rumors on the internets

Whole Foods Weighs In On Health Care Debate, Because Honestly At This Point, Why Not?

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  • Were you at Netroots Nation? Your Wonkette was not invited. But Matt Yglesias was, and he spoke on every panel covering every imaginable topic: Afghanistan, climate change, tax policy, amateur dentistry, LOLcats — everything. [Matt Yglesias]
  • “First Obama’s brownshirts came for the old people, but I was not an old person, so I said nothing. Then they came for Glenn Beck, but I was not Glenn Beck, so I did nothing. Then when they came for me, there was no one left to stand up for me.” [RedState]
  • There’s an old saying, on Wikiquotes, that “nothing is certain in life except death, taxes, and Matt Taibbi’s weekly anal probing of Goldman Sachs” (Mark Twain). Well guess what? [Matt Taibbi]
  • Barack Obama is going fishing, for cigarettes, in Montana. What will this slimeball do to Trig Palin next? [NYT/The Caucus]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • sezme

    I would be so freakin’ psyched if they came for Glenn Beck!

  • glamourdammerung

    The irony of Red State crying about the free market deciding on Glenn Beck is amusing.

  • tootsieroll

    I clicked on the Red State story and now I feel like I need a shower.

  • Min

    It wasn’t the brownshirts. It was a couple of guys in white coats, because Glenn has finally gone completely off the deep end.

  • vitira

    Oh intern Riley, this is a quite well written rumors. Keep up the good work, until the “Editors” throw you out on the street as is their wont.

  • The Station Manager

    Then they came for Glenn Beck, but I was not a weeping dildo, so I did nothing.

  • ScubaDew

    Dear Obama Brownshirts

    Glenn Beck would never speak up for me, so take him to the gulags and shock his testicles to your heart’s delight.


  • Tommmcatt

    I volunteer to violently kidnap and illegally imprison Glen Beck! Who’s with me?

  • widget09

    Why aren’t Obama’s brownshirt very visable? The Germans really know how to put the brown in brownshirts with the parades and beer halls and those o-so-wonderful rallies, boy, those were the days. I think Obama’s brownshirts must be kind of stealthy, like the tooth fairy, they sneak in in the middle of the night and randomly seek out Truthers/Birthers\Teabaggers\Paultards and wisk them away to FEMA death camps in Indianapolis. for some reason, nobody seems to miss them.

  • gurukalehuru

    I thought we were the purple shirts.

  • Joshua Norton

    Whole Foods = Whole paycheck.

  • drrty martini

    A commenter on Redstate has a sad because Warren Buffet is a “crony capitalist”. I am getting really confused.

  • Native of SL UT

    What? Them asses didn’t invite Wonkette to a serious political forum? I don’t get it. What’s wrong with loopy bastards. We have plenty of opinions about stuff.

  • Joshua Norton


    Well they are, but everyone thinks they’re UPS drivers.

  • widget09

    [re=385838]Joshua Norton[/re]: Right on, who would have ever suspected that?

  • qaf

    Actually LOLcats is about the only subject of little enough importance that I’d be willing to listen to Yglesias, star of the Atlantic’s remake of Friends and serial mis-pronouncer of “bruschetta”.

    Also, you left out a link for the Whole Foods CEO’s editorial in the WSJ, the one that’s going to cause them a lot of serious problems by pissing off 80% of the people who shop there. You tease.

  • tunamelt

    Waggaman, you won me over with this.

  • Min

    [re=385838]Joshua Norton[/re]: What can Brown do for you?

  • widget09

    [re=385884]Min[/re]: My neighbors are really nice, but somehow they are afflicted with the birther disease.

  • The Sea Farmer

    from ted red state;

    ColdWarrior Thursday, August 13th at 4:21PM EDT (link)

    Ironically, Redstate displays both Progressive and GEICO web ads

    I realize that perhaps that can’t be stopped.

    I have Progressive. I put a call in to the CEO. Got the voice mail of one of his assistants. Left a detailed message that I was a soon-to-be-former customer if what I read here was true and I did not get a call back with an explanation that what I read here was not true.

    Thank you.



  • The Station Manager

    [re=385897]The Sea Farmer[/re]: Dear “ColdWarrior”;

    The Cold War is over, motherfucker. Get a job.

    Hugs & Kisses,
    The Station Manager

  • slowuncle

    Whole Foods has always been a joke; the usual corporate jackals not even putting that much effort into masquerading as progressives; glad to see their wingnut ceo letting his true colors fly!Anti-labor, anti-health care reform—might as well air his feelings about Obama’s Death Panels at this point.Anyway, here in Portland, OR, although we do suffer Wal Foods’ presence, only idiots actually shop there because we have a REAL progressive alternative called New Seasons Markets. They support locally grown organics and local-everything-else. Also.

  • AstronautDinosaurFiretruck

    I like the implicit understanding that the conservative movement is comprised of:

    1. Old People
    2. Glenn Beck
    3. The one dude who wrote that post on RedState who falls into neither category

  • geminisunmars

    [re=385824]Tommmcatt[/re]: Eeewww. Just the thought of being in the physical proximity of Beck, violently or otherwise, makes me nauseated. But I support your constitutional right to violently kidnap and imprison him.

  • Paul Tardy

    [re=385923]AstronautDinosaurFiretruck[/re]: To your conservative movement is comprised of list add anyone with a government pension.

  • hobospacejunkie

    No other place in town sells Tofurky Jerky so I will continue to buy it at whole foods when my mail order case of it runs out. Whole Foods CEO is a dickhead? The sky is also blue. You don’t get to be a CEO by being a wonderful human being.

  • cheeto_jeebus

    Here’s the problem. If you do by chance find that Glenn Beck has been in the trunk of your car for any extended period, that subtle smell like sour old socks worn by a dead cat may be difficult to get rid of. I suggest using a rental.

  • disgustedcitizen

    I really wish the rightwingnuts would decide if Obama and his supporters were Nazis or Socialists. Damn it they can’t have it both ways!

  • geminisunmars

    [re=385994]disgustedcitizen[/re]: Silly, he is an Elitist. Or as he himself would say: a Elitist.

  • slowuncle

    Yes, the self-cancelling contradiction which is the the Tea-bagger Mind(!)is nowhere better illustrated than by the “Obama’s a Nazi/Communist” knee-slapper AND the “keep your gubmint hands offa my Medicare!” chestnut. Pure comedy gold !! These clowns NEVER stop inviting mockery!

  • masterdebater

    Glen Beck doesn’t even like me! He’s on his own!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    “First Obama’s brownshirts came for the old people, but I was not an old person, so I said nothing. Then they came for Glenn Beck, but I was not Glenn Beck, so I did nothing. Then when they came for me, there was no one left to stand up for me.”

    Assuming the “me” in that is RedState, shouldn’t this be celebrated?

    But maybe RedState (note the singular) has a point: How dare anyone object to a half-crazed guy who lies a lot and calls the President a racist who hates white people? Next thing you know, they will object to any conservative if he or she says stupid, baseless, provocative things. And how can Conservatives have any power if everyone is laughing at them?

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    One of the comments was about how libtards are trying to take control of the country; news of the last election seems to be arriving rather slowly to parts of the country. Or maybe nostalgia is simply too strong a drug.

  • TeddyS

    Dear Sir (or Madam),

    We picked up the old people without difficulty, because they run real slow. Then we got Glenn Beck, a pussy type who was crying in a corner. So you are next on the list. Not to worry. We are on the job, just kind of busy right now. Please send your address, so we can make this as easy as possible. Thank you.

    Captain Rock Libtard,
    Obama Brownshirt Regiment 12

  • widget09

    [re=386101]TeddyS[/re]: You mean you are a UPS driver?