Wonkette
Jenny Sanford and the four Sanford kids recently fled the South Carolina governor’s mansion with their Dignity, leaving Mark to stew alone in a massive house filled to the rafters with the stench of Disgrace. He says it is “hard,” living alone, like a ghost.
He is also very annoyed with a state senator who wants to investigate all the times Sanford left his house without his security detail, since presumably he was departing for top-secret Nookie Assignations, either with the Argentine firecracker or some other gal(s).
Here’s what Sanford told a local radio station:
“Look, I fell in love with one woman I should not have fallen in love with,” Sanford said. “And we all get that, and everybody’s been trying to move on. But looking for other women based upon the number of times you left or didn’t leave the Governor’s Office, I think some of this does get to be a bit strange.”
Translation: Bereft of external opportunities for sparkin’, the housebound South Carolina governor has turned his empty mansion into one vast masturbatorium. This is why he must resign immediately, to restore Honor to the state.
Mark Sanford says it’s lonely in Governor’s Mansion [Asheville Citizen-Times]
turned his empty mansion into one vast masturbatorium
Please stop trying to make me like Mark Sanford.
Will the state senate use the stimulus monies to wipe the mansion down with bleach?
He should invite his ladyfriend from Argentina up to keep him company.
He’s probably writing very Emo poetry or prose about his heartache.
Mark Sanford will never shut up. He will just keep jabbering until the pain grows unbearable and we all kill ourselves leaving him to hike the Argentinean Tail naked, forever.
Formerly Preferred: Maybe he should emigrate to Argentina, and telecommute his responsibilities. Maybe he’ll web-cam into a meeting while the mistress is giving him a beloved hummer.
Just cold hangin’ with Pete Wentz, watching TrueBlood reruns…
As soon as she settles up with Todd, Sarah and the kids might be joining him soon.
Why the fuck is this reactionary cockstain quoting the Buzzcocks? Did she make you feel like dirt, and that hurts?
He should have followed Rudy Guiliani’s example and let his wife and kids stay in the official residence while he moved in with his friends, the whacky gay couple. Then, he could refuse to attend their gay wedding.
The local news is reporting that Mark shipped off to Florida this week to serve his fake National Guard duty. There’s a rumor Maria is staying somewhere in Columbia right now. And, state attorney general Henry McMaster (who’s running for gov next term) has referred the scandal to the state ethics commission (all appointed or re-appointed by you-know-who).
TheWhiff: No. But Mark Sanford will sneak away from his security detail and appropriate some of the unassigned stimulus bleach to get his starfish lightened on a DC-10 to Greenville.
I bet the Governor’s mansion is echoing to the sound of ‘Don’t Give Up’ by Peter Gabriel.
I’m thinking the Lov Gov’s mansion will become “C Street South” — while the cat (and her litter) are away, Ensign, Pickering, and the whole “Christian Mafia” will show up at party central asking: “¿Maria tiene una hermana?”
One of the few redeeming qualities about Republicans, I thought, was that they are so ruthlessly professional and tied to the acquisition of power that we wouldn’t be plagued with details of their personal lives. And yet for some reason every week we get some new Republican in a rejected subplot from High School Fucking Musical. Probably because they are so ruthlessly professional that they’ve stopped their emotional development at around age ten. Which is soooo charming. Swine.
Emo queen fail. Back to dumb hick mode.
Sarah- thank you for my Mark story-which I sent you!
I hear Sanford was trying to shore up his national popularity with a bid to get on the next season of Dancing With the Stars.
Sadly, the producers judged him far too experienced at the argentine tango to qualify as an amateur.
Another track for the album “Songs for Soul Mates by Mark Sanford”, with fabulous cover art by Lauri Apple. “Ever Fallen in Love” by the Buzzcocks was a hit when covered by the Fine Young Cannibals, but I believe this is the first time it has been covered in a newspaper interview.
You spurn my natural emotions
You make me feel like dirt, and I’m hurt
And if I start a commotion
I run the risk of losing you, and that’s worse
Ever fallen in love with someone
Ever fallen in love, in love with someone
Ever fallen in love, in love with someone
You shouldn’t’ve fallen in love with
“…South Carolina governor has turned his empty mansion into one vast masturbatorium.”
The best thing that ever happened in South Carolina. Try and keep the tourists away now!
norbizness: Yeah, what he said.
the housebound South Carolina governor has turned his empty mansion into one vast masturbatorium.
So he did take the stimulus money, after all.
Maria Chapur has been in Columbia for the past few days …according to Fitsnews.com:
http://www.fitsnews.com/2009/08/14/wheres-maria/
During the past few days, there have been rumors about a tryst during this weekend. A poster in a newspaper site said that Maria will be arriving in a city with direct flights from Buenos Aires. Miami has a direct flight and the gov is in Florida today.Guess what…today From Fitsnews.com (Will Folks’ blog):
“In fact, sources tell FITS that Chapur has been in South Carolina for “several days” now, first staying at a guest house on the governor’s Coosaw Plantation in Beaufort County and most recently staying at “a friend (of the governor)’s house in Columbia.”
That progression would certainly fit with what we know of the governor’s schedule over the past few days. Sanford spent last weekend on his plantation in Beaufort County before returning to Columbia on Monday evening for meetings with constituents
His mansion is as big as his heart is empty. Governor Havisham.
Can’t he just hang out with Benson?
I envision the love gov pining in the fetal position, next to the Andean Hairy Armadillo tank in the specially prepared “pampas room” way up on the third floor.
Shorter Mark Sanford: “But Bill and Hillary stayed together!”
BigDupa: Win.
who: Good gravy, does this idiot ever work? He makes Dubya look like John Henry.
Mark is also sad his kids took their Dashboard Confessional CDs with them.
Dear Diorama: also, who will turn his twitter on now?
So why not just move No. 2 in?
If only that Mrs. Sanford had a bit more drive or ambition of her own, say, busily running for US Senate from New York for example, then she wouldn’t give a rat’s ass what her fuckwad husband was doing. He could go eat a bag of dicks for all she’d care. Her throngs of PUMA admirers could keep her warm on cold winter evenings.
You know, with a webcam, his true love is just a click away….,
For that matter, a whole lot of sex is just a click away.
norbizness: Because he’s an Orgasm Addict, perhaps?
want to watch him on a web cam?
http://www.trailquest.net/webcams.html#at
Time for the C Street Family to rally around and console him. Or set him up with a new paramour.
Wow, the imagery is so strong and poetic, I love it. I’d love if in generations hence tour guides of the South Carolina governor’s mansion tell vacationing families about the wayward ghost of an early 21st century governor who on dark nights can still be heard wandering the empty corridors of his mansion, his ghostly shackles rattling about, composing poetry to his lost Argentinian flames.
…The governor, who will really still be up there living in the attic, surrounded by furniture covered in a thick layer of dust and cobwebs, sits alone in his wedding dress like some sort of twisted Ms. Havisham.
I’d miss Jenny’s dignity too, if it was the only one I’d ever had.
Let’s see what trashy reality series Mark could star in:
- The LC (Low County)
- Real Fake House Husbands of Columbia
- Survivor: Sullivan Island/Buenos Aires/Appalachian Trail
- Extreme Makeover: South Carolina Mansion Edition
- Real World: Columbia