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Heroic provider of truths Orly Taitz went on television’s MSNBC channel this afternoon to discuss her latest proof that Obama is black. Heavens to Betsy! This is too classic. It must be performance art — Arianna Huffington applying a heavy spray-tan and a Marilyn Monroe wig, channeling her days as a Republican congressman’s wife. “LEE-sten to me! LEE-sten LEE-sten, Tahm-ron!” Ha ha! NOW THE IMPORTANT PART: Time for a photo contest!

First, check out this inspirational tips submission from operative “pepsicoke555,” who writes, “i just want to be respected by someone for something.”

So: can you, dear reader, PRODUCE A REAL IMAGE of Barack Obama’s REAL birth certificate? Be creative with those guidelines, and submit your CERTIFIED DOC-U-MINTS to tips@wonkette.com, subject line “ACTUAL LEGAL PROOF THAT SARA K. SMITH IS BLACK,” by 1:00 p.m. Tuesday. We will apply a Weigel-esque discriminating eye to decide “which ones are real.”

[YouTube]

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189 COMMENTS

  1. I turned it off when the holocaust references started.

    Did they pick this woman to represent their cause? Or did she volunteer?

  2. Waiting, to smash in their windows & kick in their doors
    Waiting, to follow the worms
    CuCuCachew, She is out of the ballpark Batshit Crazy
    Here story is orally tainted.

  3. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I just wish the birthers would at least settle on one theory. Some say that he was born in Kenya, which wouldn’t matter anyways, since his mother was American, making him a natural born citizen.

    Others say he might have been born in the U.S. but that doesn’t matter because his dad was a Kenyan, which disqualifies him from being a natural-born citizen (it doesn’t).

    And then there are people who say he was a natural born citizen until his mother remarried to an Indonesian, which magically made Obama an Indonesian too, or some similarly retarded theory.

    Birfers, please settle amongst yourselves which theory you’d like to use and get back to us.

  4. So the head of the Birther movement is an offensive crazy lady from Tel Aviv? Everytime I think the wingnuts have hit bottom they get the shovel out and dig deeper.

  5. $20 says she likes to tell people their horoscope even if they don’t give a fuck and that she has a Yorkshire terrier with painted claws.

  6. “…refused to come to the studio, because of a Muslim-sounding name…of the driver…”

    Someone please ware Orly, not to travel to DC! Muslins control all the parking and good nightclubs….

  7. It’s all kind of an Elke Sommer, Tammy Fae Baker, Seka, dementia moment for me. Which means
    I’m showing my age, and also probably my penis.

  8. [re=377283]FunkyPalmettoBug[/re]: You think you have it rough? Imagine how the fake blondes and spray-on tan enthusiasts feel. They already have low enough self-esteem as it is.

  9. Co-workers response to this video: She’s Borat! Its a joke right, she is not real. She can’t be.

    I for one agree and can’t wait for the movie to come out. Then all the gullible slobs who believed she was a real person (as opposed to an alien from Uranus) will start suing “her”. Good thing “she” is a “lawyer”

  10. [re=377305]Mull_Man[/re]: “I pledge allegiance to the taints of the united space of adipose, to the lipids of which it’s made, one smear, undistinguished, with grease and skidmarks for all.”

  11. Attorney, dentist, realtor, birther, TV show oddity, probably a beard for some Republican closet case– how does she find the time to fit it all into a day?

  12. [re=377321]ScubaDew[/re]: A friend of mine joked about her Colbert report clip: “Why is she wearing my grandmother’s drapes?”

  13. [re=377288]pdiddycornchips[/re]: She’s from OC. As in Orange County. As in right-wing suburbanites with an airport named after John Wayne.
    Dentist, Lawyer, Real Estate Agent. And recently, entertainer.

  14. [re=377299]Servo[/re]: no one is going to take that bet, I wager.

    [re=377360]BadKitty[/re]: oily taints. exactly. sooo John Waters with a essence of commie red.

  15. “He is illegitimate to be President” is my favorite line and she’s repeated it a thousand times. I love it that she doesn’t have a single person near her that knows or is willing to tell her that that ain’t English.

  16. Did she claim Obama had multiple Social Security Numbers? WTF does this have to do with his birth certificate and why didn’t the fucking FBI discover this when they did a background check on him? These fuckwits can’t stick to one looney theory – everyday they are throwing another crazy idea.

  17. Why aren’t there more fake Kenyan birth certificates? We could really stimulate the economy by getting these mouthbreathers to sign over their SS checks to get their grubby mitts on the smoking gun, and all it would take is photoshop and some quality document distressing. Just print it out, let your baby play with it and then it’s off to FreeRepublic to make yourself a quick hundy or two. Don’t make me throw down the gauntlet at SomethingAwful, this is something the Wonketeers should be engaging in, not the goons. Get to work, people!

  18. Schuster: Please tell us about integrity.

    Orly: You are worse than the holocaust! Stop talking! No wire hangers! NO WIRE HANGERS!!!

  19. Is that a dead possum on her head, or what?! And has anybody ever seen Orly Taitz and Sacha Baron Cohen in the same room? Curious penguins want to know!

  20. Oh this one’s an enemy made in heaven — as if Coulter weren’t heavenly enough. Keep it up, schweetheart. We’ll need a second 4 years to recover from the last 8.

  21. [re=377399]Dreamer[/re]: I suspect one already has, but this is a growth industry! We shouldn’t be letting the Nigerians corner the market on these people, it’s time we Americans stood up and started making something in this country again. The time is now, Wonketteers. Fire up your PhotoShops and make this country great again by selling fake birth certificates to racist idiots.

  22. [re=377248]zhubajie[/re]: Not tights – Tah Eats!

    Me, I read it and thought it was t’aints, as in the South Carolina lingo, T’aint so.

    But Orly does have a point about the Coulter criticism. If a nutter calls you crazy, that does not make it so?

  23. [re=377253]wrytoast[/re]: I’m not sure anything on Orly Taitz is real. Except for the shrill of her voice, she looks an awful lot like a transvestite.

  24. “Both parents have to be U.S. citizens.” This is a new tact for the bircerferticket folks and it’s utter bullshit. She needs to do some fact-checking with Lou Dobbs, who’s in a dither because, in fact, neither has to be a U.S. citizen.

  25. [re=377402]johnnypantalones[/re]: I somehow think the fake birth certificate is made by some clever libtard making fun of these idiots. Just look at the clever “mistakes”. But I agree with you we should try something.

  26. Having (a) graduated from a real, live ABA-accredited law school and (b) taken and passed the bar exam in a state that doesn’t allow graduates of places like William Howard Taft U. Law School, Abraham Lincoln U. Law School, Aristotle University Institute of Law and Jurisprudence, University of Silicon Valley Law School, and John William University School of Law to take the bar exam, I would just like to say to Dr. Dentist Oily Taints, J.D., D.D.S.:

    Fuck you.

  27. [re=377405]Jukesgrrl[/re]:
    The Gong Show, where she was quickly gonged by the fast-acting Jamie Farr.
    A bit late but…How about them Pens?

  28. The Doctor walked into the examination room with a grim countenance. He looked me directly in the eye and said “I’m afraid you’ve contracted an Orly Taitz.”
    God, that lady filibusters something fierce. Kind of like Liz Cheney. The GOP’s death is becoming exceedingly ugly.

  29. Even if you went back in time and shoved their face in Mama Obama’s crotch as he was coming through the birth canal…
    For fuck’s sake…WFC!

  30. Chief Editor Korir will be releasing the real birf certificate any day now. Unless the big money boys shut him down again.

  31. [re=377249]Godot[/re]: Except she’s Moldovan, which is like being Russian but with worse teeth.

    Take heed, all you guys who sign up for Russian/Ukrainian Bride Tours and think you’re gonna find the love of your life in Moscow, or Omsk, or even Chisinau: They’ll all look like Orly by the time they hit 45, and they’re only after your munnies anyway.

    Even by the low standards of the California Bar, she’s an embarrassment to the profession.

  32. [re=377434]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Don’t forget the Hollywood Upstairs Law School (directly adjacent to the Hollywood Upstairs Medical School made famous by Dr. Nick Riviera)

  33. Meh, I’d work on a photo, but I’m all tuckered out with adobe after banging out a birth certificate for some loon from Arizona. Besides, I’m a little busy responding to a request for my checking account routing number from the Bank of the Republic of Congo.

  34. [re=377440]Nasi Goreng[/re]: HAHAHA! But the date is wrong – his birthday is August 4th 1961. I sense that that certficate is fake…

  35. politjab.com member has found the template doc ONLINE that was used to create the fake Kenyan BC!

    Full story with link to doc at politijab.com forum

  36. She starts off talking about a “Hospital birth certificate,” which is a momento. Neither US or state government does not accept it as valid. So right away she working from a false premise. That’s a BIG surprise.

  37. Funny, I paid this “service” for a Russian bride who liked to talk about politics while wearing false eyelashes, but after the check was cashed she never wrote back.

    Orly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  38. From the OC Weekly June 17, 2009, on-line article:
    “[Orly] Taitz smiled and pontificated in her Eastern European accent about the clerks of the Supreme Court whom she believed had been sabotaging her lawsuits.'” [“Clerks of the Supreme Court” is code for personal psychiatrists, unless Our Miss Rosa Kleb — ironically, a sitcom of the 195Os in Russia — means the Supreme Court of the constellation Ursa Minor]

    More at: http://www.ocweekly.com/2009-06-18/news/orly-taitz/1

  39. Seriously gang, go easy on Orly…she’s filling the void left in our daily diet of political fruit-cakery since the departure of Ex-AKGov Sarah Palin

  40. The birthers are so fucking retarded that they can’t even get a real American to be their mouthpiece. It’s like having Latka conducting the prosecution at the Clinton impeachment. It’s embarrassing.

    I’m gonna bust that bitch upside the head with a plate ‘o hummus.

  41. Me thinks Swift Boater Jerome Corsi is behind this. He visited Kenya last year…remember, and got kicked out. Then he joined up with the Paultards, the uberlunatic fringe. Corsi=Orly.

  42. [re=377503]aleks[/re]: Does that mean Lou Dobbs is Mr. Big?

    Has anyone considered that Orly is calling in from Israel, the forged artifacts capital of the world? There are guys there who will sell you the Ark of the Covenant for $100. Can we expect a pristine document from someone named “Taintz”? No, because she is a wild and crazy guy!

  43. Wait a minute…wait a god-damned minute. That’s the LEADER of the birthers? I never really paid much attention to the whole thing. I mean why pay attention to something that’s nuts? But now, now that I watched this…all I can ask is THAT’S THEIR FUCKING LEADER??? People follow her? I mean really…this is some kind of joke right? She’s a fucking cross between Yakov Smirnoff and a meth addled ferret!

    I can’t take much more of this.

  44. [re=377557]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: If aliens landed in birther territory and said “take us to your leader,” they would meet Orly Taintz.

    I CAN HAZ SITCOM?!?!?//??

  45. [re=377557]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]:

    HEY!!

    I have a meth addled ferret that thinks it’s Hunter Thompson and is always gtrying to gnaw on my skull.

    I resent that!!

  46. [re=377457]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Isn’t that the fake country they went to in Dynasty about season 5 where everyone got attacked at the wedding?

  47. Only in America can an illegal, teabagging alien called Oily Tits, get airtime by raping a tanning bed and questioning the President’s citizenship, in a Birther accent.

  48. Birthers, what do you *really* know about Ms. Taitz? Did you know your very own “leader” is not a natural-born citizen, but hails from the former Soviet Union? Have you considered the very strong possibility that as a child she was programmed by the Soviets (even her own autobiographical materials allude to the communist brainwashing of youth) to help bring about, at the opportune time, a dastardly effort to create the fall of an American President and the demise of the greatest nation on earth? The heirs to the Soviet Master Plan may well be snickering with glee at you, as you innocently, and fatally, turn your allegiance from the United States…to a Soviet plant.

  49. Ooh No. If you’ll excuse me for a couple days, I think I’ve located my mail-order bride. …(why the fuck is she in Tel Aviv again? G-d help me)

  50. In 2006, Orly Taitz, dentist Laguna Niguel CA gave $500 to Friends of Joe Lieberman. Orty Taitz (sic), dentist, Laguna Niguel gave $1,000 to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee.

    http://www.newsmeat.com/fec/bystate_detail.php?city=Laguna+Niguel&st=CA&last=taitz

    Eeeeenteresting.

    It seems to be Orly’s husband, Yosef “Yosi” Taitz, who is discussed at length in the book THE INFO MESA by Edward Regis, beginning on page 122. Sounds like a smart guy…and at one point the book says he “could even be called jolly.”

    http://books.google.com/books?id=txTbgtUbJRgC&pg=PA122#v=onepage&q=&f=false

  51. [re=377401]ScubaDew[/re]: I have honestly wondered something similar… is it possible that this is a vast left-wing conspiracy to make republitards look tardy? It’s just too outrageous. Orly? O RLY? Taints? And she’s an online-lawyer dentist? I think even Sasha BC could not make this stuff up.

  52. 6 minutes of my life I can never have back, damn it–though I enjoyed the audible guffaw in the background at 5:24-5:25, when the subject of the possibly Muslim driver came up.

  53. If this is someone’s idea of a joke, I’m calling for a Nobel, at least.

    Also, that woman is totally a drug addict, and I should know.

  54. You’re all laughing now, but when Orly opens her dinner theater in Branson, MO, next to Yakov Smirnoff’s, and starts packing the rubes in for 3 shows a day, she will be laughing all the way to the bank.

  55. Shuster looked/sounded like he was getting a little PO’d with Dr. Taitz ESQ, attorney at law and real estate agent and communist spy. If not for Tameron, we’d of had some Jew on Jew violence we haven’t seen since the 900 BCE.

  56. Hey, wait. At one point she said “I do not care about Ann Coulter,” which means she said at least one thing we can ALL agree with her about.

  57. I got as far as hearing her blather something about “journalistic integrity” and then collapsed into a giggle fit. I wanted to watch more, but I just can’t.

    Aren’t these the fuckwits that hounded Rather from the air, never to be heard from again, for not vetting a document?

    Stunning, really.

  58. [re=377461]Hieronymus Botch[/re]: If you pronounce her first name like that, and her last name like the teevee dude, you have what I am pretty sure could be called false advertising.

  59. [re=377580]schvitzatura[/re]: Perfect! They both have that abrasive screeching tone to their voices that make dogs whimper and hide under the porch.

  60. We at GHOPAC (Gigolos and Hos PAC) are saddened when one of our brethren or sistren makes a fool of him- or herself in the ‘political’ arena. Come home, Orly! The noble arms of our shared profession open wide to welcome you back. Also, we have some makeup and hair artists than can help your business prospects.

  61. These people should be given all the goddammed airtime they want, so that the southern GOP can continue to quietly agree with and promote them.

    I believe it was Thomas Jefferson who once said “Let’s give them just enough dildo to fuck themselves with.”

  62. I feel bad for her, sorta. I mean, you’ve got to know you’re nuts when even Ann Coulter and Karl Rove won’t sign onto your bullshit wingnut theories.

  63. I’m tellin’ ya, Orly is the Ted Haggard of birthers. The lady doth protest, etc. Hmm, I wonder how I could get standing to subpoena her immigration application materials. I’m pretty sure there is something illigitamint about them. Perhaps the forensic experts at Wonkette could take a crack at those.

  64. Why do Russian women so often dress like cracked-out Tranny hookers and/or middle-aged Lolitas?

    This is a horrid generalization. But it’s based on actual observation.

    Here in LA, I can recognize a gaggle of Russian Cougars from 1/4 mile away. They’re the middle-aged women in the Jimmy Choo shoes, dressed like wedding cakes, or like RuPaul, or Lady GaGa, or Katy Perry on More Drugs, or like girls headed for their First Communion, or all of the above, simultaneously.

    Compared to them, Anna Nicole Smith and Amy Winehouse look as classy as Lauren Bacall.

    One of my doctors is a really nice Russian woman, funny and warm, curvy and slightly more zaftig than our cultural ideal, about 60 (like me). But she dresses like Betty Boop, if Betty was out turning tricks. Kind of terrifying. The thought of looking like that, especially at our age, made me throw out my animal prints and go buy sensible shoes and tops with higher necklines.

    Any theories? (Besides the one about me being a catty bitch. I’m already aware of that.)

  65. [re=377726]iolanthe[/re]: You are only somewhat off. They apply makeup like women *used* to apply it in the US. It just happens that the ORLY person goes a bit overboard. However, good taste has never been a characteristic of Russian culture since the Revolution. Nor has it been part of American culture, either. It just happens our bad tastes don’t agree with each other.

  66. [re=377758]TGY[/re]: As in “with a trowel”? Yep. Thinking back to the so-called hotties on the original Star Trek, or on Petticoat Junction, or anywhere in the world of vintage country music, you have a point. It took the cultural revolution of the late 1960s through 1970s to get us to lay down our makeup trowels, bouffant hairpieces, and teasing combs.

    I’m guessing that “overdone and foofy” look started with the Gabor Sisters, who, although Hungarian expats rather than Russian expats, all but created that look.

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