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NOT REALLY THOUGH

Also, The Health & Human Services Building Is Blowing Up

Ol' Joker knew how to get a job doneWe were so excited to see a tip in our inbox with the subject line, “Explosion at HHS Building,” because buildings? Blowing up? Dead bodies? HELLO, PAGEVIEWS! $$$$$$! But, alas, it was just “small explosion” a repairman caused while working on something. No one was hurt, no fires. LAME SANDWICH.

What happened, Mr. Ned, and also how did you send this e-mail from the future?

From: News, HHS (OS)
Date: Thu, Aug 20, 2009 at 3:07 PM
Subject: Urgent Message
To: “HHS-STAFF-URGENT-METRODC@LIST.NIH.GOV”

From: Ned Holland, Assistant Secretary for Administration and Management
To: Hubert H. Humphrey Building Employees

You may have felt the building shake in the last few minutes. We had a failure of a piece of electrical equipment on the 8th floor which resulted in a small explosion. No one was hurt and there was no fire. We still are trying to assess the impact on the building systems, but there is no need to evacuate. Appropriate people from the General Services Administration (our landlord) are on their way to assess the damage to the equipment. When we have more information, we will be back in touch with everyone in the building.

Thank you,

E.J. (”Ned”) Holland, Jr.
Asst. Secretary for Administration & Management
U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services

RNC web ad saying “Why should we trust these bureaucrats with our health care when they can’t even stop their own building from exploding?” in 3… 2… 1…

HHS Building Evacuated After Minor Explosion [Washington Post]


2:18 PM on Thu August 20 2009
By Jim Newell
2456 Views

  1. NEVER FORGET.

  2. HoboNutz says at 2:25 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Obama’s first terrorisms attack?

  3. TimeCubist says at 2:26 pm, August 20th, 2009

    HHS is in the HHH building? Henghhh…

  4. SayItWithWookies says at 2:27 pm, August 20th, 2009

    This is the sort of thing you have to expect when you bring the Gitmo terrorists to the United States. Dick Cheney was right — again!

  5. Downtheroadapiece says at 2:27 pm, August 20th, 2009

    I’d figured Sebelius’ head exploded from all the insanity she’s surrounded by currently.

  6. What the hell happened with that timestamp? Wait…

    Evacuate the HHS building NOW, it will detonate in thirty minutes.

  7. KilgoreTrout_XL says at 2:29 pm, August 20th, 2009

    “It accepts the finding of the HHS death panel or else it gets the hose with electroshock flesh-explosion rays again.”

  8. V572625694 says at 2:29 pm, August 20th, 2009

    HHS = Welfare = right-wing death squads sending blinding bolts of energy into every service panel! It’s finally beginning!

  9. Poopley J. Crandleberry says at 2:30 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Right Wing Conspiracy Group Checklist

    Step 1. - Bring guns and truck nutz to Obama town hall. Check

    Step 2. - Blow up ACORN re-education center within HHS building. Check

    Step 3. - Blow up federal building in Oklahoma City, oh wait! Its already gone! silly us.

  10. Madaloon says at 2:30 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Whenever I read the word “assess” I read “asses.”

  11. The Station Manager says at 2:32 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Madaloon: You just need to try to finish the word, dear Madaloon.

  12. I wouldn’t call any explosion that shook the building “small”. I smell cover-up!!!

  13. shadowMark says at 2:38 pm, August 20th, 2009

    orange: What? That in “The Dark Knight” the Joker blew up a lot of buildings?

  14. Aurelio says at 2:38 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Is this a slow news day or what?

  15. iantenna says at 2:40 pm, August 20th, 2009

    how do you get from e.j. to ned in one move?

  16. Extemporanus says at 2:42 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Min: Indeed!

    There’s video of the explosion that “Ned” doesn’t want you to see!

  17. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 2:45 pm, August 20th, 2009

    See, this is what happens when you distract a voodoo priestess from sacrificing the correct chicken to its proper orisha. THANKS FOR NOTHING, KRISTEN ATKINSON.

  18. Longform says at 2:46 pm, August 20th, 2009

    iantenna: The E is mostly likely for Edward. Ned’s a nickname for Edward.

    Or is that two moves?

  19. Extemporanus says at 2:49 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Downtheroadapiece: That would probably look something like THIS.

  20. queeraselvis v 2.0: Next thing we know, Republican senators will be walking around like zombies in the thrall of some greater power. Oh, wait…

  21. Check it out. A whole gallery of stupid.
    http://www.newsweek.com/id/211920

  22. Native of SL UT says at 2:56 pm, August 20th, 2009

    I’m sure the explosion was in the mail room and consisted of many heads of people reading mail from concerned southern citizens.

  23. shadowMark: No. The day the water heater blew up in the Humphrey building.

  24. 4tehlulz says at 3:08 pm, August 20th, 2009

    HHS WAS AN INSIDE JOB

  25. Tommmcatt says at 3:13 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Still, a lame sandwich is better than the dreaded casserole of agony, right? The glass is half-full, young Master Newell. Wax-on, wax-off.

  26. hockeymom says at 3:19 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Servo: sad, last picture.

  27. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 3:20 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Min: Heh. And any picture of John Boehner would prove how right you are.

  28. ericstoltz says at 3:20 pm, August 20th, 2009

    We should all thank the Lord that Kristen Atkinson and her prayer warriors prevented the horrible catastrophe that Obama’s mother-in-law was hexing up in a big kettle on the White House lawn.

    They will be pulling a prayer all-nighter to prevent West Wing vampires from feeding on the life stuff of Chuck Grassley.

    Snake handlers, saving the U.S. of A. once again!

  29. mrwizzy says at 3:26 pm, August 20th, 2009

    mrwizzy says it’s time to head for the hills (or your favorite local bar for a nice drink).

  30. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 3:26 pm, August 20th, 2009

    You know, if people had simply used their second amendment rights and carried handguns to work, this would never have happened.

  31. President X says at 3:27 pm, August 20th, 2009

    It’s the live health care strategy meeting with the Prez at http://www.barackobama.com/forum/live.html

    The You Tubes on the internets machines is causing the telephone lines to over heat and catch fire.

    Somebody throw Sibelius out the window for her own good!!!

  32. GreatOldOnesParty says at 3:29 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Servo: Good thing I’m not a senator. I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing at all of them.
    “Hey, keep it up! You’re face is turning purple. It’s about time these town-hall meetings got fun. DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!”

  33. facehead says at 3:31 pm, August 20th, 2009
  34. shadowMark says at 4:03 pm, August 20th, 2009

    orange: Only one way the kids these days remember things:

    We all came out to DC
    Somewhere out to the east
    To put some comments on the Wonkette
    We didn’t have much time
    Frank Zappa and the Mothers
    Were playing from the iPods
    But some stupid with a bad transformer
    Burned a closet to the ground
    Smoke in the Humphrey building
    Comments from the Wonketeers

  35. KilgoreTrout_XL says at 4:30 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Shadow did you mean to set that to “Isis”?

    Because fucking-A that’s a great song to have playing in the background when I’m taking milky bong hits and handfuls of klonopin while arranging stacks of food stamps and piles of delicious money that I got from assorted socializm-government-aid programs as I masturbate in a drug-laden haze to the chicken (patty) I just sacrificed (for Gozer) on my George Foreman grill, placed on a communist Trader Joe’s engligh muffin with BBQ sauce, and stuffed in my mouth while I make muffled cackling sounds at the people walking by my window, to go to some “job”, I assume.*

    *Typically in-between some kickass games of Halo.

  36. hobospacejunkie says at 4:58 pm, August 20th, 2009

    KilgoreTrout_XL: Dude, you got this this whole unemployment thing down.

    Also, did anyone in the building bring their YouTubes to work to get this explosion on video?

  37. travellabyrinth says at 5:12 pm, August 20th, 2009

    “No one was hurt, no fires. LAME SANDWICH.”

    Mr. Denby would like to see you after class.

  38. zenferret says at 5:51 pm, August 20th, 2009

    Zadig: I actually know what happened with the time stamp. But why did someone forward it from England? Or France. Or Africa. Timestamps was 10:07 here in Bethesda. Now why we in Bethesda were told about it I dunno. I sure didn’t feel it.

  39. thetalltexan says at 11:11 am, August 21st, 2009

    It wasn’t a plane. It was a missle. Never forget!

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