• May 27, 2012

Senator Mel Martinez Quits Early

by Sara K. Smith  12:27 pm August 7, 2009

We thought we'd try a 'tasteful' BlingeeEverybody knew Senator Mel Martinez, the Florida guy who took advantage of what’s known as “the Cuban Exemption” in order to become both a Republican and a Hispanic at the same time, would not run for re-election in 2010. But who knew he’d be resigning his seat a year early?

Just a day after he “chose race over gender” by voting for fellow Latin person Sonia Sotomayor’s elevation to the Supreme Court, Martinez threw in the towel. Why? To spend more time with his family, of course:

“My priorities have always been my faith, my family and my country and at this stage in my life, and after nearly 12 years of public service in Florida and Washington, it’s time I return to Florida and my family,” he wrote in a letter Friday morning to supporters.

“So today I am announcing my decision to step down from public office, effective on a successor taking office to fill out the remainder of my term.”

One can only imagine the foul acts of sodomy, sin, and depredation he must be attempting to hide by pulling out the old “family” chestnut.

Anyway, now Governor Charlie Crist will have to appoint a replacement for Senator Martinez. Which presents sort of a dilemma for him, as he himself would like to be senator, but in like a year, not now. Will he just appoint himself and make everybody mad that he prematurely SEIZED THE REINS OF POWER without the approval of The People? Or will he appoint some bench-warmer to keep the seat toasty until next November?

Charlie Crist is not dumb, so we’ll go with the second option here. (Plus, toasty seats.)

Sen. Mel Martinez resigns; Gov. Charlie Crist will appointment replacement [St. Petersburg Times]

{ 93 comments }

V572625694 August 7, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Aren’t most of the Repubes who voted for So-So retiring/leaving under a cloud of scandal/facing an insurmountable primary challenge?

Hedley Lamar August 7, 2009 at 12:32 pm

NAMBLA has lost one of its most powerful legislative voices.

liquiddaddy August 7, 2009 at 12:33 pm

He is the brown Colin Powell. He just got tired of being a tool.

PrairiePossum August 7, 2009 at 12:36 pm

He and the Palin clan are going moose hunting and snow machine racing. For the troops.

magic titty August 7, 2009 at 12:36 pm

A lot to cover here:

1. Thank you SKS, for that ‘Cuban exemption’ line. Comic gold.

2. Does “pulling out the old “family” chestnut” = masturbating?

3. As for the vacant seat … Roland Burris, right? Right?

Norbert August 7, 2009 at 12:36 pm

If he had pulled out the family chestnut soon enough, he might not be in this mess.

smitallica August 7, 2009 at 12:37 pm

Say goo’bye to your lil’ frien’!!

norbizness August 7, 2009 at 12:38 pm

It’s like Mitt Romney and John C. Reilly had a Hispanic baby.

Maxine of Arc August 7, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Charlie Crist will “appointment” a replacement, St. Petersburg Times? There’s a joke here (something about waiting rooms or prostitutes), but damned if I can figure it out.

qaf August 7, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Maybe Sarah Palin can parachute in to keep the seat toasty.

vkladchik August 7, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Appointment is now a verb?

WadISay August 7, 2009 at 12:40 pm

This trend of mainstreaming stepping down early must be part of a Repub effort to make Sarah Palin look sane.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 7, 2009 at 12:40 pm

“My priorities have always been my faith, my family and my country and at this stage in my life, and after nearly 12 years of public service in Florida and Washington, it’s time I return to Florida and my family,” he wrote in a letter Friday morning to supporters.

Told ‘ya. Tranny hooker in a C Street rowhouse.

DoctorCulturae August 7, 2009 at 12:40 pm

He is a wise Latina woman.

user-of-owls August 7, 2009 at 12:40 pm

Crikey, it’s only lunchtime and this is already shaping up to be a very news-dumpy Friday! In addition to Mel’s adios, we have:

SC first lady, sons move out of state residence
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jVGOp2bl5_prbLYsoPOvD96f55bgD99U4U181

Noonan: Democrats are “Desperate”
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204908604574334623330098540.html

Oh, the humanity.

Mahousu August 7, 2009 at 12:41 pm

Speculation is that Crist will appoint Bob Martinez to the seat, so that they won’t have to change any of the nameplates.

FlownOver August 7, 2009 at 12:42 pm

Jeb! Jeb! Jeb!

mdotsota August 7, 2009 at 12:42 pm

So the only thing left to guess now is just what animal he used in his furry sex with a 13 year old boy. My guess is coyote.

Come here a minute August 7, 2009 at 12:42 pm

Crist will not appoint himself. He will choose the warm seat to avoid taint.

Mojopo August 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Oh the possibilites… $5 on an affair with a trannie from Miami.

Mahousu August 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: Wait, does this mean Crist is appointing Jenny Sanford to the Senate? Is that what her trip to Florida was all about?

Jim89048 August 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Is he Trigger’s babydaddy?

germansteel August 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Mark Foley is tanned, rested and ready, if anybody is interested.

Just sayin’.

Monsieur Grumpe August 7, 2009 at 12:46 pm

Tasteful blingee? I’m having a hard time with that concept.

Mojopo August 7, 2009 at 12:46 pm

[re=380856]Come here a minute[/re]: Taint. Isn’t that the space between the scrotum and the asshole?

Buzz Feedback August 7, 2009 at 12:46 pm

He reminds me of one of the Indians from “F-Troop.”

finallyhappy August 7, 2009 at 12:47 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: Thank you for my Mark Sanford story- I hate to have to go to the weekend without an update

Cicada August 7, 2009 at 12:49 pm

South, to the future.

user-of-owls August 7, 2009 at 12:53 pm

For the first time ever, I actually read a Noonington column and I got a tingly feeling that I was present at the birth of a new memette. In her immortal words:

This is democracy’s great barbaric yawp.

FMA August 7, 2009 at 12:55 pm

[re=380859]Mojopo[/re]: Tranny from Miami? I don’t know. He cited his family and faith and country. I’m betting on something inter-species.

you cannot be serious August 7, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Who would’ve thought that a six-year term would take six years to complete.

Dreamer August 7, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Why does Senator Martinez hate Charlie Crist — he knows very well he cannot parachute himself there.

Capitol Hillbilly August 7, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Turns out that Martinez is a decent guy and he couldn’t stomach the Latino-bashing of his own party. If and when Crist gets to DC, he’ll be in the same boat until he switches parties.

Woodwards Friend August 7, 2009 at 12:58 pm

These Republicans love to cut and run. Butt sects also.

OzoneTom August 7, 2009 at 12:59 pm

He has lots of ‘splainin’ to do…

StripesAndPlaids August 7, 2009 at 1:00 pm

[re=380874]user-of-owls[/re]: A nooner with Noonan?

S.Luggo August 7, 2009 at 1:00 pm

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/08/07/us/politics/AP-US-Senate-Martinez-Resigns.html

Crist must appoint replacement. Won’t be himself, says he. Will be a place-holder. Jeb? Jeb’s chemically-challenged daughter? A water moccasin? Miss Kitty Harris? Please, let it be Miss Kitty.

imissopus August 7, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: I skimmed Dame Noonington’s column and holy dime-store Jesus, what a crock of shit! She’s blaming the Dems for ATTACKING? She’s criticizing Obama for pushing healthcare reform on a public that doesn’t want it when in fact poll after poll after poll shows a large majority does want some sort of reform? There’s so much fail in that editorial it’s as if it was written for a parallel universe. Which, being from Noonan’s pen, it probably was.

shadowMark August 7, 2009 at 1:03 pm

In her immortal words: This is democracy’s great barbaric yawp

A spotted hawk swoops by over some leaves of grass and complains, something untranslatable, that some of those words are Walt Whitman’s just in case Keith Olbermann’s toady’s don’t give him the 411 on the phrase.

Cape Clod August 7, 2009 at 1:03 pm

Oh, pleeeeease, Charlie Crist. Appoint Kitty Harris and her boobs. She will entertain us for a year, strip away some of the wing-nut votes from Rubio in the primary, and allow you to sail into the Senate next year.

Carrie_Okie August 7, 2009 at 1:04 pm

FaiL State. Haha. Douchenozzle. I can’t wait for the pictures of him and a gay-married-aborted-goat. Will Charlie hire his pool boy as the new Senatard from la Florida?

mephistopheles jefferson August 7, 2009 at 1:04 pm

My state loses a true Warrior for the People. Who now will speak for the voiceless gun nuts, religious crazies, and carpetbagging potentates who don’t want to pay state income taxes who inhabit our subtropical paradise? My heart is heavy this day.

Atheist Nun August 7, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Sarah Palin is a pioneer! A vanguard! A spearhead! A trailblazer! A swashbuckling innovator! All GOP crybaby losers representatives should follow her daring lead, by quitting.

S.Luggo August 7, 2009 at 1:05 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: “… but [Jenny] will continue working on her marriage.” From a distance. God, I love those open marriages. So unfettered.

S.Luggo August 7, 2009 at 1:07 pm

[re=380895]Cape Clod[/re]: Great minds etc.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 7, 2009 at 1:07 pm

[re=380893]shadowMark[/re]: Noonan is actually quoting a known buttseckser? THIS WILL NOT STAND.

user-of-owls August 7, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=380892]imissopus[/re]: I read one two days ago by our local teabag columnist that ran through Alinsky’s rule for radicals, which are a pitch-perfect description of the current madness being carried out by said columnist’s ilk(really…you ought to read them. Of course, he concluded that this was precisely what Obama and allies are doing. It was staggering. If there’s some sort of cognitive dissonance meter around, it must have soared off the charts by orders of magnitude by now.

V572625694 August 7, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: So Jenny the Skil-Power-Tools-Heiress Sanford is moving out of the goobernatorial manse, huh? I’ll bet that rather than “working on her marriage,” as the article asserts, she’s scouring her pre-nup for a clause that’ll hang Markie out to dry. Poor guy–he just fell in love! Really!

President Beeblebrox August 7, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: Quoth the Lady Noonington: “…the angry town-hall meetings that have electrified YouTube.”

What does she think makes the YouTubes run, methane gas?

finallyhappy August 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

[re=380881]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: yeah, whatever- I’m still betting on sex and drugs but you stick with him doing the noble thing.

DoctorCulturae August 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

[re=380892]imissopus[/re]: Methinks Dame Peggy is on to the shellacking she’ll receive over the weekend for this, and secretly loves it. That or perhaps it’s her most flagrant projection of fail evah.

Cape Clod August 7, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=380900]S.Luggo[/re]: I’ll bet Kitty is standing outside the Governor’s mansion, in profile and jumping up and down, right now.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello August 7, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=380895]Cape Clod[/re]: I have written my fair Gov and asked for the seat to be equally split between Kitty and Mark Foley, with a live cam feed to be aired 24/7 on the teevees.

Todd Mecklem August 7, 2009 at 1:14 pm

Paula Abdul just quit her job, so she might be available for the gig. She’s not Cubapuertorexican, but she was once married to an Estevez, which ought to count for something.

glowworm August 7, 2009 at 1:14 pm

He could just parachute himself in there!

Monsieur Grumpe August 7, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Quitting is the new winning.

Carrie_Okie August 7, 2009 at 1:15 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: heh heh
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/sleuth/2009/07/new_letter_shows_sanford_expec.html
“The one part where my heart at this point is not where I wish it was is with Jenny. She is a great girl, great mom, great wife and best friend and I am committed to her in a commitment sense, but my heart is just not alive here as it ought to be,” he wrote….
So, no sparks?

Nerdalicious August 7, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Mark Sanford is now free to trollop with his trollop. Mrs & Sons moving out!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_sc_governor

Katydid August 7, 2009 at 1:17 pm

[re=380850]user-of-owls[/re]: God is gonna be mad at Jenny Sanford. And possibly sons.

snideinplainsight August 7, 2009 at 1:17 pm

“Leftosphere”? Pegs, please spend an equal amount of time sucking my Rightosphere, it likes the attention too.

user-of-owls August 7, 2009 at 1:18 pm

[re=380904]V572625694[/re]: [re=380899]S.Luggo[/re]: Well, “working” is a pretty broad description. It could cover research to identify the most bloodthirsty divorce lawyer in the country, talking to Erik Prince about a possible job in Buenos Aires, or brushing up on knife-wielding skills prior to the next couples counseling session.

So yeah, she’s “working” on that marriage alright.

richardwb1 August 7, 2009 at 1:22 pm

from the AP news:
“He was born in Cuba. At the age of 15, he fled to America as part of a Catholic humanitarian effort called Operation Pedro Pan. Catholic charitable groups provided Martinez, who was alone and spoke virtually no English, a temporary home at two youth facilities.”

So he was rescued as a boy from evil socialism by kindly priests.
How do you suppose that worked out for him?

(Operation Pedro Pan? wtf?)

Come here a minute August 7, 2009 at 1:23 pm

I hope he doesn’t forget that Caroline Kennedy has a Florida address. Sweeeeeet Caroline!

slappypaddy August 7, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=380923]richardwb1[/re]: “operation peter bread”? suspicions are raised. what is “peter bread”? i thought that stuff was best raw.

bago August 7, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Crist on a Cracker: The tale of the last Hispanic republican.

Dashboard_Buddha August 7, 2009 at 1:41 pm

Why is that rabbit smashing his head against Mel’s shoulder in the blingee?

Carrie_Okie August 7, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Aha, the CAT made him resign!
http://bit.ly/u4EX7

Min August 7, 2009 at 1:49 pm

I didn’t know Palin flu was that contagious.

Mr Blifil August 7, 2009 at 1:52 pm

So wait, he hangs in after it was proven the notorious “Schiavo memo” came out of his office, and NOW it’s time to go back home to the fambly? Classic sign of a douchebag.

desertwind August 7, 2009 at 1:52 pm

Lordy! Mel sure hates the Crist, don’t he?

Unless, of course, this isn’t just to fug Charlie in a political sense, but — and to paraphrase you — he done wrong.

rpmcestmoi August 7, 2009 at 1:53 pm

[re=380843]norbizness[/re]: GREAT LINE!!

ShamWow August 7, 2009 at 1:55 pm

[re=380933]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: that’s what makes it ‘tasteful’

gjdodger August 7, 2009 at 1:56 pm

[re=380928]slappypaddy[/re]: what is “peter bread”?
You make it with dill dough. I got a million of ‘em.

ShamWow August 7, 2009 at 1:58 pm

I truly hope it goes to Kitty. It’s been a long time since her sweater puppies were on display here on teh Wonketts

populucious August 7, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Once upon a time the ‘Mercan peoples were so irked by elected officials overstaying their welcome they passed all these quaint things called “mandatory term limits”. Who knew Publicans would get so radical we’d have to start passing “mandatory terms”?

NYNYNY August 7, 2009 at 2:02 pm

[re=380923]richardwb1[/re]: Operation Pedro Pan, run by priests, in Flordia, to assist young helpless boys. I hope this has been shut down.

Paterlanger August 7, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=380940]desertwind[/re]: I’m glad it occurred to someone else that from a “cooperating to further the interests of the party” point of view this early departure is a real “fuck you, Charlie” from Martinez. Crist is damned if he do and damned if he don’t in this situation.

desertwind August 7, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=380964]Paterlanger[/re]: I wonder if Jeb paid Mel off.

randomsausage August 7, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Crist is my favorite closet cock-botherer: silver-fox hair, good-dresser for a politician, plus he has a smokin’ hot wife who probably needs to be fucked sideways.

Maus August 7, 2009 at 2:52 pm

From living in Miami and being immersed in their politics, I would assume someone found out about a series of sweetheart development or contract deals that he received kickbacks from. With the whole Cuban machismo/marianismo, sex scandals are less of an issue.

chascates August 7, 2009 at 3:02 pm

How about Limbaugh for a replacement?

gurukalehuru August 7, 2009 at 3:06 pm

He’s pullin’ a Palin.

Schmannity August 7, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Its the big FU from Martinez to Crist when Christ couldn’t support Sotomayor in order to shore up his far right wing nuts

donner_froh August 7, 2009 at 3:23 pm

Sometimes these guys actually have an honorable reason for resigning early. No reason for any of them not to put it in their statement: “Make a TON of money working as a lobbyist/consultant for the corporations I served so faithfully in the Senate.”

gurukalehuru August 7, 2009 at 3:42 pm

“the town hall protests that have electrified YouTube…” well, it’s not exactly “Surprised Hamster” or “Leave Britney Alone!”

I’m worried about Peggy. This is really off the rails, even for her.

Chautauqua August 7, 2009 at 4:36 pm

one less Senator to keep an eye on Cuba!

problemwithcaring August 7, 2009 at 4:44 pm

[re=380914]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Dude, it’s true.

astroboy August 7, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Really, Astroboy wants to know WTF – First Palin, then this clown….and for pretty flimsy reasons given. Oh please Wonkette, you who know and see all in the beltway please tell us what the imminent scandal(s) is/are?????!!!!!! Plllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeaase!

SnarkNotFark August 7, 2009 at 8:22 pm

Sarah Palin Fever – CATCH IT!

FlownOver August 7, 2009 at 9:11 pm

[re=380881]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: – or comes out. Whichever.

nader paul kucinich gravel August 8, 2009 at 1:14 am

The Sinking Ship Syndrome

Left and rights of passage, black and whites of youth.
Who can face the knowledge that the truth is not the truth?
Obsolete absolute.

Anthrax Intimidation.
JFK RFK MLK Malcolm.
Israel-first dual-nationals.
InfoWars on a PrisonPlanet?
A very RawStory on PressTV.
Whistle-Blower leaks multiply.
Beware the divide and conquer.
Both parties are corrupt to the core.
Honesty compassion conscience guts.
Speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil?
Elite Ruling Class Greed or “public servants”?
Independents agree on more than we disagree.
AIPAC 9/11 Bankers Extortion Blackmail Bribery.
Wall Street Bailout Bill: Bush McCain Obama et al.
Poodles, Puppets, Sham debates, & Scam elections.
Has the Government & Propaganda Media lied to you?
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
Chronic lying as career path, intellectual prostitution for paycheck.
DNC & RNC have both sold out the country in order to enrich themselves.
Future of a Nation that can not trust the Government & Propaganda Media?

Realignment of American Politics:
Anderson Baldwin Carter Choate Clemente Gonzalez Gravel Kaptur Kucinich McKinney Nader Paul Perot Sheehan Ventura

Suds McKenzie August 8, 2009 at 2:27 am

[re=381590]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning since the world was turning.

Jukesgrrl August 8, 2009 at 7:53 am

[re=380912]Todd Mecklem[/re]: Abdul. Get it? Her people are from the Middle East, so we can’t have it. She’s probably a terrorist. That drunk talk is the perfect disguise. Think of all the Manolos, Jimmy Choos, and press-on nails that would have to be searched for plastique. As if the FBI isn’t busy enough! And God knows we don’t need anyone else taking an oath on the Koran-disguised-as-some-dead-president’s-Bible that’s been decorated with a Bedazzler.

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