Huzzah, Rick Santorum! The former Pennsylvania senator, dog-sex fetishist, Nostradamus of Terror, and reluctant John McCain supporter seems to be plotting a presidential run for 2012, which would be awesome … for America.
He’ll be in Iowa in early October, and the only reason any non-resident would be in such a place at the onset of a six-month winter is to persuade the party wingnutry that they’re conservative enough to win the Iowa Straw Poll, which is a type of informal lottery for deranged religious nuts.
Remember how Mike Huckabee won Iowa the last time, and now he’s the president? Exactly.
Anyway, Santorum. Nice to see him back on the political stage after a several-year hiatus following his 2006 senatorial rout. Rumor has it he spent his time off having illegal gay man-on-dog sex, constantly.
Santorum dips toes in 2012 Iowa waters [Politico]
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I wonder if they’ll pack up the family dead fetus for the trip to Iowa?
This guy gets any closer to the white house and I’m moving here:
http://www.silverjackinn.com
Sarah Palin made it safe for parents of Down Syndrome kids to run for higher office.
Do frothy mixtures of lube and fecal matter have birf certifikates?
I haven’t heard that rumor yet, but I’m sure I will, after I help spread it.
This will be most excellent. Saint Santorum and Sarah Palin representing the Repervican Party. That should be the last straw. Remember the Whigs?
From Wikipedia: Santorum is a sexual neologism proposed by American humorist and sex-advice columnist Dan Savage in 2003 to “memorialize” then US Republican Senator Rick Santorum from Pennsylvania due to the controversy over his statements on homosexuality. Savage asked his readers to submit new definitions for the term; the winning definition was “that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.”
I think when your name decomes a term in the urban dictionary, you’re chanches of becoming president are zero to none. How in the hell are we going to keep Anderson Cooper from laughing so hard he blows snot bubbles out of his nose every time he says Santorum?
Only if he keeps making his kids cry on camera.
Is there anyone in the GOP who might run for Preznit in 2012 that isn’t a recycled loser?
Santorum facing off against Palin in the GOP primary?
Please, Jeebus, make that happen.
Oh please do this, Ricky; the 2012 Republican nomination is going to be fun, with nothing but a pack of far-right nutcases, each of you trying to out-crazy the others. And it would be so nice for your shitty column at the Inquirer to go away; although your replacement would probably be just as bad, since the op-ed page has been nothing but wingnuts since Tierney took over.
My spelling sucks…..I Know.
This should be fun — the Republican Party desperately needs another ignorant fundamentalist in the mix, fighting for the GOP’s syphylitic, raisin-sized heart and empty corporate-controlled soul. After Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee and now Rick Santorum are done maligning each other in the primaries, they should be well nigh unrecognizable.
Dan Savage just starbursted in his pants at this news.
[re=384153]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “Is there anyone in the GOP who might run for Preznit in 2012 that isn’t a recycled loser?” You can expand on this by removing the words “who might run for Preznit in 2012″ and “recycled.”
God help us all.
You know what 2012 will still need, though, to be perfect? Tancredo!
I disapprove. Rick Santorum is the only person I’ve ever heard talking about having sex with dogs, and I think a pervert like that simply does NOT belong in the White House, where dogs are present.
[re=384166]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The Baracuda may have her hands full…
http://www.starmagazine.com/sarah_palin_todd_shattered_marriage/news/15939
I love these people!
[re=384153]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Nope.
Santorum has additional children living in a basement dungeon. I’m certain of it.
But who know? Maybe that’ll go over in Iowa.
Birth certificate?
But in all seriousness, I don’t know if a guy whose track record includes losing his senate as an incumbent because he was too weird for Pennsylvania is a very promising presidential candidate. The inevitable loss, however, will be comic gold.
So, Wonketeers, this is totally unrelated to Santorum, but tell me what you think:
The big boss (as opposed to MY boss) just called and asked me to meet him at a neutral site for lunch. He said “I think you know what I’m going to say, and I need you to answer me completely honestly. You cannot tell anyone else there we are meeting.”
Now, I haven’t murdered any hookers at work lately. I don’t even surf for porn, or do anything more criminal than read Wonkette. (Which seriously is probably the WORST thing in my browsing history, which really says something about our behavior, BTW) I’m not a model employee, but I think I’m OK.
I can’t think of any major fuck-ups I’ve made that would necessitate this meeting. Just the usual, and this is NOT the kind of guy that does this often; I’ve never met with him like this before, and neither have any of my co-workers AFAIK. There is one thing: My immediate boss has been pretty spacey lately, and I’ve heard rumors they’re unhappy with him/her, but canning him/her would be a huge deal, and I don’t see them doing it. This is a small office, like 6 people, and one just left, actually, so we’re short as it is.
So, what do you think? Is he going to proposition me? Fire me? Inject me with Pig-AIDS and feed me to Rush? Since I can’t ask anyone I know or put it on facebook or anywhere I can be identified, I’m asking you. Please be funny if you are going to mock me, I need something to ease the tension.
That photo is golden. If we get nothing else but a second, six-years-later version of it, it will be worth it. Kind of like the two sides of the Beatles red and blue compilations: same scene, same composition, but six years older. Bonus if the pouting daughter is knocked up like Bristol Palin.
This thread ended at the first post. Dead fetus Catholic fetish FTW
The circus gains another ring.
Honestly, that photo is the greatest photo in American political history. Everything about it is perfect.
[re=384157]FMA[/re]: forget that….Palin/Santorum 2012.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Tell him you like him, but you prefer stronger men.
[re=384183]doxastic[/re]: Losing his Senate seat in a landslide, remember; that just doesn’t normally happen to incumbents without major scandals, but here it was just because man-on-dog was a moron.
[re=384177]stew[/re]: What, you think she can’t run for prez and allow her family to disintegrate at the same time? Girl’s a multitasker, you know.
John Kerry, on meeting Rick Santorum: “Doesn’t that mean ‘asshole’ in Latin?”
[re=384191]Dave J.[/re]: It is indeed. Very Children of the Corn or Christians of the Porn?…
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Well, I hope it’s not to ask for your help figuring out whether your boss is a man or a woman, cause he’s gonna be piiiiissed.
[re=384140]germansteel[/re]: You mean Rick Santorum’s mother is running for president, too?
The unsung hero of the Santorum photo is the boy in glasses with his thousand-mile stare there. The pouting girl draws all the attention, but that boy is the heart, the SOUL, of Santorum’s colossal failure.
Given the new definition of a “Santorum,” do not ever, ever, ever order the “Rick Roll” at your local Asian fusion sushi place.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Did he tell you to bring Vasoline?
Look, my advice: meet in a public place, and have somebody tape a gun above the toilet. Ask to take a leak and come out blazing. Leave the gun, take the canols.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Lube up, Walter.
[re=384153]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Check out redstate vids from their wingnut festival in Atlanta.
There’s a comely wench, rep. from SC—when not guest-starring on Trueblood, she’s busy glamming conservatives. Younger, smarter, better-looking version of Pali-Bachkenstein. Dark-horsey, I say.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: I’ve got a bunch people working for me and I certainly would not go thru that whole rigamarole to fire one of them. So it’s about your boss.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Big boss is going to question you about your boss’s erratic behavior. And maybe even offer you the job after your boss gets fired (or at least while s/he is in rehab). If you have a Kevlar vest, now would be a good time to put it on.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Try the veal.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: For serious? He’s pretty clearly going to offer you your immediate supervisor’s job.
Damn. The anal rape advocates have it, 3/1. Well, I’m off. Thanks for the (encouragement?)
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: “Is [immediate boss] incompetent?”
Gotta give big boss credit for asking the necessary question instead of pretending the problem doesn’t exist. Tell him the truth. But bring protection, because he’s then going to proposition you, for santorum.
[re=384185]kth[/re]: You take my breath away.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Oh, for sure, meet this guy. But, ask him to bring the Handi Wipes and a pantie liner so you don’t Santorum in your shorts on your return to the office. That would be embarrassing.
Needs more lube.
This could both prove there is a god, and that he/she/it has a rollicking sense of humor.
Sobchak: obviously, your boss is getting fired & you’re the interim replacement, with no bump in salary. I see no benefit to you, but you might as well say yes anyway. A recession is no time to rock the boat.
Time for Dan Savage to run another contest — what kind of frothy mixture is “Palin”. Bonus points if you use Palin/Santorum 2012 in a sentence.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]:
He wouldn’t be firing you. Your boss or HR would. So 1) he might think your boss is up to something nefarious that you might be able to help him look into. He 2) might think you are hott and be propositioning you, yes. He 3) might think you are the only good person in your department and is going to leave the company and take you with him. But I think #2.
You have to tell us when you know.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: what exactly do you mean by ‘spacey’?
Like on LSD spacey, antidepressant spacey or spliff spacey? I mean even Obama had to let one of those spacey guys go…
[re=384192]Gopherit[/re]: Fuck that, up the diapered ass.
Santorum/Vitter 2012!
[re=384144]Roger the Shrubber[/re]: This had to be posted here? I am an oldz and I knew this ages ago. Of course, I also gave money to help Bob Casey win-and I do not live in PA. Casey’s campaign would not accept money from Dan Savage- so that makes Casey(not a liberal democrat but also not Santorum) a fool.
[re=384225]Come here a minute[/re]: Santorum + lipstick.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: You’re not fired. Unless your company is completely weird, they just hand you the box for your shit right there in the office. He’s going to ask for dirt on your boss. You are in a lose-lose situation. You throw boss under the bus and it gets back to anyone, you’re screwed in such a small office. You stick up for boss, you could go down with him. I advise you to inhale sharply after every bite of lunch in hopes of getting something lodged in your throat, distracting Big Boss from the matter at hand.
[re=384236]Extemporanus[/re]: And Palin could be Sec of State. Ron Paul: SecTreas. Tancredo: Head of INS.
This is fun!
What’s wrong with that kid in the picture?
[re=384139]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Lehamn cave? don’t they mean Le Man Caves, which are obviously the French and thus sissy-fied version of real man caves, which would look something like this
[re=384247]Doglessliberal[/re]: Nononono. Palin has to be Secretary of the Interior
[re=384251]sfstewart[/re]: She has an appointment with a Death Panel.
You know what this means, don’t you? We have the potential of Santorum at the 2012 Saddleback Summit.
YES! The jokes just write themselves, really.
[re=384261]Gopherit[/re]: or both. All her foreign policy experience from seeing Russia for State and then her oil drilling cred on the Interior side. Two in one there!
[re=384274]Doglessliberal[/re]: I would like to see her act as White House Press Sec.
God, I love this photo!
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Whatever you do, be sure to secretly record everything that is said, and make mental notes of all the unusual actions, details and settings, plus his facial expressions…. then, don’t commit to anything immediately – say you need to ‘sleep on it’…
Thank God. This will make good TV after Lost ends.
[re=384251]sfstewart[/re]: Dad just told her “daddy will no longer be working in Washington and thus will be home all of the time from now on!”.
Wouldn’t YOU cry if Rick Santorum was gonna be in your house EVERY FUCKIN DAY to pick out YOUR school clothes?? Look at what she was forced to wear, and that was for TV! Think how hideous her school clothes look!
[re=384225]Come here a minute[/re]: It’s the spittle that is often seen dribbling down the multiple chins of mouth-breathing GOP wingnuts. The same idiots who would vote for Palin/Santorum in 2012.
[re=384274]Doglessliberal[/re]: Secretary of Defense of Interior Health and Human Services!
Oh, you just know that he’s going to bring the right-wing crazy with him. I wouldn’t be at all suprised to see him campaigning while brandishing a bible.
[re=384309]Cape Clod[/re]: A bible with an American flag on it, like Jeebus intended.
Santorum 2012: a frothy lube/feces mixture we can BELIEVE in!
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]:
He’s going to turn you over to Obama’s secret police force, the better to throw you into an internment camp thereby.
Run. NOW!
The great hive mind of Wonkette is correct, as per usual. I was grilled about my supervisors’ behavior, and then we had the buttsecks, Vitter-style. Whore Diamonds all around!
[re=384333]Walter Sobchak[/re]: That’s a relief. There was no way I was going to share my hobo beans with you.
I know this is cruel, but that is still the funniest picture. Right out of Mark Twain.
[re=384333]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Well, at least you’re not fucking a stranger in the ass.
[re=384192]Gopherit[/re]: “forget that….Palin/Santorum 2012.”
I think you meant to type “Palin/Bachmann 2012.
[re=384221]jodyleek[/re]: Bravo on teh use of “Santorum” as a verb.
To Santorum.
I Santorum.
He/she/it Santorums.
He will have been Santorumming.
So far the Republicans have floated Newt, Haley Barbour and now Little Ricky. That’s the holy trinity of wingnuttery. They all resemble villians from the old Dukes of Hazzard TV show.
[re=384333]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Oh, phew. Did he give you a raise because the Vitter sex was so good?
And is your supervisor’s behavior weird, by the way?
IT’S CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY!
Santorum/Jindal 2012!!!1!!!
I feel like less of a horrid bitch each time my Wonkette uses this pic. I thought I was the only one laughing hysterically when Santorum’s daughter was balling during his concession speech. It still makes me chuckle.
goddamit that photo makes me laugh every time
SHUTUP EMO DAUGHTER, HAVE ANOTHER TWINKIE
[re=384358]heroinmule[/re]: no, no, you are one, but WE are, too!
[re=384323]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Yes we cum! Yes we cum! Yes we cum!
[re=384306]Extemporanus[/re]: Head of the department of law there.
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Take backup. I recommend a heavily sedated marmet hidden behind your nutsack. No matter what happens, reach down and present it to your boss when it’s all over. Then offer to split the check and ask if you can see him again.
[re=384353]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: Oh, sure more Jew Bashing! What about CHANUKAH????
[re=384204]ParallelComics[/re]: On the other hand, one could postulate from the array of facial expressions that she just cut a long, low, beany one and everybody knows but dad.
[re=384379]Snarkalicious[/re]: Damn. I guess my suggestion was less than timely. Invite the man to lunch on monday and do it then.
[re=384358]heroinmule[/re]: I manage to repress the “I’m a bitch for laughing” feeling by telling myself that I’m not the one trotting out my overemotional (retarded?) kids into the public spotlight to further my own venal political ambitions regardless of the psychological toll it takes on their tender psyches.
Works rather well, ackshully.
[re=384358]heroinmule[/re]: Also, I believe you mean she was “bawling”, not “balling.” Quite different things.
[re=384345]ScubaDew[/re]: Sadly, Bachmann will probably off herself out of shame before then: http://dumpbachmann.blogspot.com/2009/07/scoop-dump-bachmann-scoop-bachmanns-son.html
I manage to repress the “I’m a bitch for laughing” feeling
I don’t. I’m a bitch, and I delight in laughing at that ass-foam ass and his stupid family. CALIGULA WAS RIGHT
That photo is like a Norman Rockwell on acid.
And “frothy” just totally sells the Santorum. Also.
[re=384350]Doglessliberal[/re]: Just the usual, drinking, philandering on spouse and making it everyones’ business, shirking duties, taking inappropriate time off, etc. I could really care less except it translates into shit I had 6 weeks to do not being conveyed to me until like week 5 1/2. So basically typical middle management.
[re=384400]Snarkalicious[/re]: I did that anyway; I’m nobodys’ fool.
[re=384473]Walter Sobchak[/re]: so maybe he will be adding to the ranks of the unemployed soon and some poor unemployed person will get a job.
[re=384141]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: I think they just test some of the blood from the frothy mix.
[re=384392]finallyhappy[/re]: Christmas IS a Jewish Holiday. In fact without the Jews allowing the Romans to kill a fellow Jew, we wouldn’t even HAVE a Christmas!
Lube and feces are both fine words. It’s the word frothy that I find nauseating.
Wasn’t ‘Lube and Feces’ a 70s soul duet?
You’re thinking of Ashford & Shitballs
Gay race riots?
http://muckbreaker.blogspot.com/2009/08/santorum-in-2012.html
Santorum said if he lost his senate race the terrorists would win. And they have.
They’re out in force at these town hall meetings.
Oh I am so going to that fuckwad’s public get-together in Dubuque and screaming something like “You make fetal Jesus cry!” through my healthcare-townhall-approved megaphone. I can’t wait to get beaten down on videotape by a bunch of rent-a-pigs, white-haired Amvets, and angry Right to Lifers. It will be the greatest thing to hit the Yootoobz since “don’t taze me bro”!
[re=384184]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Wow, I’m glad it turned out OK. I was worried ’cause
I just saw a TRU TV show about a company VP in the DC metro who stalked an employee for almost SIX YEARS. It escalated to attempted murder before he was caught and when the jury came down with a guilty verdict he popped a cyanide pill right there in the courtroom! Hope you didn’t look too cute at the lunch.
[re=384353]IceCreamEmpress[/re]: It will never be Santorum/Jindal 2012. He’s a racist.
[re=384225]Come here a minute[/re]: It will never be Palin/Santorum 2012. He’s a sexist.
[re=384732]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Yeah, but all of the prospective candidates do have somthing in common, they’re all assholes.
[re=384333]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Relief! Thanks for the update. Reminds me of the days when I was employed…ahh the memories. The income and insurance was nice, but the white-knuckling not so much. Move along.
You gotta know that when Romney, Huckabee and Brownback start going at it, there’s going be a little Santorum.
[re=384149]doxastic[/re]: Note Ricky’s hand digging deep into the weeping girl-child’s clavicle. She told daddy dearest either:
(A) Mummy said that Stenny Hoyer is my father;
(B) I’m on the pill. Live with it, fucktard;
(C) Want see your birf certificate. If we Italian, why we wear the goddam, itchy plaid?
(D) Must gouge, slash, slash and kill, kill, kill my pretty baby-dolly. Must. Why don’t sing me lullabys to me anymore, father?
[re=384984]S.Luggo[/re]: Naww. They’re just crying because they know Daddy’s going to be home all the time now.
[re=384333]Walter Sobchak[/re]: Glad it all turned out OK, fellow Wonketteer. If I had seen your original post, I would have echoed the thoughts of the hive – However, I would have also advised you to make sure you got there early enough to hide a recorder in the flower arrangement.
[re=384345]ScubaDew[/re]: The Feminists’s nightmare
[re=384378]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: Can’t decide between head of department of law, or press sec. But only if she gets clothing allowance.
Let us all join hands and sing a chorus of “Every Sperm Is Sacred.”
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