RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  4:05 pm August 17, 2009

Dr. Taitz Is Familiar With Barack Obama’s Homosexual Escapades, And Also, Ether Binges

by Riley Waggaman

  • Roy Blunt (R-MO) knows stuff about Canada. He knows that in Canada, they speak French and Spanglish, and that “bacon” is really just lame slices of ham. Roy knows that if you need a hip replacement, the Canadian government sends to you live in poverty, with the Eskimos, who have no need for hips. [AMERICAblog]
  • If Obama abandons the public option, hundreds of House members will put catheters in their weenies — à la Mike Gravel — and read Infinite Jest again and again and again, until they get their way (Hitler socialism). [TPM]
  • Orly Taitz is the poster child for cannabis psychosis. [Salon]
  • RedState Bible Study! God spoketh unto Abraham, “Abraham. Hey. Kill the public option.” So Abraham dragged the public option up a mountain, and stabbed it in the face. “Jesus Christ,” howled the Lord. “That was just a test. You weren’t supposed to do that, really.” And then Abraham shrugged and gave an exhilarating speech at Right Online, in the sinful city of Pittsburgh. The End. [RedState]
  • Is the Washington Post snorting Prozac? Or maybe taking handfuls of Flintstone Zoloft vitamins every day? If so, please stop being greedy, and share with TNR. [The Plank]
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Hola wonkerados.

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CrunchyKnee August 17, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Blunt/Grassly ’12

V572625694 August 17, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Let’s see: WaPo, which is owned by a rich Jewish neocon family and published more or less as a hobby anyway, is being ridiculed by The New Republic, which is owned by a rich Jewish neocon and published more or less as a hobby, only less frequently. Hard to know who to feel sorrier for.

AxmxZ August 17, 2009 at 4:15 pm

“I’m on Skype with Orly Taitz, and from Israel the queen bee of the Birthers is telling me that Barack Obama had all his gay lovers rubbed out, Chicago-style.”


ChernobylSoup v2 August 17, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Riley: love the Abraham reference. Never thought that part of Genesis make the lord look so hot. Really didn’t like it when my dad preached about Abraham’s “faithfulness”. Now that I’ve got a son I know I’d be all “the fuck you want me to do?!?! Kiss my ass, I’m going with that Baal or golden calf or some such.”

norbizness August 17, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Ah, the obligatory Red State link. I can only hope that all Wonkette readers have the good sense to pretend it’s not there.

El Pinche August 17, 2009 at 4:19 pm

News media..please more psychos, quitters, and liars. Forget John Holdren, we need more taitz, palin, and fat moranic TEABAGGERS!!

SmutBoffin August 17, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Cannabis psychosis? What about plain old crazy-in-the-peanut psychosis?

sezme August 17, 2009 at 4:22 pm

In Canada, we force the olds to get their hips replaced (for free). Then we debone the olds’ hips, slice them up, and sell them in the supermarket as ‘bacon’. So delicious! Roy Blunt knows nothing.

Norbert August 17, 2009 at 4:22 pm

“Listen to an hour of Salon’s interview with Orly Taitz here.” I would rather have my brittle Eskimo hips replaced without anaesthetic, as happens 85% of the time in Canuckistan.

eleventybillionblogs August 17, 2009 at 4:26 pm

I hope the Bachmann/Palin ticket gets Orly Taitz as a campaign manager, so we can have a trifecta of bat shit crazy going on.

Rodney Badger August 17, 2009 at 4:28 pm

[re=388542]AxmxZ[/re]: They do it with neon-green relish and celery salt. It tends to chafe.

shadowMark August 17, 2009 at 4:29 pm

I liked that scene in “Abraham Shrugged” where Abraham takes control of God’s radio and tells everyone God is a thug gangster.

Lord Growing August 17, 2009 at 4:29 pm

As a longtime sufferer of cannabis psychosis, I gotta say … dude, what?

AxmxZ August 17, 2009 at 4:30 pm

[re=388568]Rodney Badger[/re]: Something something tasty hotdog.

magic titty August 17, 2009 at 4:31 pm

[re=388548]norbizness[/re]: I clicked it. I sad now.

Paul Tardy August 17, 2009 at 4:32 pm

It’s time to chant: No Obama Care, No Afghanistan. That’ll kick’em where it hurts.

mattbolt August 17, 2009 at 4:34 pm

For the last time, we don’t eat Canadian bacon instead of normal bacon, we call bacon “bacon”, and we call Canadian bacon “peameal bacon”, but you’re only allowed 3 slices per day, or else the roving, brownshirted Health Squadrons might accuse you of a Class-3 HealthCrime, which-OHGOD I’ve said too much

magic titty August 17, 2009 at 4:34 pm

If she changed her name to Oily Titz I might just listen to what she has to say.

Prommie August 17, 2009 at 4:34 pm

Ya gotta read past the first 100 pages of Infinite Jest, there is so much more to it that cannabis psychosis. There are alligators.

Don Juanquete August 17, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Wiki finally has a Taitz entry, which says she was born in 1962. Show me the birth certificate! Cripes, that babushka looks 70 with a lot of surgery at best. Joan Rivers could be her l’il sister.

kdaddy August 17, 2009 at 4:35 pm

lawyer/dentist/ real estate agent:
She’ll sell you a house, pull all your teeth when you can’t make a payment, and then sue your

SayItWithWookies August 17, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=388548]norbizness[/re]: Ha, too late. Like an inbred yokel who tunes in to Maury to see if my cousins are having a DNA test, I simply can’t help myself. And today Erick Erickson does the stupid in a way only someone named Erick Erickson can:

If you aren’t a Christian, you may not understand this, but I’ll put it here anyway.

Yes, if there’s any abstruse and subtle worldview extant today, it’s the brand of Christianity espoused by conservatives. And just in case us lunkheaded heathens can’t figure it out, Mr. Taintless Taintlessson informs us that the LORD, who blesses his favorites with untold material wealth, still wants them to work in politics — to fight those filthy rich and comfortable liberals who amassed riches in spite of hating Jesus.

In sum, by their fruits ye shall know them. Unless their fruits are the same as your fruits, in which case they are despicable liars.

norbizness August 17, 2009 at 4:38 pm

[re=388579]Paul Tardy[/re]: Hey hey, BHO. How many civilians did you kill with Predator drones?

Needs work.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 17, 2009 at 4:43 pm

OMIGOD, I can’t believe I finished reading the whole Oily Taints article. I feel like I need a shower and a nice brain bleaching.

ioksotot23 August 17, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Vive Les Assassins des Fauteuils Rollents !!!!

Accordion-o-rama August 17, 2009 at 4:49 pm

We definitely need to keep Oily in the pubic eye.

AbstinenceOnly Ed August 17, 2009 at 4:52 pm

I want to buy a glass house from this natural-born nincompoop.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 17, 2009 at 4:53 pm

[re=388586]kdaddy[/re]: I can’t wait, some day she’s bound to get “roto rooter” and “root canal” mixed up and have to sue herself for malpractice.

Naked Bunny with a Whip August 17, 2009 at 4:53 pm

I suppose I’d be upset about the whole health-care-reform debacle if I’d had any expectations of success in the first place. Yay for misanthropic pessimism!

June Cleaver 2.0 August 17, 2009 at 4:54 pm

[re=388548]norbizness[/re]: What Redstate link?

richardwb1 August 17, 2009 at 4:57 pm

“God said to Abraham,’Kill me a son.’
Abe said, ‘Man, you must be puttin me on.’
God said, ‘No.’
Abe said, ‘What???’
God said, ‘You can do what you want to, but
the next time you see me comin, you better run.’”

~ Robert Zimmerman, Highway 61, Revisited

chascates August 17, 2009 at 5:04 pm

via Salon:
Taitz told the Israeli newspaper Haaretz, she might have time for one other thing: “You know I never ran for office, but I would not exclude this as a possibility,” she said. She did, of course, note that because she is not a natural-born citizen of the U.S., she could not be president.

June Cleaver 2.0 August 17, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Re Taitz, I wish Obama did have that kind of power. We’d have a single payer health care system by now, Clarence Thomas would have had a heart attack, Diane Wood would be on the SC, Cheney would be on trial, and teachers would have gotten a 50% raise. (Okay that last part is just wishful thinking.)

Gopherit August 17, 2009 at 5:06 pm

[re=388595]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: She writes the best Hopey fanfic, though, doesn’t she?

Min August 17, 2009 at 5:07 pm

By an amazing coincidence, I just finished listening to Bruce Feiler’s book, “Abraham”, on CD.

And I still got nothin’.

AxmxZ August 17, 2009 at 5:09 pm

[re=388619]Gopherit[/re]: Too bad it’s kind of PG-13. Needs moar pr0n. Rubbing out lovers is a bit 7th grade.

assistant/atlas August 17, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Please do not blame marijuana for Orly Taitz. I’m pretty sure this is something we can file under “Stuff We Can Blame the Russians For”…

Carson August 17, 2009 at 5:13 pm

“Listen to an hour of Salon’s interview with Orly Taitz here.”

Are we still torturing?

JamesMichaelCurley August 17, 2009 at 5:22 pm

When logging into that [d]Red State site. one sees a calendar of Congressional Health Care town halls listed by date and location. Clicking on the link provides further information.

Curious tabulation. Of thirty two listed Congress members, only three are Republicans.

June Cleaver 2.0 August 17, 2009 at 5:24 pm

[re=388626]assistant/atlas[/re]: … and Obama is being mean on the Israeli settlement issue.

The Station Manager August 17, 2009 at 5:24 pm

“So, Orly, what didn’t Obama do?”

Seriously, she is cold insane, up in this piece makin’ David Icke look reputable.

eleventybillionblogs August 17, 2009 at 5:26 pm

I listened. And after 45 minutes of rocking back in forth under my desk, sucking my thumb, I’m gonna go get a drink.

SayItWithWookies August 17, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Leave cannabis ALOOOOOOONE!

Lord Growing August 17, 2009 at 5:53 pm

[re=388608]richardwb1[/re]: Well, sure, if you’re gonna listen to a filthy hobo.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us August 17, 2009 at 5:58 pm

Who’s Oily Taintz?

trickyrick August 17, 2009 at 6:16 pm

[re=388604]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: oh thank you. You just gave me a new strategy. Now I dont feel like GrASSley is fucking up my vacation.

geminisunmars August 17, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=388604]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Hey, I’m with you. Can’t wait for the Misanthropic Social Club meeting.

hobospacejunkie August 17, 2009 at 7:06 pm

[re=388618]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: I’m afraid you’re giving far too much progressive credit to President Obama. See Goldman Sachs for a more accurate reflection of his priorities.

President Beeblebrox August 17, 2009 at 7:17 pm

“…barking Bessarabian goo…”


slowuncle August 17, 2009 at 8:54 pm

Oily Taint is actually just the tip of the iceberg of wingnut loon conspiracy-busters: There is a persistent and recurring story which makes its way around the Loony Right/Christian websites in which Al Gore shall immently be exposed as a Shape Shifter.They speak in hushed tones of getting ahold of the ‘scrapped’ footage from some aborted interview with Al, during which he had a lapse of focus and began to shape-shift WHILE THE CAMERA WAS ROLLING! He quickly stifled himself, however, and continued as if NOTHING had happened. ‘Now if we could just get this footage to Fox News we’d blow this coven (?) of Sh Shifters and vampires WIDE open, sigh’. My Christian sister-in-law believes this story as sincerely as she believes the Gospel story, coz she trusts her internet sources absolutely with her $$ and her loosely-wrapped psyche.

chascates August 17, 2009 at 10:14 pm

[re=388815]slowuncle[/re]: Is this related to the Lizard People? Between the Illuminati, Bilderburg Group, Trilateral Commission, & Scientology I’m not sure what to think any more.

SayItWithWookies August 17, 2009 at 10:28 pm

[re=388815]slowuncle[/re]: Al Gore do something interesting? And they don’t see why this is a hoax?

auduboner August 18, 2009 at 1:32 am

Wait – it’s Taitz? Taitz?? Here I thought it was Taint… which explained it all, in my mind.

Also, did anyone else see the picture of Obama’s daughter? She is TALL…

Don Juanquete August 18, 2009 at 2:40 am

[re=388922]auduboner[/re]: Yeah, I’ve mentioned that as one of our undercovered topics on our Wonkette.
Aliens seem to have abducted Malia and some tall teenager in her place. Give us back Malia!

vince August 18, 2009 at 2:47 am

The only time Canadians see “Canadian bacon” is in those McMuffin thingees at McDonalds. It’s something Americans invented. Canadians eat strips of bacon just like normal God fearing folks in the U.S do, honestly.

LoweredPeninsula August 18, 2009 at 6:33 am

[re=388581]mattbolt[/re]: brownshirted Health Squadrons might accuse you of a Class-3 HealthCrime, which-OHGOD I’ve said too much

Oh boy, matt bolt. That was a good one.

Oh, and Totter Taitz for Prez! Oh, and “rubbing out gay lovers” FTW. Also.

Tundra Grifter August 18, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Is there Wrecking Bomb that will remove these Taitz?

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