Wonkette
Supply and demand, people! Focus on the Family’s series of “Love Won Out” conferences has persuaded so many sodomites of the joys of heterosexual love that there is just no market for these events anymore. So, they’re turning over the conferences to a ministry in Orlando that can deal with the homosexual laggards who still haven’t gotten on the Straight Train.
“The economic challenges led us to this strategic decision,” Focus vice president Gary Schneeberger said Wednesday. “Love Won Out is not an inexpensive event to stage, and rarely, in over 50 cities where it’s been held, have we ever made back our investment, despite good attendance.”
Focus on the Family, which held its first Love Won Out conference in 1998, will lead its last on Nov. 7 in Birmingham, Ala. A $6 million shortfall in the $138 million budget also caused Focus president Jim Daly to send out a fundraising letter to 800,000 donors.
There’s really only one last question to ask: will gay conversion therapy be covered under Obamacare?
Focus on the Family selling its money-losing gay workshops [Denver Post]
will gay conversion therapy be covered under Obamacare?
Of course it will be, along with the mandatory gaybortions.
~
“Damn, I ain’t seen shoes that nice since Luther Vandross’ gay wedding!”
I just love that joke.
They should have renamed their group Focus on Butt Sex, then they’d really be packing them in.
Perhaps they figured Bruno was a lost cause and finally gave it up.
Gay conversion therapy = “talking” with a bunch of guys in a sauna…that’s gotta be covered by Obamamama health care.
The most disappointed are the deep-in-closet or denial Focus on Family Staffers who liked to attend for “research” purposes.
“Buttloads”. Heh.
“Gary Schneeberger”? Why do all these guys have such gay names?
It’s just that there’s no gay people anymore. Duh.
“will gay conversion therapy be covered under Obamacare?”
No need. The Death Panels will simply eat gay babies since they will not reproduce and thus provide a larger labor force for the Reptile-Human hybrids. That is, assuming that the gay babies weren’t mandatory aborted by the secular humanists.
Well, shit. Looks like I need to redo my vacation plans for next summer.
Ha ha! Okay, now gun please…
That’s because all the Gay Boyz (and Girlz) are now good Episcopalians. We don’t care who you screwed before you came to church, just as long as you remembered to bring wine for the reception afterwards.
They probably would have had better attendance at those conferences if they just played more show tunes.
More like, “Love Three Outs” apparently.
Since everyone’s “a little queer” there will probably need to be some sort of Queer Panel to decide who is gay enough for the therapy.
P.S. Nice alt text, Sara.
~
“Whenever I’m feeling a little gay, I just fuck my wife in her ass.”
-Any Wingnut
These guys never had a chance, given Obama’s militant Gay-Illegal Alien Mandate. You want to see the shocking evidence? Look no further, my friends:
http://www.patronmexgrill.com/specials.html
or
http://www.patronmexgrill.com/print.html
The “Rub One Out” program has kept me straight for years.
Dumptruck: I think you’re a little confused. It’s the non-gay babies that will be eaten (at least until the program to gay-convert all non-aborted fetuses is operational, at which point only white babies will be eaten).
This is further proof that Obama’s stimulus has been a complete and utter failure. Perhaps next time he’ll be wise enough to follow Paul Krugman’s advice to cover each check in K-Y 2-in-1 Warming Gel® and mint flavored Astrolube™.
magic titty: Awesome.
With all of that pent up demand for straightness, surely the cost of corks, duct tape, and clean panties took all the profit out of their program.
despite good attendance.
Mostly closet case wingnuts hoping to score them some of that good gay seks.
magic titty:
Or this:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33540
Wait, does this include lesbians? I would so troll around a conference like this.
The economic challenges led us to this strategic decision.
Of course they did. It had nothing at all to do with the ever-increasing acceptance of queers by straight society, nor with an ever-increasing disgust with troglodyte churches and their bizarre obsession with other people’s sex lives.
I dunno about turning gay men straight but I’m positive you could turn straight women into lesbians by showing them pictures of Rush Limbaugh naked, or even with his clothes on. Just knowing Rush Limbaugh exists makes me start fantisizing about breasts a little.
“The economic challenges led us to this strategic decision,” Focus vice president Gary Schneeberger said Wednesday. “Love Won Out is not an inexpensive event to stage.”
Too true. The hair and makeup for the drag queens alone probably set them back a pretty sum. And then there’s the dresses, the lighting, the sets and, of course, the obligatory hunky stagehands.
Maybe they could get Ted Haggard, to deal with the laggards.
Gorillionaire: I’m not a doctor, so I’m a little unclear. Is a gaybortion the aborting of gay fetueses, abortions performed by gay docs or some sex act between men that bears a superficial resemblance to an abortion?
I’d hate to use it incorrectly socially and have to be corrected. I’d be mortified.
ManchuCandidate: BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
God Hates Quitters.
Wait, I’m confused: Why is Dobson hosting conferences to counsel people on how to become gay?
Gallowglass: I only studied this a little before dropping out of pre-med, but I believe it’s performing the abortion in such a way that the fetus becomes gay immediately before termination, thus guaranteeing that it proceeds directly to hell. It sounds bad, but heaven was getting pretty fucking crowded with zygotes and disposed frozen embryos from our American Holocaust.
Eric Cheney: “really packing them in”
Yeah, I get it….no, wait, I didn’t mean that….
I’m certain the only place “love won out” was in the bathrooms of those conferences.
Mustang: Please be more specific. Rush has breasts too.
Nice choice, Fuckus in the Femway, to meet in “Orlando”…
I suppose they all just fall asleep and wake up women, like Orlando did! That way, it isn’t homosexuality!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orlando:_A_Biography
Mull_Man:
Rush has more like moobs (man boobs).
Gallowglass: I thought it was when Elton John takes a poo.
Mull_Man: Also, Rush doesn’t have a penis.
Patty Dumpling: LOL I was thinking the same thing. Good thing I perused the comments before posting the same basic comment.
Bummer- those were always great events to get laid and say “buttsecks” in front of the two non-gay, aghast, republicans in attendance. The rest of the closeted GOP guys were a little freaky though. And while I’m totally cool with stepping it up a notch ‘Vitter style”, I do _not_ drink santorum. It’s kind of a bright line for me.
Just bring in The Pottery Barn as a co sponsor.Shortfall Solved.
“…rarely, in over 50 cities where it’s been held, have we ever made back our investment, despite good attendance.”
So they’re buying the gayness away from the gays; is that how it works? I shoulda pretended to be gay and cashed in. Maybe I’d be driving around in that new Subaru already. (Sorry, make that a Chevy Tahoe; Subie’s are for lesbos.)
Now that they’ve got this huge stockpile of gayness they bought up, and they’re out of funds, maybe we could buy it back from them for pennies on the dollar. Just think how much fun it would be set it loose at, say, a really big Mormon wedding, or annual regional John Birch meeting.
In Capitalist Christian America, a $6m shortfall simply means your business is outmoded… time to close the livery barn, there, Dobson… you’re not going to suck-start this business model.
Meanwhile, the fear market in C.C.A. is doing pretty goddamn well. Invest now while the ride-up lasts!
Rick Santorum..of the Santorum experience is running for president….they want my gay friends to be straight..waht is this world coming to…lol
This program was a 100% success for me. I can truthfully say that I have no desire to fuck James Dobson.
I don’t know how to incorporate Sarah Palin or a long form birth certificate into this post.
Don Juanquete: But he does have a fupa.
“Love Won Out” had its clientele poached by the rising series of counter-workshops “Rub One Out.”
Well, going to the website for that conference sure is educational. Did you know that there is a similar organization for the Jews? There is! It’s called “JONAH” and features gay whales locked in an eternal 69 position. I recommend the section on lesbians.
Patty Dumpling: Bugger. Next time I’ll read the bloody comments before posting.
user-of-owls: Love 15?
Considering their take on healthcare (If it doesn’t make money it’s a failure) then the wingnuts should give up on God entirely at this point. Hell, if an infallible deity can’t find a way to finance something so allegedly important to Him, there are probably all kinds of other things wrong with Him. Also, I hear He’s Middle-Eastern.
AxmxZ:
Oh my. You are the funny one today, yes you are.
ManchuCandidate: Dammit. My job is racist agains The Onion. What’s the headline??
Next year, the convention will be combined with Boehners Beach Party. First they take away the Christmas parties, beer bashes, and now this !! NOOOOOOHHHBAMA!!!!!!
AxmxZ: I almost made the same mistake. Point being, “love won out” is just like “rub one out” except it makes no sense at all.
Lascauxcaveman: Last time I checked, GAY was trending downward on the S&P..
magic titty:
“Why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?”
Classic Onion.
Well, it’s about time. I never understood how they could focus on the family while spending all their time chasing after homosexuals.
Also: What the hell are the job duties of a “gender analyst” at Focus on the Family?
Anyway, a lot of the attendees only came for the cocktail hour afterwards.
did they really think that somebody would pay $2,000 for the “privilege” of attending their lame event? Talk about delusional.
QUITTERS!! QUITTERS!! QUITTERS!! ALSO!!
-SP
Not enough people eating at Chick-Fil-A?
Lascauxcaveman: So they’re buying the gayness away from the gays; is that how it works?
It’s called Cap and Gayed.
REPENT, YE SODOMITES, AND BE FREE-OF-CHARGE!
“Love Won Out is not an inexpensive event to stage…”
Yeah, hiring all those sassy interior decorators doesn’t come cheap.
The photo you are using for the gay weddin’ stories does not show the colors. Therefore it is difficult to tell wether the muppets are authentically gay, hell, they might just be two best buds after the wedding. I suggest replacing those gay ass roses with rainbow lapels.
“Love Won Out is not an inexpensive event to stage, and rarely, in over 50 cities where it’s been held, have we ever made back our investment, despite good attendance.” Well, shoot. I thought it was all about the love. I guess it was all about the money, after all. Whooda thunk?
Gallowglass: My vote for comment of the century (so far)
They got bought by an Orlando-based ministry? Perfect. They can hold their next Pray the Gay Away event at the Holy Land Experience, maybe in the Shofar Auditorium or even the Scriptorium. Then a quick stop at the Old Scroll Shop on the way out.
God, I hate Orlando.
Eric Cheney: How about “Love Spurt Out”?
Marion Barry should do their marketing.
Love Won Out in Denver ’cause I would not suck your dick.
One Yield Regular: What the hell are the job duties of a “gender analyst” at Focus on the Family?
They’re the folks who pull undies down at the door to make sure that, you know, people are what they *say* they are!
Rev. Dobson’s a-callin’, TROOPS, PULL OUT!
OhMY: That takes part of the “gender” part. Now what explains the “anal”?
“Love Won Out is not an inexpensive event to stage…”
Well it might be a damn sight less expensive if Dobson didn’t insist on staging every large chorus number from La Cage Aux Folles.
I went to the Love Won Out meeting in my city, and, oh my, what a darling place it was to meet some good-looking available guys. Only ten minutes into the event, I was getting a handjob beneath the table. Half the audience vanished at the break with new partners, but I stayed wen they switched from singing hymns to having Ted Haggard lead a stiffie-making version of YMCA. Terrific fun, free condoms and I am sorry Mister Dobson is losing money.
OhMY: To my knowledge, they are referred to in casual conversation as ‘PP’s’, or ‘panty-pullers’ by FOTF insiders.
Mega-chruches are doing to Christianity what television did to family meals at the dinner table. Soon that mighty religion will become just an odd belief shared by only a quaint few.
TeddyS: Maybe Focus on the Family has *finally* figured out that the primary reason gay men go to these events is to get laid, so they’re dumping the whole program onto some gullible, naive little ministry.
bureaucrap: No, nobody would pay $2000 for that privilege, himself! But I bet lots of Christian parents scraped up the money to send their “problem sons” to hear Dr. Dobson’s Glorious Words and absorb lots of prayer.
Converting the gays into the straights?
I’m old enough to remember that 9 of 10 doctors who preferred Camels went back to women…
Lascauxcaveman: Especially if it could be made water-soluble and squirted through a water pistol. Think of the fun you could have driving around Salt Lake City.
Mustang: I’m sure Limbaugh has big’uns!
magic titty: Sounds good to me!
rev_matt_y: Because if his followers weren’t distracted by something that only appeals to 1 in 10 males, they might notice all those verses in the Bible like “Weep and howl, you rich!”
Zhu Bajie
Don Juanquete: He does, but it’s not easily found, hidden under his paniculus!
Lascauxcaveman: The Army will buy it for their poison gas which turns the enemy gay!
SayItWithWookies: G-d’s been laughing at them for ages! Playing tricks on them via the Lying Spirit!
MarSF: My guess: Years of taunting begets bigotry….
Lascauxcaveman: If you could buy up all the gays in the world, I’m quite sure David Geffen would’ve done it by now.
“Dobson’s Gay Conversion Conference Losing Buttloads Of $$$”
Well that’s what happens once you get the gheyz to take their dicks out of there. Why do you think we do it in the first place? Duh!
Geez, how expensive can it be to tell a bunch of homos to stop fucking each other? But I guess those administrators need to pay their rentboys some way, and coke doesn’t buy itself, does it?
Lascauxcaveman: AKA the ‘Lezbaru’
If love were to truly “win out” wouldn’t you just marry your gay lover and get over it?