Everybody Sign The Glenn Beck Petition!

  warring

Fat racist queer-sandwich Glenn Beck is losing all of the sponsors for his Fox television show, “The Fat Racist Queer-Sandwich Hour With Glenn Beck.” Will you stand for this? Who is going to provide the intellectual counterpoint to Obama, if his carcinogenic show about nothing, that no one actually watches, disappears? Sign this petition to “Support Glenn Beck and His Values and Principles.” It’s on the Internet as we speak! UPDATE: War over, we win, stop signing.

We’ve tested the waters, and the petition seems quite receptive to all sorts of signatures:

Maybe, if you have the time this afternoon, some of you Wonketteers could support Glenn Beck with your name and a special comment? You don’t have to verify e-mail addresses…

MUSH, MUSH!

 
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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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136 comments

  1. sppeterson

    If he really wants his advertisers back he should go on air and cry — cry because he just loves America tooooooooo much.

  2. queeraselvis v 2.0

    E. Tay Baggodix requested that Glenn, in honor of troops, quit making stuff up. Also.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    I want to start a petition to rename Glen Beck’s show to “The Fat Racist Queer-Sandwich Hour With Glenn Beck”

  4. Redhead

    Posted!
    By: Beck Sucks trucknutZ

    “I choose to sign this petition because I truly believe that an online petition of unverified “signatures” will just MAKE those commie advertisers STOP exercising their right to choose who they support with advertising (it’s not in the Constitution! I don’t think…) and because I REALLY think the decision to stop advertising with him was soley based on his rants and had nothing to do with the fact that his show attracts a WHOLE 2 million viewers! So suck on that, Olbermann!”

  5. doxastic

    Oh lovely:

    1693 Anonymous: We need free speech

    1694 Liz Becton: What kind of nasty, petty, poorly written (Did these people graduate from middle school to high school?) site is http://www.wonkette.com? And what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have! I will never venture to that site again. It was a total waste of my time. However, this email is for the mole among us. You are a poor excuse for a human being. You are not a team player.

    1695: Ekim: Glenn Beck = Trucknutz, hooray!

  6. Death Panel Wagon

    What kind of nasty, petty, poorly written (Did these people graduate from middle school to high school?) site is http://www.wonkette.com? And what a base, narcissistic, illiterate group of readers they have! I will never venture to that site again. It was a total waste of my time. However, this email is for the mole among us. You are a poor excuse for a human being. You are not a team player.

    I wonder who the “mole” among us is?

  7. Fox News Light

    I did it 4 times and it only cost me $10 a pop! (good thing my paypal account is connected to my free medicaids)

  8. widget09

    I don’t think my message “Go Fuck Yourself” will be posted, I’m sure that its because I did not Donate.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    (Salutes) Dopamine Turdwallow reporting for duty. Unfortunately I mucked up the comment.

  10. Min

    This is what I posted, but I didn’t contribute, so who knows if it really got registerd:

    That’s what you get for having free speech in this country. Advertisers can decide which shows they want their commercials to run in and which ones they don’t. America. Ain’t it a kick in the head?

  11. bureaucrap

    I’m loving reading what other Wonketteers have contributed to the petition. Great stuff everyone! Now the stuff at the beginning, from actual sincere petitioners. That’s just plain scary. I especially like the (multiple) ones that say “Stop Censoring Glenn Beck’s Freedom of Speach!!!!!” (sic).

  12. magic titty

    “Glenn Beck is an uppity Negro”
    Signed by: Jesus Farted Twice, At Least

    Also, if your email address happens to be brad jones @ hotmail dot com, prepare for a hatemail reckoning. My bad, playa.

  13. masterdebater

    The fact that advertisers refuse to lose money, like everything else that republicans put their hand to, just shows that this is unamerican! Support losing, economically unfeasible causes, or the enemies of freedom have already won!

  14. coastingdownhill

    Who is this Glenn Beck guy everybody is talking about? And also, why do people watch TV?

  15. Rodney Badger

    I maed poast:

    “No matter what happens to Ms. Palin and Glenn Beck, he has always been hockey and Beers and titties, and when the bar is worse than a commie and lost big juicy titties and beer, can I survive ?”

  16. Johnny Zhivago

    Adolf Hiter: Keep up the great work, Glenn! Your show airs very late here in Bolivia, but Eva tivos it for me…

  17. ChernobylSoup v2

    I just signed a petition calling for the Geico gecko to jump ship and start shilling for Progressive insurance in an exclusive deal to be the sole sponsor of Beck’s new HuffingtonPost blog.

  18. glamourdammerung

    And my post:
    “Why does Beck and her fans hate America? The free market decided that it is not worth advertising on her show, and some socialist petition is not going to change it. Also.”

    I noticed they appear to be removing some of the comments.

  19. rev_matt_y

    what the hell is wrong with you people!?!? I’ve got work to do and you send me to this 37+ pages of insanity (both real and imitation)!?!??! I’m so proud of the Wonketeers. I think we all need sweaters with our names on them.

  20. jagorev

    Oh boo, they turned off text display when you go to view signatures. All it shows is a bunch of numbers now, no names or messages.

    Pussies.

  21. Cubilist

    Looks like their scubbing the signatures. Must have some half breed muslin Fascists over at ipetitions.

  22. orange

    THE TUBES ARE CLOGGED!!11!

    GLEN BECK IS NOT A TRUCK!!!1!

    No, seriously, the list has been scrubbed clean.

  23. Death Panel Wagon

    I just hope they send that to actual advertisers and say, look, we got 2500 signatures! Well ok, most of them are either anonymous, or total bullshit, but I’m seriously you guys! 2500 signatures! Freedom!

  24. imissopus

    Looks like they are now showing number of signatures but not names and comments. Boo, losers! Besides, what was wrong with mine? I simply said how dare anyone pull out of Glenn Beck.

  25. rev_matt_y

    Er, ruh roh. It’s all blank now. Either some enterprising commenter threw in a SQL Injection attack or the petition creator realized what was happening and dumped the whole poorly thought out idea. Or maybe it hit some limit in the db.

  26. ericstoltz

    Uh, did they just start hiding the signature messages? ‘Cause I think no matter what witicisms you write upon said page, they will just count it as support for our caped crusader when they proffer their usual weekly sack o’lies to the media, who will of course accept it as fact.

  27. Neoyorquino

    I feel like I just took part in something . . . beautiful. A great way to start a weekend.

  28. The Little Rock

    Sad day. I was hoping others would read the haiku from Heywood Jablome.

    Glenn Beck, the blow hard,
    Is losing ad revenue.
    Rapture must be near.

  29. JadedDIssonance

    Crazy Tree requested that someone please please talk him down. Unfortunately, everything went nuts or something.

  30. SayItWithWookies

    Awww, that didn’t last long. Gunson Ignorance, who just signed it, will be displeased.

  31. masterdebater

    They actually try to get people with four teeth, living in a Kansas trailer park, to donate money to someone, when the subject of the whole scenario is a rich guy who can’t pay his f’ing ad bills, because he’s a wingtard! That my friends, in case you ever need an example, is what you call “balls”!

  32. widget09

    [re=386825]Redhead[/re]: Exactly:Glen Beck sucks truknutz: Thats what teabagging is all about.

  33. WheresMyJetpack?

    I think they killed it. Great. Now Beck has more material about the evil that the Death Panels are working against him.

  34. Death Panel Wagon

    hmm the signature count keeps growing, but they aren’t displaying the posts…so maybe we can still shit all over the petition anyway?

  35. Rodney Badger

    [re=386896]ericstoltz[/re]: I know, we played right into Glenn Beck’s grubby little hands.

  36. Come here a minute

    We WIN the AFTERNOON. Glen Beck has been FAILed.*

    * To FAIL the website means to render it ineffective by targeting the integrity of the data and or writing scripts to hit the website so that the server gets bogged down enough to prevent users from accessing the URL.

  37. x111e7thst

    I wish there was a way to tell if we actually broke the fucking site or we were just part of the general crowd. Either way. Poor Glen. No advertisers no petition. SUX 2 B U. Which was my comment.

  38. Cubilist

    His values mirror my own.

    1. Glenn Beck Is Good
    2. I believe in Glenn Beck and He is the Center of my Life
    3. I must always try to be a more like Glenn Beck
    4. Glenn Beck is sacred
    5. If you break the law Glenn Beck will make you pay
    6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results unless you’re a socialist commie nazi fascist democrat.
    7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with whoever Glenn Beck tells me to
    8. Glenn Beck is an American standing up for America’s America.
    9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, I answer to Glenn Beck

  39. AxmxZ

    Goddamn it, they are now blocking all the names and comments from being viewed. WHERE’S THE FUN IN THAT?!

  40. facehead

    ALL the signatures and messages are wiped out, even from the first page.

    Why does the internet hate America?

  41. GreatOldOnesParty

    From: OneGodOneHaruhi!

    Isn’t this considered outside influence of corporations? Why are you persecuting these poor, poor corporate personages for their political beliefs?
    Why do you hate capitalism so much?

    Wait, you want me to pay for this?
    Fuckthat!

  42. eleventybillionblogs

    Damn it. I came up with a great name and everything. And now they’ve locked everything down.

    I was Pujols Burns.

  43. teebob2000

    My comment was 100% supportive; certainly that will appear eventually. I just mentioned how preznit NO-bama shudn’t hate white peple and that Jesus loves glen and Jesus loves me to.

  44. Pithaughn

    “hates white culture” . I hate white culture, is there a more greedy, shallow, self serving culture out there? Possibly pre revolution France?
    I really really hate white , incredibaly banal and made for profit country music. It just kills me to deliver country CDs, t-shirts etc as gifts, but what the hell, that’s what they ask for.

  45. dementor

    [re=386950]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: Jesus, those were hysterical. Then when I refreshed to see the latest crop, the good ones had been scrubbed. They deserved to be saved for posterity in a tubez bunker, and I’m weeping perfect, invisible tears right now because I just love so much. I managed to copy save just one from the holocaust (hardly even the best).

    “Space Ghost, Ghost Planet, Space
    Beck’s show makes mine look like Charlie Rose in comparison.”

    I could have done more… sob.

  46. President ODreamy

    Now that they’ve hidden the signatures and comments, they’re just going to end up with people submitting them multiple times, thinking their comments haven’t been logged. Extra “signatures” to help boost the numbers!

    I wish they’d tell me which companies stopped advertising on Glenn Beck. I would make sure to go out and buy one of each company’s products immediately.

  47. bored with gravity

    [re=386909]Downtheroadapiece[/re]: I am going to get myself fired if I read the comments on that petition anymore. They are too f’ing funny. Thanks, Wonketteers. You make my day worthwhile.

  48. eleventybillionblogs

    President ODreamy:
    According to Marketwatch: Geico, Procter & Gamble, Sargento Cheese and Progressive Insurance so far.

  49. chascates

    So if there is no comments and no names on this petition, merely ‘numbers’ I declare it null and void.

  50. June Cleaver 2.0

    I don’t go on rightwing sites, but you people had fun! I’m glad I missed it, or I might have been tempted.

  51. PsycGirl

    Clearly these people learned nothing from that collection of “thank you, George Bush”-isms last year.

  52. lawrenceofthedesert

    There obviously was an outpouring of emotion for the Herr Beck petition, but not the emotion that his sycophants were expecting. The petition will be happy living in an undisclosed village in Paraguay.

  53. Athar

    [re=387275]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: I hear G.W.B. recently bought a vast ranch there, so that sounds about right.

  54. wallythepug

    **Update**

    The signature page was made private due to an attempt by certain groups to disrupt our petition drive. Rest assured, the support for Glenn Beck is over-whelming and the impact will be great! Thanks for your time and help.

    Bummer!

  55. Dr. Barry M Enema

    Glen Beck stands for everything that’s good for America. I.E.:

    1. Requiring that all of America’s political leaders take the Theocratic Oath. Why this year alone, Congress and the President will be responsible for printing America’s Deity-fearing motto “In God We Trust” over fifteen trillion times. They already are taking the Theocratic Oath without even knowing it.

    2. That America’s school children will embrace a classless society — what with the disappearance of the middle class and all. Needless to say, the lowest classes — those demographically challenged — don’t even attend class anymore. Glenn’s just way ahead of his time. And he’s certainly not a racist or even a bigamist when it comes to class-consciousness

    3. Moreover, Glenn continues to expound away that education becomes America’s top pre-occupation. ‘Course, we’re still working on the “occupation” part of this concept what with over 20% of Americans unemployed or underemployed and the rest waiting for the ax to fall.

    4. Glenn’s support of adding the head of Ronald Reagan to the Mount Rushmore National Monument. If the head is not available, then the aircraft carrier will do.

    5. Glenn strongly endorses the idea that people with money are just plain better than people without any. Of course, people who’re really without money will probably never see this and won’t be insulted. But at least they’ll still be able to hear Glenn if they hitchhike through a neighborhood with a lot of inbred Americans. You know…the ones whose ancestors all came over on the Mayflower.

    6. Glenn can always get new sponsors, anyway. Who needs those old mega-conglomerates, anyway? All they’re good for is providing vacuum tubes to network affiliates and that’s about it. How about “Raid’ as a sponsor? They’ve got a new line of roach hotels coming out. And the Reverend Tilton — if he ever gets out of Rehab? Or Jimmy Swaggart? Why, the list is endless — yet would still touch all the bases of Glenn’s motto of “God, family, guns, guts, the ritual affirmation of America’s Free Market economics, and corporal punishment.”

    Thanks for all this, Glenn. And for showing America that it doesn’t take an extension cord to hold one’s pants up. Spandex will do nicely.

    pl

  56. comicbookguy

    [re=386828]Death Panel Wagon[/re]: Oh Beckman, you can’t date Caribou Barbie. You’re from two different worlds! (looks up) My God, I’ve wasted my life.

  57. joeybrill

    [re=386827]doxastic[/re]: Is that my Liz Becton? Why is she obsessed with mole people? Why does she refer to herself as ‘Liz’ instead of ‘Elizabeth’?

  58. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=386996]The Little Rock[/re]: YES! Swallow A. Biggdik has submitted his approval. Trucknutz. Also.

  59. DangerousLiberal

    [re=387339]wallythepug[/re]: Translation: The only people who signed are ballsless rightwing freaks, and people with strange names like E. Tay Bagadix inviting us to eat a back of dicks, whatever that means. But be assured–your efforts, and millions of Amway zombies like you, will bring P&G to its knees.

  60. alzronnie

    I checked out the Fox News website and found that they have an anchor named David Asman. If Beck marries him, chubtard could change his name to Glen Asman. Now that would be fair and balanced.

  61. SunDog

    “I try to support everything Glenn Beck endorses because #1, I trust his judgment. You would be smart to trust him too. Sincerely, Linda Birge, Papillion, NE”

    ROFLMFAO, Linda in Pappllion NE!

  62. dcsatt

    “From Communist country I say Glen Beck is very handsome man. He make sometime funny saying. He is America to be proud.
    Country is better even if not always so true.
    All your base are belong to us. Not in Glen Beck America! No panels to make dead. Glen Beck is super. Like Batman. Sarah Palin sometime is America super like Wonder Woman. You all so lucky and brave to know Glen Beck. Maybe you win with voting letter and Glen Beck be great American super.”

  63. A Glenn Beck Fan

    Wow, all you Wonkette users are completely immature! Personally, I am a huge supporter of Glenn Beck.. He isn’t afraid to tell the truth and he certainly doesn’t give a rat’s bottom about all of you hateful morons. Have you even watched Glenn’s show, besides clips posted on websites and blogs that despise him? Even if you disagree with his views, why can’t you at least respect him? And no, I am not a republican. Hm, I shouldn’t even waste my time on you people.

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