Wonkette
Hey look it’s an Edwards story that is *not* about how a self-regarding butthole managed to continually embarrass himself and his family of mill workers with his bathroom-dwelling, mistress-impregnating antics. It’s a nice story about Mrs. Elizabeth Edwards, and her new furniture store in Chapel Hill!
Apparently this has been a dream of hers for some time now, to run a furniture store. This seems to be a popular ambition for many Southern ladies of a certain age, on par with many twentysomething LA gals’ dreams of opening cupcake stands.
Anyway, Mrs. Edwards has a furniture store, which opened on Saturday, and naturally a bevy of reporters flocked to her store and said, “Hey, how about your husband fucking that broad? Pretty crazy, huh?” Because honestly, who cares about furniture.
Edwards opens furniture store [abc11.com]
Aw, poor lady.
Hey, would someone be a lamb and retweet the fuck out of this shit? thx.
No beds. Just too painful.
“The grand opening came as the Edwards’ family deals with a federal investigation and tabloids that don’t seem to go away.”
Segue of the day.
oh god i am sorry but I do pity this woman.
John Edwards was given plenty of camera time during the coverage of this not-even-close-to-news event. He’s in charge of bedroom sales, pee pee pads, and clean linens.
It’s clear that he and wife have not one ounce of shame, embarrassment, or remorse from trying to screw the entire country. They’d make great Republicans.
Tell her not to hire Barney Frank to sell dining room tables, somebody. He refuses to talk to them!!
emmasue: You are not alone. I do love that woman too. There is (should be) a special place in hell for John Edwards.
LEAVE…sniff…ELIZABETH ALONE!!!
What?!? Wonketteers, no “woodie” jokes yet? I’m disappointed.
All furniture comes with rating that estimates the amount of pain the furniture will inflict when smashed over the husband’s head.
What will Jenny Sanford open?
I hate to bring this up but I never got my Mark Sanford article last week- even though there is a new investigation about him accepting flights on many private planes. I mean this story is about the wife of a cheater in NC- how about the SC cheater??
Words: No, but sometimes it’s hard to find a good wood screw.
KilgoreTrout_XL:
What’s up with the “re-tweet” stuff? Is that new to My Wonkette…or did I just miss the addition at some point?
Humpback: No love seats, even.
hockeymom: MY EXACT POINT EXACTLY!
Okay, everything in three minutes, clock me: furniture mother childhood charity store japanese antiques wholesale prices daughter federal investigation mistress “you ARE the father” tabloid DNA future? store family support … time? Jesus, we left out OH! STAGE 4 CANCER! Got it in 3!
Why do the love seats have seating for 3?
finallyhappy: Ha. Beat your Sanford reference by sixty seconds and I spent a minute or two trying to think of a joke about “opening stores” being a psychological metaphor for “opening vaginas” and failing.
shadowMark: Jenny will open off-off-off Broadway in “Evita”.
God, I fucking hate cupcakes. At least, the modern day take on cupcakes. Didn’t they used to be moist?
Family, marriage, her illness: very complex, unknowable things. Who knows where the karmic payback will eventually land. All I can tell is either the Edwards’s are extremely superficial, which I doubt, or very resilient and plowing through the muck. Tis a pity.
hockeymom: Frankly if I never again hear the words Tweet, Twatter, Twitter, Tweeted, Twitted, etc. I’ll be a happy woman.
So…. who’s furniture is she selling anyway. One week, Jenny Sanford moves her belongings out of the house, two weeks later Lizzy Edwards opens a furniture store. Hmmmmmmm? I think she otta call it First Wives Furniture. Does John have a bed left?
DoctorCulturae: Who knows where the karmic payback will eventually land.
I do! It will show up in her antique furniture store:
http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/23/bedbugs-itch-itch-scratch-scratch/
Elizabeth Edwards Furniture really will…SAVE YOU MONEY!!
I’d carve a metaphorical notch in her wooden bedpost, or in lay terms, I’d hit that…
Will Liz give husband Pretty Hair a discount on cribs?
shadowMark: Answer - To this portion of the OT, over and over again: http://www.abc.net.au/rn/intothemusic/galleries/2007/2070330/full/caravaggio_painting.jpg
Will John be working in the mill where the furniture is made?
I love furniture stores, for some crazy reason.
I think the thing I love most about them is about 20% of the goods I see in them are really cool, about 30% are so-so and about 50% are what-the-hell-were-they-thinking and who-the-hell-would-buy-that-shit?
So, basically, she’s the next Gay Icon(TM)?
Does she also sell bumpers with the furniture so that Rielle’s child doesn’t hit her head on the new coffee table John bought for her?
sowbelly: You left out the dining room table and, of course, the Miiiiiill.
Guppy06: Nah. But she’s certainly in the running for the next installment of HGTV’s Design Star, Celebrity Edition.
Of course, the first two letters in Furniture are FU.
Her partners in the furniture store are Eliot Spitzer’s wife, Mark Sanford’s wife, and Larry Criag’s wife.
All the baby furniture come w/ paternity tests and hush money.
yargisbargis: I was thinking more along the lines of…
http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Michele_Bachmann
AnnieGetYourFun: Like most modern improvements, Cupcakes are all about The Look. Nobody actually eats carbs, especially 20 somethings in LA, so it’s only important that they look good, not actually function as an edible treat.
Nice picture of Mrs. Edwards. Other than that, I got nothing.
shadowMark: Travel agency, specializing in back-to-nature hikes through Appalachia and sex tours through South America.
hobospacejunkie: That’s only funny in Texas.
AnnieGetYourFun: You drop a straight line like that and I’ve got nothing. It’s going to be a long Monday.
Everyone’s sorry the Breck Girl was a lying cheater. When Elizabeth was campaigning for him, she seemed charming, well spoken, sophisticated.
But then she wrote a book about her life and Sparkin’ Johnnie, went on a book tour, and conditioned all interviews on Rielle Hunter/Lisa Dreck’s name not being spoken in said interviews.
At that point it became hard to sympathize with her anymore. Just another person whorin’ for $$$.
hockeymom: This tweeting thing is new as far as I can tell. Eds, please warn us before you do this kinda stuff, or at least confirm that it’s now cool, so we’ll like it. I was so conflicted! Thinking for myself is _hard_.
KilgoreTrout_XL: Yeah, it’s hard to be a dittohead. Twittohead? Whatevs.
shadowMark: Not her legs for Mark.
This is like a Lifetime movie starring Tess Harper and Richard Thomas.
Twats frighten me; they want me to sign up for something in order to retwit the article.
Is this like eBay? It took six months to close that account.
I love you dearly, but I don’t have the long term memory required for this twitter business.
joeybrill: The Wonkette becomes a class-oriented culture. Those who comment via comment and those who comment via Twitter. Now we can have a whole Romeo and Juliet thing when a comment Wonketeer falls in love with a Twitter Wonketeer. When they make the movie it can be Tom Hanks reunion with Meg Ryan.
V572625694: Just another person whorin’ for $$$
Maybe she’s part Swiss.
hobospacejunkie: But is it “SOFA KING” cheap?
She’s a great woman, but wow; I mean she was a true super hottie in college…; I’m just saying
shadowMark: An overflowing can o’ whupp-ass, if she’s smart.
Does she offer easy credit and low low prices? I don’t want to start repaying for like 3-4 years.
Don’t worry Lizzy, you can re-package the debt and sell it on to stupid bankers in the meantime.
Jim89048: “I’d carve a metaphorical notch in her wooden bedpost, or in lay terms, I’d hit that…”
Yeah, Elizabeth is some kind of hot with a personality to match, and she doesn’t get credit for that for some reason. Sorry, Michelle and Hillary; Elizabeth just does it for me.