:15 pm

now, sara, i don’t know if anyone’s said this yet because i’m speeding through this because my boss wants me to do some work and bosses and babies share some characteristics regarding needing to be tended to, but along with congratulations and best wishes, if this is your first, remember this please — there will be times when your baby will make you mad. when this happens, put the baby down (safely) and walk away. compose yourself, then you’re back on duty. no sweat, right? and never hesitate to ask for help. you and your baby deserve all good things.

may the good lord
shine a light on you
let every song you sing
be your favorite tune

DemmeFatale August 28, 2009 at 12:16 pm

We’ll miss you!

Enjoy these poop-filled years, because once you have a teenager…(well never mind).

dennymcden August 28, 2009 at 12:19 pm


Leopolt August 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Congrats! Best of luck! Savor every day.

Moleman v2.5 August 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm

As a parent of two under 5 (whimper) I wish you the best.

There’s still time to beat the Duggar family quiver-full if you really apply yourself, and after the first 10 or so you can make the older ones take care of the younger ones while you Twitter or start up a meth lab or something.

missannethrope August 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm

A toast to The Year One!

Airborne Toxic Event August 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm

DVR your favorites for those late-night feedings.

BadKitty August 28, 2009 at 12:22 pm

But…but…. if you’re pregnant that means you must have had sex!

What’s it like?

Guppy06 August 28, 2009 at 12:23 pm

With the marvelous invention of the notebook computer, an editor doesn’t even have to get out of bed at all! Think of all the witty and insightful articles that can be composed from the bathroom!

JadedDIssonance August 28, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Dear SKS Please give your child the same initials as you: Super Kid Smith.

ObamaBoomers. Do us proud!

Death Panel Wagon August 28, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Congrats! Today we are all your babies.

PS. just wait til the kid learns to shotgun beers, aussi.

yellowdogdem August 28, 2009 at 12:26 pm

Oh thank God! Another libral soon to be born into the world. Enjoy and thanks for making my lunch hour a laugh fest every day!

seriesoftubescleaner August 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm

Congrats and good luck with baby Smitty.

Dreadful Gate August 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm


Studge August 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm

[re=397257]hockeymom[/re]: Can’t believe it took someone this long to make that comment. But, seriously, GET A GODDAMNED BIRTH CERTIFICATE faxed to your secret delivery center in Kenya. You’ve already planted the delivery notice in an American newspaper, right?

Sara K., just rock the delivery and enjoy all of the happy moments with your wee newborn. I become a first-time daddy just over a year ago, and have loved every minute of it since. That even includes the 13 months that we used HIPPIE CLOTH DIAPERS for Studge, Jr., and I had to plop the poopies out before putting them in the hamper. LOVE IT!

MattW August 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm

Congrats SKS! I’m sure I speak for the entire commentariat when I say that our babysitting services are at your disposal.

Meaux August 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm

I assume Barry’s the father, in keeping with his plan to turn this country socialistmuslimkenyan by impregnating all the white womens. In which case: man, how was he? All we dreamed of? Oh, and congrats! Yes, do sleep when the baby sleeps and stay strong and we will miss you terribly but we will also stay strong. Because its much easier to stay strong when no one is screaming in our houses at night. Best of luck with all that!

S.Luggo August 28, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Will there be pictures?

dementor August 28, 2009 at 12:32 pm

[re=397208]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Someone had to ask. But Sara, many congratulations and best wishes with the tadpole. You’ll be the fun mom, no question. If you’re taking name suggestions, how about the obvious (Ba-Rock)? Otherwise, Trog, Trick, Trap, Trot, Troop (for the), or a more feminine version, as needed.

suchsweetthunder August 28, 2009 at 12:32 pm

[re=397199]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: Oh let me try!!!

Boy: ReLOVEution (“Jonah”) Trucknutz, III
Girl: Unicorn Hobobeans (“Meghan”) Diamond

Srsly though: You made another person. That’s kind of crazy awesome/fucking amazing.

Doglessliberal August 28, 2009 at 12:33 pm

Here is a tip: read some classics, not picture books, to the baby during those long, late nights. Huckleberry Finn or The Old Man and the Sea or Robinson Crusoe is a lot easier to read than a fiftieth iteration of the Very Hungry Caterpillar. It soothes the baby and keeps you sane.

loquaciousmusic August 28, 2009 at 12:33 pm

The world needs another good liberal.

Congratulations, Sara.

Big Irish August 28, 2009 at 12:33 pm

Cheers, Sara! Good luck, we’ll miss you, and post the pics so we can all partake of the magic.

Doglessliberal August 28, 2009 at 12:34 pm

[re=397317]Doglessliberal[/re]: also, anything Roald Dahl wrote.

rambone August 28, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Congratulations Sara! Hopefully you will serve as an example to libruls everywhere and we’ll start outbreeding the righties for a change.

On second thought, poop duty and sleep deprivation sounds like too much work to expect from the rest of my lazy welfare-receiving, pot-smoking brethren. Perhaps the Dems should hurry up and just legalize the Mexicans instead. They seem to like to procreate.

blinky_twinkie August 28, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Yay for the imminence of additional snark brilliance!!! Congratulations to all, and snarky but heartfelt blessings.

The Station Manager August 28, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Congratulations, breeder! Wait, can I say that if I’m not A Big Gay? Well then just pretend I’m A Big Gay when I said that.

Extemporanus August 28, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Wow, Sara! You just saw Randall Terry, like what, two days ago? And you’re already due?! He really is pro-life!

Congrats on the shortest gestation period evah, and best wishes that your wee one arrives healthy, happy, and with as delicious-looking a placenta as Joel Klein’s kid.

Holding Out for a Hero August 28, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Damn, I always wondered what goes on at the Wonketter editorial meeting.

Congratulations sweets!

wheelie August 28, 2009 at 12:38 pm

WOW congratulations Sara! We’ll miss you. Best wishes to you & Baby and hurry back xx

HillaryIsMyHomegirl August 28, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Congrats Sara! Although I assume you are aware that under the impeding rules of the new socialist health care legislative doom; in order to receive funds for the birthing you need to turn over one old person abusing both Medicare and Social Security to the death panels as recompense for your insistence on adding to the population and overburdening the health system. Hope you’ve got that covered….

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 28, 2009 at 12:40 pm

AHA! That’s the reason why you’ve been so suspiciously nice when writing about Levi Johnson. Hearty congratulations, SKS, and good luck!

Naked Bunny with a Whip August 28, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Congrats, Sara. I will now redirect my “having sex with pregnant Wonkette editors” fantasy onto Newell, because I”m not a sexist pervert.

Kingbee August 28, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Remember to get MANY copies of it’s birth certificate, and not the “short form”, but the fucking fictional “long form”, with raised stamps, for chrissake. Also, I hope the baby is born on U.S. owned territory, and both parents are already citizens, and what else, hmmmm, let me see. Get the placenta signed by the obstetrician, midwife, doula, etc. with indelible black marker, and freeze it, for future DNA matchup. And several copies of the birth announcement in the newspaper, if one still exists where you live. Otherwise, you can forget about all that “One day you can grow up to be President” stuff.
Otherwise, good luck and congratulations!

Tundra Grifter August 28, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Well, that certainly explains the perky breasts.

Make sure you get the birth announcement in the local newspapers! You’d be amazed how that can come in handy in another four decades or so…

Best wishes to you and yours! Having children is the parallel universe of life. Those who don’t never really understand what they have missed!

And tell the happy Father – next time: Tube sock.

MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend August 28, 2009 at 12:47 pm

Well Congratulations! This is certainly a shock, because I thought the editors of the Wonkette were all a-sexual robots of some sort. ** confuzzled **

S.Luggo August 28, 2009 at 12:48 pm

So, you’re telling us that you can’t work from home ’cause of the kid? And pray tell, what are house servants for? Just mixing cocktails?

PS: Send me the placenta.

Extemporanus August 28, 2009 at 12:50 pm

[re=397308]Meaux[/re]: I’m sure that Mdme. Smith is too much of a lady to “Barack” and tell, but I have it on good authority that Obama’s “Birth Panels” are absolutely fucking spectacular.

Think of the orgy scene from Caligula, only with fewer goats and more Barry White.

glamourdammerung August 28, 2009 at 12:51 pm

You obviously celebrated the election a lot more thoroughly than I did.


Tommmcatt August 28, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Oh yes, there will be poop. Unimaginable, lovecraftian , endless poop. It will be in places you never thought were in-poop-able.

But you will love it. That is the paradox of parenthood., or so they tell me.

Congratulations, though. The baby couldn’t ask for a wittier parent.

Texan Bulldoggette August 28, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Good luck, Sarah. Order the epidural STAT (like yesterday), yes it hurts more than anything you will ever experience, it’s completely your hubbie’s fault, and you CAN get pregnant while nursing. (We call those babies ‘Arkansas twins’.)

Also, make sure you get a copy of your baby’s birth certificate (long form)–you can order it while you’re in the hospital. Good luck & oh, that breathing shit doesn’t work worth a damn — GET TEH DRUGS!

WagTehGod August 28, 2009 at 12:53 pm

Which Wonketteer is the father? Fess up..

Flanders August 28, 2009 at 12:54 pm

Be sure to keep that birf certificate in a handy ziplock bag.

rubybuckaroo August 28, 2009 at 12:54 pm

There is nothing I can add that hasn’t already been posted and more elegantly than I for sure.

This is wonderful news. I think your child will have a terrific Mom. And, oh my what amazing sentence structures when the little one begins talking.
And sad too. I will miss your morning briefings and more. Although the male editors will capably handle the duty, there is nothing like the SKS sensibility. We will miss you!!

Be well. ‘See’ you sooner.

V572625694 August 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Wonderful. Congratulations. A new snarkista is born.

El Pinche August 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm


DemmeFatale August 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Be sure to tell the OB that you want to take the placenta home for the dog. (Ours didn’t find this funny, but yours might.)

El Pinche August 28, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Say hello the world of poop. Congrats.

MathewBrooks August 28, 2009 at 12:59 pm

Congratulations! You will be missed.

Texan Bulldoggette August 28, 2009 at 1:00 pm

[re=397353]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: One more thing. Don’t let father in law & uncles near THAT end of you during the birthing. Makes for an uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner, esp. when the turkey with the trussed legs is brought out…

WadISay August 28, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Oh my gosh, I had no idea. Well, congratulations and happy delivery! This will be an interesting experience to see the effects of in utero exposure to snark. Monsieur Grumpe, begin boiling water at once!

SlouchingTowardsWasilla August 28, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Well that explains the wild mood swings these past few months.

Three months? Mine took seven to learn gun safety, but she comes from lesser stock.

Best of luck.

the problem child August 28, 2009 at 1:04 pm

[re=397323]The Station Manager[/re]: To my mind, breeder applies to those who breed, whether straight or gay or something else. I think those who use the term (non-breeders, all) should get the same latitude.

One Yield Regular August 28, 2009 at 1:04 pm

Fantastic! Congratulations. And for whatever it’s worth, I think Baby K. Smith is a terrific name – cute, wonketty and dashingly gangsterish all at the same time.

Norbert August 28, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Lucky duck! But does this mean you will have to get, you know, a proper job? If you do come back to Wonkette, I would tell junior about what you do as early as possible to avoid him/her finding out as a teenager or something which could be traumatic. Enjoy that baby!

ifthethunderdontgetya" August 28, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Congrats, SKS!

DP August 28, 2009 at 1:08 pm

Well shucks, congratulations and such…In one model of the universe, the worthy departed spirit returns to inhabit a new body, fresh and strong, after having discarded the weary mortal flesh of the previous life.

So say hi to Ted Kennedy when he’s delivered.

glamourdammerung August 28, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=397364]DemmeFatale[/re]: I asked if they were going to eat all of that myself.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey August 28, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=397256]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I vote for Tony the-Tiger!!! Smith (yes the exclamation points and hyphen are part of the proper name (have fun with the SAT with that name kid))

crookedE August 28, 2009 at 1:14 pm


martinette August 28, 2009 at 1:14 pm

Congrats and thanks from me, too. Sometimes with 3 am feedings come 3 am postings…

MFitz August 28, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Quick! Get on that plane to Kenya so one day this kid can be preznit! Also.

ChernobylSoup v2 August 28, 2009 at 1:20 pm

[re=397353]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: That’s wonderful. Never heard Arkansas Twins before. Doubly funny because I’m in Arkansas and one of my (not usually dumb) friends just got knocked up while she was breastfeeding. Well hopefully not WHILE she was breastfeeding, but you get the point.

WagTehGod August 28, 2009 at 1:22 pm

Also, does any baby had by a Wonkette editor that didn’t involve teh buttsecks qualify as a virgin birth, also?

Todomy August 28, 2009 at 1:23 pm

Stats stats stats, who needs stats. Let’s just pay attention to hyperbole like the wingnuts do.

“I don’t know anyone who is ACTUALLY supporting X, it must be a liberal media conspriacy.”


“Everyone I know are havin’ kids, even transexual couples, must be a right wing conspriacy.”

King of the Dipshits August 28, 2009 at 1:24 pm

[re=397264]MARCdMan[/re]: [re=397311]S.Luggo[/re]: Congratulations that is truly great. However, I am not sure I would recommend posting pictures of one’s baby to Wonkette – social services might end up becoming involved.

Also, if your looking for baby names, the Sarah Palin baby name generator gives you “Axe Diesel Palin” if you start with Baby K. Smith.

NebraskashireGentry August 28, 2009 at 1:24 pm

[re=397175]Buzz Feedback[/re]: you can tell its not her first child because she said the true fact that baby will figure out the safety on the shotgun itself…accidents happens when over-cautious mom gets involved.

thanks, SaraKSmith, for giving one a reason besides a beautifully glazed Christmas ham to anticipate December.

spryte August 28, 2009 at 1:24 pm

Congratulations, Sara!

According to Real Americans, because I am a woman who doesn’t want children AND who volunteers at Planned Parenthood, I’m supposed to hate babies. But I don’t! Especially ones like yours, who will never be close enough to me to spray me with pee, poop, barf or whatever other god-awful thing they emit.

ENJOY! :) We’ll miss you!

Monsieur Grumpe August 28, 2009 at 1:25 pm

I’ll bring the towels you bring the bagpipes.

Sara, we do get to name the kid… right?

For a boy how about Zippo, Manfred. or Michael Valentine?

For a girl Squeaky, Empress of the Universe or Beatrice?

SmutBoffin August 28, 2009 at 1:26 pm

Babby pix plz! If the kid has the SKS cheeks it will be the cutest child born in all of history forever.

bjkeefe August 28, 2009 at 1:29 pm

I had no idea, Sara. Congrats, best wishes, and a repeat of everything good I’m sure everyone else has already said above. I will miss you more than you will miss me. I hope you still throw up a random post now and then, or at least jump into the comments here.

Again, best.

user-of-owls August 28, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Heavens to Betsy, who knew?! Well, besides those in physical proximity to Mom K.

No jokes, certainly no snark…just a super-sized e-hug of appreciation and every last best wish in the world.

Jim89048 August 28, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Welcome to the world, Gog K. Smith…

EmSharp August 28, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Congratulations, Sara! Enjoy your time off and have a blast with your little one. We’ll miss you though!

SmilingMightyJesus August 28, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Six weeks should be enough. Does Wonkette gives you the French Benefits? We will miss you terribly.

ladymacbeth August 28, 2009 at 1:39 pm

many congrats SKS! wishing you a peaceful and easy time of it, a beautiful baby and where possible, fast rest.

who will be doing the exciting morning shift? b/c steve inskeep has been on a roll with republicans…

Suds McKenzie August 28, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Wow, even Neilist was nice, and someone somehow worked Butsecks into it. xxxooo!!1!

NJB August 28, 2009 at 1:45 pm

Wonderful news (to me, it’s news at any rate)! Best of luck, Sara! You have insurance, right?

HomoSuperior August 28, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Sara, congrats! It always makes me happy to see young, attractive, educated liberals reproducing. We need to balance out all the Palins of the world. WONKETTEERS, TO RUT! DO YOUR PART! Mozel Tov!

gurukalehuru August 28, 2009 at 1:52 pm

If it’s a boy, don’t name him Orrin. That is a seriously stupid name. Or Arlen. Also.

much love, gurukalehuru

missevans August 28, 2009 at 1:55 pm

I knew there’d be something momentous to comment on eventually. Congratulations!!!

jesusbutter August 28, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Blessings upon you and the new wee one, SKS. You are my favorite and I shall certainly miss your wit in the next few months. Unsolicited Advice (a seasoned mother’s perogative and duty): trust your instincts, start paying attention to your local school board now, and don’t be hesitant to ask for help. Oh, and changing tables are a complete waste of money.

Fat Man August 28, 2009 at 2:00 pm


NewAlgier August 28, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Congrats! Just saying, but we moved to Canada to have our kid for the year of mat leave. December will be here in a blink of an eye.

PerhapsSo August 28, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Congratulations, Sara! We will miss you. But now I can look forward to Spawn K. Smith’s first blog post, assuming s/he inherits the funny gene. That’s an unexpected bonus.

Is there a registry? Can we send you diapers or Truck Nutz or an Obama onesie something?

montresor August 28, 2009 at 2:03 pm

Oh no oh no oh no, not the FUNNY one! I’ll have to find some way to live till December, I just won’t laugh as heartily. Maybe I won’t laugh at all. Oh, I’ll probably chuckle here and there, maybe tee-hee up my sleeve from time to time, but I suspect that pretty soon I’ll be lamenting, like that screechy guy from Led Hindenburg, “Does anybody remember LAUGHTER?” Well, congratulations and all, imminent baby will have the advantage of growing up in one of the funnier households in America. “Take my mom — please!”

McDuff August 28, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Congratulations! However, Baby K. will need more than a mere birth announcement in local paper to vet citizenship claim — inviting Glenn Beck and Lou Dobbs in as witnesses just might keep the birtherism to a minimum in 2044. As a bonus, you can curse at them all you want and then blame the pain, the drugs or both.

JeffGoldblum August 28, 2009 at 2:08 pm

When will this child be eaten?

Odd Ass City August 28, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Who will live-blog the birth, and will there be drinking games?

PerhapsSo August 28, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Ooh, one more thing: Definitely print out this post for the baby book. Sure, the anal comments might scar your child for life, but it’s still better than naming the baby Trig.

hobospacejunkie August 28, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Congratulations! I will miss you in the morning. On the other hand, I can now sleep in, safe in the knowledge that I won’t miss the first several posts. No way Newell is getting up at 8am.

drrty martini August 28, 2009 at 2:20 pm

Oh, SKS, congratulations! I’ll miss starting off my day with references to defiled pop-tart boxes and tube socks. August 28, 2009 at 2:22 pm

congrats !
their laughter is the best part.

Dreamer August 28, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Congratualations SKS! Whatever you do, please don’t name the baby anything close to Trig. We will miss you.

BerkeleyFarm August 28, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Congratulations SKS and best wishes for a safe and easy delivery and a happy, healthy, and inclined-to-sleep little one!

WadISay August 28, 2009 at 2:43 pm

SKS, while you are waiting to give birth, you might pass the time by filling out his/her applications to the best prep schools in town.

[re=397414]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I like “Jesus” (pron. Hey-zeus)

twitterpaters August 28, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Congratulations and best wishes!

TJBeck August 28, 2009 at 3:00 pm

Not much time left for your mandatory Omamabortion!

(Seriously though, good luck and congrats.)

Come here a minute August 28, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Talk about a Friday news dump.

qaf August 28, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Best wishes for an easy labor, a healthy baby, and an excellent recovery.

Does this mean Intern Juli has been sent into the Memory Hole? (That’d be sad, she fits right in.)

Atheist Nun August 28, 2009 at 3:19 pm

Congrats, SKS, on the impending arrival of your Wonkette-ette!

I had a baby once, (the product of a certain night spent cleaning out the sacramental wine cellar) but they took it away at the nunnery and gave it to a politician and his wife to use as a campaign prop.

Kinkster August 28, 2009 at 3:31 pm

ew, squishy.

superfecta August 28, 2009 at 3:45 pm

Congrats! I found beer in the hospital was a big help. Also when baby cries. Or if you’re out for a meal with baby. Really, anytime works – this is why my 4 year old asks me, ‘Mommy, is that hoppy or malty?’

vitira August 28, 2009 at 3:51 pm

[re=397237]tootsieroll[/re]: Sadly, this unaborted Obamababy will now live in fear of the death panel its entire life. I hear the first one is in the delivery room–if you don’t weight enough the baby will be late-term aborted and sent to meet Allah.


Nappied Hypotenuse August 28, 2009 at 4:18 pm

I am sooo late to this thread. But I want to say that I consider myself one of your linguistic children already. Congrats.

sludjbunni August 28, 2009 at 4:43 pm

Be firm, fly low, we got your back. But the diaper thing? Enjoy.

Oldskool August 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm

Congrats bigtime. Apparently another job well done.

S.Luggo August 28, 2009 at 5:03 pm

[re=397411]King of the Dipshits[/re]: I wasn’t talking about pitures of the kid.

S.Luggo August 28, 2009 at 5:04 pm

[re=397414]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Pegatha.

dogscantlookup August 28, 2009 at 5:12 pm

have fun

chascates August 28, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Congratulations! And if you have bought any yet you’ll need at least two Diaper Genies. Also a 1.75L of whatever you prefer for the day of the birth.

Hello Sunshine August 28, 2009 at 5:29 pm

I imagine half the noises Smith Jnr makes over the next six months or so will be more intelligent than Ken’s ponderings… Come back soon, SKS, you will be missed.

PS: You’re not in Kenya right now or anything are you?

trondant August 28, 2009 at 5:49 pm

What a lucky kid – there was never a mobile made out of TruckNutz in my crib.


JDHART August 28, 2009 at 5:51 pm

Congrats on getting that TO DO list taken care of for today:

1) Write witty blog.
2) Pick up booze and bacon at Whole Foods.
3) Give birth.

You go girl.

desertwind August 28, 2009 at 5:58 pm

Wishing you luck!

Lords knows, the gurgling, mewling, puking, and pooping from your wee little newborn will be less babyish than the shit from those Republican brats.

Joey Ratz August 28, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Huzzah! Congratulations! Also, getting you back in December will be the bestest Chrismas present ever!

[re=397353]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: My neighbour calls those “Irish twins”. And she should know, as she has several of them.

[re=397352]Tommmcatt[/re]: “Unimaginable Lovecraftian endless poop” would be a fantastic band name. But what genre of music would the thusly named band play?

chascates August 28, 2009 at 7:21 pm

And we expect the little blessing to be named:

Trucknutz Buttsecs Smith

ZombieRichardFeynman August 28, 2009 at 7:37 pm

Congratulations, SKS! The next dozen years will be some of the most fulfulling of your life, followed by anywhere from 5 to infinite years where you will be humbled into realizing that you really have no control and very little influence over the events of the scariest years of your life. Anyone who believes in the basic rationality or goodness of people has never had a teenager. Send ‘em all to Donkey Island. And get off my lawn.

AxmxZ August 28, 2009 at 8:08 pm

OMG, a baby Wonketteer! Congrats!!

Flanders August 28, 2009 at 9:04 pm

Listening to Mother share stories about how s/he was joyously conceived on Obama’s election night could possibly turn this child into a staunch conservative. Beware the backlash.

Numbat Dundee August 28, 2009 at 9:05 pm

So when did you start dating Levi?

AutomaticPilot August 28, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Congrats! And we shall miss your wit for sure! Enjoy the baybee.

Dog Trombone August 28, 2009 at 10:51 pm

By this time, I hope baby K is already here. But I wanted to add my belated ‘congratulations,’ my redundant ‘Lord_I’m-gonna-miss-your-morning-wit,’ and my utterly assured, ‘You’re gonna be one GREAT MOM.’ One quick word of advice from a two-time dad: After the baby’s born, DON’T BLINK! I did and now mine are 21 and 23. Srsly, it happens REALLY fast. Enjoy every minute of it.

sezme August 28, 2009 at 11:37 pm

Congratulations, Sara! This is wonderful news, although like everyone else here, I’ll miss reading the wonderful words that come out of your television-typewriter-thing. Stay healthy and happy and when the crying and pooping get you down, remember that babyhood is only a temporary phase. (But the Wonkett is forever so hurry on back!)

sezme August 28, 2009 at 11:42 pm

Also, You will be left in the capable hands of your male editors… Is there something more to Juli Weiner than we were aware of?

Long Form Def Certificate August 29, 2009 at 12:44 am

So, is this a Beavis & Butt-head Do America scenario where Newell or Layne could be the baby-father?

Or was Sanford in Argentina just a cover for being in another “A” place, Austin?

naveed August 29, 2009 at 5:04 am


flyby August 29, 2009 at 5:49 am

Congratulations Sara K., and all the very best!

house of the blue lights August 29, 2009 at 7:54 am

[re=397314]dementor[/re]: Troopa?

Frumious Canbrasnatch August 29, 2009 at 8:14 am

Congratulations, Sara. Have you considered the classic baby names? Lemonjello and Chlamydia are pretty, and you could still keep Trucknutz for a middle name.

slappypaddy August 29, 2009 at 9:18 am

whar’z dott bebe? th’ hole whirled is watchin

Boondock Saint August 29, 2009 at 10:27 am

Does your husband know? Is he pissed off at me?

teh_heysoos August 29, 2009 at 11:07 am

Well, at least we know that SOMEBODY around here is getting laid once in a while…

problemwithcaring August 29, 2009 at 1:16 pm

A baby? Really?

Well, I guess I am OK with it as long as a World Net Daily rep is there to properly document the birth.
(if your baby-daddy is African, you may need more specialized documentation. Think Lou Dobbs…)

Best of luck. Also.

skutre August 29, 2009 at 2:38 pm

You’ll have the kid shooting and drinking by December?

BeachLover August 29, 2009 at 3:18 pm

A hearty welcome to baby Charlie and many congratulations to you and your husband. Your “voice” will sorely be missed. Many smooches to the bebe!! Enjoy this beautiful time together. Cheers!!!

javelina August 29, 2009 at 7:32 pm

Congratulations, SKS! You helped make it a baby-worthy world!

Old Redneck August 30, 2009 at 11:43 pm

8 POUNDS 2 OUNCES !!!!! And she delivered this moose without chemical assistance???? Give that woman a drink !!!!! Or three.

thefrontpage August 31, 2009 at 12:48 pm

Is it true that the baby is named Prell Buick Dagger Smith?

Are those old family names?

d4g33z August 31, 2009 at 2:12 pm

I’m always the last to know.

I still crack up over the ‘hypotenuse in the love triangle’ line…

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