Wonkette
- The remains of a Gulf War pilot who went missing at the very beginning of Operation Desert Storm in 1991 have finally been recovered. [ABC News]
- Oh god oh god the government might transfer some Guantanamo prisoners to our Native Soil, where they can bomb innocent civilians from their maximum-security prisons. [Washington Post]
- The “cash for clunkers” program has been so successful that Republicans would like to end it immediately. [AP]
- The big beneficiary of the “turn in your shitty car for hot dollars” scheme: Ford Motor Company, which saw an uptick in monthly sales for the first time since the Edsel was taken off the line. [Bloomberg]
- Summer movie ticket sales are the suck this year, perhaps because summer movies have sucked so much. [USA Today]
- Get psyched for Return of the Swine Flu, coming as soon as late August to a human disease vector near you. [UPI]
“Public health experts say people might be asked to stay away from crowded areas for up to four months to keep spread of H1N1 to a minimum.”
But if we all move to Alaska to escape from the crowded then Alaska will be crowded; now my head hurts and I’m going to cry.
The Germans instituted a cash for clunkers program a while back and apparently it helped quite a bit. But, you know, if there doing it in Europe, it must be
SOCIALISM!!!
*gasp*
All this shit about the socialists is making me ANTI-social.
Actually, I’m just pissed cuz Mom turned in my shaggin’ wagon for the meth money. Say what you will about her morals, but she makes a mean bathtub speed.
It’s Monday night in Japan and I just have to warn the rest of you in the later time zones: Monday didn’t turn out too well. Give it a miss and see what you’ve got on TiVo.
I haven’t fucked a pig since junior high, so I’ve got nothing to say about the pig aids. Ya buncha fucking creeps.
Don’t forget the soon-to-be-released Chinese summer movie: “Return of the Pneumonic Plague”.
Back in early 2003, when media outlets were falling all over themselves coming up with new reasons why there should be an invasion, poor Scott Speicher’s name came up. Missing in action…unknown fate…probable POW…we must rescue him!
Turns out he was dead the whole time, like the Iraqi gov’t said all along, and one more piece of shitty, pre-war persuasion has collapsed on itself. I’m happy for his family and all (in whatever backward way that knowing his ultimate fate might make you happy), but , man, it makes me feel even worse.
If anyone knows about taking cash for clunkers, it’s Ford.
As for the summer box office… well, I’d rather see the 500 O faces of Summer than another overhyped Judd Apatow comedy. Actually I’d rather see G-Force than another overhyped Judd Apatow movie. I’d rather be mocked and humiliated in Bruno as a “dirty wizard” than see another overhyped Judd Apatow movie starring Seth Rogen and his buddies. I’m just going to see “The Hurt Locker” instead.
ManchuCandidate: Julia and Julie- Meryl Streep and Amy Adams- two of my favorite actresses- this week!
Bah, swing flu just gives me an excuse to follow through on the remote Swiss chalet purchase as a Refuge of Nookie with that certain someone, whichever one she is. If you must be isolated, at least be isolated *with* someone. That’s my motto.
Soon the terrists will be forging certificates of live birth for themselves in the desktop publishing lab of a prison near you, and running for public office shortly after that.
p.s. silly wonkette, nearly all movies suck and have sucked since, oh, Empire Strikes Back.
For ’swing’, read ’swine’. Bit of the ol’ banana peel for the slip of the Freud, there.
Perhaps Hollywood may finally realize that even juvenile boys can get sick of the same old parade of mind-numbing comic-book shit. I wouldn’t bet on it, though.
Cash for Clunkers is an apt title for my sex life.
Servo: Coming soon, to a theater near you, “Titanic II, the Cedar Rapids Years.”
rereridiculous:
Lucky you. My program ran out of funding.
Is “Return of the Swine Flu” an upcoming August movie release?
Buy one, get two, buy two, git mo.
No, there’s no point.
We had quite the panic at my place of employment last week. Someone had contracted Pig Flu and the sorry news got out to the uneducated masses. The result was predictable mass hysteria and calls to close the buildings and send everyone home with pay - IMMEDIATELY. Now I’m all for going home with pay but the fascists I work for simply suggested we wash our hands and see a doctor if we became sick.
What kind of reaction is that? Don’t they know we are all going to die?
ManchuCandidate: “The Hurt Locker” is astonishingly good. Go now. You will not be sorry.
Seth Rogan: yuck. Judd Apatow: ditto.
Will not accept gummint funded pig vaccine as Jeebus will envelop me in his virus killing holy shroud. Or not.
The remains of a Gulf War pilot
I think I’ll refrain from an “I’d hit that” comment…this time.
I haven’t darkened the doorstep of a movie theater since I had an entire one to myself for the first Matrix sequel, which destroyed my faith in modern film.
ManchuCandidate: no no no.
Go see ‘Food Inc.’ and get your war on against Monsanto. fuck, that was a great summer movie- spoiled everyones bar-be-que.
I am so over corn syrup and CAFO meat forever, baby.
trickyrick:
Fodd, Inc. is like a continuation of King Corn.
It’s Monday. I can’t spell.
I can’t watch another CGI movie of any kind ever again. It’s like watching someone else play a video game in a thorazine stupor.
Servo: You have little, nonbending plastic hand and springs for arms. I think typos are forgivable.
I wanna know when Americans become such panicked pussies about keeping bad people in prison. I mean why doesn’t the prison industrial complex stand up for its ability to keep non-English speaking brown people incarcerated? Aren’t most of those prisons in red sections of the country where everybody is armed anyway?
finallyhappy: Though the amount of pre-release publicity the NYT is giving that movie is quite remarkable. Somebody up there loves them some Nora Ephron.
Run out and get that pig flu vaccine. It’s made by Baxter, and they know H1N1, because they ‘accidentally’ released it. Whoops! When someone spreads a disease and then markets the ‘cure’ for it, you KNOW they have your best interests at heart.
Don’t forget to drop the kids off at Pedobear’s Day Care for Sexy Little Cubs, while you’re at it.