Wonkette
Media Matters is, according to Lou Dobbs, “some kind of Mexican space alien, from Mexicans.” But the liberal organization best known for sending out emails about how Fox News isn’t liberal has finally done something kind of funny, by purchasing commercial time on orange-headed blubbermouth Lou Dobbs’ afternoon comedy hour, White Supremacy For Angry Dummies.
Nobody has any idea why Lou Dobbs, the Space.com pioneer and actual rubber glove swollen with duck jizz, has a program on the CNN. Dobbs has 32 viewers, according to Neilsen, and all live in the same single-wide in Squirrel Teat, Mississippi, using a cable line “borrowed” from the manager’s trailer.
Having worn out his toothless, inbred audience of half-siblings and cousin-parents with tales of the Amero (”the Mexican money ghost”) and the Nafta Super Highway (”the Mexican super-highway ghost”), Dobbs has turned to a subject of increasing concern to poor white racist trash with no jobs: JEEBUS CHRISTMAS DER’S A NIGRA IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
And now, Lou Dobbs will turn extra bloated and extra orange-headed as the evil Mexican organization Media Matters buys ad time on his own pathetic program, which serves the additional purpose of, uhm, paying Lou Dobbs to continue spouting his racist bullshit.
Hoping the commercial added Dobbs needs to lose weight too.
When they loop the audio of “birth certificate, birth certificate, birth certificate”, it sounds like he’s just babbling while trying to swallow a mouthful of meatloaf.
As a proud Mississippian, I can assure there is no “Squirrel Teat, MS” … I think your thinking of Alabama. That’s where they mostly marry their cousins and screw the sheep. We marry the sheep and screw our cousins!
So why should Lou stop when the “rabid left-wing” , as he names them, buys ad time on his show thereby keeping him employed and relevant. What makes Dobbs any worse than O’reilly? I saw the Southern Poverty Law Center on O’reilly bitching about lou dobbs. Personally, I can’t stand more than one minute of that blowhard before feeling the urge to retch.
“Cousin-parents” is a good one.
All please try to stand now for The Pudge of Allegiance.
Oh. You didn’t mean funny funny. You meant funny ironic.
I hope the Birfers keep harassing Rethugilcan pols until their heads explode from teh Stoopid…
I-man: Nothing can keep Loony Lou relevant. Or sane. Nigra President Derangement Syndrome, whereby one equates the man who shined his shoes in the 1950s with today’s president and blanches, has consumed poor Lou. And the realization that this is his last job in television is having a multiplier effect on his lunacy. Next full moon expect Lou to walk to an open window while on air live & commence howling.
They should get that NAFTA superhighway project going, with about 15 lanes in each direction and train tracks, gas lines. This would be the biggest public works project since the Hoover Dam, good idea Lou!
Mom, have you ever had a … Lou Dobbs problem? You know, down there?
Lou Dobbs, the Space.com pioneer and actual rubber glove swollen with duck jizz
Ken Layne is a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean, he’s embiggened my mind.
~
If only Obamas father had been a black mexican, then I could of enjoyed watching Lou go into a foaming at the mouth breakdown.
Media Matters jumped on the opportunity to advertise on the Lou Dobbs show when they found out
they could get 10 minutes for $8.00.
Ducks jizz? Who knew!
I’m pretty sure that my favorite Wonkette-specific linguistic construction is their specialized deployment of the word “actual”.
Not even playing it here…what’s the use? I live amongst the undead lizard people.
This is all my husband’s fault (somehow). When this fucking state decides to secede, can we come and live in somebody’s hobo tent?
Oh, and I’m adding another fab word to my Wonkette Favorites Dickshunary: ‘Embiggened’. Thanks, thundersomething.
If we could just figure out a way to convert racism into electricity, we could end the energy crisis.
And the best anagrams for “Lou Dobbs” are either “Blob Duos” or “Old Bubos.” ["bubo: an inflammatory swelling of a lymph gland, especially in the groin" - MW]
Has Wonkette ever created a poll to find who is the biggest douche? We need a Douche-Off. Is it Dobbs, Hannity or Doocey? Or maybe O’Rielly?
As if on cue, Pat Buchanan just appeared on my teevee….
smartypants: I’ve got a barn in upstate NY. It is a little better than a highway overpass. There are squirrels. If your husband can catch them we can have them with our hobo beans.
We know where you live, Mr. Dobbs.
Please show us the birth certificates of every one who helps you take care of this here Emerald city.
Lou’s House:
http://virtualglobetrotting.com/map/48256/
x111e7thst: God it sounds like heaven…we haven’t had meat in weeks. Plus, it’s hotter’n’satan’s butthole down here. Your kind invitation will not be soon forgotten Madam/Miss/Sir.
Don Juanquete: That’s just ONE of his houses. He also owns a 500-acre horse farm. The guy does this shit for money, pure and simple.
Min: “Oh. You didn’t mean funny funny. You meant funny ironic.”
No, they meant sick funny.
BadKitty: Glenn Beck gets my vote for the biggest douche. As stupid as the other ones are, they at least seem capable of driving themselves home from the studio. I suspect Beck has an attendant in a white coat lurking just off camera.
Dobbes
: nasty, brutish, and short.
taylormattd: Right. “Sister-wife” is sexxxier and more Californian, nicht wahr?
Duck Jizz- I’m pretty sure that is the newest tapa at Jaleo or maybe the newest cocktail at Palena?
finallyhappy: Its a tapas. Duck jizz confetti served on ignorant white crackers.
Bu-but we NEED this gibbering xenophobic lackwit stinking up the airwaves with this crap. I’VE STILL GOT QUESTIONS!
Like, how big of a fuckwad is he willing to be in order to boost his ratings?
and
Can he whip Das Base into a frenzy against the Republicans?
and
What would happen if you put Dobbs and Taitz in the same room and can we harness the energy of the explosion?
The Creepy News Network
Media Matters needs to stop using the first guy they found in the hall to do their voiceovers and starting hiring professional talent.
memzilla: In addition to infections such as bubonic plague, buboes are characteristic of gonorrhea and syphilis. Well and truly parsed sir/madam!
Is Lou Dobbs related to Rush Limbaugh? They look alike. Like lard buckets/puke buckets.
BadKitty: That would be Glenn Beck; Jon Stewart already ran this contest last week.
It really has been a banner day for stupid-ass waterheads, their fake birth certificates, fanny packs full of concentrated corn syrup, and the pinheaded GOPers who encourage them. Y’all should let the interns out of their cages for an hour to have a half a warm Shasta and to stretch their atrophied little legs.
TheGryphon: Thank God y’all didn’t locate Squirrel Teats in Georgia. Gallup just declared us a “leans Democratic” state, and the roller coaster of joy and letdown would’ve been too much for me. Dobbs, by the way, is CNN’s crazy nephew with coprolalia. They don’t really know how to lock him in the basement without drawing too much attention to it.
Now that’s 100% of my FDA daily recommend allowance of irony
norbizness: Commie.
~
Olbermann smoked Dobbs, Loofah, NYTs, that annoying ruskie/birther bitch–everyone tonight.
stew: KO KO’d BO
Glad to see him back.
Sorry Ricky Wolfe was such a corporate tool…my bad habit of trusting somebody more because they have a British aççent….
The birther thing is such a harmless way for single eyebrow voters to vent — why try to put on the kebosh? Otherwise they start circulating petitions for Cuteypoo’s Law to permanently suspend all civil rights for anyone convicted of anything, including littering, or for mandatory carrying of concealed weapons, especially by Alzheimer’s patients and licensed drivers over 84. This birther thing would have its proper name if carried on ESPN instead of Lou Dobbs: Fantasy Politics.
Orly and Palin will propose an amendment to the constitution that no gays and no one who wasn’t birthed out of General Washington’s anus can be prezident. Also, Orly will be nominated as a supreme court judge in the Palin administration. Call me nostradamus.
hobospacejunkie: Maybe Loud Obbs and Oily Taintz will finally convince the WORLD
stew: He destroyed the blue dog health care obstructionists in his special comment.
hobospacejunkie: Maybe Loud Obbs and Oily Taintz will finally be able to convince the WORLD of this monstrous IslameoKenyan attack on their precious bodily fluids with this foto of That One fiendishly plotting his evil dominion…
Can you say pompous self-important blow hard? More gravy, Louis?
Lazy Media: DAMN! How’d I miss that?
“orange-headed blubbermouth Lou Dobbs’ afternoon comedy hour, White Supremacy For Angry Dummies.
Nobody has any idea why Lou Dobbs, the Space.com pioneer and actual rubber glove swollen with duck jizz, has a program on the CNN.
Thank you for this! His presence is indeed a mystery. Didn’t CNN’s CEO tell him to quit being a jerk recently?
Btw, he’s not shown on CNN International, presumably because he’s an embarrassment to the station. All you see is the trailer for his show, where he freaks out about the Mexicans, every night.
Yesterday, I drove thru Dobbs’ hometown, Childress, Texas. O.M.G. You HAVE to see that place to understand everything.
taylormattd: i prefer “uncle dad”.
Obama could have made all this go away by granting Lou and exclusive interview, with no pre-screening of questions, just like Frost v. Nixon, and formally apologizing on air for allowing his half-black side to influence his half-white side. Lou is only pursuing legitimate lines of inquiry, which is why he has to call his detractors stupid names he cribbed off William Safire one night at a cocktail party.
Lou, Pat-Pukes, Orly, Corsi…
The lunatic Swift-birthin’ Fringe has become the Lunatic binge.
Happy Birferday, Barry.
Lou is just pissed, as are Rush, Sean and Beck that Obams is the HNIC. Although, they are making a good case for including psychiatric care in any national health plan.
birtherz is crazy baby, don’t forget that boy told you
Get, that, birth off your shoulder
Lou Dobbs and all those nutcases inspiring the pockets of humanity out there should pay extra taxes to support the USSS:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/barackobama/5967942/Barack-Obama-faces-30-death-threats-a-day-stretching-US-Secret-Service.html
Never have so many seen such a visual representation of a tiny inflamed prostate. Yet, this is what live TV is all about.
Happy Birthday, Barry. Give yourself a present. Prosecute somebody.
Josh Fruhlinger: I was JUST thinking that. Literally. No, actually literally. Not “literally” the way my boyfriend says it, as in “His head LITERALLY exploded” when someone’s head did not, in fact, actually explode.
This from Kenya Broadcast Corporation:
Oct 08, 2008: Jerome Corsi, author of the anti-Obama book titled The Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and the Cult of Personality was deported back to America.. Corsi displayed inconsistent conduct with the expected norms of good behaviour in the country.
Corsi was on Tuesday night deported back to America after he attempted to launch the book blasting White House hopeful Barrack Obama at a Nairobi hotel…..his deportation squarely lay on his suspect intentions and mission in the country, the launch of an anti-Obama book.
…Corsi’s scheduled launch of the book at the Laico hotel failed to kick off after a section of Kenyans demonstrated against it leading to his detention by security officials.
Translation: Corsi bribed officials to get a fake birth certificate, statement from a fake auntie etc…to launch his Swift Birther campaign.
smartypants: Embiggened isn’t already in the lexicon? I don’t know why. It’s a perfectly cromulent word.
As for Sweet Lou, I hope he continues the good fight. Maybe, with Lou’s benevolent leadership, I will be able to have an All-American Shredded Beef, Pepper, Tomato, and Cheese Wrap served over the counter by a lily-white teenager == as god and Thomas Jefferson intended == for lunch instead of some fucking cartel-engineered socialist “taco” off the back of a pickup truck.
BTW, “embiggen” for those that don’t know, is a fictional word made up by The Simpsons writers.
AnnieGetYourFun: Your boyfriend uses “literally” when he means “figuratively”? Unless he makes you come 9 times per hour, dump the idjit.
Lou Dobbs is nothing but a whore for the billionaire neo-cons. He’s attacking Obama on the birth certificate issue because the knuckle-draggers who make up the core of Right Wing believers need something easier to understand than, “All that economics shit.” Constantly complaining about things like: “A lack of restraint Federal officials are showing in crafting legislation to regulate the derivitives market,” was losing Dobbs his ratings fast. He had to turn to more “red meat” issues or his might end up being the time slot CNN gives to that bright, popular, up-and-coming new comentator: Sarah Palin!
They should call themselves Mexico Matters, and how about they try not printing lies about the troops, and Lou Dobbs.
Lou Dobbs eats birthers for breakfast. Those cheeks are so full.
Alex Trebeks Girl: Actually, I believe they would settle for someone birthed out of Saint Ronnie’s asshole.
Can’t MediaMatters get a voice-over guy that doesn’t sound like a geeky college kid with adenoids?
Athar: Exactly. And all of a sudden he’s bitching about the deficit. Where was he the last eight years? Complaining about Mexicans. He has become a total whore.
LoweredPeninsula: “embiggen” is a versatile tardword, as in “eating these lard tacos will embiggen me,” or “watching Lou Dobbs embiggens my world view”
Don Juanquete: Corsi is one man that needs to fall (or shoved) into a wood chipper.
White Wing Wepubwican.
iolanthe: Not only does the literary-paradox sense in which “literally” is used to assert the factual status of a hyperbolic statement date back to the 18th century, but have you ever realized how candy-ass and half-chewed a sentence like “My head figuratively exploded” sounds? Why not just tell everyone to say “I was like, kind of upset or whatever” and have done with it if you’re going to pitch such a fit over metaphorical irony and linguistic drift?
Well, I say that, but seeing the word “bemuse” used to mean “amuse” makes me want to tear my hair out. Literally. As well.
lawrenceofthedesert: RE: harmlessness: Death threats against the Magic Negro are 400 percent greater than those against the previous resident (30 per day, according to the Telegraph). Enraging the well-armed dumbs is not harmless unless O actually is from Krypton and is thus bulletproof. . .
Come here a minute: mouthraper
uncletravelingmatt: All-Canadian and/or Brazilian Shredded Beef….
fixed!
I love how Lou Dobbs’ birth certificate shows he was born in Chihuahua, Mexico: http://open.salon.com/blog/mortimer_hayden_smyth/2009/07/22/shocking_report_lou_dobbs_birth_certificate_a_fake