DEATH  4:34 pm August 17, 2009

A Children’s Treasury Of Government-Solicited YouTubes About The Flu

by Jim Newell

Back in May or February or some other month, the world went nuts over a bunch of Mexicans giving everyone flu, from pigs, in an attempt to take over the world. But when Americans actually got this flu, they did not find it much worse than “regular American flu,” which only kills old people, gremlins, and dragons. This false alarm did not stop the government, a.k.a. “that Sebelius lady,” from launching a YouTube contest in JULY to “create a 15, 30, or 60 second video Public Service Announcement (PSA) that will inform and motivate people to take steps that will help prevent the spread of the flu.” That means any flu! The submission period ends tonight at midnight, and the winner will receive $2,500 while his or her winning video will “be featured on broadcast TV and on government Web sites.” Your Wonkette has viewed all 155 submissions (read: like six or seven), and… uh… you’re in a bit of a bind, Sebelius.

The first video at the top of this post makes a common error: not following the very basic contest instructions. The instructions say, in bold, “NOTE: Entries must be exactly 15, 30 or 60 seconds to pass this screening process.” The other problem with this first video: it is nonsense. DOES IT WANT US TO GET THE FLU?

Here’s some guy eatin’ sandwiches and blowin’ snot all over the ladies. These are both terrible things to do.

As our H1N1 operative “Christy” describes this one, “Cute old man raps and it is sad because he probably really just needs the $2,500.” Someone help this hobo!

Guy walks into a doctor’s office to beat the fucking shit out of a lady. Where are his manners? But she wins, because she is a doctor.

“Now that we’ve filmed this, let’s return to our woodland threesome.”

Contestants [YouTube]
2009 Flu Prevention PSA Contest [Flu.gov]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 25 comments }

AxmxZ August 17, 2009 at 4:39 pm

Two girls, one syringe.

Rodney Badger August 17, 2009 at 4:42 pm

It’s too bad that the video comparing Swine Flu to Hitler didn’t make the finals.

SayItWithWookies August 17, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Worst. Porn. Ever.

RoscoePColtraine August 17, 2009 at 4:45 pm

“The Blair Witch Project” of PSA’s.

America is a center-retarded country, too.

facehead August 17, 2009 at 4:58 pm
chascates August 17, 2009 at 5:02 pm

To save money and cull the herd we should make sure the vaccine just contains sugar water. We have too many fat kids as it is and the old people are taking up valuable health resources.

Min August 17, 2009 at 5:04 pm

Where’s The Gong Show when you really need it?

Country Club Jihadi August 17, 2009 at 5:05 pm

I can actually imagine “Tito and the Mom Jeans” in some kind of sick, “Real Sex” threesome. Now I’m gagging on the post-nasal drip caused by whatever the fuck I caught on the subway last week. Just elevates the excitement and makes me feel part of it all.

SayItWithWookies August 17, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Oh, and last night there was a headline on Dredge that said something like “Concern over safety of Swine Flu Vaccine — 25 Deaths” or some such. It was a link to a Daily Mail piece about how the swine flu vaccine in 1976 killed 25 people and made many people vulnerable to Guillaine-Barre Syndrome. The vaccine for the current H1N1 flu hasn’t been made yet — but who needs facts when you’ve got a good scary headline?

RoscoePColtraine August 17, 2009 at 5:15 pm

Oh, I so hope this one wins. It features high school cheerleaders, natural acting ability, indecipherable dialogue and exquisite production values. You almost forget to care what the message is about.

Monsieur Grumpe August 17, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Kids, this is what will happen if you don’t get vaccinated early!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdij9NWQ-Zw

Start at 8:31

Accordion-o-rama August 17, 2009 at 5:25 pm

M. Grumpe: My God, it’s Joe the Plumber!

ServiceJervixJuice August 17, 2009 at 5:26 pm

All of those videos hurted me.

assistant/atlas August 17, 2009 at 5:27 pm

Yeah, so everybody stop making fun of Hollywood or this is all the entertainment you’ll get. We may be libtards, but at least we make watchable programming.

Accordion-o-rama August 17, 2009 at 5:37 pm

[re=388662]Accordion-o-rama[/re]: Don’t care for JTP’s new duds in the video, but he’s certainly more articulate.

WhatTheHeck August 17, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Here’s my entry. No video. Just a headline:
“Don’t be such a dick. Take a prick… for the swine in you.”

hobospacejunkie August 17, 2009 at 6:56 pm

[re=388599]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Yeah, notice of this contest appears to have gone out exclusively to special ed schools and short bus riders.

AnnieGetYourFun August 17, 2009 at 6:58 pm

[re=388636]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I loves me some anti-vaccine literature. Just throw in a few anti-fluoride-in-the-drinking-water types, and you have yourself a party.

Better American Than You August 17, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Remember 1918? Infected people “died struggling to clear their airways of a blood-tinged froth that sometimes gushed from their nose and mouth.” An estimated 675,000 Americans died of influenza during the pandemic, ten times as many as in the world war.

We should turn the anti-vaccine folks over to Michael Vick.

S.Luggo August 17, 2009 at 9:09 pm

The Obamacare (aka Mandatory Death Panel) Flu will be far worster:
1. First to be hit: those patriotic “town hall” olds on Medicare, growling about socialism and how their damned kids nebber visit them, and when those worthless hippies do, all they want is steal grammie amd grampy’s diuretics to sell on the black market to get the money to buy a Prius with CableVision
2. Next: Our precious freedoms
3. Finally: The 2nd Amendment and the God-given right to carry a Glock 9 in pubic

SayItWithWookies August 17, 2009 at 9:24 pm

[re=388755]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hey, the polio vaccine causes AIDS. At least that’s what a bunch of Muslim clerics are saying in Nigeria. Which, by the strangest coincidence, is now suffering epidemic levels of — wait for it — polio.

FlipOffResearch August 18, 2009 at 12:52 am

I saw this thing at 5pm and made a cartoon to submit by midnight. Only it took so long to upload, that I missed the deadline. Still a 7 hour turn.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYymC9Od_ao

Sick Puppy August 18, 2009 at 3:08 am

I see Sebelius’s problem: no Colbertnation. If he greenscreened himself with a syringe and maybe a Star Wars light sabre, she would have many submissions that would bring teh hilarity and drive the point home.

coochiemama August 18, 2009 at 4:02 am
marky August 21, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Hey that older man is funny, I don’t really care for his flu video but I think his other vidoes are great, calling him a Hobo wasn’t really nice considering it seems like he is doing this for fun. I hope I have this kind of a sense of humor when I get to be his age, he must be at least 80 or so.

here are the links, he did one on Cypress Hill, man this one is funny but he has a ton of great ones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MkhC4L0UcM

and this one about getting old

there are tons of them

I am subscribing!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtP4VBL0olI

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