JUST LIKE NANCY REAGAN  4:21 pm August 19, 2009

Is Barack Obama’s Mother-In-Law A Black Witch?

by Jim Newell

Dave Chappelle in white-face?Yes she is! Read it on the Internet, we did! Apparently Marian Robinson, Michelle Obama’s mother, performs Satanic “Afro-Hispanic” witchcraft rituals, in the White House. Barack Obama is piping mad, because how would this affect his IMAGE? Poorly! This story and all of its quotes are true. Jane Mayer of the New Yorker is one helluva reporter and would never make up something this incendiary. Oh… what is that, Intern Riley?… It’s from Townhall, not Jane Mayer of the New Yorker?… THEN IT’S EVEN TRUER.

The Obama White House is abuzz with talk of witchcraft by first grandmother, 72-year-old Marian Robinson, who lives in the White House residence. A close friend of Michelle Obama says the president is furious at his mother-in-law after learning that she was practicing Santeria, an African spirit cult, in the White House.


This is how it happened. Marian Robinson became increasingly frustrated as her husband, Fraser Robinson, was hobbled by multiple sclerosis in the late 1980s. The family pastor prayed with her and counseled her, but “she turned to Santeria in a desperate hope,” Michelle’s friend said. “Michelle put her foot down when she heard that her mother took her dad to ceremonies where they did spells and trances, and sacrificed animals, chickens and goats I think. But Marian was desperate and kept going anyway, even when her husband was to sick to go with her. I don’t think the president knew anything about this earlier because it was before they met. Michelle and Craig (her brother) wanted to close the book on this and never talked about it again after their father died in 1991.”

Oh, those black people!

This is exactly how Barack Obama talks when he’s angry, too — with turns of phrase like “witchcraft mumbo-jumbo.”

The president was “totally in favor” when his mother-in-law moved into the White House as a live-in babysitter for 11-year-old Malia and 8-year-old Sasha. Obama reportedly told Michelle that her mother will have to go back to Chicago if she does not “stop this witchcraft mumbo-jumbo immediately” and ordered the Secret Service to not allow Marian’s friend to return to the White House.

Jane Mayer of the New Yorker has been scooped!

Witchcraft in the White House [Townhall]

Related video

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GDuvall August 19, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Who said journalism was dead? Columbia, start engraving the medals now.

Come here a minute August 19, 2009 at 4:25 pm

There is no worse evil in the world than the horrific act of sacrificing goats I think.

mattbolt August 19, 2009 at 4:26 pm

“… her husband was to sick to go with her.”

Can a brotha get a [sic] up in here?

trickyrick August 19, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Just trying to set up a false equivalency for the real Palin witchdoctor.

they do it too ad nauseum.

torera August 19, 2009 at 4:27 pm

What friend of Marian ?? Some major “fact” dropped here, either in the Townhall version or (say it isn’t so) the Wonkette editing…

orange August 19, 2009 at 4:27 pm

My fav comment: VooDoo??
Who do voodoo in the black house,is Obama an Ozombie?he has a lot of followers who are Ozombies.

azw88 August 19, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Santeria will be the public healthcare option. Gives that “a chicken in every pot” a whole new meaning, don’t it!

And for those things not covered by Santeria, there is always Part D, aka Voodoo.

Bearbloke August 19, 2009 at 4:28 pm

The story’s truthiness is part of its juiciness – Let the Geezer sacrifices begin!!

Woodwards Friend August 19, 2009 at 4:28 pm

Let’s say this is true, just for shits and giggles. My great aunt goes to est seminars (or Landmark or whatever they are called now) does that mean I’m an idiot just because my elderly relative is an idiot? These right-tards are getting really desperate if their best anti-Obama myth is that he doesn’t care for crazy.

Downtheroadapiece August 19, 2009 at 4:29 pm

The comments certainly are fun. Scripture is already being quoted.

mattbolt August 19, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Look, Harry Potter is a cool series and all, but some of the fans just go way overboard with this whole wizard stuff. Just wait til the First Mother-In-Law becomes a Twilight-head.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 19, 2009 at 4:29 pm

So, AfroHispanoMuslicSocioBlackChristianSatanists?

We’re gonna need more alphabets on the Internets if they keep expanding the damn thing.

Next we’ll hear they’re dyslexic and have been worshiping Santa by mistake.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Obama first became aware of his mother-in-laws witchcraft shenanigans when she kept bringing home-made fried chicken EVERY DAY.
“Gee, mah, where do you manage to get a steady supply of dead chickens?”
“Oh, that’s just this thing. What are the Braves now? 0-7?”

OReillysVibrator August 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm

She should sacrifice some chickenhawks.

Ducksworthy August 19, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Sarah Palin’s African minister needs to be called in to exorcise the White House.

Paterlanger August 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

And then the Secret Service agent who escorted Marian’s friend out of the white house fell to the floor holding his stomach and yelling “Colebras…colebras!!!” and the next day Hillary had a pimple that exploded, releasing hundreds of little spiders. So then Josiah Bartlett came back to the White House to set everything arights. The end.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

ceremonies where they did spells and trances, and sacrificed animals, chickens and goats

Dick Cheney is NOT going to be happy that Gramma Robinson stole directly from his playbook.

mattbolt August 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

A spokesman for Sublime reiterated that “[Mrs. Robinson] don’t practice santeria”

Monsieur Grumpe August 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

From their comments:

Sandra Wise writes:
This is a #1 Blog?
Give me a break! No wonder the left things we’re crazy at TH.

Any sources for this story????


pub_option August 19, 2009 at 4:31 pm

Perhaps she could try the potion from ‘Macbeth’, involving eye of Newt!

Min August 19, 2009 at 4:32 pm

I have sacrificed many a chicken on the altar of southern cooking.

chauncey August 19, 2009 at 4:32 pm

From the comments

Jeff writes:
This looks like a pattern
First this guy is a Muslim, then he goes to a church with an American-hating pastor, now this. What’s next? This reminds me of a blog called “Stand With Stanley” I read recently “Obama and Allies Moving Against Religion.” Remember how he said in Egypt that we are no longer a Christian nation? Pretty soon, I am afraid he will outlaw Christianity. What is wrong with him?


hobospacejunkie August 19, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Did she pour chicken blood all over Michelle, like Lisa Bonet in Angel Heart? Because I would be totally in favor of that.

Speed Ball August 19, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Any story that begins with “This is how it happened” is obviously credible.

Paterlanger August 19, 2009 at 4:34 pm

[re=390834]azw88[/re]: Win

mattbolt August 19, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Her mom believes in animal sacrifice, secretive rituals and demon powers? Psh, that’s nothing. My mom believes in an all-seeing zombie Jew born from a virgin with magic powers.

norbizness August 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm

Why do the Wonkette editors hate our brains?

emberglance August 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm

Hey Kristen Atkinson! yeah, you, kristenatkinson@illinois.usa.com!

I have some questions regarding your news story.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm

“You remind me of the babe
What babe?
The babe with the power
What power?
Power of voodoo
Who do?
You do
Do what?
Remind me of the babe”

Knob Gobbler August 19, 2009 at 4:39 pm

It’s Dat Ol’ Black Magic Again.

chauncey August 19, 2009 at 4:39 pm

[re=390825]mattbolt[/re]: Atkinson, no doubt, deliberated the [sic] for hours. Having already picked up on enough of the Ebonics to recognize that some black lady was already being quoted verbatim, would her readers accuse her of classism? Though it would protect her journalistic integrity to acknowledge the error, surely it would be too much. Had not the black people already suffered enough?

Downtheroadapiece August 19, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Imagine my surprise to find that clicking the ‘Flag as offensive link’ returns a 404. And that the author’s email is invalid. Oh and there’s this.

Whut a surprise.

V572625694 August 19, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Notice that the distinguished journalist Jim understandably mistook for Jane Mayer is actually Kristen Atkinson, whose bio on the site reads, in toto: “The Obamas’ tricks must be exposed.”

Jeebus I couldn’t agree more, and this is a healthy first step. Her email address is kristenatkinson@illinois.usa.com, but when you go to that domain, there ain’t no domain there. Good thing Kristin’s protected herself from the fake Jews who will now go after her!

Norbert August 19, 2009 at 4:41 pm

It all adds up: Michelle always gets mad at Marian for putting some wacky curse on her skinny big-eared husband, wiggles cute nose to set things right.

LoweredPeninsula August 19, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Love you too, Townhall. Now, have Mrs. Robinson conjure you up a spell to send you back to Hell, Townhall.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 4:42 pm

From the comments:
“I do not believe Obama is Christian. Not for a minute. He believes far too in sink with the Nation of Islam and their beliefs.”
So that’s it?! Obama’s in the sink for the Nation of Islam.

What a bunch of fucking unlliterates we am.

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History August 19, 2009 at 4:43 pm

[re=390839]Uncertainty Vice-Principal[/re]: Don’t forget gay, nazi, and Hawaiian. And whatever else the nuts are scared of this week.

Min August 19, 2009 at 4:43 pm

[re=390862]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Great minds. I had that same thing running through my head, only with “man” instead of “babe” (from “The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer”).

Country Club Jihadi August 19, 2009 at 4:43 pm

Ramadan starts on Friday and they can get Granny back on track.

Dave J. August 19, 2009 at 4:43 pm

“I don’t practice santeria
I don’t have a crystal ball
But I will find a bipartisan solution to health care
and scare whitey, y’all”

–Sublime/Barack Obama

OzoneTom August 19, 2009 at 4:44 pm

[re=390862]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great… Damn. I can never remember that line.

WadISay August 19, 2009 at 4:44 pm

If the Gang of Six all gets bit by snakes in the next few hours, I am converting to Santeria.

Rodney Badger August 19, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Don’t worry guys, pretty soon the wingnuts will run out of pages in their Obama Conspiracy Madlib and America will return to reasoned discourse.

Country Club Jihadi August 19, 2009 at 4:47 pm

[re=390869]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Best part about that commenter is that her website generates Google ads to “meet black singles”.

PrairiePossum August 19, 2009 at 4:48 pm

How about a death panel/Salem witch trial hybrid?

We round-up all the oldz and take ‘em to the Potomac river, tie rocks around their ankles and throw them in. If they drown and die, we know they were worthy of health care. If they float to the surface, we execute ‘em.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 4:48 pm

More TH comment fun-ness!

“I (Messiah) know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews (Christians), AND ARE NOT, they are the synagogue (church) of satan.” Ibid, The Revelation of Jesus Christ, chap.2, vrs.9.

Even as an a superstitious atheist I have to say…
WTF Bible is this Christard reading?

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 19, 2009 at 4:49 pm

[re=390869]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: He believes far too in sink with the Nation of Islam and their beliefs.”

Now he’s a sink worshiper? Does Joe know about this plumbing fixation?

Reading that site is scary, good god.

“First they came for my cerebral cortex, and I said nothing…..”

IonaTrailer August 19, 2009 at 4:50 pm

“Will my Santeria witch-doctor visits be covered by the new nationalized health care plan?”

SayItWithWookies August 19, 2009 at 4:51 pm

It’s a good thing we don’t have any crazy-ass religious nonsense like that out here in Republicanland. Because I was talking to the LORD yesterday and He seemed mighty displeased with the lack of sense of some people. Now pass me that box of rattlesnakes…

unicow August 19, 2009 at 4:52 pm

You can’t stop Magog with Santeria!

Gog, maybe.

american mutt August 19, 2009 at 4:53 pm

once i a made a circle of flower petals around an angry, bible-thumping, christian screeching through a megaphone. as he watched me, he shut up and started mumbling a prayer to himself.

Balls! August 19, 2009 at 4:55 pm

[re=390834]azw88[/re]: Santeria and Voodoo are essentially the same thing. Witchcraft these adys usually refers to the European nature spirity stuff. These folks need to go back to heathen identification class.

Noodle Salad August 19, 2009 at 4:55 pm

[re=390880]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: It’s the one that also has the Gospel of Rush, the Book of Beck, and Acts of the Assholes. Seriously, people, it’s Revelations, or Revelation of St. John. Get with your Jeebus program.

The Cold Sea August 19, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=390858]mattbolt[/re]: Mine too! And they drink his blood and eat his flesh as an act of communion.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 19, 2009 at 4:56 pm

I thought a santeria was a buffet-style restaurant where everyone is dressed up in red suits.

azw88 August 19, 2009 at 4:57 pm

[re=390893]american mutt[/re]: I Likes!!!

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 19, 2009 at 4:57 pm

[re=390880]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Are you sure they weren’t reading from the Revelation of Joe the Plumber? Since, y’know, he’s been to Israel and shit.

zhubajie August 19, 2009 at 4:58 pm

[re=390823]Come here a minute[/re]: Oh, I dunno. If they’re raising their own vegetables, probably they should be slaughtering their own chickens and goats, too.

There’s no lack of voodooists in DC, anyway.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 5:00 pm

[re=390895]Noodle Salad[/re]: Strange that a fundamentalist didn’t even know the name of the book he was quoting.
That’s a whole new level of bizarre.

zhubajie August 19, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=390834]azw88[/re]: If Pentecostal faith-healing (as well as voodoo, santeria, etc.) were part of the health care plan, all the TV evangelists would jump on board the wagon and the thing would pass. Obama could threaten the Reps with spells.

rev_matt_y August 19, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Santeria is Caribbean. I realize to that these wingnuts there’s no difference between the various different brownish people around the world, but that’s pretty basic stuff to get wrong.

american mutt August 19, 2009 at 5:02 pm

This morning on the bus, I was thinking of paying someone to “curse” and “bless” two separate ipods so I could sell them each on ebay.

NJB August 19, 2009 at 5:03 pm

You laugh, but in a week to 10 days 45% of Americans will believe the “Mother in Law in Chief is a Voodoo Priestess” meme to be true: and 55% of Republicans, and 75% of Republican southerners. Just wait.

Styrofoam Boots August 19, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Pshh! She was probably just playing that one album from Sublime really loud.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 5:06 pm

The White House should be a Christian-only home. No way should they ever let religious fanatics who claim to eat the flesh and drink the blood of…
oh, wait a minute.
Better rethink that.

ella August 19, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Martin Sheen was in an absolute stinker called The Believers that was about Santeria. He also played a president. He’s a Democrat. Also. I see the connection now.

FlipOffResearch August 19, 2009 at 5:07 pm

[re=390869]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: I like to refer to them as the illiterati.

zhubajie August 19, 2009 at 5:08 pm

You know, guys, I don’t live in DC, yet I know voodoo practitioners who live there. Probably you can find voodoo, santeria, etc., in the Yellow Pages.

trickyrick August 19, 2009 at 5:09 pm

[re=390877]Rodney Badger[/re]: hahahah. thats a joke right? the crazy is ingrained. it is a feature not a bug.

S.Luggo August 19, 2009 at 5:09 pm

What’s next? Yoga? Informal Fridays? French cooking? Things have certainly gone to hell in handbasket.

Atheist Nun August 19, 2009 at 5:10 pm

“Now go do that voodoo that you do so well!”


Anyway, First Amendment to the United States Constitution. Freedom of religion, TownhallTards.

Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

I might not like Marian Robinson killing live chickens in the name of some crackpot religion, but I’ll defend to her death her right to kill live chickens in the name of some crackpot religion. The same goes for Mitt Romney’s Alien Space Jesus, and the bedside shrine Rush Limbaugh has erected in honor of his pharmacist.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 19, 2009 at 5:11 pm

This is actually my favorite comment there:

Jeff writes:
This looks like a pattern
First this guy is a Muslim, then he goes to a church with an American-hating pastor, now this. What’s next? This reminds me of a blog called “Stand With Stanley” I read recently “Obama and Allies Moving Against Religion.” Remember how he said in Egypt that we are no longer a Christian nation? Pretty soon, I am afraid he will outlaw Christianity. What is wrong with him?

Yes, FIRST he’s a Muslin, and you can tell this because he went to that Christian church EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY and never once walked out! Then, he’s an extremist Christian who wants to outlaw religion. Or guns. Or something. Can’t he keep it straight??

What makes it art is the part where they blame Obama for their own incoherence.

NJB August 19, 2009 at 5:11 pm

[re=390918]FlipOffResearch[/re]: Illiterati. ha ha ha I’m definitely stealing that.

Darkness August 19, 2009 at 5:11 pm

“black witch”? how insulting. she da voduo queen, thank you very much.

no_u August 19, 2009 at 5:12 pm

[re=390866]V572625694[/re]: yo, not to bring things down with geekiness, but you *can* have a valid email address at an (apparently) invalid domain. In her case, mail sent to illinois.usa.com would be handled and delivered by outblaze.com.

Long story short, mail to that address should get to her, appearances to the contrary.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla August 19, 2009 at 5:13 pm

I love the “I think” after chickens and goats. She could have followed that up with “I haven’t done any actual research here and I have no reliable sources, but I once heard a story when I was in grammar school that those black people did that sort of thing.”

GoodGrief August 19, 2009 at 5:14 pm

And this proves it’s even truer:


Code Pink are witches too! And that’s only in Part 1.

slavojzizek August 19, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Santeria is big in Cuba. Rekindling my hopes that Obama is a stealth Fidel.

The Station Manager August 19, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Is there anything insane that these motherfuckers won’t believe?

Country Club Jihadi August 19, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Once the chain drops off the Zuni festish doll, we are all fucked.

drrty martini August 19, 2009 at 5:18 pm

[re=390880]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Oh, that silly commenter got it from Madonna’s “Justify My Love (Beast Within Mix)”. Are there any conservatives who aren’t closet cases?

FlipOffResearch August 19, 2009 at 5:21 pm

[re=390928]NJB[/re]: Yes, the illiterati is a subset of the unintelligentsia. But don’t worry they are all omnimpotent.

InsidiousTuna August 19, 2009 at 5:23 pm

[re=390873]Dave J.[/re]: I was hoping someone had already done this so I wouldn’t have to.

slappypaddy August 19, 2009 at 5:25 pm

okay, this does it. this does it. all the good christians in this land — and to be a christian is automatically good, it’s like the veterans’ bonus in civil service exams — all the good christians, they need to stay awake.

are you listening to me? hey! good christians! you! yeah, you! i’m talking to you, now listen up. you need to stay awake now, as long as you possibly can. if you’re with other christians, you can set up a rotating sentry system where you sleep in shifts, but whatever you do, don’t dare fall asleep alone! the boogey-man is out there, right outside your bedroom window. he has evil magical satanic powers you can barely comprehend, he’s sacrificing chickens and sticking long dull used hypodermic needles into dolls that look like you, and you, and you, too, over there trying to hide. i see you. and if i can see you, he can see you. don’t go to sleep! not ever again! he’ll get you!


doloras August 19, 2009 at 5:27 pm

[re=390894]Balls![/re]: Dude I knew swore up and down that the Voodoo gods were evil, as proved by the state of Haiti, but the Santeria spirits were the good guys, as proved by the fact that life in Cuba is pretty cruisy, what with the rum and cigars and withstanding 50 years of blockade and all. He also swore that Fidel Castro is an initiated priest.

JSDC007 August 19, 2009 at 5:31 pm

Lets see:

He’s a Chicago-style, half-breed, Muslin, Kenyan born, Nazi-lovin’, witch-doctoring, Christian-pastoring, white-hatin’ socialist.

They must have forgotten cannibal somewhere in that mix.

And who thought that white folk weren’t racist?

bureaucrap August 19, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Let’s not overreact. Mrs. Robinson could wipe out the deficit singlehandedly if she just volunteered to sell government-approved curses on enemies for $10,000 a pop. Imagine a letter from the White House “Dear ___, At your request we have put a curse on _____. If he/she does not turn into a gerbil in two weeks, as requested, please do not hesitate to contact us again.”

As for me, I’d like to request that a horrible curse be put on Rush Limbaugh (not fat or stupid because they’ve obviously been done already). His curse should be a high squeaky voice, like Minnie Mouse.

Since it was my idea, I get my curse fulfilled for free.

Lazy Media August 19, 2009 at 5:40 pm

[re=390823]Come here a minute[/re]: What if you barbecue them afterward? Or make a nice curry? MMMmmm, goat curry.

gurukalehuru August 19, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Mama Mia
Dining room table
from IKEA

Really, if an old woman wants to practice a little voodoo now and again, who are we to object?

ellie August 19, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Voodoo lady
Shakin’ that stick
Driving me crazy
Voodoo lady

That song makes me laugh. Also.

June Cleaver 2.0 August 19, 2009 at 5:55 pm

Maybe I can write to Mrs. Robinson, and ask if she’ll give Clarence Thomas a painful, fatal heart attack. (If anybody’s practicing witchcraft, it’s me.)

June Cleaver 2.0 August 19, 2009 at 5:59 pm

The right is going to make up so many stupid lies, that when Obama does do something stupid, no one is going to believe it.

bokonon August 19, 2009 at 6:00 pm

So she likes Santana … that doesn’t make her a black, magic woman.

Zorg August 19, 2009 at 6:18 pm

Chango VERY, VERY ANGRY with this news coming out!!! Very bad ju-ju! Gonna be plenty big wahalla for Obama! Time to raise the sacrificial ante from goats to humans, such as Limbaugh, Kristol and Cheney! Then Chango make hurricane go away, Ted Kennedy get well, Wonkette meet plenty swell fella!

problemwithcaring August 19, 2009 at 6:19 pm

“And secondly, he is worried about the political fallout if his enemies get wind of this.[...]” a close friend of Michelle’s confided.”


azw88 August 19, 2009 at 6:24 pm

[re=390894]Balls![/re]: Not to the practitioner or the uninformed. The ultra Christians will claim they are both based on satanism and thus the same, sort of like Protestant and Catholic religions are the same, and that is why they have been trying to kill each other in N. Ireland for more than a century.

Todd Mecklem August 19, 2009 at 6:24 pm

Santeria is not Voodoo. They both derive from African religions, but they’re not the same. And their belief systems, while I don’t buy them, make more sense than believing that a rabbi whose mother never had sex rose from the dead after three days and then ascended into orbit.

chascates August 19, 2009 at 6:31 pm

At least she’s not into astrology.

doxastic August 19, 2009 at 6:32 pm

New game! Townhall or Weekly World News?

Tommmcatt August 19, 2009 at 6:41 pm


Jesus, we are the lamest humans in the world, as we know exactly where that snippet of verse came from. What’s more, I bet you love it as much as I do….

finallyhappy August 19, 2009 at 6:43 pm

[re=391038]doxastic[/re]: World Weekly- of course! Batboy is going to replace Grandma as the babysitter.

BlueStateLibtard August 19, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Santarian, Christian, Muslim, what mother-in-law isn’t a witch from hell?

BlueStateLibtard August 19, 2009 at 6:48 pm

[re=391020]Zorg[/re]: You mean sacrificial pigs. And include Glenn Beck among them please.

Redhead August 19, 2009 at 6:48 pm

from the comments:
“The Third Commandment warns us: “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, the Lord will not hold him guiltless who taketh His Name in vain.”
Anyone giving the Oath of Office raises his hand to call God to Witness the Oath. Only someone who is born again possesses Authority to call God as Witness to their Oath. (Ye MUST be born again.)
What evidence may be presented to demonstrate that Obama is born again?”

So is he anti-American or the anti-christ? I can’t keep up anymore.

I’d also love to know which version of the bible he’s quoting. There must be a new, even wingnuttier version out since I quit the bible studies and church camps my parents pushed in my youth. (Though I must say, I do miss all the free booze and pot at those retreats.)

doloras August 19, 2009 at 7:18 pm

[re=391054]Redhead[/re]: Only born-again Christians can be POTUS, then? Man, whoever mentioned before about them going after the Catholics as well as the Joos and the Muslins was right.

RoscoePColtraine August 19, 2009 at 7:32 pm

I like drinking sateria with tapas. I find that red wine works better than white, and sin gas por favor!

american mutt August 19, 2009 at 7:33 pm

[re=391025]Todd Mecklem[/re]: Vodou is about the human condition. That and chicken parts. I love chicken.

grevillea August 19, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Wait till they find out about her homeopathic arthritis drops…

Servo August 19, 2009 at 9:13 pm

I think I’ll donate a bunch of those Blair Witch stick-figures for the White House Christmas tree.

SwanSwanH August 19, 2009 at 9:21 pm

Much ado about a chicken bone cross — it takes the curse off her bat and brings her hits.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 9:26 pm

[re=391042]Tommmcatt[/re]: That I do, but not as much as The Dark Crystal.

GreatOldOnesParty August 19, 2009 at 9:28 pm

[re=391054]Redhead[/re]: Probably a fan-fic version.

desertwind August 19, 2009 at 9:30 pm

Once those old black ladies get into yoga down at the Y anything can happen!

And it will.

imissopus August 19, 2009 at 9:38 pm


frailamerica August 19, 2009 at 9:45 pm

Perhaps the greatest image alt text ever.

geminisunmars August 19, 2009 at 9:48 pm

[re=391035]chascates[/re]: watch it

naveed August 19, 2009 at 9:51 pm

Pick a non-WASP background for the family and stick to it. Consistency, people!

mush August 19, 2009 at 10:03 pm

Gee, something like this has never happened before! Can you imagine the First Lady planning the POTUS schedule based on consultations with, say an astrologer? Oh wait, sorry Nancy Reagan, you beat Michelle to it by over 20 years huh?

Garyosu August 19, 2009 at 10:32 pm

I’ve always believed in Santeria ever since I played for the Cleveland Indians in the late 80s and this teammate of mine set up an altar in his locker and allowed him to hit better. Oh, and Jesus Christ can hit a curveball.

Redhead August 19, 2009 at 10:44 pm

[re=391156]imissopus[/re]: Tell me, what do you do with witches? What do you burn apart from witches? (more witches! wood!) so why do witches burn? (cause they’re made of wood.) So how do we tell if she is made of wood? (build a bridge out of her!) does wood sink in water? (no it floats!) what also floats in water? (a duck!) so logically, if she weighs the same as a duck, she’s made of wood! and therefore a witch!

See, it’s logical. And she turned me into a newt too, even if I did get better. also.

IceCreamEmpress August 19, 2009 at 10:56 pm

Only born-again Christians can be POTUS, then?

What does that even leave us with? Harding, Carter, and George W. Bush–not the three most effective presidents ever.

Zorg August 20, 2009 at 12:31 am

[re=391052]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Thy will be done!

Smoke Filled Roommate August 20, 2009 at 2:17 am

Doodoo that Voodoo that you do so well. Yes, doodoo that voodoo.

TruckNutz_ButtSeks August 20, 2009 at 7:08 am

Wow…no one took this id already???

But enough of me…THEM PEOPLE ARE THE CRAZIE!!!!!

marioninnyc August 20, 2009 at 7:48 am

It’s all part of a vast right wing conspiracy to break his cool. First, knowing he was practically raised by his grandmother, they go with the health plan is going to put grannie to death. He laughs it off. Now, your mother-in-law is a witch. They just think if they keep shouting things about his mom figures, he’ll explode.

kapish August 20, 2009 at 8:08 am

Lightnin’ Slim : “That little hoodoo girl, people she done hoodooed the hoodoo man.”

montresor August 20, 2009 at 8:21 am

So okay I follows the link and it’s this bloggy thing that has links for Hugh Hewitt (NOT DEAD, so disappointed, saw the head line “Hewitt Dies” on the AP wire and got excited for a minute, oh well) and Michael Medved (the REAL golden turkey!) and is hawking some Michelle Malkin book, fer Chrissakes, and I figures, “Oh this is going to be rich,” and so I zooms over to the comments — and you know what? Even the freakin WINGNUTS aren’t buying it! Oh sure there are some a-holes on there, making ooga-booga jokes or quoting scripture (but sadly not the LOLcats version of the Bible); but it seems it’s running 3-to-1 in favor of calling it hooey. The nutters are scared that this will make them look silly! Like they’ve looked like a bunch of concerned sobersides up to now, ya think? So very soon, Limbaugh will call this a left wing plant designed to make the right look crazy, though not before he’s spent a few days making ooga-booga jokes and vooomped a few dozen sacrificial chickens into his insatiable maw.

Car Ramrod August 20, 2009 at 8:32 am

[re=390992]ellie[/re]: Ween FTW

MissM August 20, 2009 at 9:35 am

[re=390889]unicow[/re]: Win

iolanthe August 20, 2009 at 10:23 am

[re=390921]S.Luggo[/re]: Concrete shoes! Cyanide! TNT!

finallyhappy August 20, 2009 at 10:30 am

The Malkin book. So I walk into Borders – and I see the damn Malkin book right in front. So I take the first copy and turn it over so it covers the title. It is true her horrible photo is on the back but at leas the Bs on the front wasn’t showing. I thought about just putting another book in front of it. Maybe next time.

MissM August 20, 2009 at 10:43 am

Unshockingly, the major demographic on Freeper is male childless olds with no college education who browse from home. http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/freerepublic.com

teebob2000 August 20, 2009 at 10:52 am

The scenario running through the minds of all townhallers/freepers/redstaters at this moment…

(Prez Nigga speaks, grabbing Witch Marian by her cornrows and, lifting her off the ground, holds her out at arms length while she comically runs in place in mid-air and vainly swings her arms at Prez; in his other hand he holds a book aloft.)

Prez Nigga: I say, I say, lissen here now, Gran’mammy Mar’yun!! You cain’ be conjurin’ nooooo spooks in dis here whi’house while I be’s pres’dent o’ da UUUUUUnited States’es!!! No, suh!!! I won’t have me no religiosity dat don’ adhere strictly-like to da teachifyin’ in dis here Ko-ron!!!

Witch Marian: (hissing madly) Take yo’ hands offa me, you filthy unbeleeevin’ muslin, a’fore I sacrifices me a democrat member o’ congrisssss and turns yo sorry black ass back into a lazy, no-count cuh-munitee organ-i-sizer where you come from!!


HollyP August 20, 2009 at 12:02 pm

Next time I go back to Puerto Rico, I’m going to the Santeria shop and buying a CASE of Go Away Evil Spray (which looks suspiciously like Aquanet with a new label) to spray all over Town Hall.

HollyP August 20, 2009 at 12:05 pm

[re=390858]mattbolt[/re]: Love it.

snideinplainsight August 20, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Oh, oooooohh ooooo-eee-ooooooh! On the tropical island of DC, they do a little santeria hula dance, and the Kenyan voodoo swamis make dead chicken origamis and sing booga booga mau mau and they don’t wear any pants.

Everybody sing!

Justice58 August 20, 2009 at 1:42 pm

The stupidity hurts. Where do these stupid people come from?

GreatOldOnesParty August 20, 2009 at 3:20 pm

[re=391286]teebob2000[/re]: The best part of that scenario is imagining Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity in black-face, with the latter in drag, performing it.

Matt Osborne August 22, 2009 at 1:48 am

OMFG, the First Lady made your link disappear!

Seriously, they removed the page.

Carly August 25, 2009 at 5:51 am

Does the color really matter?… http://bit.ly/reason_for_silver refer=mosaic

jamiefoxer7 May 16, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Santeria is not a Satanic cult. It is a syncretic, Afro-Hispanic (mostly Cuba, but spread out of Cuba to other nearby island and to the U.S.) religion that itself derives much of its beliefs from Ifa, a Yoruban religion practiced mostly in Nigeria and Benin. It is a cultural/religious legacy of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

As with many other religions (Judaims, Islam, Buddhism, etc) it has a corpus of ethical stories/verses/parables/chapters etc. In Ifa’s case, it’s the Odu Ifa (256 in all), many with almost indistinguishable ethical teachings as those found in Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, etc. It does not teach evil, hate, or Satanism. It does teach love of each other, community, and oneness with nature.

As for animal sacrifce, judaism and other religions include animal sacrifice as part of their traditions and no one calls them Satanic. Please do not get your ideas about other cultures and other religions from the immature and ignorant minds of Hollywood producers, fearful Christian ministers, or the general public. If you wish to learn about Ifa, go here – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If%C3%A1

For specific information about Santeria (a BRANCH of Ifa-derived Afro-Hispanic beliefs), go here – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santer%C3%ADa

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