Well, obviouslyYou know where Stephen Hawking has lived for 67 years? England. Again: England. England. And this is why an editorial from the “Investors Business Daily” about Obama trying to kill Trig Palin for having Down Syndrome, one that was cited favorably in a Human Events press release today, has become the stuff from which humor-jokes are made on the Internet: “People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.” [IBD, Atlanta J-C, Ezra Klein]

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  • orange

    Was this written by Trig?

  • mattbolt

    Imagine what they’d do with brave Parkinsons sufferers like Michael J Fox if he’d been raised in one o’ those pinko Canada-type systems!

  • Neilist

    “Living in England” is one of those “Self Canceling Proposition” thingies, isn’t it?

    I mean, the “food.” The warm beer. Lucas “electrical” systems on automobiles.

    And the teeth/dentistry on those people. Dear God.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    This is SUCH a gift, I can’t even tell you. It’s like those people who make those bizarre arguments about how a liberal would have aborted Beethoven, if given the chance.

    “Hey, Doug, can you think of the name of a famous retard that we can use to show that libruls would done kill him.”

    “What about the Corky kid?”

    “No, no. A SMARTER retard. So they’ll feel all bad and shit.”

  • mattbolt

    Stephen Hawking would be pretty easy to cure if he got sick. Usually it’s just a matter of turning them off and then back on and the problem’s gone

  • Native of SL UT

    Hawkings made a statement countering these statements by pointing that the editors of Investors Business daily would also have been essentially worthless in the UK due to their extreme mental retardation.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well the IBD quotes some columnist from the NY Post, so they’ve got authoritative sources. So who gets to tell Mr. Hawking that he’s been dead for half a century?

  • JoeSmithHomo

    People! It is very important that everybody call Eunice Shriver immediately and tell her to please beg Jesus (since she will be seeing him very soon) to stop Obama from murdering the Trig. I’m afraid it’s his only chance.

  • Godot

    “Really? But he doesn’t have an accent!”

  • chascates

    Prof. Hawking could prove those people at Human Events don’t even exist.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Well, if Stephen Hawking were so smart, why the hell hasn’t he invented a cure for himself and got up out of his wheelchair…hmmm? Furthermore, he is an admitted atheist, so really deserves to die for that reason alone. In America.

  • Native of SL UT
  • snideinplainsight

    “The Euclidean path integral over all topologically trivial metrics can be done by time slicing and so is unitary when analytically continued to the Lorentzian. On the other hand, the path integral over all topologically non-trivial metrics is asymptotically independent of the initial state. Thus the total path integral is unitary and information is not lost in the formation and evaporation of black holes. However, that guy at IBD is a total douche nozzle.”

  • Extemporanus

    Don’t diss the Hawkman, yo! All his shootings be drivebys!

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=382503]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Which makes their use of him as a wheeled mascot all the more wonderful. Yes, yes, you anti-reform idjits, refer to him as “brilliant”… since you have NO IDEA what he believes or espouses.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=382491]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Corky’s old band is the reason euthanasia was invented.

  • SmutBoffin

    “People such as musician Keith Richards wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.”

  • Extemporanus

    [re=382503]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: He doesn’t need a cure. He has a cybernetic exoskeleton.

  • taylormattd

    [re=382492]mattbolt[/re]: +1

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=382507]snideinplainsight[/re]: Oh no, Hawking would never be so coarse as to use douche nozzle. He’d stick with the old chestnut, guano faucet.

  • mcc

    Hawking is moving to Canada at the end of this year, though. He’s joining the Perimeter Institute.

    Maybe the Canadian DEATH PANEL will not be as lenient as the British one.

  • Fox n Fiends

    FACT: There are no old people or retards in CANADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • ph7

    Should’ve picked Keith Moon instead.

  • Anarchitect

    You. Must. Be. Kidding.

    Please please please tell me this is a joke.


    Oh… a REPUBLICAN moron.

    They just say whatever they want and think it’s true I guess.

  • mephistopheles jefferson

    Yeah, well, if he’d been born in ‘Merica, prob’ly wouldn’t need that wheelchair no how.

  • CrunchyKnee

    [re=382492]mattbolt[/re]: That made me laugh, also too.

  • taylormattd

    Those people had better watch it, or Stephen Hawking will slaughter them all by creating a black hole inside the Investors Business Daily building.

  • sad tortoise

    But… but his robot voice has an American accent!

  • iwillsavethispatient

    The NHS will give you a heart bypass surgery (for free) even if you’re over 80 years old. The “Death Panel” discovered that it is even “cost effective” at that age. I suspect the NHS would even offer meds for IBD editors, despite them being brain-dead.

  • chapka

    [re=382509]Extemporanus[/re]: MC Hawking’s album is on my iPod; I may have to listen to it on the way home.

    “Dr. Dre can suck my dick, he ain’t got no Ph.D.
    I lost count of mine, I got crazy wack degrees.”

  • mattbolt

    [re=382522]Fox n Fiends[/re]: We have old people and retards in Canada, collectively they’re called the Conservative Party of Canada

  • Extemporanus

    [re=382492]mattbolt[/re]: [re=382520]mcc[/re]: In Canada, it will be easier for him to rebooot.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=382522]Fox n Fiends[/re]: Well, not officially. But if you had met any of my family, you might wonder how they evaded les panneaux de la mort for so long.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=382489]Neilist[/re]: Strangely enough, I’ve actually never met a Brit with bad teeth. I’ve seen them all over PBS whenever they showcase the royal groundskeepers or whatever, but in person? They’re actually pretty much like Americans, but they can walk without the help of motorized scooters to haul their obese asses around. It’s really weird, like a parallel universe.

  • Hello Sunshine

    “People such as monarch Queen Elizabeth II wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant woman, because of her diminutive stature, is essentially worthless.”

    Bless ’em.

    By the way, according to the CIA Factbook the average life expectancy at birth in the UK (where, apparently, we operate a Logan’s Run system of compulsory euthanasia) is 76.52 years for men and 81.63 years for women, putting us 31st in the world. In the US, where generous insurance companies cheerily hand over huge sums to treat anyone who feels a bit under the weather, men can expect to live for 75.65 years and women 80.69 years, putting you 50th in the world.

    Anyway, that’s enough facts and figures. Please continue with the sniggering.

  • Neilist

    [re=382540]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: “They’re actually pretty much like Americans . . . .”

    I think you’ve got “Brits” confused with “Australians.” The latter ARE pretty much like Americans, but circa about 1950s vintage.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    As the son of a former IBD Publisher, please remove my gene pool from the mix.

  • The Station Manager

    [re=382540]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I lived in England for three (3) years when I was in high school, and there are some stereotypical cluster-faces over there, but not nearly as many as most Americans seem to think. That, and there are a shitload of old folks over there. It’s like Last of the Summer Wine, that awful show on PBS, all the time, forever.

  • Carl Spakler

    The good doctor doesn’t have a long form birth certificate (whatever the fuck that is). Therefore, in Sarah Palin’s America, he would have been summarily executed from a helicopter by baby Trig.

  • iwillsavethispatient

    [re=382542]Hello Sunshine[/re]: Actually, we manage this by artificially keeping people alive (if necessary) until that age, then killing everybody on their 76.52th birthday (for men) or 81.63th birthday for women. It’s more cost-effective that way. The Death Panel did the calculations.

  • masterdebater

    This falls into the category of those things my dad used to call, “you just can’t make this shit up”.

  • geminisunmars

    [re=382512]Extemporanus[/re]: Corky’s old band is the reason euthanasia was invented.

    Now we know what David Brooks day job is.

  • ShamWow


  • Mull_Man

    WHEN are they going to fire up the Soylent Green manufacturing plant? Cause I bet that Stephen would be oh so tender and tasty.

  • Junior

    “Can’t happen here you say. ‘Retard babies and Wal-Mart greeters will be ritualistically killed by African-American preachers every full moon’ says Megan McPritchard in the Washington Times.”

  • zenferret

    [re=382501]chascates[/re]: AS Descartes said, “Cogito ergo sum”. So obviously yes, they don’t exist.

  • hiphophitler

    Well you have to admit that he looks like a dead guy they stuffed into a suit three sizes too big and jammed into a wheelchair, and that voice is, like, from beyond the grave. Plus, have you ever actually seen him move? I think they may have something here.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=382544]Neilist[/re]: Don’t say that out loud in my neck of the woods (no matter how true it might be with some around here)…

  • cj4

    [re=382542]Hello Sunshine[/re]: Yeah, but those so-called “statistics” are obviously misleading. Here in ‘Merkuh, we exercise our God-given right to blow each other’s brains out with a choice piece from your home arsenal. Once you remove the tens of thousands of 16-30 year olds who bravely expire in homage to our Founder Father’s dreams every year, I am sure our ranking would approve dramatically.

    So, obviously, no health care reform needed. QED.

  • ragepotato

    If David Beckham had been a British Football player instead of a Los Angeles soccer player, the British Socialism Death Panel would have put him down when he injured his knee.

  • imissopus

    Then why does that robotic voice thingy of his talk in AMERICAN, huh??!! What about that, pinkos?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Come one, everyone knows that Hawking’s faking. He just figures if he pretends to be disabled, people won’t actually point out that he knows nothing about physics. It is the same thing Michelle Malkin does to this day.

  • JoeMac

    [re=382495]SayItWithWookies[/re]: They quoted noted health care lobbyist best known for lobbying for the big pharma Besty McCaughey. With an objective information source such as that who can question that Hawking would be allowed to die. Oh wait he is still alive, well they want him to die.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Clearly, Steven Hawking is a liberal plant, sent to England just to make IBD look bad.

  • Scandalabra

    There is absolutely no evidence that i ever lived in a trailer outside Baltimore with a mother in a playpen and a son named Cracker…oh, wait.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=382603]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Rush Limbaugh could do an awesome impression. He’s good at that.

  • groove

    [re=382491]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I am lol-ing so hard right now. Win.

  • Gallowglass

    England is known for many things: Judges in wigs. Mary Poppins. Bad food. Rain. Death camps for the disabled. Bulldogs. Red double decker buses. Loudly calling for the neglect-death of prominent but disabled scientists. Crumpets. Fancy phone booths. Cold killin’ people because of their public option health care. Big Ben. One of the world’s most adorable monarchs.

  • americanscandoanything

    advancing an idiotic arguement using a fact which disproves it!

    The awesomeness of this cannot be understated, it is a revolutionary new form of logic!

    congratulations wingnuts!

  • Jamie Sommers

    So what if Hawking lives in England? It’s no more a part of the UK than Hawaii is part of the USA.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Actually, I’m pretty sure Steven Hawkings was born in Kenya.

  • Paul Tardy

    See what happens when you don’t pay for your news. WTF do you inglorious cheap basterds want in exchange for your page views. Can’t pay fact checkers with page views bitch.

  • grevillea

    Wake up, Wonkette! Their media strategy is clear: bail out of the unprofitable “serious-looking articles for wingnuts” space and take over the burgeoning “when shit is this fucked up, all you can do is snark” space.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=382609]JoeMac[/re]: Betsy McFuckface needs to experience one of those movie transformations whereby she switches bodies with Dr. Hawking, permanently. Then she’ll be better able to judge the effectiveness of the UK’s National Health Service, and Hawking will have a younger body in which he can live longer and contribute even more to the advancement of scientific research.

  • Holy Cow!!

    That is hysterical.

  • DoktorZoom

    Best comment from the Ezra Klein piece: “You can find out where Stephen Hawking is or where he’s going, but not both.”

  • JoeMac

    [re=382664]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Now that is health care I can support.

  • DickTaterPeeNoShay

    I want to hear his merrican robot voice speak his birf certifikat in good ol’ merrican english

  • CthuNHu

    [re=382609]JoeMac[/re]: And they quoted her, rather than simply restating her claim as their own:

    Can’t happen here, you say? “One troubling provision of the House bill,” writes Betsy McCaughey in the New York Post, “compels seniors to submit to a counseling session every five years (and more often if they become sick or go into a nursing home) about alternatives for end-of-life care (House bill, Pages 425-430).”

    Except Betsy McCaughey is, of course, a lying sack of shit, whom it was convenient for the lying sacks of shit at IBD to quote with what their satanic cesspool of a hive mind deemed perfect honesty.

    Shades of “The British have learned that Saddam has giant swimming pools full of plutonium that he drowns Jewish babies in, for Osama.

  • keepinitrealyo

    And the vote on the bill isn’t til what, October? Talk about peaking early.

  • June Cleaver 2.0

    [re=382642]Gallowglass[/re]: Too funny!

  • iolanthe

    [re=382497]Godot[/re]: OK, I’m in tears … Thanks …

  • JoeMac

    [re=382698]CthuNHu[/re]: You mean those big checks she gets from big pharma would skew her view of health care. I am shocked I tell you, shocked.

  • S.Luggo

    Trig is too clever. If in his tiny crib he can survive the pressure mama’s fluffy pillow, he can escape the swift scythe of ObamaCare.

  • sezme

    How dare Stephen Hawking continue to keyboard-rape li’l Trig with his not-dying-against-all-odds and such.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=382698]CthuNHu[/re]: According to most wingnutz, knowing about something is the same as being a fanatical non-thinking slave to said subject. Then in that case….

    And I think it’s funny that the wingnutz are getting themselves all tarded about “death panels” and “putting a price tag on human life.”
    THE HORROR! Who would ever let someone get away with that?! The MRRRKAN ppl won’t stand for it!
    Thank Allah that benevolent and generous corporate entities such as The BLUE CROSS & SHIELD are so merciful and altruistic that they don’t attach a dollar amount to human life.
    They’d never do that.

  • aleks

    England? I thought he was Kenyan.

  • zhubajie

    Has anyone informed IBD of their mistake? Or informed Dr. Hawking of their mistake? Or maybe (just for fun) the notorious anti-American tabloid The Sun of IBD’s mistake?

    Zhu Bajie

  • Mr Blifil

    Manchester, England. England.
    Across the Atlantic Sea.
    And I’m a genius. Genius.

  • flyby

    Stephen Hawking’s life is worthless not because of his illness, but because he wrote the Timely History of the Brief.

  • garimpeiro

    Ditto for Mick Jagger.

  • villageatrois

    [re=382577]ragepotato[/re]: “If David Beckham had been a British Football player instead of a Los Angeles soccer player, the British Socialism Death Panel would have put him down when he injured his knee.”

    If Stephen Hawking’s first wife would have gone down on their knees… No wait. It’ll come to me….

    Well, crap. At a minimum, relativity would be a little less relative.

  • zhubajie

    Seriously, if Hawking had grown up in the USA, he wouldn’t be the world’s most famous physicist. He’d’ve been put in the dumb class and not allowed to study science or anything challenging. He’d be a Walmart greeter at best. Probably on welfare, maybe begging for quarters.

    If Einstein had been born and educated in America, he’d’ve been a refrigerator engineer.

    Zhu Bajie

  • 102415

    Oh dear God. She’s back the slimy bitch. I guess the *idea* is to lie because nobody will look it up. Any of it. Just wave their guns and heckle people breathing on oxygen tanks trying to speak their two minutes at a Town Hall. When I get back from running my errands I’m going to call my reps and make my wishes known. I suggest everybody do the same.

  • DoctorCulturae

    [re=382733]flyby[/re]: So is he an attorney or an underwear salesman?

  • blader

    my thoughts exactly..his accent easily mistakes him for American…no question

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=382566]hiphophitler[/re]: It’s like the more intellectual version of “Weekend at Bernie’s.”

  • voyetra8

    [re=382754]102415[/re]: Quoth the Wiki: “Her toothy good looks, body-conscious suits, Vassar BA and Columbia PhD reduced right-wingers to mush.”

    Has anyone ever used the phrase “toothy good looks” in a non-sarcastic way? I swear I didn’t put that in there.

  • chalkgirl

    [re=382547]The Station Manager[/re]: With all due respect, Rosemary and Thyme was a worse show that Summer Wine.

  • Aquannissiwamissoo

    The British Health Care system got Brian Jones really drunk and pushed him in that pool.

    That’s how mean they are over there.

  • Blurgle

    Where do all these extremely stupid people come from? Is there a special factory somewhere in the US that produces them?

  • AxmxZ

    Now is the time for Hawking to do a tour of Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert, plus assorted MSNBC chat shows. He can pop wheelies while holding his English birth certificate in his teeth. It’ll be fantabulous.

  • AxmxZ

    [re=383988]Blurgle[/re]: There used to be one in Michigan, but it’s been outsourced to China in 2002. Which didn’t improve the stupid people’s spelling skills any, let me tell you…

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