Wonkette
Alright: we had some respect for Chuck Grassley throughout much of this health care process, since he was, for some indeterminate period of time, operating in good faith, trying to work out a bipartisan deal with the new super-majority party that seemed destined to finally pass its greatest legislative accomplishment in generations.
The rest of his party stood to the side, playing with their peters, preparing to kill anything.
But Chuck Grassley does not have much more to offer. He has retarded (ha ha) negotiations for months because he fundamentally disagrees with the concepts of universal health insurance and public competition on a meaningful scale. Now he’s just shouting phlegmy, bitter nonsense at the dirty hippies on television every day, and pledging to vote against his own bill.
OBAMA. DEMOCRATS. Slip an Ambien in his applesauce, take away his “negotiating pen,” and leave his body in a Madison County cornfield. He can squawk at crows and rabbits for a few months while you legislate the dickens out of that final health care bill.
A sane man does not offer the public this heady a gaze into the ether:
Incoherency. It’s not just for slobbering Paultards anymore!
My head is xplodin from the stupid.
Those appear to resemble English words, so he’s familiar with the English alphabet and therefore exponentially smarter than most of his supporters.
chk grssly eetz dck 4evr
Do you want the kind of health care that will save people in places like Nebraska, Kansas, and Wyoming? Uh Huh, I didn’t think so! Let’s keep health insuance expensive, exclusive, and out of the hand of people I don’t want to be next to in a hospital bed…like god would want it. This IS America, after all.
Tie him to the ‘Vette Nutz on the back of Bob Novak’s hearse.
norbizness: There’s a difference between being stupid and being ignorant. But, as Grassley so clearly illustrates, the two are also not mutually exclusive.
Grassley really does look much better as a blonde though.
“Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?”
Where the f*ck is our era’s Joseph Welch?
Rckabye Grssly
on da treetp
whn da wnd blws…
You frequently hear that every American should get the kind of health care that our President and Congresspeople enjoy. But that fancy D.C. health care doesn’t seem to have helped Chuck with his “sausage thumbs” condition.
yo assley iz grassley
CrnSyrup4evry1!
I can’t believe U.S. Senators would communicate in this way. Seriously, that is such an undignified way to speak. What will happen to the beauty of primary documents for students 50 years from now? And what the heck is he saying anyway?
Can we get a definitive ‘yes’ or ‘no’ on Death Panels? Personally, I’m hoping for ‘yes’, the more Death Panels, the better.
McDuff: Possibly, and with palpable irony, enrolled at an Iowa college, just like the original one.
I m nt pandring 2 gt dspr8ly out of hole i dug 4 self.
Uncooperative Senator
Is Uncooperative.
Im in ur twitrs, xplodin ur deficits!
so change ur last tweet arlen.
Hey! Children of the Corn.
Come get Gramps. He got loose again.
I was pleasantly surprised that the anchor took it right to him, at least.
Then, of course, he goes off on a “The provision in 2003 was to be nice, this is to kill old people and save money!” tangent that makes me worry about grampa escaping the home and driving the car to the capital building.
Oh no! All of our senators seem to be getting the ‘Heimers!!! Poor old Grassley. Too bad he doesn’t have any end of life counseling. He better buy a boat load of depends and disposable bibs.
Oh Grassley, you assley
All covered in suck
You spouted some bullshit
And somehow it stuck
Oh Grassley, you assley
All covered in fail
You’re a stupid pig-turd
But UR NOT A NAIL!
Oh Grassley, you assley
Your head full of flannel
It’s the ice floe for you
Not a fancy “death panel”
June Cleaver 2.0: I am starting to think this guy has a black hole where his brains should be. I hate to put it this way, but I know developmentally challenged people who express themselves more coherently and with better grammar. I’m just astounded that this incoherent thing is a U.S. Senator.
One wonders if that Luntz asshole wrote the Twitterz talking points as well. I mean govt takovr?
And why do we only care about xplodin deficit when there is a demcrt in office?
I don’t trust old white Republican crusters with jowls from Iowa and their “nonGovt” plans.
Chck Grasly is NO NAIL. Nails are actually pretty sharp, har har.
Where, precisely, does one volunteer to serve on one of these Death Panels?
I keep trying to apply, but no luck.
“If as someday it may happen
That a victim must be found
I’ve got a little list . . . .”
June Cleaver 2.0: I remember having to debate the Federalist papers in US history, which was almost interesting. I cannot imagine our descendants having to debate tweets. Or write horribly long papers on them. Why does Twitter hate America(n history students)?
XPLODIN DEFICIT
BIFF HARDMEAT
SLAB ROCKBODY
BIG MCLARGEHUGE
Cicada: Nice! U NAILED HIM!
June Cleaver 2.0: In the future, historians will require Texting and Twitter Dictionaries (Textionaries? Twitinaries?) to decode Tweets and other texting-based primary documents. I see a whole new avenue for newly minted assistant professors to publish reference works.
the deliverator: Don’t worry, all future term papers will be 140 characters or less. And debates will be conducted in LOL speak.
I CAN HAZ REBUTTAL?
This morning on NPR they had an English doc who’d been on the board of their National Health trust, addressed as “Lord” somebody or other so apparently a member of the House of Lords, and they played a clip of Grassley saying that in England, Teddy’d be dead already because National Health wouldn’t give him the same treatment he gets here.
Lord Somebody-or-Other, MD, with admirable restraint answers, “Absolutely not!”
So does Steve Innkeeper or whoever he is call up Grassley and say, “You lyin’ sack o’shit, how can you spew this shameless tissue of mendacity?”
Uh, no…and didn’t even give the usual limp-dick excuse about “Sen Grassley could not be reached for comment.”
Fuck it, if NPR won’t pitch in, what hope is there?
Makes no sense.
One more reason to Hate the Heartland. And I say that as a resident of Montana.
Hippies! Dagnabit, it’s those hippies who’re causing all this mess! Marge, bring me my medicine!
Alzheimer’s for sure, He can’t remember what he just said. Time for Iowans to retire this guy and send him before the death panel to be evaluated for a future career as Soylent Green.
Cicada: Oh, goody! I’ll make sure to stock up on pics of cats in amusing positions - visual aids for my kids’ speeches.
Cicada: You are our snarky Emily Dickenson.
He is again (still?) off his fucking nut.
Fuck them all. Obama, now is the time. Push through the most liberal health-care agenda since Medicaid (the nerve of those socialists of yesteryear!!!!), running over the crumpled writhing bodies of those fuckwits stupid enough to still stand in the way of progress.
This is a brilliant and eye-opening piece for those who haven’t read it…
http://tinyurl.com/lf2ywm
Cicada: If only our Founding Fathers were so eloquent as to speak in LOLCat because nothing would inspire people to Revolution as much as picture of a cute little kitty in a colonial tri-corner hat saying “Rights- We Haz Them”
freakishlystrong:
“One wonders if that Luntz asshole wrote the Twitterz talking points as well. I mean govt takovr?” disgustedcitizen: “I am so sick of the same fucking bastards that are covered by government operated health insurance tell me just how evil government operated health care is.”
And no one except Olbermann & Schultz are calling these f*****s out on this & every other loon hypocritical bs they spew. It’s like I said upstream about Dickipedia Armey on Meet the Press. Watch the clip! He has a fat pension & the best health care in the universe & he was actually laughing at the camera as he harpooned medicare & social security. LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF AS HE SPOKE! WATCH! They are beating our tails with this nonsense and they know it. This is old timey Lee Atwater/Rove/Willie Horton rethuglican schtick. Find a few fear mongering phrases & run wild with them: “kill grandma”, “government takeover”, “tyranny”, repeat 8 million times then send arsenals to town halls to feign some kind of grey panther revolution of some sort. It’s comedy to them, death to 18,000 Americans who die every year from lack of health care & payback for their f****d up ‘08 campaign & now we’re f*****g this up. I don’t believe there is some big strategy up this administrations sleeves. This adminstration has lost it’s mojo big time. That’s what happens when you deal with the devil (insurance/pharmaceutical companies/blow dogs/DC moth ridden hacks that are so enslaved to insurance/pharma they’ll never give in ON ANY BILL.
June Cleaver 2.0: I believe this roughly translates to: I am a total douchey senatorial has-been who fortifies himself with a buttery stack of dicks every morning.
Again with the Fox News Bitch calling out her own people for babbling nonsense. She’s going to get sent to the dungeon soon, no?
His face is falling off- really, look at his photos and tell me that the skin isn’t about to come off.
Grassley: I was for death panels before I was against them.
I’m having a hard time making a call on this one. Normally, blue eye shadow is egregious, but done subtly as a part of a nexus with the studio background and the blue dress with a plunging neckline, on a dumb blonde, I think it actually works.
Wait- The foxy lady was saying something about health care? Well, damn. I thought she was a Maybelline advertisement on Glen Beck’s show.
June Cleaver 2.0: They will be written in beautifully eloquent Mandarin…
June Cleaver 2.0: It is a sad day indeed when the majority of drunken comments about buttsecks here at Wonkette come closer to expressing rational human thought than anything our elected representatives can twat.
AnnieGetYourFun: You forgot to mention buttsecks, you stupid whore.
Ah for the poetic twattery of Lady Peggy, the American Madame de Staël.
I fucking hate twitter. If God wanted everyone to write like a used car classified, he would’ve intelligently designed us that way. Srsly.
Fire Max Bachus! really. he gave this idiot a platform. sign the petition.
teebob2000: Your exhortation implies that Obama wants to pass a wholly liberal expansion of health care, and is not as beholden to the insurance, health and pharma industries as Baucus & friends. I have serious doubts about this implication.
masterdebater: No lie: I once spent a week in Georgetown University Hospital forced to share a room with a Mormon Amway saleswoman. That’s the kind of healthcare I wish on all Republicans.
That news bunny is so hot it almost doesn’t matter there’s a crazy homeless man yapping at her.
I bet the soundtrack in her head as she’s waiting to speak consists of Tom & Jerry theme music and the sound of cash registers falling down stairs.
SlouchingTowardsWasilla: That makes it “fair” when he can respond with another bucket of shit. “Why don’t you want to kill Grandmothers, Senator?”
Why doesn’t she ask why “there was no talk about saving money” back in 2003? Wait - wasn’t he just complaining that the Nazicats bill doesn’t doing anything about saving money? But isn’t that like contranegatory?
And in what sense is Grassley a “has been”? Was he ever an “is” - other than a Senator from Iowa, which surely doesn’t count more than being a cat’s twat?
Someone just show him your teats already.
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for long, long years
Stole many man’s soul and faith
And I was ’round when Clinton
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that hubris
Sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around Washington
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed Health Care and socialism
While the Marxists screamed in vain
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
(woo woo, woo woo-okay)
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for collectivists
Who got killed before they reached DC
(woo woo, who who-alright)
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
(who who okay)
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game,
oh yeah, get down, baby
(who who, who who)
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
(woo woo, who who, okay)
Just as every HMO is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
‘Cause I’m in need of some restraint
(hoo hoo, hoo hoo, amem)
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
(woo woo, woo, okay)
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste, um yeah
(woo woo, woo woo, tambien)
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
(who who?)
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game,
get down now
(woo woo, woo a-woo, okay)
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
(woo woo, hnow)
Tell me baby, what’s my name
Tell me honey, can you guess my name
Tell me baby, what’s my name
Chuck Grassley’s my name
Man, I wish now more than ever for the creation of honest-to-goodness death panels for folks as evil as old-assed Grassley.
In Grssly’s defense, his tweet doesn’t contain any fewer clues to its content than the Hebrew bible does to its content.