Wonkette
Wonkette’s Tea Party “Google Group” operative sends this amazing e-mail about the Hollywood motion picture Braveheart. Please, please do this, guys!
MOVIES THAT ARE NOT REAL
‘…like Mel Gibson playing the character, William Wallace, did.’
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5:08 PM
on Thu August 13 2009
By
Jim Newell
9264 Views
That would make a sane idea seem even saner!
He’d get more press if he went with his ass painted blue.
But will William Wallancew be EXTERMINATED by n0bAMa’s DEATH PANEL like Guitar-pioneerLess Paul was?
god dammit
But will William Wallace be EXTERMINATED by n0bAMa’s DEATH PANEL like Guitar-pioneer Les Paul was?
RUN WALLACE, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You mean the Mel Gibson who “owns malibu” and asks the nice lady cop “are you a jew?”
Okay I get the TPP (Toilet Paper Party) but what is the TTP??? I’ll await anyone’s answer.
Yes, because asking people to be civilized is the first step toward Marxism.
You first, Newell.
If it ends with some of them getting their entrails pulled out by a pair dwarfs, then I say go for it.
They may take our lives, but they will never take OUR INABILITY TO SPELL AND USE PROPER GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION!!!!!!!!
Bearbloke: ugh! sorry for the reposting - it’s the middle of the night here, and I’m in a delirium… (sleep? that’s for pansies!!) - good times, mate!
Ooh, do we get to see the modern WWs drawn, hanged, disemboweled, emasculated, genitalia and entrails burned before their eyes, quartered, then beheaded?
Mel Gibson got horribly disemboweled alive at the end of that movie, right? PROCEED.
Because they can’t be good little boys and girls they are going to paint their faces blue. I like it. That’s a great idea. They will get so much more credibility that way.
Maybe they could warm up the front of their pants with piss too. People will really stand up and notice them then.
OMG not only are they jumping sharks, they are filling schoolbuses with sharks, lining them up next to each other, setting them on fire, setting themselves on fire, and jumping the flaming schoolbuses filled with sharks, while flaming.
Townhall August is turning out to be better than a month of shark weeks!
AllHat: Roger the Shrubber: dammit.
Taking blue back for the red states! Freeeeeedom! Maybe they’ll finally return red to the communists, for Fidel Castro’s birthday.
“We are at war! We need warriors, not politically-correct people pleasers!”
You know, if you imagine him saying it with a Daffy Duck voice, it almost makes you forget what a bunch of crazy fucktards they are.
If they want to go the way of William Wallace, I have no problem with that.
“He was hanged until almost unconscious, then he was taken down, tied to a table, disemboweled, and his entrails were set afire while still attached to him. He was possibly castrated, as well. He was finally put out of his unimaginable misery by being beheaded. His body was quartered, the pieces being sent to Newcastle-upon-Tyne in England, and Berwick, Perth, and Stirling in Scotland, and his head was placed on a pike on London Bridge for all to see, all as a warning to other would-be traitors.”
http://www.mygen.com/users/bruce/willwall.html
http://www.tddir.com/fitness-and-nutrition/article-1700.html
Why don’t any of these douchebags know the proper usage of your/you’re? Oh, it makes me mad! Like Lou Ferrigno, playing the character, The Incredibly Hulk.
In “South Park”, the the people of South park fought against a bunch of crazy turkeys with blue-painted faces (beaks?). I guess this is the same thing.
I wouldn’t want these guys to sound recockculous, or end up stuck with a partial metaphor, so I’ma set up Rahm with a vertical rack and a hooked cleaver. They sell that shit at Wal-Mart?
I’m thinking “manonfire” doesn’t get laid much. That’s probably because of the ginormous beer gut, mouth-breathing, and the blue makeup. Wouldn’t make anybody mad as hell? Let’s just pity him. And then rat on him for treason.
AllHat: Dang. You said it before I could. Good form, sir.
I want to see some Braveheart moments in our town hall meetings.
To be followed by hanging, drawing, and quartering of the protesters. After all, if you’re going to have a theme protest, you might as well do it right.
Come on, that can’t be real! With a screen name of “manonfire” the auther is obviously a log cabin type. Apparently, someone pissed in his cheerio’s before he wrote this. So vindictive and bitterz.
Death Panel Wagon: They are nuking the fridge.
Except they aren’t actually going to get in the fridge to get away from the blast because the fridge is already full of beer and they are going to need that beer after the bomb goes off.
I encourage our mouth-breathing friends to go “William Wallace” at the town halls—but only if it means we get to draw and quarter them.
Yes, painting your craggly faces blue will definitely help your cause with the media.
In another “Braveheart” moment, Wallace realizes he’s been shafted by his once powerful supporters.
It takes more than blue paint to gain some respect.
oh, shit, they’re onto us. they’ve figured out our entire marxisty agenda,
except for one little detail they got wrong –
we’re not trying to force it down their throats, we’re trying to jam it up their asses. can’t they get that straight? (so to speak.)
I’m guessing that moranfire didn’t see the ending of Braveheart. It doesn’t end well for Wallace. Not well a-tall.
But if that’s how he wants to play then so be it….
Let the games begin!
I assume manonfire has already been reported to flag@whitehouse.gov
Roger the Shrubber: Please Baby Jeebus, make it so.
Gopherit: OMG it works!
Min: I had no idea disemboweling would be such a popular choice.
“Manonfire” rabble-rousing from DEEEEEEEEEEEEP in the closet.
Yeah, that’s right. Puddy is a Teabagger.
I breathlessly await the town hall video of a spittle-flecked Papa Smurf calling Dianne Feinstein “sugartits.”
Bravehart = FAIL
Josh Fruhlinger: As opposed to being delightfully disemboweled alive?
We’re all kilt-wearing sheep-shaggers today
Better using “Braveheart” as a rallying point at a rally than “Passion of the Christ.”
“So I say, be yourselves… don’t be intimidated into not showing it.”
Amen, brother. Let your freak flags fly! Show-up at the town hall naked, painted blue from head to toe, carrying weapons, spitting, shouting and waiving your arms. If the cops try to stop you, ask yourself “What would Mel do?” Call ‘em Sugar Tits and launch into a anti-semitic tirade.
Wonkette is behind you 100%
if your (sic) mad as hell, don’t be intimidated into not showing it.
You just do that little thing, Sparky. Cops love spunky protesters, they do. And if B-Rock “The Islamic Shock” Hussein Superallah Obama comes to town, do it up right and double-down. Secret Service agents are well known for their sense of levity and accommodation of horseplay.
Of course back in the good old days of Bush-topia, this never would have happened, cuz no one was allowed in these “open, public, town hall meetings” who wasn’t hand selected by Liz Cheney. We’re startled by the sight of these insane Fruit Loops cuz we haven’t seen them in ages.
I do agree though, that painting one’s face blue and screaming FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMM!!!! at one of these things would definately deepen the level of intellectual discourse.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYHTaWLnWQs
I hear you get 20% discount at Mr. Yogato for doing that. Capitalism. Rawks.
Ah, William Wallace — forget the fact that the freedom he fought for was more the freedom of the Scottish to have their own despotic monarchy instead of the English despotic monarchy ruling over them, and that they lived in an age of almost unthinkable misery and hardship, where the average person had little or no rights. The imagery will go really well with their Gadsden flags and Obama-as-Hitler posters and their tricorn hats and copies of Atlas Shrugged. Someday historians are going to look back on this era and be really, really baffled.
Aye, protest and you may ignore. Be polite, and you’ll eat Cheetos… at least a while. And dying in your beds, when your health insurance company cancels your policy when you get cancer, would you be willin’ to trade for gubbiment healthcare, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may give us healthcare, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDUMBS!
You know, I think these guys are selling themselves short by committing to Braveheart, when there are so many others in the Gibson cannon. Like Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, which is already survivalist wingnut spank-off material. I think they could get the crowd to force the members of congress to admit that it is, in fact, Master-Blaster who runs Bartertown.
On Braveheart: Wallace was hanged until nearly dead, castrated and eviscerated while still alive, then drawn (his limbs tied to horses, which were whipped into running in different directions) and quartered (chopped into four pieces) and his body parts put on display. All that was likewise depicted (sort-of, in a PG-13 way) by Mel Gibson in his history-raping epic. Will we see this acted out by tea-baggers at their town hall meetings? Because I’m surprisingly okay with that.
He also bagged that Scottish peasant girl and the French princess. I’d be okay seeing that acted out too.
Good lord, I haven’t seen this many uses of the word “entrails” in a Wonkette comments section since that awful day when Twitter went down.
The secular progressives are trying to shove marxism down our throats.
If by “marxism” you mean, “flaming dicks”, yes.
Reaction of Dem congresscritter to face-painted mob: “Any Chargers fans in the house? Let me hear you say yeah!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYHTaWLnWQs
I hear you get a 20% at Mr. Yogato for doing the same thing. Capitalism. Rawks.
Mel Gibson never played George Wallace in any talkies or moving pictures.. Pass the pork rinds, Reba, NOW!!
light: When they can’t/won’t learn the most basic functions of the language they speak every day, why would we be surprised when they decide to be against bills they can’t/won’t read?
I remember a part of Braveheart (a movie I saw and loathed, BTW) where Wallace convinced a warrior to join him, not because of ideology but because the guy would get to “kill the English.” That’s close to the mindset of the tea people. “You don’t have to understand what we’re fighting for — we don’t understand it ourselves. But you’ll get to annoy Obama!”
TPM has a great piece about how these loonies don’t know the fucking difference between Marxism, Socialism, Nazis, etc… Because Rush and Beck are so too stupid to care if they use them correctly.
Can we do some kind of PSA and buy time on FOX? We could have Dale Earnhardt and some chick in Daisy Dukes holding cute charts explaining the difference, and how it’s really Rush and the Right Wing that are the fascists?
I’d be more happy if they went with Lethal Weapon. A crazy white guy and a sane black guy who is “too old for this shit” team up to fight the government who is taking away their freedoms!
I guess the only problem is that there aren’t any sane black guys in the GOP.
Next Mel Gibson-inspired Teabagger fashion tip? Pantyhose.
No, they need to dress up in the King Leonidas brand panties from 300 and keep shouting, “THIS. IS. AMERICA!!!!” at the top of their lungs. Only then will they have earned the respect and fear of their enemies (us).
Oh god I can see it now—a whole new outlet for the insufferable sub-species known as Historical Re-enactors: They’ll put away their plus-size Confederate uniforms and don kilts, assaulting innocent non-partisans with lame attempts at a Scottish brogue all the while scaring civilians and Congresspersons with their fat blue faces and bravado boasts of actually having eaten haggis. OK I surrender!. No Healthcare Reform! you win, now shut off the fucking bagpipe cassette on your Hello Kitty boombox…
ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease OHPLEASE Please PLEASE PLEASE do this
To: flag@whitehouse.gov
Re: White House Enemies List
Subj: manonfire
Pls arrest this stoopid fucker and ship his ass to Afghanistan.
Regards,
QAE v 2.0
Manonfire: There is a thin line between wearing a kilt and painting your face blue to wearing a skirt and wearing lipstick.
So we’re trying to shove Marxism down their throats. If only. At best we’re opening the door to a little tiny bit more social democracy. But feel free to freak out & overreact to anything a Dem does by giving it a label you couldn’t begin to define if we spotted you Das Kapital volumes one and two, you retarded pig fuckers.
I was always astonished at the magically good dental hygiene in Braveheart, Gibson’s gleaming white teeth in the wilds of primeval Scotland . . now that’s a health care fantasy we can all believe in. Does this mean Nobama has “droit de seigneur” with wingnut brides? Save the womenfolk!
Tom Brady has said he’s seen “Braveheart” about 200 times.
I’m guessing that’s more times than Mel Gibson’s mother.
FREEDOMS, PLURALIZED!!!!
Anyway, “It does me”. Really? Really?
tootsieroll: Dale Earnhardt is dead so he can do the PSA with Ronald Reagan instead.
It’ll start with the blue facepaint. Then they’ll wear kilts. Then they’ll start flashing their balls and asses. And then we’ll be sorry.
We’ll be very, very sorry.
Wait. Didn’t Mel Sugartits Gibson grow up in Australia? I bet he had socialized healthcare. Is that really a good hero for our teabaggin-deathers to look up to?
Extemporanus: Who’s Puddy? (Don’t answer that.)
Why not just Mad Max. Is’nt Max a popular name in the +60 crown? And what will the SS agent say to the blue face painted tard charging the stage with his Hoveround ( which cost him almost nothing or nothing) ? “A fellah, a QUICK fellah, might have a weapon under there.”
Maybe they should be like Dustin Hoffman in Rain man, babbling nonsense for hours on end. Oh . . .
also the jews are making the health reform.
I for one welcome tea/tax/birth/PUMA/death/912ers exercising their god given constitutional right to make total asses of themselves. The best part about believing in radical autonomous individualism is that you never notice when other people are laughing at you.
slowuncle: Is this Wallace thing the reason Christopher Guest as part of Spinal Tap is now sporting a kilt? Funny, I would have never taken him for a teabagger.
Yeah, liberals make such awful demands of people: “behave civilized” and “be respectful.”
Damn liberals trying to shove ADULT BEHAVIOR DOWN OUR THROATS! WE WON’T STAND FOR IT! WE’LL SPIT OUR BINKY OUT AND START CRYING AND SHITTIN’ OUR DRAWERS WHENEVER AND WHERE EVER WE DAMN WELL PLEASE, YOU MARXIST SOCIALIST COMMUNIST ADAMATIST AGAPIST EIDOLIST NUMENIST TYCHIST* LIBRULS!
*Nevermind, they wouldn’t know the last five words there and they don’t know the definition for all of them.
But god DAMN I can’t believe we want people to be all civilized and shit!
Will whoever passed this email along please post a link on their little group’s email list to the wonkeratti’s take on their Blue Man Group themed protest? Just to piss them off.
Oh yeah, the Hoveround completes the dada-esque visual this farce has conjured in my (now overtaxed) imagination. Let’s not forget that both Australia AND Brave Scotland have socialized health-care. Awkward.
Death Panel Wagon: Your post was the only thing that made me smile today, thanks.
light: It’s called “hoem shcolling”!
I think he wants them to paint their faces blue, strip down to kilts, and oil their bodies.
And I don’t blame him.
The real William Wallace lost, so if that’s what the teabaggers are planning, I say we encourage them.
Maybe moronfire should read a bit of Scottish history, the real Wallace was 6′7″ tall - Mel Gibson is a hobbitt, Wallace died an agonizing death, the real Wallace did not wear a kilt - he was a lowlander, not of the highland clans who did wear kilts - then again moronfire just knows the incredibly inacurate movie - don’t confuse him with facts.
Marxists would like for wingnuts to stop associating them with this corporatist weak sauce.
Dude picked the wrong film to emulate. This is right up ‘Tard Alley:
Bluto: Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! And it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough… [thinks hard] the tough get goin’! Who’s with me? Let’s go! [runs out, alone; then returns]
What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? “Ooh, we’re afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble.” Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I’m not gonna take this. Wormer, he’s a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer -
Otter: Dead! Bluto’s right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.
Bluto: We’re just the guys to do it.
D-Day: Let’s do it.
Bluto: LET’S DO IT!!
The only way to stop that Marxist-Zionist-UnAmerican-Nazi-Islamofascist-Kenyan nObama’s diabolical plot to make our health care insurance worth anything more than half-a-pound of diarrhoeal dog droppings is to yell, shout and squeal, while acting like berserker arseholes, in order to destroy the democratic process that threatens this great country of the United Saints of White Jesusland.
Don’t forget to bring plenty of knives and guns and outrageous (not to mention outrageously illiterate) signs to protect yourself from the inevitable attacks of those dirty, unpatriotic elites who assemble there threatening the peace with their civilized behaviour.
Yes, by all means! Paint your face. Kill them. Bury them in the basement.
tootsieroll: Just as a suggestion, ya might wanna go with Jr on that one. Dale ain’t much for the camera to look at these days.
The marxist,socialist,communist,muslin,terrorist,black ,mexican,eastcoast elitist,hollywood types and libruls want control of our economy ,health care,industry and personal freedoms because DUH the last government destroyed them. Paintin your asses blue aint gunna change that but please do cause it’s funny as hell.
Prima Nocte = Public Option
Wait a minute! Wern’t that Wallace feller a foreigner? Don’t we have us any good old Amercan heros for our kids to look up too. God damn Hollywood elitist communist queers!
If by Braveheart they mean horny French princesses, then by all means. Please do so. That would make for a superduperuber YouTube moment. However, no one has fun when they bring out the entrails fishhook.
Yes, yes, he’s right! No pussies, please!
What about some other great film moments like the town hall meeting in Footloose when Ren (Kevin Bacon) convinces the town council to vote for prom by reading a passage from the bible.
It shall be so colorful! I can picture the wingnuts all painted up like an imbecile Blue Man Group, contrasting vividly with their girlfriends’ pink-purple swollen asses…
EelPout: c/o Senator John Blutarsky, Washington DC
Yes, wasn’t it great how Mel Gibson just decided to paint his face blue and play this character, William Wallace? And then shout out freedom? Man on FIRE! That was a Braveheart moment even before there WERE Braveheart moments.
By the way, what face paint color do you recommend for the womenfolk? You don’t specify.
oh please god get them to paint themselves blue. maybe run around screaming (well, they’re already doing that, so carry on)
Idiots. Don’t they know that just yesterday William Wallace, a Brit, said “I wouldn’t be here today if it were not for the NHS,” … “I have received a large amount of high-quality treatment without which I would not have survived”
If I want to see a bunch of fat-assed, mouth breathing knuckle draggers with painted faces, screaming at the top of their lungs in search of attention and self-validation, I can go to a football game.
Snarkalicious: I know, I know… fail. I skipped the Jr. because I thought it would be implied I meant the live one.
Shortsshortsshorts, admit it, this is your doing.
Well you have to remember that some of the best sex Wallace had was in his dreams. Like this guy.
Roger the Shrubber: Is that “Roger the Shrubber” slumming from NewsBusters?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You know I think you might be right- but it would be great if any wingnuts fell for it.
Death Panel Wagon: Best circus ever.
I actually think they should be encouraged to dye themselves blue. I hear that shit takes some serious science to get rid of, and we know scientific knowledge is in short supply among these screaming loons: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_7109/is_12_4/ai_n28454352/
The Hanoverian British Crown crushed the Jacobites at Culloden in 1745…so, laddie, put away your pipes and blue face paint, until the smartie smart Wessex (read “Organizing for America”) technocrats find you Scots-Irish rabble some brown people to abuse in a foreign hellhole of their choosing.
In the meantime, clearances aka death panels, for the lot of you all!
Quasi: Spoken like a True American©!!
Tundra Grifter: In what context has Tom Brady seen Mel Gibson’s mother?
All I remember from Braveheart is something about a quarter not being asked for or given and somebody got raped, but as long they’re not watching The Manchurian Candidate….
They don’t need to paint their faces blue. They have tantrums and hold their breath(s??) until their faces turn blue. Much better for the environment.
If they want to do a group primal scream and make an impression, they should forget about the blue face paint, and go baboon: paint their bottoms red and look sultry so that Obama will know they’re fertile and ready for breeding.
i didn’t know crazy went higher than 11. yay!
lochnessmonster: TTP is Sarah Palin’s new party: ‘Twunts Twittering Preposterously”
Paint their faces? Who cares if they paint their stupid faces? I thought he meant they should all go wearing kilts, and, at the signal, lift them and shake their bare asses at the cameras.
Now that I do not want to see!
At the end of the movie, or his life, whatever - Melliam Wallace was, drawing quarters, castor oiled, his entreaties were set on fire, he was spit, samovared until unconsciounous, and then his face was painted blue. Then he was sent to Orwell, Kent, Stoke, Trent, and Marlboro Country. And he got head at the pike of the Tower of London.
Let’s have all that again, it’s all a little confusing in an elaborate, entirely redundant, Britisher kind of way.
They plan to paint their faces with woad?
Funny. They don’t look Druish.
“The meedja’ll maek us look bayud n e way! Thar tryn a roon ar credibilty! Ima fixin’ ta keerect that. Iffen we gets teh bloo face paynt, well roon ar credibilllty afor thay can! EET THAT LIBRUL MEEDJA!”
Is it beginning to dawn on anyone else that maybe Hopey doesn’t really want radical health care/insurance change and he’s using pig fuckers like (Gr)assley and the Blue Ball Dems as cover? Hopey gets to look like he tried while blaming the kooky right & the blue balls for his failure. This assumes that Hopey thinks we’re too dumb to understand that a proper party with proper party discipline should be able to ram a good bill through Congress anyway since, duh, they have unassailable majorities in both houses.
Maybe I’ve just been reading too much Matt Taibbi, but this whole process is really starting to stink.
Ironically, Mad Mel’s dad is an infamous Holocaust denier and anti-Semite. I look forward to the mouth breathers explaining to me how that makes him a leftist.
Gopherit: THANK YOU. I’ll be ok now. And to think I was getting the sadz about all this.
“One-eyed one-horned flying purple (or blue) people pleaser” sounds REALLY good with a Daffy Duck voice.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Is poor shorts a middle child that he is blamed for everything? Whenever I look he’s pretty much behaving himself.
imissopus:
QED
Because they’re Christians who think Jeebus will only come back to earth if hundreds of thousands of Jews are obliterated. Thus, they only like Jews if they’re dead. Hence, denying the Holocaust is to deny God’s glorious plan.
I see a red face and I want it painted blue
I see them disemboweled after flinging poo
eh, that’s all I got
Hooray For Anything: I doubt many Teabaggers speak Aramaic!
Zhu Bajie
If you don’t paint yer face, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t paint yer face?
NOBAMA SOCIALIST HE’S AN ARAB MARXIST NAZI FASCIST SOCIALIST MARXIST MUSLIM SHOW ME THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE
Tea Party Patriot Last Year: America land of the free! Spread democracy everywhere!
TPP This Year: If the [freely elected] secular progressives try to implement a program we don’t like through the democratic process, we will kill them.
Lots of nutters believe in this kind of make-believe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3yn3SelVCs
GET OFF MY PHONE!
It would be especially cool if folks arrived on horseback! Chicks really dig horses.
Actually, I’d prefer a few Bruno moments, dahling.
Go dude, go! your buddies will shout. Then after you are all in the Man’s face in your blue underwearless glory, it will be just like the movie. All your buddies will suddenly forget they know you.
Hey, North Cackalacky is already there:
http://www.mountainx.com/news/2007/031109buncombe_commissioners/
Mavky: Actually, probably gleaming white. Straight, not so much, but white, yes. This was pre-sugartits after all.
Isn’t it crazily stupid and psycho that all of these morons ranting and raving about “government-sponsored health care” will gladly, hungrily and arrogantly collect their Medicaid and Medicare payments and money—-which are government-sponsored, taxpayer-sponsored, tax-money-sponsored government health care?
dementor: Shorts is the most amazing war-blogger known. Sure, he can seem normal, but he is at his computer, dressed like Rambo, just waiting to launch chaos. Those who disregard him do so at their peril.