LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS  11:03 am August 3, 2009

Palin Lawyer Will Take Complaint Straight To Some Blogger’s Kindergarten Classroom If Necessary

by Sara K. Smith

But think of the children!Still no word on whether or not that whole “OMG Sarah and Todd are getting divorced” thing is any more true than the whole “OMG Palin is resigning because she’s under federal investigation” thing. Will these sorts of rumors fall into the same bucket as “Dick Cheney resigning as VP due to Libby/war crimes/etc. and will be replaced by Condi Rice,” or will they eventually be proven as factual as “John Edwards enjoyed boning dippy videographer while wife had cancer”? Time will tell! But in the meantime, here is a delightful letter from ex-governor Palin’s lawyer, offering to frighten a room full of little children because a blogger was spreading rumors about Sarah Palin’s marriage. [AlaskaReport]

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norbizness August 3, 2009 at 11:07 am

It’s better than the first draft, which read “please tell me the location of the kindergarten where you teach so that we may burn it to the ground and salt the earth where it stood, thou foul unbeliever.”

loquaciousmusic August 3, 2009 at 11:08 am

The first attorney’s name on that letterhead is “Clapp.”

Hehe. AlaskaReport has the Clapp.

thefrontpage August 3, 2009 at 11:13 am

Everyone knows that Sarah Palin is divorcing that hunter-fisherman guy to marry Larry Craig!

It’s no secret that Palin and Craig have been in love for years, and are just crazy about each other!

Palin even told Craig that if they get married, she’ll take his name and work at his new consulting firm, Wide Stance Consulting.

Terry August 3, 2009 at 11:16 am

Palin’s lawyer is got a cash cow here if they’re going to threaten to sue everyone thinks poorly of Sarah.

rambone August 3, 2009 at 11:16 am

In defense of Johns Edwards, it’s like his wife ALWAYS has cancer. I mean, get over it already lady! HENGHHH?

Don Juanquete August 3, 2009 at 11:17 am

Silly lawyer. Teachable moments are done at beer summits, not kindergartens.

hobospacejunkie August 3, 2009 at 11:19 am

How ’bout in honor of the troops you quit suing everything that moves. Or, better yet, move to the UK, where they’ve institionalized thin skin and you can sue people all day every day and be taken seriously.

Bypartizoa August 3, 2009 at 11:22 am

I PRAY that these are the same advisers who will run her campaign.

coastingdownhill August 3, 2009 at 11:23 am

Signed “Thomas Van Flein, for Governor Sarah Palin.”

Did she unquit?

TGY August 3, 2009 at 11:28 am

If you don’t stop this nonsense, I will definitely turn this Intarwebs around.

Words August 3, 2009 at 11:30 am


And another lawyer named “Moran” hehe.

Cape Clod August 3, 2009 at 11:31 am

Palin’s desire to sue anyone who says or thinks unkind things about her is probably the result of her relationship with Greta Van Susteren. Leave it to a Xenu follower recommend civil charges as a way to shut people up.

Serolf Divad August 3, 2009 at 11:35 am

Dear Mr. Flein:

Thank you for your thoughtful letter. As for the summons: please wrap it in one of Trig’s soiled diapers (BM) and eat it. Then, when you’ve shat it out, eat it again. The place it on your fireplace mantle, next to the urn that holds the ashes of your embarrassed ancestors.

Thank you very much,
Yours Truly: Amendment One.

x111e7thst August 3, 2009 at 11:36 am

Sarah and Todd are Splitsville..

T Van Flein for
Governor Sarah Palin

boinggg August 3, 2009 at 11:36 am

So, has Palin followed through with the threat to sue the National Enquier?


gurukalehuru August 3, 2009 at 11:37 am

Sarah Palin
is screamin and flailin
and threatenin to sue
that blogger guy from Alaska Report
and David Letterman, too
Knocked-up, meth, guns, Trig, divorce
be careful what you text
if you offend the Arctic Queen
you know you might be next

boinggg August 3, 2009 at 11:41 am

My bad….that was Steve Schmidt from the McCain campaign who threatened legal action against the Enquirer. He wouldn’t care now if she were run down by a moose.

Sussemilch August 3, 2009 at 11:41 am

So she’s unemployed with thirteen kids named after farm implements and she chased away her husband the snowmobile racer. Yeah, that sounds like Vice Presidential material.

teebob2000 August 3, 2009 at 11:46 am

Wasn’t that in “Kindergarten Cop?”

“It’s not a rumor!”

lee hussein oswald August 3, 2009 at 11:47 am

paging Dr. Howard, Dr. Flein, Dr. Howard…

SayItWithWookies August 3, 2009 at 11:49 am

Newsflash: Sarah Palin descended from apes. This is a fact. You heard it here first, people!

JamesMichaelCurley August 3, 2009 at 11:49 am

All snarkiness aside, this is a dangerous law suit. Since Palin quit as Gov, if she prevails with the concept she is no longer a ‘public figure’ the whole first amendment issue changes and said ‘blogger’, ‘journalist’ or whatever is left with only one defense, the truth.

The US Supremes have never defined when a ‘public figure’ ceases to be one. vis-a-vis the First Amendment protection against slander and libel.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 3, 2009 at 11:49 am

[re=376642]Serolf Divad[/re]: Infinite scatalogical win.

magic titty August 3, 2009 at 11:51 am

[re=376629]coastingdownhill[/re]: Once a governor, always a governor. Just like for presidents, porn stars, and crackheads.

Chet Kincaid August 3, 2009 at 11:51 am

Oh I see, this is how lawyers get all up in your business when they send threatening letters:

“Please let me know whether you want your summons served at the adult bookstore you frequent, or when you are examining your purchases while ‘getting ready for work’ in the locked bathroom at your residence.”

“Please let me know if you’d like your summons slipped into the waistband of your ex-wife’s undergarments, while you are sleeping in them, as you customarily do, at your residence.”

“Please let me know if you want your summons served by ‘To Catch a Predator’ host Chris Hansen and a cameraperson while you teach your Sunday School class at Ascension Lutheran Church, or at your residence.”

totoro August 3, 2009 at 11:52 am

I would respond by letting them know exactly what kind of service I like.

I cannot wait until Wonkette gets it’s very own threat letter from the fearsome Clapp law firm.

germansteel August 3, 2009 at 11:54 am

Just don’t interrupt if he’s reading “My Pet Goat” to the kids. That would really upset the little tykes.

El Pinche August 3, 2009 at 11:55 am

Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry

sara_palin August 3, 2009 at 11:56 am

First of all, Mr’s. and Mrs’es. Smarty-pantses, I get to use the title “Governor” forever because I once was one. It’s like those old President guys, Carter and what’s his name, that other old guy. That goes for Vice Presidentses too, so stick it in yer craw and choke on it.

Secondly, Todd and me are NOT divorcing. We just need some time apart to sort things out. So what if we’ll now be living 6,000 miles apart? This is the world’s business HOW? Oh, like none of YOU ever had affairs or were desecrated with ethics charges. Did you know my little guy Trog is special needs? I didn’t think so.

Thirdly, I have asked my attorney to draw up subpeenas and those other legal-type things and such to serve on Ms. Wonkett at the tanning bed/nail spa emporium where she “works.” Yeah that’s right, we know all about everybody on the whole Internets and will be getting around to ALL OF YOU in due time. Real Americans who support the troops are so over you socialist hippies it makes us all sick. Now watch this drive.

noodleman August 3, 2009 at 11:57 am

@JamesMichaelCurley: I don’t think the “public figure” aspect evaporates the day after one resigns from public office. She is still a public figure, more so if she continues to speak-for-hire in public about public policy.

lionboy August 3, 2009 at 11:57 am

Remember kids, when you hear the rifles go off, duck and cover, OK?

DoctorCulturae August 3, 2009 at 11:57 am

[re=376666]Chet Kincaid[/re]: Or how would you like your hemlock served to you?

WadISay August 3, 2009 at 11:58 am

Dear Attorney Van Flein:

This is to inform you that I have been designated as agent for service of process on The Immoral Minority. Thank you and have a nice day.

Your Descending Colon

P.S., The dicks you had yesterday were delicious!

Hopey dont play that game August 3, 2009 at 11:59 am

The suit specifies damages at two juice boxes, an unopened box of cheddar bunnies, and the complete first season of Yo Gabba Gabba on DVD.

DangerousLiberal August 3, 2009 at 11:59 am

Growing up in Anchorage, you couldn’t swing a dead cat at high noon at 4th Ave and L street without hitting three lawyers. Unless you missed the first time, but on the second go you could get five.

The lawyer in the threat is just another typical loudmouth Anchorage lawyer who equates passing the bar exam with getting annointed by god. Let him try to serve papers on a kindergarten aid–if the kids don’t tear him limb from limb, the parents will.

Humpback August 3, 2009 at 11:59 am

[re=376663]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: If she is signing her threats as “Governor Palin”, she will be hard-pressed to deny that she is a public figure.

Country Club Jihadi August 3, 2009 at 11:59 am

My response would be covered in every last booger I could harvest from that kindergarden class, and decorated with hand a turkey sporting a giant middle feather.

Country Club Jihadi August 3, 2009 at 12:02 pm

And the bag of dick I would send would come with graham crackers and milk.

Roger the Shrubber August 3, 2009 at 12:04 pm

I didn’t know that Lionel Hutz was still practicing.

DangerousLiberal August 3, 2009 at 12:05 pm

[re=376663]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: Reporting that someone may be getting a divorce is not per se derogatory. But it is per se funny.

bitchincamaro August 3, 2009 at 12:06 pm

van Flein is Flemish for “ambulance chasing panty waste”.

finallyhappy August 3, 2009 at 12:08 pm

So is she paying these losers to sue everyone who has said bad things about her somewhere on line-? -because I called her stupid racist white trash. Of course that is a proven fact so she has no basis.

finallyhappy August 3, 2009 at 12:09 pm

[re=376692]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Per Se- isn’t that some fancy restaurant in the librul part of California??

smartypants August 3, 2009 at 12:16 pm

Jesus Christ.

bumfug August 3, 2009 at 12:18 pm

She needs to show a sense of humor by getting Shatner to read the divorce petition to Todd.

ummm August 3, 2009 at 12:21 pm

by the way, where is sarah palin’s long form birth certificate?

CorkPopper August 3, 2009 at 12:21 pm

[re=376674]sara_palin[/re]: Well Sarah, in the spirit of the grammar nazi commenters of the previous post, I must correct you. Yes, you get to be called Governor for life, even though you didn’t even finish your first term, you stupid twit. But there is SUPPOSED to be only one person called “President” and that’s the person currently holding the office. Our Founders said so, even though the media ignores them. But you know them, always makin’ stuff up and all.

Chet Kincaid August 3, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=376667]totoro[/re]: “…from the fearsome Clapp law firm.”

The Fearsome Clapp? Didn’t they do that song in that “Magic Jesus” movie that ends with the Beatles submerged in a big yellow bus filled with animal dookie? Or was that the acoustic number about syphilis on “The Yes Album”?

S.Luggo August 3, 2009 at 12:38 pm

Rumor: Sarah & Todd are staying together for the sake of the moose.

Carrie_Okie August 3, 2009 at 12:44 pm

[re=376642]Serolf Divad[/re]: haha, I almost had to ‘splain my LOLZ to coworkers.

Mahousu August 3, 2009 at 12:47 pm

So is Thomas Van Flein the lawyer she’s been spending “millions” on to defend her from various charges? Because if so, well, she might want to shop around a little more.

Incidentally, I see that Van Flein kind of forgot that it’s Daylight Savings Time in Alaska now.

Jumping Jim August 3, 2009 at 12:48 pm

In other news, Kate Gosselin is planning a run for Governor of Pennsylvania.

smartypants August 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm

Bored, bored, bored.

Still no funnies about teh crazy Orly Taitz Kenyan Birfers.

WIld Turkey August 3, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=376692]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Good point. What reasonable person would think less of someone for divorcing Todd (or Sarah for that matter).

President Beeblebrox August 3, 2009 at 12:51 pm

[re=376704]ummm[/re]: The same place that the two completely and thoroughly genuine Obama Kenyan Burth Sertyfikates which have magically appeared in the last couple of days came from, both of which appear to have been forged to play the birfers.

I’m starting to think that Eric Cantor may have been right, that the birfer controversy was devised by someone on the Dem side to make the tattered remnants of the GOP look like the crazed wingnuts they are…

V572625694 August 3, 2009 at 1:01 pm

[re=376701]smartypants[/re]: Praise Him!

smartypants August 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=376725]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Thank you! Let the funnies begin….

trondant August 3, 2009 at 1:09 pm

[re=376680]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: The suit slut specifies damages at two juice boxes, an unopened box of cheddar bunnies, and the complete first season of Yo Gabba Gabba on DVD.

smartypants August 3, 2009 at 1:10 pm

[re=376733]V572625694[/re]: Joe Biden!

Buttery1000 August 3, 2009 at 1:16 pm

Bloggers are the textbook definition of “deep pocket” defendants. They also are very likely to carry insurance for intentional torts — such as defamation with malice as element would be — that cover their acts in blogging.

Also, threatening to serve a complaint and summons on somebody at the kindergarten is definitely not creepy at all.

Accordion-o-rama August 3, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Perhaps she’s been lulled by the poor cognitive skills of her base. If she takes her case to such a sophisticated audience (kindergarteners), she’ll be laughed out of class.

President Beeblebrox August 3, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=376734]smartypants[/re]: Let’s start with the fact that the registrar on the gen-u-wine sertyfikut, one “E.F. Lavender”, is apparently a brand of laundry detergent.

I was able to find the link easily last night on the Googles, but since then the term has been linkspammed so much, and has appeared on over 9000 wingnut blogs, that the link has been lost to obscurity.

Terry August 3, 2009 at 1:38 pm


She gave a talk for the NRA yesterday. Girlfriend is a public figure.

thefrontpage August 3, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Sarah Palin was not born on this planet!

We have an actual birth certificate from Planet Zorg in the Graxellian Solar System in the Moronix Nebula clearly showing that Palin was born on Planet Zorg.

Scandalabra August 3, 2009 at 1:55 pm

I wish Sarah Palin’s very existence had turned out to be just a rumor.

Uncle Al August 3, 2009 at 2:02 pm

This guy is such a loser, he lives in Alaska. But he thinks a cheap stunt like this will somehow be a Perry Mason moment that makes him famous. Dude, you live in Alaska. It’s the worst state of all. Even North Dakotans and Alabamanians can get on a plane and be someplace decent in a couple hours. You’d have to travel all day just to escape the sucky place where you have chosen to live.

BlueStateLibtard August 3, 2009 at 3:06 pm

The best thing this guy could do is get a publicity-hungry lawyer and have it go to court. Then his lawyer would be able question the Palins about anything relating to their marriage. There’s no way he would lose the case, since she’s a public figure and she’d have to prove actual malice on his part, which is nearly impossible. That would teach Ms. Sue-Everyone a lesson or two.

jesusbutter August 3, 2009 at 4:02 pm

[re=376642]Serolf Divad[/re]: I wet myself a little upon reading that. Thank you.

DangerousLiberal August 3, 2009 at 4:36 pm

[re=376696]finallyhappy[/re]: Yeah, in Marin County. Run by hippies. Say what you want about their clothes, the make a wicked iced tea.

LittlePig August 3, 2009 at 5:08 pm

[re=376801]thefrontpage[/re]: Jeez man! Don’t let that slip out – she’ll plant the spider eggs in your eyes!

house of the blue lights August 3, 2009 at 6:02 pm

This almost makes me want to get a Twitter account so I can trash Sarah Palin and get my 15 minutes of fame. Commenting on Wonkette is not doing the job.

Schmannity August 3, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Meanwhile, Larry The Cable Guy refused to comment on his wife’s accusations that Sarah was the “other woman” who ruined her hillbilly heaven.

WesternCorrespondent August 3, 2009 at 8:31 pm

[re=376681]DangerousLiberal[/re]: The progressive bloggers in Alaska have noted that there ARE some competent honest lawyers in Alaska, but like so many other folks who move up from the lower-48, some lawyers have migrated up to Alaska to get away from a “previous life”, such as a lawsuit gone bad and getting fired, or the threat of disbarment, or a number of angry clients…

[re=376721]Mahousu[/re]: He also forgot it’s summer, thus even kindergarten is “out” and the kids are at the beach or visiting Grammy and Grandpa.

And he also forgot it was Saturday in summer.


Accordion-o-rama August 6, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Accordion-o-rama August 6, 2009 at 6:48 pm

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