Wonkette
Pulitzer, anyone? Here is the entirety of the most important news story ever written by a human reporter since Watergate, times the Pentagon Papers, divided by the untold story of 9/11, times a million, minus Martha Gellhorn:
Palin calls divorce report ‘made up’
Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin tells POLITICO that widespread blogosphere reports about a possible divorce from her husband, Todd, are “made up.”
In a brief telephone interview on Tuesday night, Palin quipped that she loves finding out “what’s goin’ on in my life from the news.”
“Do you want to talk to Todd?” she teased. “He’s sitting right next to me.” But he didn’t come on the line.
Fuck the Pulitzer. We are talking NOBEL PRIZE here, for awesomeness.
[Politico]
Through the bottom of the barrel, into the ground below, burrowing into the Earth’s crust, halfway to China.
Instead Mike and Sarah spent an entire hour talking about E!’s Behind The Scenes docudrama about Three’s Company till she finally broke down and admitted that Todd was out “snowmobiling.”
So, given the choice between accompanying his RedState-GILF-y wife on her LookaMe Tour, and spending time in the oil fields, Todd goes for the Brokeback Mountain territory. I wonder what kind of oil he’s *really* prospecting for, HENNNNNGGGHHH?
But he didn’t come on the line.
BUT HE DIDN’T COME ON THE LINE.
Sheeple.
My god, the man thinks he only won a Pulitzer and he’s sitting on at least a Drudge five-siren statuette!
Politico has it goin’ on.
I see that Michael’s has No-Neck Clams served with Asshole in Taint Sauce.
He’s out snowmobiling on the Appalachian Trail? Most obvious joke. Ever.
“She teased.” Apparently Palin’s cell number is 1-900-SEXYGUV.
ManchuCandidate:
At first, t read “snowmobiling”
as
“snowmoballing”
Sarah would get a proverbial boner if her name was in the news for horse fucking,
Do internets reporters get paid in real money? Or is it like monopoly money.
Yeah, I bet we see this journalistic masterpiece on every news channel on the teebeee.
“Do you want to talk to Todd?” She teased. “He’s sitting right next to me. Of course he has an IQ of about 25 so all he does is drool and grunt, but you can talk to him if you wanna,” she said, between loud smacks of gum and long draws on a meth pipe.
BTW, Caribou Barbie’s publisher, HarperCollins, is owned by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., which lately employed Judith Regan, who got fired over the OJ “If I Did It” mishegas, who was f***ing Bernie Kerik, who got fired for billing us NYC taxpayers for their WTC lovenest, who had dinner with… Kevin Bacon.
““Do you want to talk to Todd?” she teased. “He’s sitting right next to me.” But he didn’t come on the line.”
“Sitting right next to me” is Alaskimo for “orally pleasuring me with his thick moose-like tongue”
She sounded like she was in HS, being an asshole to Todd’s ex-girlfriend.
“You wanna talk to Todd…?…he’s right herrrre…” CLICK.
That reads like a non-denial denial denial to these ears.
It can’t be said often enough: screw Politico, and, particularly, screw its headline writer with an oil drill bit. The lower RH corner of its front page is dedicated to what some right wing screamer is spraying spittle about at the moment. “Rush Limbaugh Lashes Out at Obama.” Some freakin’ news. (*spits on floor*)
I don’t believe it for one minute. Sarah wouldn’t waste an opportunity like this to mention the troops, so I’m gonna call bullshit on the whole damn story!!
Todd may not have come on the line, but Mike Allen did.
She should have hung up and called them back in media coitus.
Aw, c’mon, we’re ruining it for them!! Now they HAVE to stay together as least a couple more months, so they can then break up and blame it on the media!! Sheesh!
I guess Oily Taint was getting too much media time…
Worst porn ever.
Russian subs off coast = missing white woman.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Next will be hearing that Bristol and Levi are planning to break up. Enough of your lies, MSM. Enough of your damned lies.
Oldskool: WoW gold.
4tehlulz: +1
“Do you want to talk to Todd?” she teased. “He’s sitting right next to me.” But he didn’t come on the line.
This is the old “I dare you to call my bluff” trick, used by spies and crooks for centuries. Todd, of course, was not really there — Palin was just daring Allen to call her bluff, but she knew he wouldn’t because no purveyor of winger talking points (formally known as “journalists”) would dare question the honesty of Caribou Barbie.
Allen is stonecold winning the decade with this stuff.
Todd would have spoken up, but he was too busy sucking her purple penetrator.
Needs more shark.
He told her to get that abortion. Look what its costing her now. women.
OK, so now she says she reads the papers? When she was asked that before she just said “all of them”. Which does she read? Maybe all she reads is the national enquirer, perhaps that explains how the scrub and friends got so many things wrong.
Everyone knows that Sarah Palin is divorcing that moose-huntin’ and fish-catchin’ guy, Rodd, to marry Larry Craig! Palin and Craig have been having a torrid affair for years, and they used Ted Stevens’ place for their illicit trysts, which sometimes lasted all weekend. The troopers in Troopergate guarded Stevens’ home while Palin and Craig were there, and that one trooper threatened to tell the story to The National Enquirer, and that’s why he was fired. Craig was on his way to Alaska when he stopped at that bathroom; he was on the phone with Palin when she started singing, and Craig started tapping his foot to the music. Rumors of the affair prompted investigations of Palin, her husband Rodd, Stevens, Craig and, for some reason, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin.
That’s the real story, and we’re not makin’ it up!
I can’t help but notice that Palin’s assertion about her marriage was just as unsourced as the original story!
Mike Allen is an obsequious, sniveling shit-sack. His face just screams “punch me, repeatedly.”
tbogg: “But he didn’t come on the line.”
That’s Alaskan for “Was unable to achieve orgasm during phone sex [with a chachaco].”
I think Todd is really Bristol’s stillborn son that Governor Palin then claimed is her husband, if you don’t believe me look at his interview responses.
But which Todd was sitting there next to her? Pretty convenient of her not to mention the last name, eh?
4tehlulz: How you say . . . good 1
4tehlulz: And I just came on your comment.
She’s only a private citizen now, so: who gives a shit. If I paid attention to every has-been in the political arena, that would bring me to the same level as a Nader supporter.
I saw a bunch of these Politico jerks on Charlie Rose one night. It’s a bunch of know-nothing, 3rd-tier Prep School rejects that sound like they’re reading from “The Little White Booklet of Outdated Buzz Words and Cliches For Ignorant White People Who Cheated Their Way Through An Overpriced College and Now Need to Pad Their Arguments With Empty Sloganeering” ©1981
The whole interview was like this:
“We need to think out side of the box, keep reaching for the stars and give 110%! We need to take two steps forward and one step back before we step up to the plate! With all due respect, Obama can talk the talk, but can he walk the talk? There’s been a Paradigm shift in this country, and lessons will be learned. Having said that, at the end of the day, he doesn’t pull any punches…”
Barf.
Wait, are you saying that my column on adopting kittens for the local Shopper Gazette is not worthy of the Nobel Prize in Awesomeness?
But he didn’t come on the line.
Todd has a very long refractory period due to snowmachine-induced nerve damage to his oily taint.
Atheist Nun: Wow, it took Glenn Greenwald over a thousand words to say the same thing. I salute you!
I suspect they belong to a pentecostal “christian” polyamory cult.
Zhu Bajie
Meanwhile, on the Palin front:
New hot-in-love couple Sarah Palin and Larry Craig rolled into Sturgis late Wednesday night on some new, shiny Harleys, and they were an immediate hit at The Buffalo Chip. Craig took tons of pictures of some bare-chested women, Palin was wearing a sexy leopard-skin halter top and short shorts, and they even cranked out some mean versions of “Ten Seconds To Love” and “Shout at the Devil” at the Biker Kareoke Contest at The Whild Hoggs bar. Palin and Craig told folks that they listened to a lot of Motley Crue during their ride from Iowa to Sturgis. They said that they’re heading to Burning Man next, where they’ll host a Bikers and Politicians Community at the annual bohemian arts gathering in the desert.