death

A Children’s Treasury Of Government-Solicited YouTubes About The Flu

Back in May or February or some other month, the world went nuts over a bunch of Mexicans giving everyone flu, from pigs, in an attempt to take over the world. But when Americans actually got this flu, they did not find it much worse than “regular American flu,” which only kills old people, gremlins, and dragons. This false alarm did not stop the government, a.k.a. “that Sebelius lady,” from launching a YouTube contest in JULY to “create a 15, 30, or 60 second video Public Service Announcement (PSA) that will inform and motivate people to take steps that will help prevent the spread of the flu.” That means any flu! The submission period ends tonight at midnight, and the winner will receive $2,500 while his or her winning video will “be featured on broadcast TV and on government Web sites.” Your Wonkette has viewed all 155 submissions (read: like six or seven), and… uh… you’re in a bit of a bind, Sebelius.

The first video at the top of this post makes a common error: not following the very basic contest instructions. The instructions say, in bold, “NOTE: Entries must be exactly 15, 30 or 60 seconds to pass this screening process.” The other problem with this first video: it is nonsense. DOES IT WANT US TO GET THE FLU?

Here’s some guy eatin’ sandwiches and blowin’ snot all over the ladies. These are both terrible things to do.

Sponsored Video

As our H1N1 operative “Christy” describes this one, “Cute old man raps and it is sad because he probably really just needs the $2,500.” Someone help this hobo!

Guy walks into a doctor’s office to beat the fucking shit out of a lady. Where are his manners? But she wins, because she is a doctor.

“Now that we’ve filmed this, let’s return to our woodland threesome.”

Contestants [YouTube]
2009 Flu Prevention PSA Contest [Flu.gov]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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25 comments

  1. chascates

    To save money and cull the herd we should make sure the vaccine just contains sugar water. We have too many fat kids as it is and the old people are taking up valuable health resources.

  2. Country Club Jihadi

    I can actually imagine “Tito and the Mom Jeans” in some kind of sick, “Real Sex” threesome. Now I’m gagging on the post-nasal drip caused by whatever the fuck I caught on the subway last week. Just elevates the excitement and makes me feel part of it all.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, and last night there was a headline on Dredge that said something like “Concern over safety of Swine Flu Vaccine — 25 Deaths” or some such. It was a link to a Daily Mail piece about how the swine flu vaccine in 1976 killed 25 people and made many people vulnerable to Guillaine-Barre Syndrome. The vaccine for the current H1N1 flu hasn’t been made yet — but who needs facts when you’ve got a good scary headline?

  4. RoscoePColtraine

    Oh, I so hope this one wins. It features high school cheerleaders, natural acting ability, indecipherable dialogue and exquisite production values. You almost forget to care what the message is about.

  5. assistant/atlas

    Yeah, so everybody stop making fun of Hollywood or this is all the entertainment you’ll get. We may be libtards, but at least we make watchable programming.

  6. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=388662]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Don’t care for JTP’s new duds in the video, but he’s certainly more articulate.

  7. WhatTheHeck

    Here’s my entry. No video. Just a headline:
    “Don’t be such a dick. Take a prick… for the swine in you.”

  8. hobospacejunkie

    [re=388599]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Yeah, notice of this contest appears to have gone out exclusively to special ed schools and short bus riders.

  9. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=388636]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I loves me some anti-vaccine literature. Just throw in a few anti-fluoride-in-the-drinking-water types, and you have yourself a party.

  10. Better American Than You

    Remember 1918? Infected people “died struggling to clear their airways of a blood-tinged froth that sometimes gushed from their nose and mouth.” An estimated 675,000 Americans died of influenza during the pandemic, ten times as many as in the world war.

    We should turn the anti-vaccine folks over to Michael Vick.

  11. S.Luggo

    The Obamacare (aka Mandatory Death Panel) Flu will be far worster:
    1. First to be hit: those patriotic “town hall” olds on Medicare, growling about socialism and how their damned kids nebber visit them, and when those worthless hippies do, all they want is steal grammie amd grampy’s diuretics to sell on the black market to get the money to buy a Prius with CableVision
    2. Next: Our precious freedoms
    3. Finally: The 2nd Amendment and the God-given right to carry a Glock 9 in pubic

  12. SayItWithWookies

    [re=388755]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hey, the polio vaccine causes AIDS. At least that’s what a bunch of Muslim clerics are saying in Nigeria. Which, by the strangest coincidence, is now suffering epidemic levels of — wait for it — polio.

  13. Sick Puppy

    I see Sebelius’s problem: no Colbertnation. If he greenscreened himself with a syringe and maybe a Star Wars light sabre, she would have many submissions that would bring teh hilarity and drive the point home.

  14. marky

    Hey that older man is funny, I don’t really care for his flu video but I think his other vidoes are great, calling him a Hobo wasn’t really nice considering it seems like he is doing this for fun. I hope I have this kind of a sense of humor when I get to be his age, he must be at least 80 or so.

    here are the links, he did one on Cypress Hill, man this one is funny but he has a ton of great ones

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MkhC4L0UcM

    and this one about getting old

    there are tons of them

    I am subscribing!!!!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtP4VBL0olI

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