Wonkette
- THAT WAS LIKE HIROSHIMA AND RWANDA AND ANTIETAM COMBINED, TIMES DRESDEN, SQUARED: If you put your ear close enough to the monitor, you can actually hear the screams of devastation and carnage. The smoke from the wreckage can be seen from several Internet towns away. We ultimately decided not to include this warning to Kristen at the end of that post, and it’s definitely too late now, but for good measure: KRISTEN: If you’re one of those people who gets offended when anonymous commenters on one of the Internet’s blogs say mean things about you, then you simply should not read this thread. Also, George W. Bush ruined the country/world.
Um, so this is a story about how another blog wrote about your earlier story, which was about your earlier story? Sorry, I’ve run out of snark on this topic.
As I’ve said before, this is why we can never have anything nice.
Nice job, folks.
Although I do have one gripe. I step out for a dentist appointment and all hell breaks loose. By the time I got back, it was all over, except for the part where we go through the pockets of the dead…
I would’ve said something meaner and sooner, but that letter gave my cerebellum a case of vapor lock. I have encountered people who actually talk and think like that before — but usually they’re wearing three coats and a knit cap and pushing a shopping cart full of valuable found art up the street on their way to the plasma center.
Are sure this Kristen is real? I mean, can anyone be that out of touch with reality and function well enough to turn on a computer much less write a somewhat coherent article?
Oh, the humanity!
SayItWithWookies: Which is different from the typical ClownHall blogger how, exactly?
Somewhere Barbara Streisand is laughing nasally at poor Kristen.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streisand_effect
BTW: if the KRAZY shoe fits then wear it proud, dumbass.
SayItWithWookies: Ditto the encounters, but while I’m working on a locked unit.
Hrmn. I went back to read her “article” again but it appears to be gone/busted/hastily deleted.
Jim, you mean you’re giving us another shot at her? Why this is more fun than last Saturday night’s gang-bang out back of the Dothan Southern Baptist Fellowship Hall!! Yee-haw!!!
Ha ha, Kristen. You came & you gave without taking. And we metaphorically bashed you to death against the rocks like a baby seal. A very stupid baby seal who desrves to be held up for ridicule for all the world to see. Before being smashed to death, metaphorically, against the rocks. Perhaps this will teach you not to be a gullible, mean-spirited, lying fuckface of a troll. But we’re not holding our collective breath, you fucking idiot.
I think Jim is just goading Kristen so she’ll write another wonderful letter to the editor.
Come on Kristen. Write to us. WRITE TO US!!!!
Ha! And to think I thought I was getting in while the gettin’ was good, in the first 100 or so comments. The rest of you wonderful people were just gettin’ stahhhted.
Kristen,
I’m still waiting for my sandwich. And pop out those babies for Jesus.
This calls for a blingee.
Kristen, maybe “Endora” Robinson can bake you up a nice bag of dicks. You can eat them all at once, or save them to break your fast. Ramadan starts Saturday. Get with the program. الله أكبر
Hey Kristen, when’s dinner? And where’s my beer?
Anonymous sources (named George W. Bush and Jesus H. Christ) have informed me that Kristen Atkinson sucks Satan’s cock every morning, right after she brushes her teeth. I dare you to refute this fact.
Are we wee-weed up yet?
C’mon, Krissy. Strap on those magic golden Jesus balls and shower us in disapproval. Yesss, a golden Jesus shower.
Kristen is a fake. If she were real, she would by now be governor of some big state with sixteen citizens. Or representing Minnesota.
I thought we were rather restrained and genteel.
/adjusts collar on smoking jacket
What I’m wondering is how Kristen was able to e-mail from a universe where George prevented 9/11, saved New Orleans, and didn’t determine which country to invade by drawing names out a hat.
I am thinking Kristin may have grown up in Miami like me where during the 80’s the local news was constantly reporting about Santaria chicken sacrifices in homes throughout the city. You all have no idea what that does to a kid, to think of all those chickens being murdered. Perhaps we need to send Kristen over to Camp Liz B. so she can toughen up a bit.
I said it before and I’ll say it again. This is how it will go down.
Threatned lawsuit, threatened boycot, email containing passive agressive apology and a plea to “stop mocking me,” more mocking, more drugs.
Sussemilch: no one mentioned TruckNutz, so yes, we were quite classy, I would say.
I smell a Coultergeist.
But wait, Sarah Palin’s been out of the news for 4 days now…
Hey… She has a blog.
http://atkinsonsadvice.blogtownhall.com/2009/08/15/witchcraft_in_the_white_house.thtml
Kristen, honey, you aren’t going to believe this.
I was strolling by the White House and there was a mysterious dark lady wandering the grounds.
She was carrying a dead, decapitated chicken in her right hand, and a human skull in her left.
A snake was curled around her head.
She was speaking in tongues too.
Feel free to share your thoughts Kristy.
SomeNYGuy: Now that’s utterly preposterous. She’d wanta brush her teeth after sucking Satan’s cock, not before.
SomeNYGuy: Unfortunately the typical ClownHaller manages to find his way to his polling place every Tuesday after the first Monday in November. Aside from that, no difference.
I just want Iolanthe to take another stab at her. I’m done for the day, but Io seemed to dance on her grave for hours and hours and hours…
it’s like your daughter at her first soiree; she enjoyed the evening so much, and never wanted those moments to pass by…
PrairiePossum: You’re lying. My mother hasn’t been to D.C. in years.
You people are pathetic! Can’t you see?! “Don’t you know what fate could befall our nation as a result of allowing Satanic forces to gather over the White House?”
… Satanic forces besides Dick Cheney, that is.
Why can’t you wake up and smell the cow’s blood?
PrairiePossum: and her hair was perfect…oooooowooo, voodoo in the Whitehouse…
not one of my finer works, but meh:
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_code/97454368?image=483831345
Kristen’s panties are obviously in a bunch. Please excuse me while me and my voodoo doll
take a long hot shower.
Wonkette at its finest.
I’M READY FOR MY NEXT ASSIGNMENT, JIM! GIVE IT TO MEEEEEE
Yeah, c’mon, Kristen. We mocked you again. We know we are but what are YOU?!?
I actually just pity the girl. She just doesn’t get it. One sign of brainwashing is the constant insistence that anyone who disagrees with you is brainwashed. Ergo, this poor chick must have had a HELL of a childhood. Is my guess.
I love all of you, you rotten little bastards.
SayItWithWookies: She’d wanta brush her teeth after sucking Satan’s cock, not before.
How can you be so ignorant? Satan prefers Kristen’s mouth to be fresh and clean — and Kristen likes to relish the demon-y flavor all day long.
It’s a shame really - she was so hot in Sex and the City -
lemprika: Personally, it makes me hungry for KFC.
PrairiePossum: There is a snake coiling around this witch’s head:
http://twitpic.com/cqr9d
She’s gone. Are you happy!?!
Denby is going to be PISSED~!
Kristen, honey, it’s a cruel world outside of Sunday School (and a pretty cruel world inside Sunday School, you should hear what Sister Mary Beth has been saying about you), and this Wonkettia here is a pit of snakes, a vipers’ brood. If you had any clue how monumentally you have been lied to and manipulated all your life, you might have a breakdown. Or an epiphany. Put down your Bible now, you don’t understand it, anyway. And put down that gun, it’s not Pastor Pederasty’s fault, he’s been just as much gulled as you have.
Come here, I want to show you something. Two things. First, see that? That building over there? That’s a library, and it is filled with a wealth of knowledge and truth beyond your wildest imaginings (even beyond those wild night-time waking fantasies you have of Bobby Joe; yes, we all know about those, you have no secrets here, but it’s all right, many of us have those same wild fantasies about Bobby Joe). Go on up to that library door. Knock, and it shall open. Ask that librarian for help, and you shall receive. Seek for learning in the stacks, and you shall find.
And here, here’s the second thing. See this? It’s the Kingdom of God. It’s within you, and it doesn’t look at all like what you probably expected.
SayItWithWookies: But Satan would want her to brush her teeth before getting his cock sucked. Especially her mouth.
I think that Kristen hit paydirt here. She has been envying all the attention Sarah and Bachnutz get whenever they whine, and she is just following their modeling, and we all fell for it. Now that we have beat her about the head and shoulders, let’s hope she just crawls away and whimpers for a while, and doesn’t make a return a visit. And if she does, . . . I was going to say let’s just ignore her, but I know better than to think we’d let her go without another snarkletting.
Bet wears blue eye shadow and an ankle bracelet. Together. For dressy days.
slappypaddy:
I thought we were more like a school of sharks that go into a frenzy at the smell of stupid, kray kray krazee and stupid kray kray krazee blood in the water.
Let’s all take a hint from Dan Savage and next time we’re having teh geyh buttseks and get a bloody mixture of stool and semen results, let’s exclaim “Oh, damn! We’ve gotten some Kristen on the pillowcase!”
Kristen Atkinson is no Liz Becton. Liz Becton would EAT Kirsten Atkinson for a snack with her coffee.
hobospacejunkie: Don’t you get it? It’s hip to be square.
Before I make sweet love to my AR15, I have one more thing to say to Kristen.
Heil Hilter!!
Wonkette ACCUSED this good Christian woman of BEING A BLACK WITCH without citing any evidence or sources, pretty much encouraging Christians to go out and burn/drown her. How low can you go, wonkette people?
Oh, unless that was Kristen who accused a sweet old lady of being a demon. Cause whoever did that should be immersed in holy water and gasoline to see if she’s really on Jesus’s side. Also.
ManchuCandidate: yeah, that, too, but you gotta talk to those xtians with phrases they’ll understand. possibly understand, a little, maybe, i should say.
ella: And a smile, right?
I concur that the link to Kristen’s blog has been scrubbed completely of all vestiges of the stupid. I am betting that either she was one of Sean Hannity’s sock puppets or she’s a real person who will show up on the police blotter with a backwards W “carved into her face by her mysterious mugger from Wonkett. Congrats to all, beer summit in Ken’s backyard at 11.
I hate to admit this, but there are a couple of people like Kristen in my family (yeah, the South)… the difference is they’re all over 80 and on Medicare, which they refuse to believe is run by the government. You can’t talk to them; they’re like the twits who believe the world was made in 6 days, w/rest on 7th….. (sigh)
Humpback: Now they can do another story about the comments from this post, commenting on the Raw Story post, commenting on the Wonkette posts, commenting on Kirsten’s original article.
FMA: OT but just popped into head
http://cheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=5015252
Fuck. I take one day out to do at least a couple of hours of productive work and, like the wonkeratti said above, all hell breaks loose, hilarity ensues and I miss it.
Had I commented on her “you’re so mean” email, I would’ve pointed out how adorable it was that she sent it to Ken (using his given name only, as if he’s some asshat who doesn’t deserve to be addressed as Mr. Layne) and then cc’s Jim (who, by his umbrella picture, is still in his teens, so using his first name was fine) as if Ken is going to totally keep her little missive a secret and, goddamit, she’s going to blow the whistle on his little humor blog and make sure his assistant knows all about what he’s a part of.
She clearly doesn’t realize that the meanness was just wonkette hazing. Had she been a good sport about it, she could be hanging out with the wonkeratti and saying funny things about crazy Tom Delay and the lying sack of shit president sent by the god of carnage and ignorance to fuck up the world.
But really, don’t you think she’s reading this? I mean, it’s like a train wreck in her little world and she can’t take her beady little eyes away.
Downtheroadapiece: I tried to read it, as well, but couldn’t find it. I went on to comment because I assume that Ken wouldn’t compromise wonkette’s journalistic standards by exaggerating or misrepresenting her little blog post. Because that would be mean.
Shouldn’t all the mean girls and mean guys on Wonkette apologize to poor Kristen? After all, she posted an e-mail address on her Townhall blog, so you all should send her your apologies directly to: kristenatkinson@illinois.usa.com
DustBowlBlues: So, in that spirit of openness and acceptance, WELCOME KRISTEN!
DustBowlBlues: The Freepertards have got it.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2318100/posts?page=91
Downtheroadapiece: “Stories continue to mention that Obama is a Christian. Does anyone know when or where he was baptized? He won’t produce his birth certificate and it seems plausible that he doesn’t have a baptismal certificate either.
I have not heard or read about anyone in the media asking when he was baptized.”
Plz tell me that’s snark.
sludjbunni: Kinky.
And this bit of Freeper gold:
“Give me a break. If the media would actually do its job and report and investigate the Liberals then I would agree with you but until I see the MSM do an actual indept REAL hardball report on anyone on the left I will be forced to belive things like this….”
Doesn’t this commie fucktard know what profits trump journalistic ethics/standards in a free-market economy? Why does Free Republic hate America?!
SomeNYGuy: No, no, no. Brushes teeth with cock. Your science is defeated.
Does Ken, Jim or Sara just make up this shit because they know this is the kind of thing that causes us to respond with our most inspired hilarity because I live in Oklahoma and even I’m having a hard time believing anyone can be as–stupid isn’t enough–how about freakishly insanely ignorant as Kristen claims to be?
Or do they make Young Riley write this crap for townhall? If so, whatever wonkette’s paying the lad, it isn’t nearly enough.
DustBowlBlues: Imagining Riley chained to a computer while SKS whips him.
“TYPE, MONKEY!!!1 TYPE!!!!!!11″
I miss all the fun stuff.
If she thinks that’s mean, I hope she isn’t a Carly Fiorina fan:
http://www.karlaforsenate.com
Don Juanquete: Not for lack of trying…she’s posted some rambling mooseshit about the US sending tax monies to support Brazilian offshore drilling. However our-lady-of-eternal-umbrage got her facts confused with reality once again. She’s probably coming down from that hit of bad acid (you know, the one where she saw Putin’s disembodied head floating over her house threatening to eat her young).
You know, this was almost as good as the evisceration of ol’ B face. High quality stuff people.
Look, I know Satan, and he bashes out people’s teeth before they suck his his thorny three-headed, trident cock. Sheesh!
I think you goys are confusing him with Karl Rove.
Oh man… I had to work today and I missed the all the fun ‘n games but I’d like to say “well done” amigos. I think one of the wealthier among us should spring for tickets to Wichita, KS so we can send Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church home in shame.
And confidential to Kristen: Don’t listen to any of these jerks. I think your blog is shitty. I mean THE SHIT!
DustBowlBlues & Downtheroadapiece: If you want to find it in its original home, you can also google, “townhall + kristen + atkinson” and click on the cache instead of the usual link. I think you then have to scroll to the bottom of the page. It is all that you could wish for (and more).
Johnny Zhivago: It takes a special brand of hatred to post a site dedicated to a complete stranger who wants to be your senator. Carly being the object of the scorn, I salute the industrious web master/mistress.
ManchuCandidate: It’s gone!
What’s there says “The page you requested cannot be found, since we’re busy trying to hide this fuckwit’s byline from the world and ourselves…”
Downtheroadapiece: I love the way the more intellectual of the freepertards caution that this story of sweet little Marian Robinson being a witch should be checked out before anyone gives credence to it. Right. That subs for rational thought in their pea-brained universe.
DustBowlBlues: Thank you… Said webmaster says spread the news widely…
so yeah reporting from the future here and you all pretty much destroyed every link connected with kristen.
nice work warblog.
have you heard about something called ‘NATION BUILDING’, hmmmm??? ‘STATE BUILDING’??? do you think about the consequences of your aggressive behavior?? do you think about possibly using that aggression in the aftermath of a conflict to underpin an enduring transition to democracy???
no i thought not.
rock on kids.
http://atkinsonsadvice.blogtownhall.com/Blog/Default.aspx:
“The page you requested cannot be found.
We are sorry for the inconvenience.”
Jeez, Wonkett, do you think EVERYTHING is funny? Even crashing this poor patriot’s blog?!?!
That was kinda like watching that last scene in Scarface…except Kristen was Tony Montana…;)
Yeah, I love the voodoo that you to sooo welll…
Kristen’s mouthwash by Massengill.
Coulter will do Voodoo to oppose Health Care Reform:
http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/200908200046
They might scrub her from the entire site, but Good ole Google cache has her column:
http://74.125.93.132/search?q=cache:jB4gWX8ln6QJ:atkinsonsadvice.blogtownhall.com/2009/08/15/witchcraft_in_the_white_house.thtml+%22kristen+atkinson%22+voodoo&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=ca&client=firefox-a
(sorry about the insanely long URL)
Jukesgrrl: The Sixth Fuckface District of Minnesota, Ms. My Representative is Keith Ellison thank you.
I didn’t think you could even torture words like that out a blogger.
Hard to believe she’s real. If she is real, I hope she doesn’t own a handgun.
The more I think about it, her fakeness/realness will probably be highly dependent on how easy it is for one to procure blog-space on ClownHall. If anybody can do it, we were probably punked, as it reads like Jesus’ General or (the internet version of) Jon Swift.
Downtheroadapiece: someone there seems be insinuating that kristin was a plant….
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2318100/posts?q=1&;page=51
anybody got any more on her ?
GreatOldOnesParty: Hotttt.
so my fellow Wonketters, hows that conversation with the dining room table coming?
Holy shit. Just when I thought the Freepers couldn’t get crazier…read this, from a woman (for lack of a better word) interested in “Politic’s”
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2318100/posts?page=151#151
Supposedly, this is Kristen Atkinson…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/projecthotseat08/2945284840/
Though it’s hard to spot the plug that keeps the shit from pouring out of her.
MissM: buncha honkies
MissM: Well, either she is a fake conservative, or I’m guessing there are two Kristen Atkinsons (actually, there are three on linkedin alone). Did you read the signs in that photostream? They are rallying for a Democratic candidate.
the problem child: I did, and wondered about that too. I saw that on Freeper earlier today, before my gag reflex finally kicked in.