Wonkette
Very funny things happen when Mike Huckabee opens his mouth and says words about foreign policy. Remember the above clip from one of those hilarious 2008 GOP primary debates? He just had no idea what to say! And things don’t seem to have changed much, given today’s very confident declaration of no-peace.
While the U.S. (Democrats and Republicans), the PLO, and even psychotic war-monster Bibi Netanyahu all more or less agree to plot out some two-state solution going forward… Mike Huckabee disagrees(!):
Former U.S. presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee said Tuesday there is no room for a Palestinian state ‘in the middle of the Jewish homeland’ and Israel should be able to build settlements wherever it wants — taking a stance firmly at odds with Washington.
Reject Obama’s plan for a government takeover of foreign policy — TODAY.
Huckabee says 2 states in Holy Land ‘unrealistic’ [AP/TPM via Foreign Policy]
Novak is dead. If Wonkette doesn’t piss off Denby, it’s not doing its job.
You know who else can rot in hell?
Jeebus will not come back until Israel has taken over the total of the ancient homeland. Huckelberry just wants to see his Jeebus. Then all the true believers will dissappear into space with Jeebus and the Anti christ Liz Cheney will rule! until the nuclear war and all that are left on Earth will die. the end.
Love Hucks optimistic future for our lovely planet Earth!
so Huckabee is on the side of Gog or is it Magog? Very hard to keep up with teh krazee.
Well they’re gonna have to do something with all those ’surplus’ Palestinians. Let’s ask Huck if he’s like to resettle them in Arkansas.
No, wait. The Palestinians have suffered enough.
Brit Hume: Are we being big fucking pussies if we don’t immediately blow up anything flying the Iranian flag as soon as it rises above the horizon?
Mike Huckabee: Fuck yeah!
[Audience]: Whooooah! Fuck yeah!
trickyrick: Huckelberry just wants to see his Jeebus.
There’s a much quicker way to realize that goal.
Novak bit it. Denied entry into hell. “Isn’t this place bad enough!”, satan.
Sorry, Jim, foreign policy has already been privatized to Lockheed-Martin, Haliburton, etc. They decide, we pay. And it’s working great!
I need more context - was Huckabee saying this after more than 2 hours without food?
Oh hell, let’s just give Arkansas to the Palestinians. Maybe throw in Louisiana too. (No, that would be unnecessarily cruel.)
“Israel is a place where they’re going to allow other cultures and religions, but don’t ask the Jewish people whose homeland it is to completely yield over their ability to live within the context of their country”
Bush 3.0 - Armageddon ready!
Come here a minute: Ding. Fucking. Dong.
may he rot in hell.
I wonder if he and James Watt still sleep together. You remember him? That lovely Secretary of the Interior who said that the environment wasn’t worth saving because Jaysus was going to return any minute now and kill everybody so who cares about spotted owls?
user-of-owls: Aw, beat me to it!
user-of-owls: Todd Mecklem: *points eyes upward*
Trickyrick:
Surprised that I’m using a blog comment to get your attention? Well, don’t be it seems everything I’ve said has been distorted, twisted and pretty much fucked up any real message I ever had - in fact I’m no longer sure what I said. I even got one of those bibles with my words printed in red - to you know, refresh my memory - didn’t do it for me. But that’s not what I’m here to talk to you about today. It’s about addressing me or using my name as Jeebus most often seen in blog commentary. Look (said in appropriate senatorial Sunday TV tones) my name is Jesus only a fuckin’ 10 year old who’s afraid his head is going to explode for using my god given (heh heh) name would say Jeebus. Think about it. When you pray e.g. please let my team win, do you say “please Jeebus let my team win”? You don’t do you because you think I might miss your sniveling and your team will lose. You need have no fear there, nobody I know gives a rat’s ass if your team wins but you get the point.
Most adults who use my name as an emphatic rhetorical flourish use it appropriately. Many examples come to mind - Jesus, Christ, Christ almighty, the always popular Jesus H. Christ (anybody care to guess what the H stands for - you could win an iPod), - what am I forgetting here? Anyway, I’m more likely to listen to somebody say “hey asshole, you really fucked me how about some love” than “Jeebus blah blah blah”.
One other thing, please consider naming your sons something else I’m sick of being confused with baseball players or possibly revolutionaries. Come to think of it I like revolutionaries if only they didn’t turn into the people they hate so often.
(signed)
The Names Jesus
P.S. I think I like this blogging shit. Nobody gets to manipulate my words or meaning, those asshole fundamentalists come to mind. For the record they’re all wrong about me but so is everybody else.
Hucklebee (as Ron Paul calls him) said Jesus would be too smart to ever run for public office. So nice of him to prove once more that his followers don’t have to be so qualified. But my question for the christards is if Jesus was master of the universe, and he actually came down here and saw all the shit that was going on what with the Romans bending over and collectively fucking the Jews, and his followers begged him to take care of that shit, and he said no thanks and let the Romans nail his ass to a cross, what makes you think fighting is the christian way to resolve anything now?
Huck: “There will never be peace in teh Holy Landz, so why bother? Trust me, I know intransigent, backward, religious fucks.”
Huckles was so svelte back in the day….
Why doesn’t this gloppy sad fatfuck do a JTP and take a jaunt over to Gaza. I’m sure there’s a nice bunch of Hamas folks who would be happy to see him coming.
Todd Mecklem: Two state solution. Also.
american mutt: Ooh ooh, mememememememe…I wanna guess! Is it John Bolton?
He then ate a Palestinian family to prove his point.
Just when I thought it might be safe to enter a high-rise in lower Manhattan again. Thanks, Huck, you dickhead.
Prepare to See the Gates of Hell
Spinal Tap at its best
The Names Jesus: Ah, lighten up, Francis.
It happens every time a Southern Baptist minister starts preaching the OT.
God gave the land to the Jews.
If they’d do a couple of things.
They got the land
They didn’t do the things (’cept for King David).
The next three thousand years and eight hundred pages is a chronicle of God whuppin’ their asses over it.
But Mikey the Southern Baptist Minister thinks Gods all done being pissed at his stiff necked people.
Apparently he hasn’t heard about Bernie Madoff.
Isn’t it about to bulldoze the Al-Aqusa shrine and rebuild the Jewish Temple so Jeebus will come back.
SmutBoffin: Don’t forget “intolerant”!!!
The Names Jesus: The H. stands for tiresome apologetics.
In fairness, Huckabee is very consistent, and supports the right of Native Americans to build settlements where ever they want in their native homeland. And Casinos.
“…But in this instance, the American warships…” WHAT ?!?! WHAT?!? How can Wonkette leave us hanging like… like chads in the wind. All we are is chads in the wind. Oh wait. That was some other elekshun. It’s getting hard to keep our End Time Warriors straight.
Hate fucking Christian religious freaks talk about the glories of the Jewish homeland because when they mean “God gave the Jews a homeland in the Bible” what they really mean is “it’ll help start that Rapture thingy and Jews make really excellent cannon fodder when the shit goes down.” But not as much as I hate Jews who suck up to the Christian religious freaks despite it all (cough….Joe Lieberman….cough).
widget09: Don’t forget the unblemished red heifer (not our beloved ginger, Jim) that Orthodox Hebrew geneticists are using germline therapy to create.
Which will them be burnt like a Mickey D’s Quarter Pounder (NO CHEESE, NO CHEESE!!!) in Der Dritte Temple!
H = Hey, don’t forget the apostrophe! (And no, that isn’t part of the Apocrypha, so don’t get exercised about it.) Jeebus.
queeraselvis v 2.0: “happy to see him coming.”
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Few things are easier made than a threat you need never back up. Sort of like that “gates of hell” comment. If some anonymous 19 year old has to back up the threat, it easily made by your average, overweight, republican… or their representatives.
I suggest we go to Huck’s house and build a smaller house inside his house. After all, he has stated support for such efforts.
Tommmcatt: There was a day no loaf of Velveeta in the state was safe.
I live here, but if it will shut the damn Israelis and Joe Lieberman up I’ll cheerfully move and let the Palestinians have the place (after they kill the people who wouldn’t move, which makes it a two-fer by my reckoning).
Huckleberry Hound is just clarifying the words of ol’JC. Jesus never really believed any of that ‘turn the other cheek’ or ‘do onto others’ crap he said anyway. He just spouted that pacifist b.s. to attract the chicks.
I miss the Republican debates: a contest to see who could blurt out the most over-the-top crazy, testosterone-poisoned, Bible-thumpin’, war-mongering sound bite.
Host: Republican Candidate Number 1, how do you feel about little kittens?
Republican Candidate Number 1: I would sledge hammer them to protect the United States of America.
Kansas/ArKansas, North Carolina/South Carolina, Virginia/West Virginia, Minnesota/Bachmann Country — the two-state solution never works.
Serolf Divad: Wow, way to sum up American foreign policy for the past 30 years. That was actually kind of spooky in its succinctness.
Now way can we afford lavish foreign aide for 2 states. I personally think the 2 states should be Israel and Dearborn.
The Names Jesus: I want to believe you’re real. I really do.
LittlePig: Amen to that. The Israelis are welcome to build settlements in that lovely park right next to the statehouse, and as a bonus they can also take in the house that’s featured at the beginning of Designing Women. Or they can just have Maumelle, for the lulz.
The Names Jesus: Pick up “The Elements of Style” by Strunk and White. Your punctuation is atrocious, my Lord…
We could just have Huckabee eat them.
The Names Jesus: Hey, when are you gonna Rapture the ‘Tards?
The Names Jesus: I think the issue here is that “Jesus” refers to the holy person quoted in the New Testament as saying “love your neighbor as yourself.” “Jeebus,” however, is the entity worshiped by those known as “Evangelicals,” “Mega-churchers,” “C-Streeters,” “rednecks,” and the like, and who is believed to have said “yeah, love your neighbor as long as he is white, packs heat, drives a gas-guzzler, and hates the browns (and we ain’t talk’n the Cleveland kind) as much as you do.”
queeraselvis v 2.0: Or mail them to Pine Bluff, between the squalor and gunfire, they’d feel right at home.
user-of-owls: Is that in Kansas? I hope it’s in Kansas. All of those talabangelicals LOVE the Jues!
JooJoo Bee, didn’t forget it. There is no apostrophe in Aramaic.
Jodyleek chicks were never an issue especially after the water wine thing. In my day they thought me and the boys either liked goats or one another. Not sure what was thought to be worse from the common point of view of the times. Hey we liked one another sure enough but I just didn’t roll that way - not too sure about some of the fellas though. Oil and hair rubbing all over your feet just changes a man don’t you know.
Well, seriously, what else would you expect Huckabee to think? He’s a premillenial evangelical Christian. They make the rest of us Christians cringe in horror.
schvitzatura: Would that be a boneless skinless cow? I am befuddled that those boneless skinless chickens get around very much, I think they’re something like jellyfish….kind of a blob.
jagorev: They make the rest of us Christians cringe in horror.
On behalf of Lutherans world-wide, Amen, brother, amen.
McDuff: Episcopalians in the hizzouse!
If there are two states, which ones will Gog and Magog live in?
WadISay: San Francisco and Araby, duh.
WadISay: Yeah I really enjoyed the repartee at one of those Repub debates where, if memory serves, Romney & Comb-over Huck were trying to out-macho each other and the exchange went something like: “No way would i ever EVER close Gitmo” “Well if I were preznit I would SUPERSIZE Gitmo!” McCain then cast upon these 2 yokels a withering & contemptuos glare which telegraphed “You douchebags; I’ve crashed more planes than YOU’VE rode business class!” Good times…
jagorev: McDuff: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CRAZY ASS JEBUS FREAKS
norbizness: FYI, Episcopalians are not “Christians.” I’m Babtis, and I’m keeping my mouth shut.
Have you seen Huckabee lately, Mr “if I can do it so can you” (lose weight), he’s BIGGER than the Palestinian state right now and growing.
Can you remember when Huckabee and Palin and McCain were actually “contenders” in the presidential race?
Wellstones Ghost: You can tie off and remove part of a man’s stomach, but you still can’t seal his pie hole shut. Hucklebee likes the strawberry pie at Shoney’s.
Peace will prevent armageddon and thus delay the return of the messiah and the destruction of the Jews and liberals.
A fervent desire to destroy all life on this planet is not a qualification for the presidency.
Airborne Toxic Event: Have you heard Huckabee’s old heavy metal double album, Fat Out of Hell? His duet with Meatloaf—the food, not the artist—is amazing!
On Huckabee’s most recent album, This is Angioplasty, he dabbles in light jazz to much less memorable effect.
Todd Mecklem: Theodore Herzl was involved in negotiations with British PM, Joseph Chamberlain, circa 1900, to settle the Jews in a new homeland in Uganda. So Arkansas isn’t so strange. Also, the idea of ome of those nutball settler types from the West Bank feuding with hillbillies over a piece of the Ozarks could be quite entertaining. The Arkansas bitters would have a legitimate reason to turn to guns and religion.
Huck needs to go back to spending his days putting things into his mouth.
Wooooow. How did I miss that little nugget during the primary season? Here I was, thinking that Huckabee was a no-nothing jerk because he mocked uncontroverted evidence of torture, and condescended to the gays about not having “bled enough” for their cause in being able to get married. little did I know that his understanding of foreign policy is about as non-existent as my dog’s chances in winning the presidency.
user-of-owls: I am sure they will find some kind of final solution for them.
user-of-owls: Surplus Palestinians do the manual labor in Israel: pick the tomatoes and oranges, hew the wood, carry the water.
trickyrick: However, the last shall be first and the first shall be last. Doesn’t sound good for the Huckabees of the world.
In actual, genuine, archaeological, fact, Palestinians are descended from Israelites (Jews Samaritans, etc.) living in the Roman province of Palestine. Of course, after 3-4, 000 years, everyone in the world is descended from Abraham. (Always assuming the Bible is literal history, a shaky assumption.)