please take us back

England Prepares To ‘Go 1812′ On U.S. For Bashing Its Health Care

The country England, which used to own America, has a terrible system of health care where people pay a bit more in taxes so that when they get sick, they can walk into a doctor’s office or a hospital to receive treatment. This is how Empires fall! But supposedly English people “like” their National Death Laboratory (NHS) and simply do not care for these American Republican politicians lambasting it on the telly. Will the lobsterbacks invade America again? Yes. No. No, it’s not worth much anymore.

The invasion has already begun. According to limey operative “Tom,” England has mobilized its machines of war, on Twitter:

[S]eems like there’s a mini riot fomenting in England right now against the Americans, for bashing the National Health Service…

#welovetheNHS on Twitter. If you know about Twitter.

Twitter is for savages.

But the “dismay” has reached the highest levels of the British Diplomatic Corps, reports the communist Guardian empathy-wrapper!

As myths and half-truths circulate, British diplomats in the US are treading a delicate line in correcting falsehoods while trying to stay out of a vicious domestic dogfight over the future of American health policy. [...]

The degree of misinformation is causing dismay in NHS circles. Andrew Dillon, chief executive of the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (Nice), pointed out that it was utterly false that Kennedy would be left untreated in Britain: “It is neither true nor is it anything you could extrapolate from anything we’ve ever recommended to the NHS.”

The person who said that about Ted Kennedy was Chuck Grassley, the leading Republican negotiator in this health care debate.

Bipartisan bill on Obama’s desk by October!…??

‘Evil and Orwellian’ – America’s right turns its fire on NHS [The Guardian]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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95 comments

  1. Car Ramrod

    If their healthcare is so fucking great, why did they let Stephen Hawking theoretically die?

  2. Bearbloke

    The repossession of these Colonies by The Crown has been on the schedule for, oh, some 5-6 years now…

  3. trondant

    Sorry, I can’t take these Brits seriously if they have hanged Wallace and Grommit in effigy outside their offices. Then you’ve got a debate.

  4. rambone

    Oh good. For a minute there I was afraid that we hadn’t alienated every other nation on Earth.

  5. SmutBoffin

    Don’t forget: Stephen Hawking to America: “I’m still alive, by the unholy combination of SCIENCE and COMMUNISM, bitchez!!”

  6. the deliverator

    Are they pissed that our movies still make jokes about their rumored bad teeth as well? And this health care crap just put them over the edge?

  7. jagorev

    If #welovetheNHS makes the trending topics list, we’ll have launch our missiles. You’ve been warned, Britain.

  8. Cape Clod

    I bet the Brits are finally going to break out all those Martian Death Tripods that got left behind in the Victorian era when the invaders all croaked because they didn’t have health care.

  9. Vacation Without Hats

    Oh good, France needed a break from being lied about by right wing Americans for a while.

    Wake me when they get to renaming things “Freedom Chips”, that should be fun.

  10. Bearbloke

    Commentator on Guardian.co.uk:
    **************************************
    StringerBell 11 Aug 09, 9:50pm (about 22 hours ago)

    Just saw these idiots on Jon Stewart shouting down people who wish for a fairer, not-for-profit healthcare system. How can the world’s most powerful country be so pathologically thick?
    You sometimes get the impression that the US is crazy Jesus-land peopled by Sarah Palin/Bill O’Reilly fawning pitchfork gothic and rednecks.
    ************************************************

    It seems the American Reich-wing is again trying to cripple the still-returning goodwill that Bush lost and Obama has tried to re-earn…

  11. SayItWithWookies

    Ha ha — good luck correcting all the misinformation that Congress is spreading about your healthcare, Brits. It’s coming so fast and hard that the best you’ll be able to do is tread water. What are you going to do about these:
    – The NHS version of Lasik is actually a janitor who gouges your eyes out with a spoon.
    – People who have below-the-knee amputations get prosthetic tricycle tires to save money.
    – Instead of traditional anesthesia, patients undergoing surgery are read Sarah Palin speeches.
    – Iraq is able to launch health care at any target in the world in 45 minutes.

  12. TGY

    Well, to be fair, Stephen Hawking is a cosmetologist (or somesuch) and might have embalmed himself to *look* alive.

    As to the lies: Kipling will *get* them for this.

  13. Rodney Badger

    I studied in Scotland for a year and while there I could stumble in to any clinic, unwashed and half drunk, and recieve care. The paperwork was minimal and I actually got to talk to a doctor for more than five minutes. It was horrible.

    A difficult and confusing health care system that leaves 50 million people uninsured and causes 50% of all bankruptcy filings is a small price to pay to keep America idealogically pure.

  14. PrairiePossum

    We declared our independence from England because we have a God given right to be batshit crazy.

    Every red-blooded ‘Merikan knows that our soldiers fight for our right to sit at home and listen to wingnut media types spoonfeed us lies about other countries’ healthcare systems. It is also our God given right to go to town hall meetings armed with our bows, arrows, knives, guns, machetes and swords and shout the spoonfed lies at commie librul muslin kenyan politicians ‘cuz Thomas Jefferson told us to water the liberty tree.

    So suck it King George!!!!

  15. oldguy

    From the article in the Guardian, linked above. Hannity dug up a story about some guy who superglued the crown on his tooth, the message being (obviously): “If the Democrats have their way, get your superglue ready.”

    Turns out, the guy couldn’t find a dentist after he moved because in his new location they had all gone private and would have charged him…. Damn socialists.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-416187/Dentist-shortage-leads-man-superglue-tooth.html

  16. WIDTAP

    [re=384374]Vacation Without Hats[/re]: That, and those “Patriot Muffins” are also very tasty.

  17. ManchuCandidate

    Look at this way, Jolly Old Mother England. Be thankful for the US America Founding Baby Daddies. If it weren’t for them, those pathologically thick retards known as the Base of the GOP would have been YOUR problem.

  18. freakishlystrong

    Great, now we have to be ashamed to be ‘Mericans again becuse of the fucking “Silent Majority” by which I mean the crazy ass, cringe inducingly loud minority.

  19. Vacation Without Hats

    [re=384376]Bearbloke[/re]:

    Yes, broad, uninformed stereotypes of all Americans as being just like Sarah Palin or George W Bush would be a great way of showing that one is superior to them.

  20. BadKitty

    [re=384376]Bearbloke[/re]: “You sometimes get the impression that the US is crazy Jesus-land peopled by Sarah Palin/Bill O’Reilly fawning pitchfork gothic and rednecks”

    SOMETIMES???? Apparently he has not traveled here. Bless him for giving us the benefit of a doubt.

  21. Extemporanus

    [S]eems like there’s a mini riot fomenting in England right now against the Americans…

    America’s ruthless Hummers will easily crush England’s riotous Minis. Bring it on, clown car commandos!

  22. BadKitty

    [re=384388]oldguy[/re]: I heard this story was completely debunked and there were 7 NHS dentists in his area. He’s just freaking nuts. I wonder if he’s an expat.

  23. DustBowlBlues

    A young English friend who teaches school in an inner city school in London sent me the link to this along with her dismay that somehow the dickwad (my term, not hers) Republithugs had someone decided to drag her country into this. Her mother commented that while the NHS has its problems, this should make Brits shut up with the complaints and appreciate what they’ve got. Last time I’d visited them, mom was in the hospital for an emergency skin graft a couple of days after she was diagnosed with melanoma.

    When I visited her, she was in a ward, not a private room with a choice of lovely menus, like my over-insured husband had when he got his pacemaker. But since I’m the underinsured one in the family, I would gladly have taken the ward’s care.

    I we had NHS, I’d get on the wait list right now to have my left hip replaced. As it is, I have to wait for Medicare and get on the list then. And pay way too much out of pocket. What the fuck is wrong with these English and their health care? Don’t they realize how awful it is?

  24. AxmxZ

    Obama ought to hire Stephen Hawking to hit the MSNBC and Comedy Central talk show circuit, popping wheelies while holding in his teeth a copy of his English birth certificate.

  25. slappypaddy

    empires fall when they try to provide too much to too many people. that is why here in murka, we be aiming to bring our empire down in a new way, by providing nothing to most people, everything to a few, charging it all on our 100-trillion-dollar line of credit, then

    thenn

    well fuck i don’t know what we’re going to do then. piss it all away in casinos? say ‘wee-wee-wee’ all the way home? will our new socialist-fascist-communist-antichrist-kenyist-kansist-harvist-chicagist healthcare plan please to provide ample opiates to all the masses on demand? i feel a meltdown coming and plan to be first in line.

    god save the queen!
    the healthcare regime!

  26. DustBowlBlues

    [re=384388]oldguy[/re]: thanks for the link. I’m going to go copy it. How many fucking Americans can afford the dentist? Not too many in rural OK, I’ll tell you that, judging by the missing and crooked teeth. On the hillbillies riding scooters in Walmart because they’re too fat to walk.

    Fuck I dread that trip to get dog food. Maybe I’ll pay top dollar and get Iam’s from the vet. Fucking toothless, fat hillbillies. Friend of mine reports he once got caught amongst a convoy of them.

  27. ragepotato

    Upon Barack Obama’s birth in the Colony of Kenya, Prime Minister Harold Macmillan
    shrewdly recognized that he could easily be elected President of the United States. He took out birth announcements in two Hawaiian papers and dispatched agents to move the infant to Hawaii and take advantage of the state’s criminally lax birth certificate policy. Macmillan knew that socialized medicine was economically devastating his country, so he slipped the baby who would be president into our country, paid for his education, and filled him with socialist ideas. The end game: America, financially devastated, again becomes a colony of the UK. FEMA work camps, death panels, cap and trade. Also.

    It’s time for all of us to back up to the Tree of Liberty and take a huge, fertilizing dump.

  28. SmutBoffin

    [re=384383]TGY[/re]: You know who else was embalmed? LENIN! Come to think of it, didn’t Lenin study mathematical physics at Kazan U. (Lobachevsky’s old department, no less)? Is there something you want to tell us Comrade Hawking?

  29. totoro

    Maybe Obama needs to institute Thursday afternoon questions in Congress. Can you see him springing up from his chair every 90 seconds to shut down Grassley and Bachmann when they pipe up with some full on American Crazee? But it would be American style, meaning, ending in fisticuffs (if the metal detectors work). Ratings would be brilliant. I totally want to see Webb punch Cantor in the neck.

  30. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=384388]oldguy[/re]: Has anyone given that link to Hannity/Drudge along with an engraved invitation to eat the enclosed bag of English dicks?

  31. jbd

    [re=384388]oldguy[/re]: Umm. Dude. I’m all for nationalized health care. But how is that an endorsement? The guy couldn’t find a doctor and so he superglued himself?

    The black dude-in-chief wouldn’t endorse that, but then neither would Stephen Harper. Who is probably just an alter ego of Stephen Hawkins. Who just doesn’t want to get killed.

  32. WhatTheHeck

    Its only a matter of time before the Empire strikes back for all the poo flung at their NHS.
    This time the Redcoats will march into Dixie and politely explain to the commoners “health care good. Dumb-ass stupidity bad.”

  33. jetjaguar

    [re=384386]PrairiePossum[/re]: Are you sure we weren’t just kicked out? I mean, we DID wear belt buckles on our heads…

  34. glamourdammerung

    [re=384377]smartypants[/re]: “At least they’ll stop quoting Churchill now.”

    I do not care when they quote Churchill, but the making up quotes and attributing them to Churchill thing they love to do is annoying.

  35. DustBowlBlues

    [re=384384]Rodney Badger[/re]: And don’t forget: At 17 % of GNP, we spend more on health care than any nation in the world. According to the Christian Science Monitor’s (literate, civilized, commies) Economics columnist, David Francis, if nothing changes in our system, by the year 2050, it will be 100% of GNP.

    Funny, that the teabaggers haven’t managed to work that little factoid into their “conversation.”

  36. DustBowlBlues

    [re=384410]AxmxZ[/re]: This just in: Stephen Hawking is awarded Medal of Freedom after the English let him die. Whoever preserved his body did a fine job.

  37. smitallica

    How good could England’s healthcare be when all over the country you find something called “spotted dick”? Hmmm? Seriously, think about it.

  38. Oldskool

    Maybe the Revolution wasn’t such a great idea after all. Wonder if they’d take us back in exchange for Texas.

  39. smitallica

    [re=384463]glamourdammerung[/re]: Agreed. In fact, I found a great quote to that effect:
    “People who misquote other people should have their dicks cut off and made into sausages. Also.”
    —Winston Churchill

  40. DustBowlBlues

    [re=384410]AxmxZ[/re]: Don’t forget to put that birth certificate in a plastic bag, and make it the long form.

  41. Hooray For Anything

    [re=384463]glamourdammerung[/re]: You mean Churchill didn’t say “we shall fight health care on the beaches, we shall fight health care on the landing grounds, we shall fight health care reform in the fields and in the streets, and we shall fight health care in the hills?” Cause that’s what Hannity said last night.

  42. Litlebritdifrnt

    I wondered how long it would take my fellow countrymen and women to get pissed off at Limbaugh/Hannity and their ilk. I know that the wingnuts managed to find a couple of sorry pieces of shit to appear in their commercials to whine about how awful the NHS is so I hereby sentence said people to live in the US for one year without health care (if they live that long). Despite all the “death panels” and “pulling the plug on granny” and “six months wait to see a doctor” bullshit that if you listen to Limbaugh goes on in the NHS the vast majority of the population of the UK absolute love their cuddly NHS so wingnuts can stop picking on it thank you very much or we’ll set our meanest gang of soccer yobs on your arse.

  43. jimmynail

    [re=384362]freakishlystrong[/re]: Piss orf, as they say. My teeth are all English, all NHS and, well, freakishly strong, if not aesthetically unimpeachable.

    Also, that article Hannity quoted was from the Daily Mail, which loathes, uh, just about everyone, especially people with brown skin or fannies* or sexual predilictions that don’t involve a hole in a sheet and self-flagellation afterwards. And welcomed the eastern bloc countries to the EU with the headline “2 MILLION GYPSIES POISED TO INVADE YOUR HOME”, and then followed it up with a picture of a Romanian baby rolling around in a pile of £20 notes, with its filthy romanian bottom rubbing all over Her Majesty the Queen’s regal face, curse it. Etc.

    *(that’s vaginae, to you)

  44. AbstinenceOnly Ed

    France has the best health care system. Especially the parts about red wine, cigarettes, and an August full of sex on the Riviera.

  45. DustBowlBlues

    [re=384432]totoro[/re]: Isn’t this what Biden is supposed to be doing? Where is he, anyway?

  46. TeddyS

    You libtards don’t get it! We Real Americans do not care for your health care plan. We want to pay even higher premiums to our best-in-the-world insurance companies. Only one member of my family needs medical care right now but cannot get covered for it because of it being a pre-existing condition…and we never liked her much anyway.

  47. jimmynail

    [re=384496]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I think he pretty much did, actually. That’s why as soon as we’d won the war we threw his ass ignominiously out and elected some actual filthy socialists who built us a whole goddamn welfare state, with nationalised industries and everything, in about a week, and then we all lived happily ever after.

  48. bitchincamaro

    Great. I’ve been itching for a rubber match on the Battle of Brooklyn for too long. General Howe, you are a dead man.

  49. hobospacejunkie

    [re=384415]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Buy your pet food via the internet. Pet Food Direct, or one of a number of others. You can probably find it on Amazon, too. No need to mix with the hoi polloi, especially when they’re all morbidly obese.

  50. Rascalcat

    Know what would be a crazy idea for the MSM to do? Go to England and Canada and interview actual people about their health care satisfaction.

    No, that’s just too crazy. Better to see what Sarah has to say today.

  51. zenferret

    [re=384374]Vacation Without Hats[/re]: So do the rightard still want English declared the official language?

  52. June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=384415]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Missing teeth is bad. You can dig up thousand year old skulls still with their teeth.

  53. slappypaddy

    [re=384440]WhatTheHeck[/re]: no, what they’ll do is tell us to go fight our own fucking wars all by our lonesome and see how we like that.

  54. azw88

    [re=384352]Car Ramrod[/re]: he IS dead, it’s just that his computerized voicebox is stuck in some sort of loop where it keeps pulling up all sorts of random words that sound remarkably like real, coherent thought. Kind of like scratching a Hanna Montana CD, do it just right and it actually sounds like real music!

  55. glamourdammerung

    [re=384496]Hooray For Anything[/re]: He might have said that one, but there is a great deal of nonsense that conservatives attribute to Churchill.

  56. RoscoePColtraine

    Yeah and just where do you think the Brits get all those kidneys for making steak and kidney pie? Libtards, just wait until the dem-o-rats turn us all into fucking cannibals.

  57. AbstinenceOnly Ed

    [re=384515]TeddyS[/re]: If only more HMOsexuals like you would have the courage come out of the healt care closet…

  58. bitchincamaro

    [re=384580]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: …where do you think the Brits get all those kidneys…

    That Jersey rabbi?

  59. Bearbloke

    Here’s an interesting bit of Commie-Fascist-Muslin-Kenyan-Indonesian-DeathPanel-Euthanasia-Hippie-Nazi-Librul propaganda for the you and the NHS to view, called Sick for Profit – enjoy!

  60. Jukesgrrl

    [re=384510]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Biden and the missus went on vacation. To South Carolina, no less, so I’m sure you can guess what they’re doing (let’s call it HTAT, for short).

    Seriously though, they’re on an island and when they come back the Obamas will vacation on another island. Do you think the Secret Service has anything to do with the choice to go with the tried and true moat protection system?

  61. bitchincamaro

    [re=384608]ProfessorJukes[/re]: Always been meaning to ask; are you banging one your students, ( [re=384632]Jukesgrrl[/re] ) live on Wonkette?

  62. snideinplainsight

    What would be fun would be for someone to investigate just a tiny bit the families of all the GOP loudmouths in this debate, and then publicly put up a list of which ones have how many family members who are uninsured. Is this purely fantasy, or is it possible? Most people have someone in their family who is either uninsured or on Medicare or Medicaid. Sorry, no snark here.

  63. Godot

    [re=384374]Vacation Without Hats[/re]: Don’t you mean Thomas’ Freedom Muffins?

    I’ll tell you, they make a great breakfast with some scrambled egg, a little cheese, and a slice of that round Freedom Bacon in the middle.

  64. DustBowlBlues

    [re=384632]Jukesgrrl[/re]: “tried and true moat protection system”

    Because they’re not Kenyans or Americans–they’re all commie Brits with NHS.

  65. Dean Booth

    “British diplomats in the US are treading a delicate line in correcting falsehoods.” Why is everyone so afraid of these Republican losers? If all the reasonable people shouted “Liars!” at the same time, these political hemorrhoids would shrivel up and disappear overnight. In theory.

  66. Hooray For Anything

    [re=384552]Rascalcat[/re]:It wouldn’t matter if they interviewed Canadians and the British about their healthcare anyways because even if say 95% of Canadians or 95% of Brits are happy about their healthcare, the media would have to pull their “despite the fact everybody is healthy, doesn’t have to pay much in the way of costs, and gets treated quickly and efficiently, some English people complain that their health care doesn’t go far enough in providing tea & crumpets. Republicans say this proves that Obama will personally strangle your grandmother.”

    Anyways, I’m just hoping we piss off the Brits enough that they’ll become our enemy so I can declare myself a political refugee and emigrate there.

  67. schvitzatura

    One NHS practice that would help with the sanguine nature of the olds would be lashings of brimstone and treacle, with a just a soupçon of Robinsons Lemon Barley Water to help it go down.

  68. Bruno

    Dear Mr. Republicans,

    Do you want to stop abortions?

    1) Implement Obamacare
    2) FREE ABORTIONS FOR ALL*
    3) *9-month waiting list
    4) Republican repression of women accomplished

  69. Bruno

    The GOP should start blaming the NHS for mad cow disease and foot-and-mouth disease. That sounds much worse than mexican-made pig aids

  70. Bruno

    Actually the worst part about the NHS is they train all their doctors to not perscribe anti-anxiety medications. It’s much easier to fly to NY to get your Klonopin as its perscribed like candy

  71. Paul Tardy

    So if British healthcare is so good how come they win so few Olympic medals, changed the rules of football so you can’t run into each other, and have never landed anything on the moon.

  72. iolanthe

    [re=384803]Dean Booth[/re]: Really. Why can’t we all call these untrue things they say “lies”?

    We all get that folks have different opinions.
    But they don’t get to make up different facts.

  73. Sick Puppy

    [re=384569]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: Missing teeth is bad. You can dig up thousand year old skulls still with their teeth.

    Yes, but didn’t they die at a very young age? Whereas.

  74. StraightTeeth

    Over here in the UK, we look back over the 1000s of years, of wars won and lost, and these nut-cases at least make us feel a little better about the outcome the Revolutionary War unpleasantness. I mean, really, even if we had won, the whole Empire didn’t have much of a future with these guys chewing away in the woodwork, did it?

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