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He's probably nude in St. CroixHmm, here’s a CRAZY rumor about Glenn Beck and his disappearance this week from Fox News. Nobody ever goes on “actual” vacation in August — except the French, that is — so where the hell is Glenn Beck, really?

Tipsters inside Fox News tell us Glenn Beck’s vacation this week from his Fox News show was not planned. We hear Beck was told to take this week off to let some of the heat surrounding him die down. That heat began July 28 on “Fox & Friends” when Beck said he thought Pres. Obama has “a deep-seated hatred for white people,” adding, “This guy is, I believe, a racist.”

Open and shut case, folks! Except:

Sources close to Beck have contacted TVNewser denying that this was a forced vacation. Beck’s personal publicist Matthew Hiltzik forwarded us an email dated July 14th sent by Christopher Balfe, President & COO of Mercury Radio Arts and General Manager of Beck’s radio show, addressed to Mercury Radio employees reading: “Glenn will be off of radio & TV the week of August 17th, returning to air August 24th.”

Conclusion: Glenn Beck will return to work on Monday issuing butthurt rants regarding the death of his mother, which was planned all the way back in mid-July, and which everybody really should have known about.

Glenn Beck Off This Week: Vacation or Something More? [TVNewser]

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113 COMMENTS

  1. I wasn’t even aware he was off the air. And it’s Friday! How the fuck did I miss that?!

    Oh, wait… that’s right… I don’t listen to him.

    Besides, he’s probably just in Mexico, snorting (a small, legal amount of) cocaine off his beach towel, now that it’s legal. Radio guys just LOVE nose candy.

  2. I am so glad that he is taking some time off so that will give us all time to settle down and forget all about what a douchebag he is. Because we all have the attention span of, say, Palin. He will be able to return to work refreshed and without all these lefties yammering about his little inconsistencies.

  3. Jon Stewart & that Colbert fellow are now taking 3 weeks off. They must have called the president a poopy-diapered stinky pants for that kind of punishment.

  4. He might even have had time to go shopping for new majik undies during his “vacation”, so when he returns he will be all “refreshed” and such.

  5. [re=392264]the problem child[/re]: Or maybe he just went to some temple to baptize the bones of Obama’s ancestors, thereby posthumously converting Obama from Muslin to Mormon?

  6. He’s going to see whether people who produce “Obama = Hitler” have enough revenue apart from balls of twine and large drums of pork n’ beans to become nationwide advertisers.

  7. I had no idea that Glen Beck was French. What’s next? He’ll reveal his abiding passion for Belgian Endive? He’s in danger of losing his secret Teabagger decoder ring.

  8. [re=392269]Hawaiiexpat[/re]:

    Nary a mention of trucknutz on that whole site! I do suspect that a Wonketteer left the message describing Beck as a special ed kid, though.

  9. I think he’s gone underground. It’s a signal to all tea-loving militants that the revolution has started. No turning back now. WOLVERINES!!!

  10. Grand Central Terminal restroom with a hammer and sickle drawn on his forehead backwards with what turns out to be his own lipstick raving about being mugged by Communist Islamic Hippies, in one week.

    Sigh. A guy can dream, can’t he?

  11. I picture a Bekc vacay as him sitting in a diaper, wearing a breath mask huffing on helium/oxygen/nitrous and screaming “MOMMMMIIIIIIIII!!!” a la Frank Booth of Blue Velvet.

  12. [re=392279]Rodney Badger[/re]:

    What’s this “too early to start drinking” nonsense all about?

    Yes just remember that when it’s morning in America it’s just becoming dark somewhere else.

    Funny, that.

  13. Glenn is somewhere preparing for his apotheosis on 9/12. I’m not sure of the specifics of what’s involved, but I hear he’s looking for a doctor who can implant a large pair of leathery wings on his shoulders.

  14. he’s off having a gender reassignment surgery to patch up his feminine feelings. He’ll be back next week looking like Aunt Bea from the old Andy Griffith Show. Then Kate Smith will contact him from the dead and ask to borrow a dress. The end.

  15. secret sexy times rendezvous with Kristen Atkinson?

    [re=392286]Uncertainty Vice-Principal[/re]: When I lived in Paris, a friend of mine thought it HILARIOUS that he’d be coming home from the bars here (2 a.m. his time) just as I was getting up to get ready for classes there (about 8 a.m.). Although that was the first (but sadly, and oddly, not the last) time I’ve ever gotten an 8 a.m. drunk dial…

  16. IT IS Friday- Wonkette editors – until one of these actually happens- I need a Mark Sanford story, or the Palin Divorce or the death of a FOx Media whore. A Beck vacation is not enough.

  17. [re=392269]Hawaiiexpat[/re]: There is supposed to be a post from Kristen Atkinson on there saying that “Jesus sent Glenn to protect her from the mean basterds at Wonkette.com.” Guess it didn’t get past the moderator…

  18. [re=392269]Hawaiiexpat[/re]: Man, none of mine are getting posted today. I don’t understand why. I was just trying to explain to these morans what the concept of freedom of speech actually means and why Beck’s isn’t, actually, in jeopardy at all. I was very nice. I never even once corrected any of them on their use of “your” when they mean “you’re” or similar third-grade-level mistakes.

  19. [re=392285]irisheyesagain[/re]: see I thought she came off looking like a nut on the broadcast! I could not believe what a twit she was. I actually sent it to tips so we could make fun of her.

  20. [re=392331]Redhead[/re]: They let this slip in: “I’ve never used Geico but I may have to send them some to thank them for their good taste in pulling their ads from your show.” Maybe they were confused by the number of correctly spelled words.

  21. [re=392293]Redhead[/re]:

    I hear you. The Kerry-Bush debates still live in my memory as having taken place at 3 am, since that’s when I got up to watch them streaming. I couldn’t shake the odd feeling that all these fresh faced people were up and milling around the debate hall in the middle of the night back there.

    I’ve been here since before Bush was elected the first time, and sometimes the whole nightmarish past decade seems like something I saw through the wrong end of a telescope, like that opening line in Fahrenheit 9/11, “Was it all a dream?” which was more perfect for me than MM could have realized.

  22. It’s time for Glen’s annual alien anal probe and electro shock therapy . Not because he needs to , it’s just one of his guilty pleasures.

  23. [re=392269]Hawaiiexpat[/re]: My post from “Anita Handjob, Blue Ball, PA: I will boycott any company that boycotts a show because boycotts are wrong…etc., etc.” didn’t make it through the moderator.

    I think the way to go on this one is waay overboard supporting Glenn. What is the sappyest message of support they will post? It is possible to go too far? My money says “Nope.”

  24. SO if no one takes a vacation in August but the French that explains why Obama is going on one this weekend. Let me explain this for you libs, the French are socialist, Obama is a socialist, so …..oh never mind you guys will never understand.

  25. Well, the e-mail from Glenn’s PR team proves he planned his vacation, since we all know it’s technically impossible to change the date on a computer.

  26. Glenn Beck, Glenn Beck… oh, yeah, didn’t he play goalie for the Blackhawks when they had Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita? No? Oh, that was Glenn Hall, I think. Glenn Beck — that skinny guy who writes those fairly interesting songs and keeps trying to be the Brecht-Weill of rock? Just Beck, I see… Glenn Beck, Glenn Beck…

  27. [re=392385]Tundra Grifter[/re]:
    Try to get this past their mods.

    Aziz al-Nistani, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
    Brother Beck is truly a soldier of Allah. Woe to those who would silence him!

  28. [re=392269]Hawaiiexpat[/re]: You know it was absolutely delightful to have access to all of his advertisers so that they could get my emails of love and support for Glenn.

  29. [re=392395]Notalib[/re]: I love you so much and hope you never leave. It’s like we’re a snarky team who makes fun of raging wingnut lunatics, and you’re the buck toothed, toe-lacking mascot dressed up to really look like one who runs out onto the field during the seventh inning stretch and chases hotdogs around the base paths as hilarity ensues.

  30. [re=392395]Notalib[/re]: I think I get it, but just need your help: Is it that anyone who vacations in August is a Socialist? or that all Socialists vacation together?

  31. [re=392279]Rodney Badger[/re]: sometimes it’s too early to start drinking simply because you haven’t stopped from the last time, or as my people call it, yesterday.

    You can’t start what you haven’t stopped.

  32. I’m guessing that if Beck is on a “forced” vacation that he will return when his former advertisers return from their “vacations”.

  33. [re=392259]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Stewart and Colbert gone for three weeks? Fuck. I DVR them then watch them at night while I’m getting ready for bed. (This teevee watching practice means I get the show a week or two late. Still funny, though.)

    Now what will I watch while I brush my teeth with scubby night time paste and a big brush. Then floss well. Then brush with smooth paste and a small toothbrush? (I have no dental insurance. Could cha’ tell?)

    In three weeks, my teeth will rot out of my head. Thank goodness for Chelsea Lately. Words, btw, seldom uttered. Hey, now that we’re (me) talking about Chelsea Handler, the day Palin resigned CH said her fantasy was for SP to host Deadliest Catch. My fantasy is Ice Road Truckers. If Todd chips in, she could do both. Although CH said that if Palin doesn’t quit giving public speeches, C’s show is the only one Palin will be able to get a guest slot on.

    OK, off-topic but I did a hive inspection and some heavy lifting and I’m achy (limited prescription drug coverage, as well–fuck you, Republicans. Eat shit and die, Grassley, Snow, Other-Guy-Whose-Name-Isn’t-Ensign-But-Sounds-Kind-Of-LikeI-It) and just popped the first pain pill of the day. Cheers!

  34. [re=392262]Norbert[/re]: ” NPR, you never go”

    Don’t even mention Beck and NPR. I’ve been bitching in emails to “The Takeaway” because they don’t have that charming, funny black woman with an English accent on anymore (Pheme Oke? I can’t spell it) and have been foisting that Republican bitch Amy Holmes on me. I do not listen to that show anymore–if I want to listen to Holmes get smarmy, bullshit Repubtard hits in I’ll watch her on Faux News when she replaces Glenn “Head Up His Ass” Beck.

    Okay, my narcotic driven rant just suggested the real reason Beck is off work. He’s doing hard time on John Boner’s tanning bed to burn off the pimples on his sun-deprived face that’s been up his ass forever. Okay, not funny, but I’m enjoying myself, so fuck everyone else. Clearly, what’s going on in my head really can’t be expressed anywhere but on wonket.

  35. [re=392276]Terry[/re]: “Nary a mention of trucknutz on that whole site!”

    Fixed. The Glen Beck in the 8th ring of hell made it through the moderator. Mine should, as well. It’s very modulated.

  36. Well, the Appalachian Trail runs through the northeast as well as the southeast, so…

    But seriously, who is this tiny man? I’d never heard of him until he wrote some column about university endowments that was about the most stunningly ignorant thing I’d ever read.

  37. I’m either supposed to believe sources inside Fox News, or Glenn Beck sources.

    My mind is about to explode.

    The truth is that Glenn has been shuffled off to a FEMA consentration camp. The question is, will his re-education hold?

  38. [re=392623]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “The truth is that Glenn has been shuffled off to a FEMA consentration camp. The question is, will his re-education hold?”

    With Michele Bachcrazy’s son, you think?

  39. [re=392623]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: “The truth is that Glenn has been shuffled off to a FEMA consentration camp. The question is, will his re-education hold?”

    Re?

  40. It’s hard to see if some of the Support Wall comments are parody or not:

    Lea Sylvester, Huntsville, AL
    I’ve stopped using any of the advertisers who pulled their ads (if I used them at all).

    CLASSIC!

    ANN SMITH, COBB, CA
    HI GLENN: I LOVE YOUR SHOW. I DVR IT TO DVD’S EACH DAY TO ARCHIVE FROM MY GRANDCHILD. I WANT HER TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HER COUNTRY WHILE SHE WAS JUST AN INFANT AND THAT HER GRANDMOTHER “STOOD UP”, QUESTIONED BOLDLY, AND SPOKE WITHOUT FEAR.”
    5765 of 5772

    SCAREY! VERY SCAREY!

    Sheri LaBrant, Troy, AL
    I really enjoy your show. You back up your opinions with facts…and you are VERY funny! I really appreciate you testing out the raw cookie dough so your viewers would not get salmonella! :)
    5753 of 5772

    GLENN IS A BRAVE, BRAVE LAD! NOT EVERYONE HAS TO JOIN THE ARMY TO PROVE IT, EITHER!

    Matt Langlois, Naples, FL
    I agree with 99% of what you talk about! I’ll Boycott the Boycotterers!!
    5746 of 5772

    SEE WHAT I MEAN?

    Matila Shruggleford, Pineville, LA
    Glenn, everytiime i see your picture i just want to grab your chubby cheeks and give them a twist. you make me wet.
    5733 of 5772

    DOES THAT HAVE WONKETTE WRITTEN ALL OVER IT OR WHAT?

    Dam Tired, Atlanta, GA
    Beck Do us all a favor and just go away
    5730 of 5772

    ONE IS BOUND TO SLIP THROUGH…MAYBE IT WAS THAT COOKIE DOUGH!

    Mary Joad, Sallisaw, OK
    If you need advertisers to replace Walmart, I think the company that produces TruckNutz would be a perfect fit for your target audience.
    5729 of 5772

    GO WONKETTE GO!

    Dick Van Dyke, Hollywood, TN
    How did fellow wise man Michael Savage Weiner describe you? A hemorrhoid with eyes? While you’re away, think of all kinds of crazy stuff for we, your loving fans, to lap up like dirty bath water! We love you Beckkkums!
    5720 of 5772

    MARK LEVIN LOVES HIM TOO!

    Ima Tard, Dungville, Tx
    Keep up the good work Glen! Thank you so much for doing our thinking for us , and keeping nasty things like reality and facts out of our conciousness. Everyone knows that facts and reality have a liberal bias.
    5712 of 5772

    Fred Chitwood, Rex, GA
    Keep on telling the truth! If the old House Un-American Activities Committee was still around today most of the leadership of the democrat party would be in prison. Wake up America, read your Constitution.
    5705 of 5772

    A PERSONAL FAVORITE.

    An astonishing number of people are right behind Glenn, have his back, etc. Who knew he was a bottom?

  41. [re=392693]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Sheri LaBrant, Troy, AL
    I really enjoy your show. You back up your opinions with facts…and you are VERY funny! I really appreciate you testing out the raw cookie dough so your viewers would not get salmonella!
    5753 of 5772

    GLENN IS A BRAVE, BRAVE LAD! NOT EVERYONE HAS TO JOIN THE ARMY TO PROVE IT, EITHER!

    This is actually true. Mittens’ boys all get GI Bill benefits after working to help their father be elected Presnit. We take care of those who take care of ‘Murika!

  42. BINGO!

    Obie Jackson, Queens, NY
    Glenn: I used to worry that I was one of the gays. Every day I listen to you and Sean and Mark and Rush and all of you got me out of it. My prayers to Jesus straightend me out and Im much better now. Thank you! PS: I don’t shop at Walmart any more. It’s tough not too but were going to make it.
    5798 of 5789

    – I was worried “Queens” would be a dead giveaway. And, of course, “straigtend me out…”

    Apparently not!

  43. [re=392385]Tundra Grifter[/re]: I have no idea if I made it because I couldn’t figure out how to go to the most recent ones and didn’t want to waste much time on the petition. I tried a second one, but they wanted money for their site and I’m not parting with my $2.00 just to fuck with Beck’s adoring fans.

    If you read the petition that started this thread, let me know if Mary Joad’s recommendation on Trucknutz being the perfect sponsor for his targeted audience to replace Walmart made it onto the site.

    Mine was so earnest, in fact, that Faux News may be following up on it.

  44. [re=392693]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Thank you so much. Now I don’t have to read the petition:

    “Mary Joad, Sallisaw, OK
    If you need advertisers to replace Walmart, I think the company that produces TruckNutz would be a perfect fit for your target audience.”
    5729 of 5772′

    GO WONKETTE GO!

    BTW–My name isn’t Joad, and I don’t live in Sallisaw, just in case crazed Glen Beck fans are lurking on this thread and intend to stalk me. Because, you know, ironically, here in the Dust Bowl, we have many Glen B. fans. Who have no idea it’s ironic.

  45. [re=392791]DustBowlBlues[/re]: After you “sign” the support petition, you are forwarded to a page that will permit you to make a donation via PayPal. Just hit “Refresh,” then Back to the signatures and you’ll find your name and comment right there.

    At least, that has always worked for me (well, almost always – I think U.B. Dreamings’ comments were lost).

    I got up “They can have my TruckNutz when they pry them from my cold dead fingers.”

    Frankly, the petitions are low-hanging fruit (if you’ll pardon the Borat-like expression). The Support Wall is far more of a challenge – can we out-parody reality? Regarding some of those comments I’d like to say “you just can’t make this stuff up.” I can’t, however, because I already have…

  46. [re=392768]Tundra Grifter[/re]: I read that one and wondered whether it was legitimate, esp. the part of about how hard it was to boycott Whitetrashmart.

  47. ken layne and glenn beck: never photographed together. COINCIDENCE?! Also: if you shave Layne’s neck-beard and take off his ‘hipster-meets-cop’ sunglasses, doesn’t the resulting profile look mighty like a certain chubby baby-faced media sensation? Also, RHYMING PROVES THINGS: Ken / Glenn. THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE

  48. I do recommend reading the Support Wall comments. Priceless! And the fuzzy area between parody and reality gets bigger and bigger and bigger and…

    DBB: The other give-away was the spelling of “straightend.” And “too,” of course. And “were.” Just trying to keep it real!

  49. [re=392800]Tundra Grifter[/re]: Support Glenn was a lot easier before they “took the forums down” for a day or so to install fancy moderatin! We could upload pictures and use any kind of HTML tag. Now you can add BOLDS pretty easily too.

    I called glenn “Certifiable,” and it got through. Gopherit also left one from John W. Gacy of Chicago telling glenn: “Don’t let those clowns get you down!”

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