Clintons Plan Secret Sex Getaway To Bermuda

  sex tourism

Torn from Sidney Blumenthal's masturbation scrapbookPresident Hillary Clinton and her husband, President Bill Clinton, will be staying in the romantical island spot called Bermuda this weekend. You know who else is in Bermuda, right now, and forever? An unfortunate band of Uighurs, who will be conscripted into sexual slavery administering erotic pedicures to the Clintons. Pray for their souls. [Bermuda Sun]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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38 comments

  1. horned_viper

    Hillz is looking good! Better than many other women 1/2 her age. She should be on the cover of Self!
    Wait – that is Hillz?!

  2. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Yea, but there’s another Bill who’s likely to be in Bermuda this weekend as well.

    [re=390934]Dave J.[/re]: Cottage cheese, anyone?

  3. SayItWithWookies

    It is understood Mr. and Mrs. Clinton have now opted for secluded Cambridge Beaches in Somerset. The plush, adult-only resort has a “clothing optional” sky deck and occasionally hosts sex seminars to improve couples’ relationships.

    Oh lordy. Close the cigar store, people — for your own safety.

  4. widget09

    Are you kidding me? Don’t they get the weather channel in wherever they are? Or maybe they just wanted to sit through a CAT-4 hurricane.

  5. queeraselvis v 2.0

    OMG. It is understood Mr. and Mrs. Clinton have now opted for secluded Cambridge Beaches in Somerset. The plush, adult-only resort has a “clothing optional” sky deck and occasionally hosts sex seminars to improve couples’ relationships.

    Yeesh. Time for another brain bleaching.

  6. Min

    [re=390946]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Like a hurricance named Bill is ever going to make it past the Virgin Islands.

  7. S.Luggo

    “Bill and Hillary Clinton are returning to Bermuda 30 years after their daughter was conceived here.”
    Suddenly Bermuda seems so dirty.

  8. Bronkers

    Well, that is one ooooolllld photo from the leaner midsection ‘n’ thighs and more-melanin’s hair follicle days.

    You NEVER see a pic of Hillary Rodham Clinton showing her legs. Especially in the past few years. And for good reason, poor gal; them’s the ‘too-bad’ breaks in the genetic lottery.

  9. lemprika

    So Hurricane Bill is gonna ruin their weekend and it’s set to hit the Cape on Monday which is when the Pres is supposed to roll up there. This Hurricane season must be funded by the Republicans.

  10. zhubajie

    [re=390949]jetjaguar[/re]: Time for Pres. Bill to fake his death, go run a pleasure palace in Thailand.

  11. Zorg

    Shake, shake, shake Senora, shake your body line
    Shake, shake, shake Senora, shake it all the time
    Work, work, work Senora, work your body line
    Work, work, work Senora, work it all the time

    My girl’s name is Senora. I tell you friends I adore her.
    When she dances oh, brother,
    she’s a hurricane in all kinds of weather.

    Jump in the line rock your body in time.
    O-kay! I believe you. (3 times)
    Jump in the line rock your body in time.
    Oh!

  12. Paul Tardy

    For some reason seeing Hillary in a bathing suit makes me want to have sex with Sarah Palin. Whenever I get that feeling I send $20 to the Alaska Fund Trust(*) and dream about it.

    (*) The Alaska Fund Trust is the official legal fund created to defend the integrity of the Alaska Governor’s Office from an onslaught of political attacks launched against current Governor Sarah Palin, the First Family, and state-employed colleagues.

  13. Country Club Jihadi

    [re=390968]liquiddaddy[/re]: LMAO.
    It will take a hurricane to wash Bill’s 30 year old “DNA” off the walls of that place.

  14. Mahousu

    So this is like that episode in Star Trek where we learn Spock has to return to Vulcan every seven years to breed? Only with a thirty-year gap, the pon farr must be unbelievably strong. I fear for the crockery.

  15. MinnMD

    “It is understood Mr. and Mrs. Clinton have now opted for secluded Cambridge Beaches in Somerset. The plush, adult-only resort has a “clothing optional” sky deck and occasionally hosts sex seminars to improve couples’ relationships.” HUH??? This has got to be a joke. Maybe by the jokesters who came up with notion that proposed health reform would include death panels! Have you ever been to Bermuda? There is NO clothing optional sky deck and “sex seminars” at Cambridge Beaches!!!! Jeez – what some people will believe is unbelievable.

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