Wonkette
You can just see Barack Obama ordering Rahm Emanuel to do this. “Rahm, you are an evil fuck and everyone knows it. You must humanize yourself and read a cute children’s book to children, which we will post on the Education Department’s website.” But we are not fooled by this STUNT. [YouTube]
Then he boiled the girl w/ the pigtails, just for sport.
I want Rahm sending dead fish to Sen Baucus — perhaps as inducements for all his Republican buddies.
Rahm’s story was, “Listen up or I’ll Kill Your Fukking Puppy.”
I bet he was “self-hating” for this photo-op, at least.
He was just practicing up for his weekly meeting with some folks from the Hill, and he needed to reach their intelligence and get used to their fund-of-knowledge level beforehand.
… and he made up his own ending for the story: “AND THEN THEY ALL DIED, JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU WILL DIE!”
The end.
Here’s my story. It’s called the giving tree. Here’s the plot: you give up an inch, and they take everything, cut you down to a stump, and then let old people sit on you and complain about the president trying to take away their socialized medicines to the imma-gints. Starring Harry Reid as the tree. The end.
WTF is that book she’s reading? Reminding parents to UNPLUG TV when not watching? They’re turning these children into snitches!
Next they will be reading books saying, “Tell Mommy when Daddy gets a blow-job from the babysitter” or worse: “Call 911 when your parents get stoned.”
Rahm … don’t make the kids touch your freaky four-fingered hand. Kids get nightmares, dude.
“And then Duck said,”Fuck that traitor. I will CUT that motherfucker. He won’t be able to get elected to a schoolboard by the time Rah….I mean Duck…is done with him.”
Duck for President - could this be the signal from God that Michelle Bachmann has been waiting for!?
You ever seen a grown man naked?
The kid who asked if they “actually” see the president is on the enemies list — the followup was what about the BIRF CIRTIFICUT???? LONG FORMMM???????
orange: Dammit. I was gonna say, this children’s hour must’ve made Rahm awfully hungry. For the sweet succulent taste of barbecued children.
Michelle’s vegetable garden is so Rahm has some freshly turned earth to conceal the bodies of little shits like these kids.
Did he wink at some little kid at 3:10, or are these migraine starbursts I’m getting all of a sudden?
I am at work so I am unable to see the video… I will assume Rahm is straight biting the head off a dove and punching kids in the neck
They are reading these B-List books because right before the event, Rahm killed and ate My Pet Goat.
You’re being entirely unfair to Rahm. He seems perfectly suited to this task. After all, he has to deal with Chuck Grassley every day.
Rahm: “And then the gingerbread man pulled out his switchblade and savaged the fox.” (Closes book) Hey kids, you know the best way to cut a motherfucker? (lady next to him grabs his arm) Hold on, honey, this is important. Most people go for the gut. That’s wrong. Your knife’ll get stuck in there, and sometimes it won’t even cause a lot of pain. Go for the face — that’ll scare the hell out of ‘em, and there’s nothing like a gallon of blood running into the eyes to stop a guy from attacking you. (Lady next to him mutters “Rahm”) Oh, right back to our story. (Opens book, continues reading) So the gingerbread man slit that fox open from his chin to his balls and wears him around like a cape to this day. And on moonlit nights you can still catch a glimpse of him running through the fields. Goodnight kiddies.
WadISay: Ahhh, that’s why there is high lead levels in that ground.
STAY OUT OF RAHM’S GINGERBREAD HOUSE!!!
Wait, child abuse isn’t illegal anymore?
Mr. Rahm, why can you not look the innocent, little children in the eyes?
“‘Why is Farmer Brown in charge anyway?,’ thought Duck.”
I didn’t know that McCain’s latest memoir was illustrated.
Also, did Melody read Ten Things I Can Do to Help My World because Rahm could only count to nine-and-a-half?
SayItWithWookies:
Sonofabitch…I can’t view these videos at work. How many of the little bastards made it out alive? I’ve got sixty bucks on the under 3 bracket.
Buzz Feedback: Better. “My Goddamn Motherfucking Shit-Eating Pet Goat.”
AbstinenceOnly Ed: That would be “My Pet Goatse”
When public officials read stories to children, beware of planes crashing into buildings.
First question: Did that duck’s administration fail because of his ties to rabid Zionists and his paling around with terrorists?
saggyboobedhag: “Call 911 when your parents get stoned.”
fuck that. the kids should be calling 911 if their parents aren’t getting stoned. the lives they save may be their own.
Extemporanus: +.5
Lots of creative editing to get rid of Rahm’s multiple outbursts: “Hey kids, you know what Duck rhymes with?”
“Pickin’ that chief of staff’s tough, man,” said Rahm, to the glib amusement of the adults within earshod. Notice that the kids don’t laugh at that joke, though. It’s not because they don’t understand the humor…
…they’re too fuckin’ scared to smile.
I was hoping for Andrew Dice Clay ‘Hickory Fuckin’ Dickory Duck’.
The stories about Rahm really were too good to be true.
It’s like prepping for a meeting with Darth Vader and Jeff shows up.
I believe the book was entitled “How To Serve Man”
joeybrill: Or Chad Vader.
your comments for the evil evil woman aren’t working yet, but just let me say here that wonkette needs to keep this in the media cycle for as long as possible.
In a retaliatory move, the GOP schedules Dick Chaney to show children how to blast ducks
from the sky.
@ Fox n Fiends Seconded. That oughta be a crime.
WadISay: Rahm’s “Victory Garden” is truly horrific.
Blender: ….If we don’t have a public health care option….after the death panels kill your grandma
I wanted to see a thought bubble over Rahm’s head when Duck went back to the farm and left the Vice President in charge.
Literally.
Fox n Fiends: I wondered if that was just me. But yea, also.
Fox n Fiends: I’m glad you mentioned that - I was starting to think it was just me.
Do some of have “special” flags? (not that there would be anything wrong with that, o wise editor type folks)
I wanted to see precious Kaitlin and little Jack turned away and crying after they showed up 10 minutes late.
Fox n Fiends: LittlePig: I thought I had been banned, despite avoiding the word “also”, religiously.
jetjaguar: Joey, do you like gladiator movies?
Weird, see, my problem with Rahm is that he is roughly half as evil a fuck as I need him to be right now.
What Annie said. Let’s see some bloodlust, dammit!
WadISay: Children of the ACORN?
Tundra Grifter: Win.
I hate children.
That being said, Rahm taking the time to read to little kiddies, and making the effort not to cuss them all out….yup, makes him even more bangable.
AnnieGetYourFun: Agreed. Rahm Emanuel was not hired to read books to children. He was hired to scare the shit out of the President’s enemies. That said, this was perhaps the most terrifying children’s story hour I have ever seen.
Also….was Arne Duncan totally molesting some kid about halfway through the video?
I see that picture and i wonder if another skyscraper was attacked.
Christopher Walken. That is all.
what show was that?
Oprah gonna bring the hurt next time Barry visits
for not putting a performance like that on her show.
Also. What is with that fucked-up cutesy kid-writing font on all the signs? That shit don’t even have proper descenders (look at the g’s). Patronising much? OK, Comic Sans would have been worse, but not by much.
spryte: The line forms to the right sweetie.
I don’t know about the reason for complaints? This guy Rahm is a natural as a teacher. In all seriousness, he clearly has a gift for it.
He has daughters of his own, you know. *sniff*
I’m not wasting time on this video. I do not want Rahm reading to children. I want him taking a rusty straight razor to Kent Conrads balls and stuffing them down miniMax Baucus’ throat.
DustBowlBlues: Yes! He can teach when he retires in twenty years or so.
Did I forget ramming a toilet brush up Grassley’s old wrinkled ass?
Does DHS have a plan for when Rahm drops the F-bomb on some school kids? Like evacuation routes, where to pick up your kids, where to get counseling for your kids who saw him bite the head off a kitten, etc.
Duck won, but a lot of the black geese reported polling problems.
SayItWithWookies: I love you.
all children with vague arabic features have been resettled
“Each of the animals placed a ballot in the box…” And one for their dead relatives at the Humane Society, too.
They skipped the part about the elephants that gathered wherever Duck’s appointees were speaking and held up signs of Duck sporting a Hitler ’stache, making it very difficult for Duck to stay on topic.