IMPORTANT COMPETITIONS  6:25 pm August 3, 2009

Orly Taintz Acts Funny On Teevee, And A Wonkette Contest!

by Jim Newell

Heroic provider of truths Orly Taitz went on television’s MSNBC channel this afternoon to discuss her latest proof that Obama is black. Heavens to Betsy! This is too classic. It must be performance art — Arianna Huffington applying a heavy spray-tan and a Marilyn Monroe wig, channeling her days as a Republican congressman’s wife. “LEE-sten to me! LEE-sten LEE-sten, Tahm-ron!” Ha ha! NOW THE IMPORTANT PART: Time for a photo contest!

First, check out this inspirational tips submission from operative “pepsicoke555,” who writes, “i just want to be respected by someone for something.”

So: can you, dear reader, PRODUCE A REAL IMAGE of Barack Obama’s REAL birth certificate? Be creative with those guidelines, and submit your CERTIFIED DOC-U-MINTS to, subject line “ACTUAL LEGAL PROOF THAT SARA K. SMITH IS BLACK,” by 1:00 p.m. Tuesday. We will apply a Weigel-esque discriminating eye to decide “which ones are real.”


Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


zhubajie August 3, 2009 at 6:29 pm

So how oily ARE her tights?

Zhu Bajie

Godot August 3, 2009 at 6:30 pm

Ugh she is SO god damn Russian.

wrytoast August 3, 2009 at 6:32 pm

Is that her real hair? Discuss.

Tommmcatt August 3, 2009 at 6:32 pm

That Bigfoot is eerily reminiscent of Sarah Palin.

Snidely August 3, 2009 at 6:32 pm

Eva Gabor was so wonderful on “Green Acres.” When did she become a Birther?

DollarStorePregnancyTest August 3, 2009 at 6:34 pm

I turned it off when the holocaust references started.

Did they pick this woman to represent their cause? Or did she volunteer?

Tommmcatt August 3, 2009 at 6:34 pm


What’s to discuss? No.

rocktonsammy August 3, 2009 at 6:34 pm

I’d hit that.

Who names their kid Orly Taintz?

Gopherit August 3, 2009 at 6:36 pm

She reminds me of Lady Gaga 20 years from now. I fucking love it when someone goes unhinged on national news. It smells like victory.

Werefrog August 3, 2009 at 6:36 pm

O RLY Taitz? YA RLY!

coastingdownhill August 3, 2009 at 6:38 pm

Orly Taitz did my root canal. I think. The voice sounds familiar.

widget09 August 3, 2009 at 6:38 pm

Waiting, to smash in their windows & kick in their doors
Waiting, to follow the worms
CuCuCachew, She is out of the ballpark Batshit Crazy
Here story is orally tainted.

ScubaDew August 3, 2009 at 6:39 pm

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I just wish the birthers would at least settle on one theory. Some say that he was born in Kenya, which wouldn’t matter anyways, since his mother was American, making him a natural born citizen.

Others say he might have been born in the U.S. but that doesn’t matter because his dad was a Kenyan, which disqualifies him from being a natural-born citizen (it doesn’t).

And then there are people who say he was a natural born citizen until his mother remarried to an Indonesian, which magically made Obama an Indonesian too, or some similarly retarded theory.

Birfers, please settle amongst yourselves which theory you’d like to use and get back to us.

Godot August 3, 2009 at 6:39 pm

Hey when did Jimmy Kimmel get a job at MSNBC?

FunkyPalmettoBug August 3, 2009 at 6:40 pm

I’m part jewish and she’s making me into an Anti-Semite.

smartypants August 3, 2009 at 6:42 pm

Thank Zeus for Wonkette…I needed a belly laugh right NOW.

pdiddycornchips August 3, 2009 at 6:42 pm

So the head of the Birther movement is an offensive crazy lady from Tel Aviv? Everytime I think the wingnuts have hit bottom they get the shovel out and dig deeper.

Suds McKenzie August 3, 2009 at 6:42 pm

Why is a Cocker Spaniel bothering the glorious Tamron Hall?

Servo August 3, 2009 at 6:44 pm

$20 says she likes to tell people their horoscope even if they don’t give a fuck and that she has a Yorkshire terrier with painted claws.

skutre August 3, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Looks like Mrs Polly has some updating to do on the Orliad

problemwithcaring August 3, 2009 at 6:45 pm

“…refused to come to the studio, because of a Muslim-sounding name…of the driver…”

Someone please ware Orly, not to travel to DC! Muslins control all the parking and good nightclubs….

Mull_Man August 3, 2009 at 6:46 pm

What, no pledge of allegiance? I am so disappointed.

orange August 3, 2009 at 6:49 pm

[re=377259]DollarStorePregnancyTest[/re]: Oh was she imposed on them.

FunkyPalmettoBug August 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm

[re=377288]pdiddycornchips[/re]: Well, Orange County, not Tel Aviv.

bitchincamaro August 3, 2009 at 6:51 pm

Apparently Shuster took nothing away from his unexpected encounter with Charlie Pierce from The Boston Globe last week.

Suck it MSNBC.

kdaddy August 3, 2009 at 6:51 pm

It’s all kind of an Elke Sommer, Tammy Fae Baker, Seka, dementia moment for me. Which means
I’m showing my age, and also probably my penis.

Aquannissiwamissoo August 3, 2009 at 6:51 pm

You’d think her birfer followers would get the hint and not be so fat.

Holding Out for a Hero August 3, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Somewhere Rahm, Gibbys and Axe are giving each other “the high four and a half” after watching that meltdown.

Scandalabra August 3, 2009 at 6:52 pm

I also had a bad experience with Kitty Pilgrim.

Servo August 3, 2009 at 6:52 pm

Nice necklace. Is that a miniature headpiece for the Staff of Ra?

ScubaDew August 3, 2009 at 6:53 pm

[re=377283]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re]: You think you have it rough? Imagine how the fake blondes and spray-on tan enthusiasts feel. They already have low enough self-esteem as it is.

fromhils August 3, 2009 at 6:54 pm

Co-workers response to this video: She’s Borat! Its a joke right, she is not real. She can’t be.

I for one agree and can’t wait for the movie to come out. Then all the gullible slobs who believed she was a real person (as opposed to an alien from Uranus) will start suing “her”. Good thing “she” is a “lawyer”

Aquannissiwamissoo August 3, 2009 at 6:54 pm

Despite being dead and not having duct tape on her boobs, Wendy O. Williams here looks hittable.

LittlePig August 3, 2009 at 6:54 pm

[re=377305]Mull_Man[/re]: “I pledge allegiance to the taints of the united space of adipose, to the lipids of which it’s made, one smear, undistinguished, with grease and skidmarks for all.”

mocowbell August 3, 2009 at 6:55 pm

Gosh, Lou Dobbs looks fabulous in that blond wig. Takes off 10 years and 20 pounds!

donner_froh August 3, 2009 at 6:58 pm


As if it could be questioned.

Anita Cocktail August 3, 2009 at 6:58 pm

She looks just like Crazy McCain Rally Lady!

lionboy August 3, 2009 at 6:58 pm

Attorney, dentist, realtor, birther, TV show oddity, probably a beard for some Republican closet case– how does she find the time to fit it all into a day?

Min August 3, 2009 at 6:58 pm

Man, that’s annoying. I wish they’d both shut the hell up.

FlipOffResearch August 3, 2009 at 6:59 pm

Orly Taitz, that sounds like something a hooker would charge you $20 for.

FunkyPalmettoBug August 3, 2009 at 6:59 pm

[re=377321]ScubaDew[/re]: A friend of mine joked about her Colbert report clip: “Why is she wearing my grandmother’s drapes?”

problemwithcaring August 3, 2009 at 6:59 pm

[re=377300]skutre[/re]: She’s way ahead of you.

bitchincamaro August 3, 2009 at 7:00 pm

[re=377326]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: That was Scotch Brand +33 premium electrician’s tape. I’m quite sure.

krustysfather August 3, 2009 at 7:04 pm

I’d hit that.

//wait, this isn’t Fark?
///slashies!!!! anyway

BadKitty August 3, 2009 at 7:05 pm

Oh come on, Orly? O RLY? Taintz? “She” has to be a drag queen doing the best bit of satire since Andy Kaufman died.

coastingdownhill August 3, 2009 at 7:09 pm

[re=377288]pdiddycornchips[/re]: She’s from OC. As in Orange County. As in right-wing suburbanites with an airport named after John Wayne.
Dentist, Lawyer, Real Estate Agent. And recently, entertainer.

widget09 August 3, 2009 at 7:10 pm

The Mainstream Media = Nuts

trickyrick August 3, 2009 at 7:13 pm

[re=377299]Servo[/re]: no one is going to take that bet, I wager.

[re=377360]BadKitty[/re]: oily taints. exactly. sooo John Waters with a essence of commie red.

Gopherit August 3, 2009 at 7:15 pm

meh, I’m too lazy to break out photoshop for this, but i think this would make a good contest entry starter:

Canuckledragger August 3, 2009 at 7:15 pm

Whenever possible, I avoid Oily Taintz.

lionboy August 3, 2009 at 7:16 pm

[re=377360]BadKitty[/re]: Lou Dobbs in drag perhaps?

MonaLisa65 August 3, 2009 at 7:21 pm But the hooker would let you finish askin’ for it, and wouldn’t try to strong-arm you into lettin’ her repeat herself….

Please make teh crazee lady stop talkin’. Doesn’t she have a scaling or a briefing or a showing or a meds-pickup to perform?

SlouchingTowardsWasilla August 3, 2009 at 7:23 pm

“He is illegitimate to be President” is my favorite line and she’s repeated it a thousand times. I love it that she doesn’t have a single person near her that knows or is willing to tell her that that ain’t English.

martinette August 3, 2009 at 7:24 pm

Now everyone knows why Oliver Wendell Douglas had to haul that crazy shit out to Hooterville.

Blue_in_VA August 3, 2009 at 7:24 pm

Batshit crazy. Okay? Okay.

Dreamer August 3, 2009 at 7:27 pm

Did she claim Obama had multiple Social Security Numbers? WTF does this have to do with his birth certificate and why didn’t the fucking FBI discover this when they did a background check on him? These fuckwits can’t stick to one looney theory – everyday they are throwing another crazy idea.

johnnypantalones August 3, 2009 at 7:27 pm

Why aren’t there more fake Kenyan birth certificates? We could really stimulate the economy by getting these mouthbreathers to sign over their SS checks to get their grubby mitts on the smoking gun, and all it would take is photoshop and some quality document distressing. Just print it out, let your baby play with it and then it’s off to FreeRepublic to make yourself a quick hundy or two. Don’t make me throw down the gauntlet at SomethingAwful, this is something the Wonketeers should be engaging in, not the goons. Get to work, people!

Dear Diorama August 3, 2009 at 7:28 pm

Schuster: Please tell us about integrity.

Orly: You are worse than the holocaust! Stop talking! No wire hangers! NO WIRE HANGERS!!!

Badtux August 3, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Is that a dead possum on her head, or what?! And has anybody ever seen Orly Taitz and Sacha Baron Cohen in the same room? Curious penguins want to know!

boinggg August 3, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Lawyer, dentist, taxidermist. She must know what she’s talking about.

NoWireHangers August 3, 2009 at 7:30 pm

Oily Taint sounds like a foreign. Burn her!

nmmagayar August 3, 2009 at 7:31 pm

[re=377326]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: Wendy O. is dead?

El Pinche August 3, 2009 at 7:32 pm

Orly Taitz = Victoria Jackson + Zsa Zsa Gabor + Michelle Malkin + a hint of Lady Gaga.

JooJoo Bee August 3, 2009 at 7:32 pm

Oh this one’s an enemy made in heaven — as if Coulter weren’t heavenly enough. Keep it up, schweetheart. We’ll need a second 4 years to recover from the last 8.

Dreamer August 3, 2009 at 7:32 pm

[re=377387]johnnypantalones[/re]: what i don’t understand why isn’t some Nigerian scammer makig money out of these nutcases?

ScubaDew August 3, 2009 at 7:36 pm

I don’t know if anybody’s brought this up yet, but could it be that this is just Sasha Baron Cohen making his newest movie?

johnnypantalones August 3, 2009 at 7:39 pm

[re=377399]Dreamer[/re]: I suspect one already has, but this is a growth industry! We shouldn’t be letting the Nigerians corner the market on these people, it’s time we Americans stood up and started making something in this country again. The time is now, Wonketteers. Fire up your PhotoShops and make this country great again by selling fake birth certificates to racist idiots.

Jim89048 August 3, 2009 at 7:39 pm

I prefer my Taintz baked, not fried. Less Orly that way.

Jukesgrrl August 3, 2009 at 7:40 pm

Wasn’t she on Laugh-In?

smartypants August 3, 2009 at 7:45 pm

[re=377401]ScubaDew[/re]: Oh, Please Santa!

SlipperyDick August 3, 2009 at 7:51 pm

[re=377248]zhubajie[/re]: Not tights – Tah Eats!

Me, I read it and thought it was t’aints, as in the South Carolina lingo, T’aint so.

But Orly does have a point about the Coulter criticism. If a nutter calls you crazy, that does not make it so?

Country Club Jihadi August 3, 2009 at 7:52 pm

O RLY needs an LOLcatz capshun. I can haz STFU? She is Didi Conn in Grease, also.

Oldskool August 3, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Two problems:

1) David Shuster could make Tonya Harding seem sympathetic.

2) All the really crazy wimin are hot.

FunkyPalmettoBug August 3, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Watching the video again: she’s like a muppet. A racist, shrill dumbfuck of a muppet.

skutre August 3, 2009 at 7:55 pm

[re=377348]problemwithcaring[/re]: Thanks, looks like Kevin has compiled all the Orly links. Mrs Polly she one smart and funny lady

Aquannissiwamissoo August 3, 2009 at 7:59 pm

Fee Waybill is looking good these days, for a dood dressed up like a Ukrainian cougar.

ifthethunderdontgetya" August 3, 2009 at 8:01 pm

[re=377326]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: I’m throwing the red flag.

Orly Taitz is no Wendy O.!

WesternCorrespondent August 3, 2009 at 8:03 pm

[re=377253]wrytoast[/re]: I’m not sure anything on Orly Taitz is real. Except for the shrill of her voice, she looks an awful lot like a transvestite.

Barrelhse August 3, 2009 at 8:03 pm

She should get the money back from her sex-change operation.

EdFlinstone August 3, 2009 at 8:04 pm

[re=377416]Oldskool[/re]: You find that hot? Tamron is hot. Orly couldnt get my dick up past my taint.

SuperStarr August 3, 2009 at 8:05 pm

“Both parents have to be U.S. citizens.” This is a new tact for the bircerferticket folks and it’s utter bullshit. She needs to do some fact-checking with Lou Dobbs, who’s in a dither because, in fact, neither has to be a U.S. citizen.

Dreamer August 3, 2009 at 8:08 pm

[re=377402]johnnypantalones[/re]: I somehow think the fake birth certificate is made by some clever libtard making fun of these idiots. Just look at the clever “mistakes”. But I agree with you we should try something.

President Beeblebrox August 3, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Having (a) graduated from a real, live ABA-accredited law school and (b) taken and passed the bar exam in a state that doesn’t allow graduates of places like William Howard Taft U. Law School, Abraham Lincoln U. Law School, Aristotle University Institute of Law and Jurisprudence, University of Silicon Valley Law School, and John William University School of Law to take the bar exam, I would just like to say to Dr. Dentist Oily Taints, J.D., D.D.S.:

Fuck you.

Servo August 3, 2009 at 8:09 pm

The Gong Show, where she was quickly gonged by the fast-acting Jamie Farr.
A bit late but…How about them Pens?

FlipOffResearch August 3, 2009 at 8:09 pm

The Doctor walked into the examination room with a grim countenance. He looked me directly in the eye and said “I’m afraid you’ve contracted an Orly Taitz.”
God, that lady filibusters something fierce. Kind of like Liz Cheney. The GOP’s death is becoming exceedingly ugly.

Nasi Goreng August 3, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Nasi Goreng August 3, 2009 at 8:14 pm

Why aren’t my posts going through ..

GreatOldOnesParty August 3, 2009 at 8:21 pm

Even if you went back in time and shoved their face in Mama Obama’s crotch as he was coming through the birth canal…
For fuck’s sake…WFC!

Oldskool August 3, 2009 at 8:22 pm

[re=377430]EdFlinstone[/re]: “You find that hot?”

She’s under 300 lbs. Around here that’s a beauty queen.

LeHanzka August 3, 2009 at 8:23 pm

Why is that Wafflehouse waitress on television?

Oldskool August 3, 2009 at 8:25 pm

[re=377448]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Who are you talking to and what are you saying.

President Beeblebrox August 3, 2009 at 8:25 pm

[re=377431]SuperStarr[/re]: Guess that means we can retroactively cancel the Chester Arthur Administration.

Nim, ham hock of liberty August 3, 2009 at 8:25 pm

Chief Editor Korir will be releasing the real birf certificate any day now. Unless the big money boys shut him down again.

EdFlinstone August 3, 2009 at 8:26 pm

[re=377315]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: The “high four and a half”, Im still laughing at that one.

President Beeblebrox August 3, 2009 at 8:29 pm

[re=377249]Godot[/re]: Except she’s Moldovan, which is like being Russian but with worse teeth.

Take heed, all you guys who sign up for Russian/Ukrainian Bride Tours and think you’re gonna find the love of your life in Moscow, or Omsk, or even Chisinau: They’ll all look like Orly by the time they hit 45, and they’re only after your munnies anyway.

Even by the low standards of the California Bar, she’s an embarrassment to the profession.

problemwithcaring August 3, 2009 at 8:29 pm

[re=377440]Nasi Goreng[/re]: OK – “Race: Captivatingly Kenyan” was some funny shit.

Hieronymus Botch August 3, 2009 at 8:35 pm

I can’t help but read Orly’s name in proper inter-speaks as ‘Oh, really?’


Try it, it’s fun!

digibal235 August 3, 2009 at 8:42 pm

Does the contest involve me rupturing my eardrums with toothpicks? Because I think I win.

Georgia Burning August 3, 2009 at 8:42 pm

[re=377360]BadKitty[/re]: gotta be Jimmy Fallon in a wig.

seldom-seen smith August 3, 2009 at 8:48 pm

[re=377428]Barrelhse[/re]: That’s not change we can believe in.

wickedlittledoll August 3, 2009 at 8:49 pm

What’s not to trust about a dentist-attorney-real estate agent-birther leader with a thick Russian accent, penchant for heavy blue eye shadow and a passion for wild conspiracy theories also known as hating black people?

JoeMac August 3, 2009 at 8:51 pm

It seems the KGB is alive and well and has sent Ms Taintz as an agent to disrupt the American political system.

norbizness August 3, 2009 at 8:51 pm

[re=377434]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Don’t forget the Hollywood Upstairs Law School (directly adjacent to the Hollywood Upstairs Medical School made famous by Dr. Nick Riviera)

norbizness August 3, 2009 at 8:54 pm

Actually, I think she’s some sort of dessicated, mummified version of Balki’s girlfriend from that Perfect Strangers show. Will I need to produce a 20-year-old episode of the Pat Sajak Show to prove it? Possibly…

EF Lavender August 3, 2009 at 8:54 pm

Meh, I’d work on a photo, but I’m all tuckered out with adobe after banging out a birth certificate for some loon from Arizona. Besides, I’m a little busy responding to a request for my checking account routing number from the Bank of the Republic of Congo.

Que miras, cabron! August 3, 2009 at 8:59 pm

[re=377457]President Beeblebrox[/re]: 1. At least she waxed the mustache off her lip before she appeared on M.S.N.B.C. 2. Stop picking on graduates of the Nashville Y.M.C.A. Night Law School!

thebeatgoeson August 3, 2009 at 9:01 pm

[re=377440]Nasi Goreng[/re]: HAHAHA! But the date is wrong – his birthday is August 4th 1961. I sense that that certficate is fake…

Fear of a Black Reagan August 3, 2009 at 9:01 pm

Tel Aviv????? Mossad psyop anyone??

whackabirther August 3, 2009 at 9:04 pm member has found the template doc ONLINE that was used to create the fake Kenyan BC!

Full story with link to doc at forum

Neoyorquino August 3, 2009 at 9:04 pm

Taitz: “I can’t hear word you say, darlink! Is all conspiracy started by Moose and Squirrel!”

Hieronymus Botch August 3, 2009 at 9:04 pm

[re=377461]Hieronymus Botch[/re]: Meh, maybe I should read the preceding comments before I post. Ahem, as you were, etc.

whackabirther August 3, 2009 at 9:07 pm
S.Luggo August 3, 2009 at 9:10 pm

[re=377249]Godot[/re]: He/she was born in the rustic, novacaine-producing foothills of the Transgender Mountains in the former Soviet Socialist Republic of Islamoteria. Her/his name on the forged the birth certification (notice: NOT ‘certificate’)is Орлий Тайц (Rosa Kleb).


momus August 3, 2009 at 9:11 pm

She starts off talking about a “Hospital birth certificate,” which is a momento. Neither US or state government does not accept it as valid. So right away she working from a false premise. That’s a BIG surprise.

Atheist Nun August 3, 2009 at 9:13 pm

[re=377326]Aquannissiwamissoo[/re]: That gutter trash Orly cannot be compared to the delicate flower of womanhood that was Wendy O. Williams!

Aquannissiwamissoo August 3, 2009 at 9:14 pm

Funny, I paid this “service” for a Russian bride who liked to talk about politics while wearing false eyelashes, but after the check was cashed she never wrote back.

Orly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S.Luggo August 3, 2009 at 9:16 pm

[re=377466]digibal235[/re]: Why are so hating the Russian peoples?

hobospacejunkie August 3, 2009 at 9:22 pm

You are all illegitimate to be commenting!!1!2!

stew August 3, 2009 at 9:25 pm

I hope her wig turns against her!!!

aleks August 3, 2009 at 9:27 pm

MSM = Moose and Squirrel Media

President Beeblebrox August 3, 2009 at 9:33 pm

[re=377484]Que miras, cabron![/re]: I’ll see your Nashville YMCA Night Law School and raise you one American Justice® School of Law, er, that is Obscure Former Vice-President School of Law.

stew August 3, 2009 at 9:41 pm

She’s giving dentist/lawyers a bad name. Finding someone who does root canals and living wills will now only get harder.

Carl Spakler August 3, 2009 at 9:42 pm

Moose and Squirrel must die! I recommend deploying a bunny made of plastic explosives

Carl Spakler August 3, 2009 at 9:45 pm

[re=377510]stew[/re]: Don’t forget real estate agent-taxidermist-emigres.

DollarStorePregnancyTest August 3, 2009 at 9:47 pm

[re=377458]problemwithcaring[/re]: pure win!

[re=377503]aleks[/re]: Natasha! Is that miserable moose and squirrel!

sara_palin August 3, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Holy SHIT! And Amurka thinks I’M crazy!

sara_palin August 3, 2009 at 9:52 pm

[re=377313]kdaddy[/re]: I hear ya, beyond my temporary identity, which at this point I’m too drunk to disavow.

S.Luggo August 3, 2009 at 9:53 pm

From the OC Weekly June 17, 2009, on-line article:
“[Orly] Taitz smiled and pontificated in her Eastern European accent about the clerks of the Supreme Court whom she believed had been sabotaging her lawsuits.’” ["Clerks of the Supreme Court" is code for personal psychiatrists, unless Our Miss Rosa Kleb --- ironically, a sitcom of the 195Os in Russia -- means the Supreme Court of the constellation Ursa Minor]

More at:

Mike Steele August 3, 2009 at 9:59 pm

Gidget Goes Schizoid”

Carl Spakler August 3, 2009 at 10:05 pm

Seriously gang, go easy on Orly…she’s filling the void left in our daily diet of political fruit-cakery since the departure of Ex-AKGov Sarah Palin

Mike Steele August 3, 2009 at 10:06 pm

The birthers are so fucking retarded that they can’t even get a real American to be their mouthpiece. It’s like having Latka conducting the prosecution at the Clinton impeachment. It’s embarrassing.

I’m gonna bust that bitch upside the head with a plate ‘o hummus.

S.Luggo August 3, 2009 at 10:06 pm

Orly can see Alaska from her front porch.

graceless August 3, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Okay, so a non-American is questioning the Americanness of an American president? I need a trailer park reference here. Little help?

EnBuenOra August 3, 2009 at 10:19 pm

I cannot see the slightest reason why anyone wouldn’t see this woman for the calm, reasoned voice of dissent she is.

Don Juanquete August 3, 2009 at 10:25 pm

Me thinks Swift Boater Jerome Corsi is behind this. He visited Kenya last year…remember, and got kicked out. Then he joined up with the Paultards, the uberlunatic fringe. Corsi=Orly.

lawrenceofthedesert August 3, 2009 at 10:27 pm

[re=377503]aleks[/re]: Does that mean Lou Dobbs is Mr. Big?

Has anyone considered that Orly is calling in from Israel, the forged artifacts capital of the world? There are guys there who will sell you the Ark of the Covenant for $100. Can we expect a pristine document from someone named “Taintz”? No, because she is a wild and crazy guy!

Que miras, cabron! August 3, 2009 at 10:33 pm

[re=377508]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Orale! I’ll raise you one Reynaldo G. Garza Law School:

sezme August 3, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Taintz/Palin 2012!

wheelie August 3, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Here is your proof, disbelievers:

Jim89048 August 3, 2009 at 10:45 pm

Birther control: Yer doin’ it wrong!

Dashboard_Buddha August 3, 2009 at 10:52 pm

Wait a minute…wait a god-damned minute. That’s the LEADER of the birthers? I never really paid much attention to the whole thing. I mean why pay attention to something that’s nuts? But now, now that I watched this…all I can ask is THAT’S THEIR FUCKING LEADER??? People follow her? I mean really…this is some kind of joke right? She’s a fucking cross between Yakov Smirnoff and a meth addled ferret!

I can’t take much more of this.

facehead August 3, 2009 at 10:53 pm

[re=377529]S.Luggo[/re]: word.

facehead August 3, 2009 at 10:59 pm

[re=377557]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: If aliens landed in birther territory and said “take us to your leader,” they would meet Orly Taintz.


Keram2 August 3, 2009 at 11:00 pm

[re=377256]Snidely[/re]: THAT’S WHO SHE REMINDS ME OF!!!

Sorry, I’ve been trying to figure that out for WEEKS.

skutre August 3, 2009 at 11:06 pm



I have a meth addled ferret that thinks it’s Hunter Thompson and is always gtrying to gnaw on my skull.

I resent that!!

Paul Tardy August 3, 2009 at 11:09 pm

Tell me, is there a whole country of women like her?

steverino247 August 3, 2009 at 11:12 pm

That’s about as whacked a human being as I’ve ever encountered and I used to work with the homeless mentally ill. Holy shit!

Fly Over Girl August 3, 2009 at 11:19 pm

[re=377457]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Isn’t that the fake country they went to in Dynasty about season 5 where everyone got attacked at the wedding?

naveed August 3, 2009 at 11:20 pm

SKS’ secret will be revealed!!

BMK August 3, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Only in America can an illegal, teabagging alien called Oily Tits, get airtime by raping a tanning bed and questioning the President’s citizenship, in a Birther accent.

Beltway Bully August 3, 2009 at 11:28 pm

Lawyer, dentist, wig enthusiast.


schvitzatura August 3, 2009 at 11:34 pm

[re=377496]Atheist Nun[/re]: Alrighty then, Dale Bozzio.

Are you satisfied, now?

iburl August 3, 2009 at 11:41 pm

Also What Did O’reilly’s taint do this time? Was Baba Ganoosh involved, er I mean a dildo?

One Yield Regular August 3, 2009 at 11:52 pm

Birthers, what do you *really* know about Ms. Taitz? Did you know your very own “leader” is not a natural-born citizen, but hails from the former Soviet Union? Have you considered the very strong possibility that as a child she was programmed by the Soviets (even her own autobiographical materials allude to the communist brainwashing of youth) to help bring about, at the opportune time, a dastardly effort to create the fall of an American President and the demise of the greatest nation on earth? The heirs to the Soviet Master Plan may well be snickering with glee at you, as you innocently, and fatally, turn your allegiance from the United States…to a Soviet plant.

IrksomeKitty August 3, 2009 at 11:54 pm

Is it just me, or does this nutjob look like Bruno?

NYNYNY August 4, 2009 at 12:00 am

Ooh No. If you’ll excuse me for a couple days, I think I’ve located my mail-order bride. …(why the fuck is she in Tel Aviv again? G-d help me)

NYNYNY August 4, 2009 at 12:09 am

[re=377430]EdFlinstone[/re]: Maybe she could orly. Catch my meaning? Nods as good as a wink.

Todd Mecklem August 4, 2009 at 12:28 am

In 2006, Orly Taitz, dentist Laguna Niguel CA gave $500 to Friends of Joe Lieberman. Orty Taitz (sic), dentist, Laguna Niguel gave $1,000 to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee.


It seems to be Orly’s husband, Yosef “Yosi” Taitz, who is discussed at length in the book THE INFO MESA by Edward Regis, beginning on page 122. Sounds like a smart guy…and at one point the book says he “could even be called jolly.”

mightysea August 4, 2009 at 12:47 am

[re=377401]ScubaDew[/re]: I have honestly wondered something similar… is it possible that this is a vast left-wing conspiracy to make republitards look tardy? It’s just too outrageous. Orly? O RLY? Taints? And she’s an online-lawyer dentist? I think even Sasha BC could not make this stuff up.

Malachite Kingfisher August 4, 2009 at 12:59 am

6 minutes of my life I can never have back, damn it–though I enjoyed the audible guffaw in the background at 5:24-5:25, when the subject of the possibly Muslim driver came up.

cratty August 4, 2009 at 1:21 am

Keeiss my greeits.

Beanball August 4, 2009 at 1:22 am

If this is someone’s idea of a joke, I’m calling for a Nobel, at least.

Also, that woman is totally a drug addict, and I should know.

AnnieGetYourFun August 4, 2009 at 1:34 am

OMG, yeah. There is so much Russian there that I am loathing 50% of my DNA with a great deal of … muchness.

J August 4, 2009 at 1:49 am

You’re all laughing now, but when Orly opens her dinner theater in Branson, MO, next to Yakov Smirnoff’s, and starts packing the rubes in for 3 shows a day, she will be laughing all the way to the bank.

Carl Spakler August 4, 2009 at 2:11 am

Shuster looked/sounded like he was getting a little PO’d with Dr. Taitz ESQ, attorney at law and real estate agent and communist spy. If not for Tameron, we’d of had some Jew on Jew violence we haven’t seen since the 900 BCE.

Freelance Minion August 4, 2009 at 2:19 am

Hey, wait. At one point she said “I do not care about Ann Coulter,” which means she said at least one thing we can ALL agree with her about.

tropaean August 4, 2009 at 2:31 am

I got as far as hearing her blather something about “journalistic integrity” and then collapsed into a giggle fit. I wanted to watch more, but I just can’t.

Aren’t these the fuckwits that hounded Rather from the air, never to be heard from again, for not vetting a document?

Stunning, really.

tropaean August 4, 2009 at 2:39 am

[re=377461]Hieronymus Botch[/re]: If you pronounce her first name like that, and her last name like the teevee dude, you have what I am pretty sure could be called false advertising.

Atheist Nun August 4, 2009 at 3:26 am

[re=377580]schvitzatura[/re]: Perfect! They both have that abrasive screeching tone to their voices that make dogs whimper and hide under the porch.

Bill E Pilgrim August 4, 2009 at 4:14 am

I liked her better in her 60s and 70s persona:

Don Juanquete August 4, 2009 at 4:18 am

Why is she wearing pajamas?

Nerdalicious August 4, 2009 at 6:48 am

Love It!

Nerdalicious August 4, 2009 at 6:50 am

Lipstick must match outfit. Lipstick must match outfit.

TGY August 4, 2009 at 8:09 am

We at GHOPAC (Gigolos and Hos PAC) are saddened when one of our brethren or sistren makes a fool of him- or herself in the ‘political’ arena. Come home, Orly! The noble arms of our shared profession open wide to welcome you back. Also, we have some makeup and hair artists than can help your business prospects.

DoctorCulturae August 4, 2009 at 8:51 am

I don’t understand. If your taintz are orly, just get out some soap and wash them.

KilgoreTrout_XL August 4, 2009 at 9:40 am

These people should be given all the goddammed airtime they want, so that the southern GOP can continue to quietly agree with and promote them.

I believe it was Thomas Jefferson who once said “Let’s give them just enough dildo to fuck themselves with.”

Crazybroad August 4, 2009 at 10:02 am

I feel bad for her, sorta. I mean, you’ve got to know you’re nuts when even Ann Coulter and Karl Rove won’t sign onto your bullshit wingnut theories.

boose August 4, 2009 at 10:14 am

I’m tellin’ ya, Orly is the Ted Haggard of birthers. The lady doth protest, etc. Hmm, I wonder how I could get standing to subpoena her immigration application materials. I’m pretty sure there is something illigitamint about them. Perhaps the forensic experts at Wonkette could take a crack at those.

momus August 4, 2009 at 10:48 am

Is Orly a transvestite, pre- or post-op transexual? Discuss

iolanthe August 4, 2009 at 10:48 am

Why do Russian women so often dress like cracked-out Tranny hookers and/or middle-aged Lolitas?

This is a horrid generalization. But it’s based on actual observation.

Here in LA, I can recognize a gaggle of Russian Cougars from 1/4 mile away. They’re the middle-aged women in the Jimmy Choo shoes, dressed like wedding cakes, or like RuPaul, or Lady GaGa, or Katy Perry on More Drugs, or like girls headed for their First Communion, or all of the above, simultaneously.

Compared to them, Anna Nicole Smith and Amy Winehouse look as classy as Lauren Bacall.

One of my doctors is a really nice Russian woman, funny and warm, curvy and slightly more zaftig than our cultural ideal, about 60 (like me). But she dresses like Betty Boop, if Betty was out turning tricks. Kind of terrifying. The thought of looking like that, especially at our age, made me throw out my animal prints and go buy sensible shoes and tops with higher necklines.

Any theories? (Besides the one about me being a catty bitch. I’m already aware of that.)

TGY August 4, 2009 at 11:22 am

[re=377726]iolanthe[/re]: You are only somewhat off. They apply makeup like women *used* to apply it in the US. It just happens that the ORLY person goes a bit overboard. However, good taste has never been a characteristic of Russian culture since the Revolution. Nor has it been part of American culture, either. It just happens our bad tastes don’t agree with each other.

Woodwards Friend August 4, 2009 at 11:27 am

I’ve heard she was born in communist Russia. Where’s your birth certificate Orly Taitz?

iolanthe August 4, 2009 at 11:37 am

[re=377758]TGY[/re]: As in “with a trowel”? Yep. Thinking back to the so-called hotties on the original Star Trek, or on Petticoat Junction, or anywhere in the world of vintage country music, you have a point. It took the cultural revolution of the late 1960s through 1970s to get us to lay down our makeup trowels, bouffant hairpieces, and teasing combs.

I’m guessing that “overdone and foofy” look started with the Gabor Sisters, who, although Hungarian expats rather than Russian expats, all but created that look.

Rorgg August 4, 2009 at 3:05 pm

[re=377416]Oldskool[/re]: Really? Two is all you could get out of THAT?

You ain’t trying very hard.

flyingspaghettimonster August 4, 2009 at 3:26 pm

is Oily Taintz kinda like Santorum, but for the ladies?

tiger August 4, 2009 at 4:31 pm

So now Madonna’s an ATTORNEY in Tel Aviv?? WTF?!!

Madge Dishvasser August 4, 2009 at 7:19 pm

Wood b gud contest vas is ur fak birfday nam … ? Orly Taitz lready took.

bagosaltedratdiks August 4, 2009 at 7:23 pm

Orly Taintz:

“It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin..”



pants of doom August 5, 2009 at 10:59 am

I watched it all. Ok. ok. OK? ok. ok. OKAY. ok. ok? OK! OK…ok. ok. (also)

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