Wonkette
Little-known fact about this revolutionary new healthcare scheme for all Americans: it will force you to have your genitals remade into opposite-looking genitals. But the procedure will be “free,” sort of, just like those abortions you’ll be enjoying on demand.
So suggests an ambiguously titled press release from Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs with both Liberty Counsel and Liberty Alliance Action:
ObamaCare Likely to Mandate Free “Sex-Change” Surgeries
Washington, DC – When asked by Senator Orin Hatch (R-UT) whether President Obama’s proposed socialized healthcare plan will mandate taxpayer funded abortion, Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) admitted that it will require “any service deemed medically necessary or medically appropriate.” It now appears that the plan’s “medically appropriate” umbrella is far more expansive than most Americans could have imagined.
[...]
Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs with both Liberty Counsel and Liberty Alliance Action commented: “There’s a gulf of difference between what Obama and liberals in Congress, and the American people deem ‘medically appropriate;’ especially when it’s ‘we the people’ footing the bill. To force Americans, against their conscience, to fund abortion on demand and to facilitate gender confusion by subsidizing the elective practice of genital ‘sex-change’ mutilation is unconscionable.
“After hearing Sen. Mikulski’s ‘any service deemed…medically appropriate’ admission, I was prompted to dig a little deeper. I contacted the offices of Sen. Harry Reid, Rep. Charlie Rangel, Rep. Barney Frank and the House Subcommittee on Health. I asked, very simply, for ‘an assurance that the proposed healthcare plan will not allow taxpayer funded gender reassignment surgeries or hormone therapies.’ When faced with the bill’s relevant language, every staffer I spoke with either declined to answer or would neither confirm nor deny that such procedures would be covered.”
And so on and so forth. The point is, kiss your reproductive equipment goodbye, because Obama’s going to take it.
Between that image and the mucus plugs, I’ve decided to give up on eating entirely.
Cool. I’ll actually be able to go fuck myself.
With enough of said surgeries done in America, it may truly be possible to eat a bag of dicks, Matt Barber. If, indeed, that is your name.
Can I haz free boobees?
I call bullshit: Matt Barber has never had a “cultural affair” in his life.
Oh noes! The Democrats wantz my junk!
On the other hand, if we could cut the nutz off of Red State America, we might be getting somewhere.
Worst part of Reconstruction? The Union didn’t sterilize the Confeds.
There are a number of people alive today for whom it would be ‘medically appropriate’ to take away their reproductive equiptment. Lou Dobbs, Bill O’Reily, Rush, whatever Ann Coulter has, and I’m sure the taxpayers would cheerfully fund such a procedure.
If it is a public funding option, I think it will be subject to vote of citizens who gets what equipment. And perhaps it can be changed every two years.
Tranny state.
This would be, truly, “change” - I leave it up to every god-fearing American to decide on their own if it would be “change that we can believe in.”
Do you have any idea how long the wait is in socialist Canuckistan to get a downstairs mix-up sorted out? My advice: rush out and get it done now, in a for-profit hospital while you still can! If Nobamacare goes through, there’s going to be a stampede to some bastion of free enterprise like el Clinico del Cambio Sexualistico de Tijuana.
Well, yay. I can finally have that free abortion I’ve been planning on having all these years.
This is the first step on the slippery slope towards mandatory arm ears for everyone. Don’t say you weren’t warned!
I am just going to assume the Falwell lobby is full of shit as usual on this one.
To each according to his needs motherfucker!
Cape Clod: Coulter is a Convservative. He paid for her own sex re-assignment surgery.
It must count as “declined to answer” if you say, “I do not have time for your bullshit questions, you waste of bosons.”
“kiss your reproductive equipment goodbye”
Republicans won’t vote for any bill that will force them to give up screwing boys and hookers.
Master the possibilities. Teabaggin’ and funbaggin’ someone at the same time.
What about penis enlargements? Will those be covered?
“Happy ending” massages for everyone.
InsidiousTuna: Bravo, iTuna. Bravo.
god, i hope so. chest reconstruction surgery is fucking expensive.
So when Bobby Jindhal takes power in a bloody coup, he’ll walk into the oval office only to find, to his horror (or perhaps delight…who’s to say?), 5 million severed American dicks thumbtacked to the walls? Somebody make sure to put that on the YouTube, aight?
Facilitating gender confusion? Are you sure the republicans are going to give up their large-tittied tranny hookers that easily?
An Outhouse: Only for the ladies (womyn).
An Outhouse: forget that, what about my membership in the Rick Perry Is Gay Hairclub for Men?
Henhhhhgh Also!
Kay Fail-y Hutchinson had her site banned for that c1997 style meta-whatzit. hahaarrr
Rick Perry is not Gay. But his hair is.
If only some other forward-thinking POTUS had thunk of this (JFK, I’m looking toward YOUR crypt) then Obama Mama would have had no need to go off race mixin’ and we wouldn’t be engaged in the biggest debate in the history of everything ever.
Damn it all, USofA, you’re always a day late and a few hundred trillion dollars short.
Gopherit: Free Pampers for Vitters?
They’ll take my dick when they pry it from my sister’s cold dead hands!
AxmxZ:
Just know that you will be inadvertently quoted by an inadvertently truth-telling Freeper.
First gender mutilation surgey, the next thing you know the taxpayers will have to pay for babies to have their cleft palates fixed, then free medicine for TB patients, then all the non-whites will get to get “The Michael Jackson Treatment” free of charge. Then how will we know who is better than whom?
mandatory sex change, mandatory abortions, mandatory death for teh olds.
whats not to like?
I think they read “gender reassignment surgeries” and thought it meant actually being assigned.
“Okay, listen up people, we need more females. So you, you and you, you’ve been reassigned. Go out there and lose one for the Gipper! You can lose the other one for whoever you want.
Jim was right. August is going to suck.
I wish! If I could ‘kiss my reproductive equipment’ I sure wouldn’t be wasting so much time on Wonkette.
It’s a shame Carrie Prejean will have to give back her complimentary pair of Miss California snoobs. I hope they find a nice home. Mark Sanford would be real sweet to them, I’m sure.
really, really unfair-I’m way too old for the free abortions!
I don’t know about you all, but that pic brings back wonderful and scary memories from my last trip to Egypt.
InsidiousTuna: Home run, touchdown and hat trick…all in one!
The Cap: We’ll know because the Star Belly Sneetches have bellies with stars.
finallyhappy: That’s why they’ve included the euthanasia mandate. Now be good and hop on the President’s ice floe.
CrunchyKnee:
I think the guy on the right is saying “Read that bottle again, is it supposed to make my ARM longer or the other thing??”
I enjoy my comcast programming and my abortions on demand.
Barry wants us all to get front-pouches in which to keep our young.
Servo: Thanks for reminding me to finish chewing and swallowing before reading Wonkette during my lunch break. I don’t think my dog knows the Heimlich Maneuver.
InsidiousTuna:
Haha Genius.
Harry Reid has already had his gonads removed.
Great. I always wanted to be a lonely, old, bitter woman…
“….every staffer I spoke with either declined to answer or would neither confirm nor deny that such procedures would be covered.” = wouldn’t return my calls.
“Thhhhat’s not chchchchange IIIII can believe in…”
-JAMAKKAIN
Where’s that lovely green screen .gif of him, anyway?
…I’m pretty sure the only time that gender reassignment surgery is medically necessary is in the case of a child with ambiguous genitalia. So while some people argue that parents should wait until the child is old enough to decide for themselves, I would be very surprised if a doctor deemed gender reassignment medically necessary for voluntary sex changes.
Am I not the only one who sees hilarious (yet somewhat troubling) angles in a neocon think thank like Liberty Alliance Action claiming to know best about personal gender assignment?
Because it’s not link anyone in the GOP has ever suffered the occasional “gender confusion” with a rosy-cheeked congressional page, or two, or three.
Perhaps Mr. Barber is concerned many party members will actually go for the sex-change freebie, so that they can once and for put behind them all these pesky problem with buggery.
jodyleek: Under the Cash-for-tired-tittys program, you must post a photo of existing boobies first. It’s the law.
give us a bob: Gender confusion is a huge problem! Like when your wife calls while that cute UPS guy is in the office wearing his brown shorts, and you can’t tell which one is giving you a boehner. Or you’re at a night club with your buddies and the dancers are so pretty, and then — can you believe it? — they start stripping…and then they turn out to be guys!
You feel dirty! You’re confused! And gubermint should facilitate this? No way!
Man, and I’ve been paying for all these abortions myself like a chump!
The Iranian government pays for 1/2 the cost of sex change operations (apparently this is more acceptable to Allah than man-on-man sexing). I would love to see the press release that results if Mr. Barber finds out about this fact. MUSLIM SOCIALISM!
Sweet. Penis envy, solved.
I’m waiting for Chuck Norris to weigh in before I form an opinion.
sagaderisa: I’ve heard of it being deemed medically necessary by psychiatric specialists.
sagaderisa: Hey - I saw Ambiguous Genitalia playing at a pub down in SoHo, back when I did my ‘Overseas’ - RAWKANROLL, MUTHERFUKERS!!
It’s sex change you can believe in!
jodyleek: Yes, but how many do you want?
stuffisthings: “…sex change operations (apparently this is more acceptable to Allah than man-on-man sexing}…”
Then Allah must not pay attention to Turkey!… I swear all Turk men over 25 must be bi….
btwbfdimho: Get two on each side - that way, the guy taking you from behind has something to look at also…
Cape Clod: I have it on good authority (my friend’s cousin’s college roommate) that Ann Coulter has a mason jar of fetid swamp loam where “humans” usually have reproductive organs.
Does this mean we should be on the lookout for government-mandated TruckLabiaz? What a majora bummer.
Bearbloke: Yeah really, the BBC article I read claimed these Iranian guys were so effeminate they couldn’t work or go to school with the real men. But every Iranian man I’ve met makes the fellas in Twilight look like grizzled lumberjacks, so I can’t imagine what they did to tip everyone off, unless “acting effeminate” is a code word for “propositioning everyone for buttsex, all the time.” What’s next, Obama, subsidies for hair gel, tight-fitting knockoff designer T-shirts, and elaborate belts?
pundid: If such a thing were real I would buy a truck just to have one.
stuffisthings: So, so incredibly true.
Also, Obama can’t take away our sex organs, because then he won’t be able to force us to have abortions anymore.
Too, I like that the right is referring to gender reassignment as “surgery mutilation.” That’s right, utilize that unrelated cause, wingnuts.
“…facilitate gender confusion” - To quote Joe Biden: Jesus Christ. This miserable, crappy little man has obviously never met a transsexual in his life. The whole point of the surgery is to eliminate gender confusion. I wish him the best:
“We’re deeply sorry, Mr. Barber. We’d *really* like to give you the kidney you need, but we just can’t. Back in 2009, Congress voted down health reform that would have covered your case, because a few conservatives objected to sex-change surgery also being covered in the reform. It’s risky, but your best bet is to try the organ-trafficking black market in Eastern Europe. Good luck!”
Barber has a point, but the expense will be more than balanced by not covering any brain or heart operations on Republicans.
“and to facilitate gender confusion by subsidizing the elective practice of genital ‘sex-change’ mutilation is unconscionable. ”
…I…have no words to describe this stupidity.
Let’s meet halfway and offer free pube trims.
This is going to be great for the citizens of Trinidad, CO, the “sex change capital of the US”. The town could use some revitalizing.
If we all enter med school now, we could obtain gender mutilation degrees just in time for this next gold rush.
It’s a trap?
They make take our lives, but they’ll never take our PEEEENS!
Melange Rehab: What, you mean TRAP as in Transvestite Removal/Addition of Penis?
Naked Bunny with a Whip: the expense will be more than balanced by not covering any brain or heart operations on Republicans.
Alas, no savings to be had there. In order to need those types of operations, Republicans would need to have those types of organs.
Is there a waiting list? How do you get in on this?
Hey Matt Barber, you want the US American people weighing in and deciding what’s medically necessary when you’re in the ER with a gerbil up your wazoo, or do you want a medical doctor making that decision? Howzabout we leave all those decisions up to medical doctors and you eat your failed culture war with a side of surgically-removed poisoned rat dicks, you fucking busy body.
I can’t believe nobody has brought up who pays for boob jobs in our glorious new socialized health care system. Because if some sixteen year old girl with self-esteem can’t exercise her constitutional AND God given right to get her some free big titties, I’m out.
He’ll have to pry my penis from my warm, swiftly-moving hands!
Was it aliens that taught the ancient Egyptians to build vaginas, or lizard people? We may never know…
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Republicans don’t need any brain or heart operations — because they don’t have any of those things.
Mandatory gender reassignment? I’m really ambivalent about this one.
I can think of hundreds of women whom I’d never want to see sporting the dangly bits; however, on a more personal level, I’ve often thought that I might be a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.
Perhaps if we give Republicans hearts, they will explode.
What? Am I the only one who’s seen The Neverending Story II?
SayItWithWookies: Can I order mine pierced?
Oh great, the inevitable “lulz Coulter si teh Manz!!one11″ jokes. As someone who is trans, I have to say I don’t like having her compared to me as a means of insulting her. That’s much more insulting to me and others in my position.
In other news, I’m pretty sure this is the only diagnosable condition Republicans can get away with objecting to having to treat. Don’t want END? Scare people about men dressed as women waiting to rape your daughters in the restroom. Don’t want health care? Tell them the Obots are coming for your genitals!
Sorry for the lack of snark. Too close to home. FOUR BLOCKS, to be precise.
This all started with Michelle’s biceps.
dum librul: ENDA, not END, but also.
You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
You didn’t think you could keep telling people to “eat a bag of dicks” without refilling the bag once in awhile, did you?
dum librul: Damm right!
All tranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.
— Thomas Jefferson
I don’t care…just PAY for my fucking pills already!
So, in that commercial, when the old guy says, “they won’t pay for my operation…” what procedure are they talking about, exactly? Because apparently the proposed reforms will pay for just about any damn thing a person could want.
This is going to piss off all the people who actually PAID for the sex change operations! Like my best friends Dad! Will they get rebate checks?
thetalltexan: Er, you could argue that about any healthcare reform, or social reform. “I had to quit school at 8 to go sharecropping in 1920s Alabama, so everyone else should have to do so, forever!”
The NHS aims to take you from first speaking to a doctor to having your bits sliced and diced in just 18 weeks. Seriously, you should try this socialism lark.
TruckNutz are medically necessary. Will my truck’s needs be covered?
Servo: in court today, whilst i had nothing better to do than read my beloved wonkett, i assayed your exposition, thus guffawed aloud. the magistrate was splentic and lessened his favour of my professional character. i also observed a number spaniards amongst the criminal masses. HUZZAH!
Trading in some old rusty nails for big new shiney ones, is that different than cash for clunkers?
Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs with both Liberty Counsel and Liberty Alliance Action commented: “There’s a gulf of difference between what Obama and liberals in Congress, and the American people deem ‘medically appropriate;’ especially when it’s ‘we the people’ footing the bill. To force Americans, against their conscience, to fund abortion on demand and to facilitate gender confusion by subsidizing the elective practice of genital ‘sex-change’ mutilation is unconscionable.
OH NOES ABORTION ON DEMAND!1
You know, as opposed to GETTING KNOCKED UP ON DEMAND.
Fuck these people. I hereby declare all my tax dollars to a fund for poor trannies to get their stuff done if they want to. And abortions on demand, even if you’re not pregnant… Seriously, fuck you, Matt Barber, Director of Cultural Affairs.
If Obama’s health care plan will pay to remove children’s genitals from the hands of Republican legislators it will be worth whatever it costs.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Uh, I thought Mormon religious rites were supposed to be secrect?