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Get Your Free Gun Before Shit Goes Bananas!

Send lawyers, guns & money ... the shit has hit the fan.
Whoa, Newsmax, what kind of crazy are you sending us on this lazy summer afternoon? WHAT?! Famous millionaire Doctor Pizza is giving away free guns? For the coming race war? Sign us up, for FREE! Seriously go sign up and get these free guns because guess who will get them if you don’t?

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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131 comments

  1. bored with gravity

    I want a large pizza, extra cheese, but guns on just half. Hold the anchovies.

  2. memzilla

    Why do I have a feeling there’s a spiel about time-share vacation homes in Ft. Myers that comes with this?

  3. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=375825]memzilla[/re]: Aw, shit. You’re right. I really did want the handgun, too.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    “Because he wants every responsible American citizen prepared for what is coming…”

    Oh, right — and advertising on NewsMax is definitely the way to find responsible American citizens.

  5. Buzz Feedback

    That name sounds foreign. And what’s with the Saddam ‘stache? Or is he just the right-wing Matthew Lesko?

  6. Native of SL UT

    There is a funny story on the news here in Utah.
    Seems a neighborhood watch guy was shot by his neighbor, another neighborhood watch guy. +
    Kinda like gang wars, but different.

  7. magic titty

    There are real life Ignatius’s??

    I thought that was restricted to that generously proportioned fellow from that funny book.

  8. Min

    I’ll bet it’s a crappy handgun. Unless he’s giving out a Glock 9mm, I’m not interested.

  9. honkyman

    Guess who will get them if you don’t??

    The UIGHURS, that’s who. And the only thing worse than a dead Uighur is an ARMED Uighur.

  10. Extemporanus

    [re=375838]Native of SL UT[/re]: Who neighborhood watches the neighborhood watchmen?

  11. facehead

    [re=375837]Serolf Divad[/re]: My favorite:

    “In 2003, Piazza produced a documentary entitled Innocents Betrayed.[5] The purpose of this documentary was to show the point of view that, historically, gun control has been used to disarm populations for the purpose of government sponsored genocide.”

  12. slappypaddy

    do we get free bullets, too? if we don’t get free bullets, we don’t want your stinkin’ free handgun. what caliber handgun, anyway? and if it’s free, what’s this “pennies-on-the-dollar” bullshit? and we want concealed carry permits for all 50 states, plus all the territories and the district of columbia. and how do we know it’s “his own money”? can he prove that? what kind of doctor is he, anyway? he leavin’ sponges in people when he sews ‘em back up? sounds like a nigerian scam to me, or the russian mob, or maybe the ever-nefarious little dicky cheney. and fuck it, i got my own guns already anyway. plenty of bullets, too, i stocked up before the election (couldn’t tell what might happen). hell, it’s friday, time to go shoot something, make me feel better… hold still, moosey…

  13. Orcateers

    [re=375837]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    “…attended Livermore High School, where he was a varsity athlete”

    who the fuck puts this in there wikipedia profile? classic.

  14. TJBeck

    This is Not a Dream.

    You get everything you need for your first course!

    You get the Four Day Defensive Handgun Course ($2,000 Value), the 30 State CCW Course ($500 Value), All 7 Dry Practice Manuals ($280 Value), Limited Edition Stainless Steel Folding Knife with Front Sight Logo etched in it ($300 Value), Front Sight Armorer’s Bench Mat ($40 Value), Front Sight “Any Gun Will Do– If You Will Do!” Shirt ($30 Value), Front Sight logo hat ($20 Value), Front Sight Instructor Belt, Holster, Mag Pouch, Flashlight Pouch and Flashlight ($230 Value)…

    It is all included… the gear, knife, logo merchandise, dry practice manuals, even a gun cleaning mat…plus everything you need to secure permits to carry concealed in 30 States!
    That’s $3,400 in Real Value!
    So What is it Going to Cost You?

    Only $1,199.

    https://www.frontsight.com/free-gun.asp

  15. Native of SL UT

    [re=375825]memzilla[/re]: Close. It’s vaction time at his shootem up ranch.
    In 1998, a 550-acre (2.2 km2) property in Nye County, between Las Vegas, Nevada and Pahrump, Nevada, was purchased and the operation gradually moved there. This location, called “Front Sight Nevada”, provides facilities for training in firearms as well as climbing, rappelling, and other forms of self-defense.

  16. TJBeck

    Sorry, thought the free handgun was in that list. Here’s the rest:

    IT GETS EVEN BETTER!

    Here’s YOUR Free Handgun…

    Handgun CaseIf you show me you are aligned with my efforts to positively change the image of gun ownership in our lifetimes by subscribing to my Free Gun Training Reports, ordering my Free Front Sight DVD, and taking advantage of my Greatest Course Offer Ever, then I will give you a FREE Handgun!

    That’s Right!

    Your Choice of a brand new, in-the-box, Springfield XD Pistol in 9mm, or .40SW or .45 ACP

    This is another $600 in value absolutely FREE!

    … for $1,199.

  17. BadKitty

    Because being well trained in fire arms would have prevented the drive by shooting when he was sitting in his living room? Just how I want to spend my evenings: sitting in the living room with a loaded Glock, taking aim at every single car that goes by the window. Hey Iggy, get some therapy and get over the PTSD, will ya?

  18. Lord Growing

    [re=375837]Serolf Divad[/re]: Wow. Chiropractic, Scientology, and gun nuttery. Sometimes I love America so much I can’t fucking stand it.

  19. Gun-toting Progressive

    [re=375840]Min[/re]: Go for the .40 S&W, or a .357 SIG. Fewer rounds, but more boom for your buck.

    And, I didn’t think guys names Ignatius were allowed to be Scientologists…

  20. BadKitty

    [re=375849]TJBeck[/re]: For an extra $9.99 he’ll throw in a Shamwow and a mini clip on book light!

  21. I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    “Although [America] a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Jew.”

  22. chascates

    [re=375836]SmutBoffin[/re]: Great wikipedia entry:
    # 1 Biography
    # 2 Controversies

    * 2.1 Political activism
    * 2.2 Arming pilots
    * 2.3 Arming school employees
    * 2.4 Arming students
    * 2.5 Civilian deputyship
    * 2.6 Litigation
    * 2.7 Scientology

  23. hobospacejunkie

    He considers himself to be a Catholic and not an active Scientologist, but does use some of the business strategies and ideas of L. Ron Hubbard in his endeavors.

    I wish I were privy to some of the business strategies and ideas of LRH. Along with my porn ‘stache, bizarro world politics and varsity athleticism I would soon rule the world.

    Also, being called “Naish” would totally rock.

  24. My choice. My Wonkette.

    [re=375860]Gun-toting Progressive[/re]: I choose the model 20 10mm myself.

  25. imissopus

    In his defense, I’ve been to Pleasanton briefly. If I’d grown up there I would also be a batshit insane Scientologist gun nut.

  26. problemwithcaring

    [re=375857]Lord Growing[/re]: Now you’re thinking like a real American. Murder-suicide pacts.

  27. Min

    [re=375860]Gun-toting Progressive[/re]: [re=375872]My choice. My Wonkette.[/re]: **shrug** I like the Glock. And I think I may be getting one for Christmas.

  28. Norbert

    The “what is coming” part sounds mysterious, ominous even. But Mr. Piazza explains everything as clear as a bell:

    Piazza says, “From a short-sided stand point, you may see some fluctuations in prices but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that are occurring that are going to occur very shortly or even long-term that are going to make huge differences, and the people who get in and take advantage of it are going to be very, very happy.”

    http://www.klas-tv.com/Global/story.asp?S=4091067

  29. user-of-owls

    So very illustrative. When the Left is politically sidelined, it stages pathetically earnest marches, whatever-ins and strongly-worded protests. When the Right is politically sidelined, it engages in the mass distribution of weapons.

  30. shadowMark

    I don’t want your bread
    I don’t need your helping hand
    I can’t be no savage
    I can’t be no highwayman
    Show me where you are
    You and I will spend this day
    Driving in my car
    Through the ruins of Santa Fe

    No marigolds in the promised land
    There’s a hole in the ground
    Where they used to grow
    Any man left on the Rio Grande
    Is the king of the world
    As far as I know

  31. Norbert

    The stockpile of weapons. The millions of dollars. The secret compound. The recruiting and training of minions. The mustache. Suddenly it all adds up: he’s a Bond villain.

  32. d4g33z

    [re=375839]magic titty[/re]: You mean the ‘Spiritual Exercises????’

    And why no linky-link? Me want gun. NOW!

  33. TJBeck

    Or call my assistant Jon at 1.800.987.7719 between the hours of 8:30am and 5:30pm PST Monday through Friday to enroll over the phone.

    Heh, “assistant”. Riiight, pornstache. You all have 2 hours and 15 more minutes to call Jon today.

  34. lawrenceofthedesert

    Iggy’s quite a lad — Disneyland for guns in Chapter 13, hustling on the Net and blowing enough smoke to re-enact the Battle of Jutland, all with Scientological overtones. I think of him as Iggy Plop.

  35. Marquis de Villers-St-Paul

    You have seen Ali G, Borat & Brüno – and you STILL don’t recognize an obvious Sacha Baron Cohen character?

  36. Extemporanus

    [re=375873]imissopus[/re]: I’ve spent quite a bit of time in Pleasanton, as well as in Bakersfield, the incorporated cowpie in which ‘Natius Dawg first set up range.

    Two Pleasanton fun-anton facts:

    1. In the 1850s, Pleasanton was nicknamed “The Most Desperate Town in the West” and it was ruled by bandits and desperados. Main Street shootouts were not uncommon. Bandits such as Joaquin Murrieta would ambush prospectors on their way back from the gold rush fields and then seek refuge in Pleasanton.

    2. Its current nickname is “P-Town”

    Pleasanton: Home of the Desperate Douchebag

  37. Atheist Nun

    [re=375871]hobospacejunkie[/re]: “He considers himself to be a Catholic and not an active Scientologist, but does use some of the business strategies and ideas of L. Ron Hubbard in his endeavors.”

    So he’s a squirrel, eh? That’s apparently a “high crime” in scientology, punishable by painfully dry, awkward anal sex with Tom Cruise, on the inter-scientology holographic TV channel.

    In fact, I’m calling them now to turn him in, because… why not? I don’t like the fact that he seems, in the above picture, to have no lower torso. He just sort of fades out, and I find that even more disturbing than his Oates mustache.

  38. Joshua Norton

    Or call my assistant Jon at 1.800.987.7719

    $2.99 per minute. Children must get their parents permission to call.

  39. Below the Beltway

    As long as I’m prohibited from carrying my hypothetical free gun into national parks, churches, and bars, it’s just not worth the free, and by free I mean $1,199.

  40. Quasi

    For all we know Iggy is doing God’s work distributing 39 caliber (approximately) Saturday Night Specials, manufactured using the best Bronze Age technology in Uzbekistan, to people who wish to negate the last 150 years of social progress.

    The first time they pull the trigger the gun will explode, blowing their hand off.

    This program, combined with shitty health care, insures that in the coming insurrection, Iggy’s group of retards will be armed with only a hook.

  41. bullship

    OK, order your guns her. I’m not wearing any cloths. Does my this make me look fat?

  42. pglass

    Armed scientologists unite!!

    If our university students are old enough to fight for our freedom and die in Iraq with a machine gun in their hands, then with Front Sight’s responsible training under their belts, they are certainly old enough and intelligent enough to carry a concealed handgun on college campuses to protect themselves, classmates, and faculty from the next homicidal and suicidal psych drug failure.

  43. pglass

    dear dr piazza, i am a young black man from the inner city. can i qualify for your free handgun program? thanks in advance, an as-yet unarmed black ma*is shot multiple times*

  44. Neilist

    [re=375855]BadKitty[/re]: “Just how I want to spend my evenings: sitting in the living room with a loaded Glock, taking aim at every single car that goes by the window.”

    Well, the Glock is just for the weekdays. Weekends, I usually use the AR-15 or the .460 Weatherby.

    [re=375840]Min[/re]: Nobody uses a 9mm anymore. It’s like carrying a cap pistol.

    Seriously, I’ve looked at this nitwit’s “Rules” before. About 1/2 of them may be valid. The rest are just “Gun Store Counter-Commando” Bullshit.

    [And I can't believe that none of you wrote, "Now, when is that ASSHOLE Neilist going to show up on this topic?"]

  45. Better American Than You

    Pahrump, Nevada – Injun country. Mahrump, Nevada – John Ensign country.

  46. Extemporanus

    [re=375916]Neilist[/re]: Oh, hi Jon! We assumed you’d stop by after work.

    Hey, speaking of which, aren’t you still be on the clock? Or did Naish let you off early?

  47. drrty martini

    [re=375905]SmutBoffin[/re]: Trucknuts in unexpected places always make me happy. The weekend is off to a glorious start.

  48. Marlowe

    Well, I’d go for it if I was getting my friends, Smith and Wesson.
    44 Magnum, world’s most powerful handgun, it’ll blow your head clean off.
    Whadayu say, punk.

  49. My choice. My Wonkette.

    [re=375916]Neilist[/re]: The Army uses 9mm in its sidearm. Of course, it’s really an international cartridge that’s ineffective in the modern era of American morbid obesity. That’s why police have gone big-bore. You can’t even shoot an American child anymore with 9mm, unless you empty the clip, which looks bad on the subsequent youtube video and internal affairs investigation.

  50. My choice. My Wonkette.

    [re=375933]Marlowe[/re]: the world’s most powerful handgun is now the S&W .50 Magnum, so dirty harry was a pussy

  51. Crank Tango

    [re=375880]Min[/re]: I’ve got the glock 22 (.40) and I love it! I can’t afford to shoot it since Noetero wants to take it away, but I still feel better with it strapped to my pack when I ride my 4,000 dollar mountain bike through hobotown.

  52. Accordion-o-rama

    One of these days, you and I, are going to spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it once was like in America, when men were free $1,199.

  53. BlueStateLibtard

    Why is my beloved Wonkette filled with discussions about guns? I thought you were all latte-sipping East Coast elitists whose weapon of choice was razor-sharp witticisms? Cancel my subscription immediately.

  54. Lazy Media

    $1,200 for a crappy Springfield pistol (just like a real gun, only made of compressed sawdust), plus a discount on gun-nut classes in Shithole, NV (airfare and food/lodging not included), and a CD full of public-domain .pdfs. Whaddabargain!

    [re=375916]Neilist[/re]: You are the reason people hate gun owners.

  55. Neilist

    [re=375926]Extemporanus[/re]: I had to leave work early to pick up my new “Sgt. Crowley Signature Model” Colt .45. It’s the first pistol to come in a six-pack, and has a 40 oz. magazine. Perfect for taking on large, disgruntled Harvard professors with a history of violent behaviorial “incidents.”

    [re=375935]My choice. My Wonkette.[/re]: “You can’t even shoot an American child anymore with 9mm . . . .” Well, you can. It’s just that, as you point out, you have to shoot them more than once. But in regards to any youtube.com problem: You shoot the filmers, too. Again, more than once. Just be sure to plant the malt liquor bottles in their hands, so that you can claim they were “brandishing clubs.”

    [re=375942]wheelie[/re]: Cory Acquino will never achieve the lasting fame of Benazir Bhutto. Cory wasn’t corrupt or self-righteous enough. She only had more guts than a wounded lion. P.J. O’Rourke had a great line, in “Holidays In Hell,” about one her countrywomen during that period whose husband had been killed by Marcos’s goons: She had a kind of a “smile of hatred.”

    Rest in pace, Ms. C.

    [re=375966]Lazy Media[/re]: Oh, gee, don’t blame me for that. You people hate gun owners because you are smug, naive, self-righteous liberals with little or no understandng of the history of this country, the world in general, or human nature.

    In contrast, you hate me personally because I’m an asshole. That, and because I point out that you are smug, naive, self-righteous, etc., etc. I hope that clears it up for you.

  56. S.Luggo

    [re=375840]Min[/re]:
    Point taken. What good is a Glock 9 without an extended clip, silencer and a map to the college that you’ve just been flunked out of? I mean, like, get serious, Doctor P.

  57. Hunger Tallest Palin

    That ‘stache + a compound in ParHUMP = Responsible American citizens have to let him slide his well oiled “handgun” into their “holsters.”

  58. x111e7thst

    The problem with guns is it’s hard to take them with you when you leave the US. A knife you can get almost anywhere, but it’s effective use requires regular practice and a fairly high degree of physical fitness.

  59. nappyduggs

    [re=375915]pglass[/re]:

    yum. I definitely want every man named Shaquon, Hakiim, and Tyrese to take up Dr. Vinnie Barbarino on his offer and we’ll all just watch the plot thicken.

    Thatsa one spicy meat-a-ball! Also.

  60. Pilate

    [re=375898]Marquis de Villers-St-Paul[/re]: I can’t believe you’re the only other person who noticed that. Definitely Borat.

    A Cohen film on America’s gun obsession. That would be fucking great. Maybe he could visit that gun show in Arkansas where they dress their kids up like teensy Nazis.

  61. NYNYNY

    The Catholic Scientologist who runs the “Disneyland for gun enthusiasts” in Pahrump, NV?

    Isn’t the Disneyland for gun enthusiasts just Disneyland, except you’re shooting people?

  62. Jukesgrrl

    “Piazza was previously granted a special deputyship by the Nye County, Nevada sheriff, a fairly common practice in rural counties. This commission was rescinded in light of new county laws by newly elected county sheriff Tony DeMeo in 2003.” Not to worry. There’s a sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona, who would take him in a heartbeat. He wouldn’t even have to bring his own pink undies.

  63. Jim89048

    “Piazza was previously granted a special deputyship by the Nye County, Nevada sheriff”.
    That former sheriff was Wade Lieseke Jr., implicated (but never substantiated) in Teddie Binion’s missing hoarde of silver. He had a habit of taking care of people who could damage his career.

    Sucks to be me, I live near the Front Sight compound. I’m hopelessly outgunned.

  64. Neoyorquino

    Happiness is a warm gun
    (Bang bang, shoot shoot)
    Happiness is a warm gun mama
    (Bang bang, shoot shoot)
    When I hold you in my arms
    (Oh yeah)
    And I feel my finger on your trigger
    (Ooo, oh yeah)
    I know nobody can do me no harm
    (Ooo, oh yeah)
    Because happiness is a warm gun mama . . .

  65. 102415

    [re=375837]Serolf Divad[/re]: It reminds me of that old movie Westworld.
    What’s with all these Scientologist NRA couplings? Did I miss a memo?

  66. DollarStorePregnancyTest

    He is being endorsed by:

    Aaron Zelman
    Founder & Director:
    Jews for the Preservation of
    Firearms Ownership

    He’s got the jews behind him… The JEWS!!! I’m getting in on this before it’s too late.

  67. Lazy Media

    [re=375968]Neilist[/re]: You are correct on the asshole part. Not so much on the other. I’m a gun-collecting, semi-Blue Dog, military officer. But I don’t masturbate to gun porn.

  68. Neilist

    [re=376077]gurukalehuru[/re]: Oh, guruk, you say the nicest things sometimes! :::Batting eyes coyily:::

    Don’t mind me: I’m in a good mood. Left the office early yesterday to pick up my new California legal lower for my AR-15. International Armament Corporation out in Glendale. A small shop run by experts. Top grade hardware; expert installation; reasonable prices. Good folks.

    Now, the only problem is that the 5.56 mm round is completely useless against North American Land Whales like Michael Moore. Or Rush Limbaugh.

    And there is no point in trying a headshot against either smug liberals or crazy libertarians. The brain is too small to make a viable target when those enraged beasts charge.

    And you don’t want to merely wound one, and have to track it into the high grass, an ACORN meeting, or Fox News headquarters.

    Well, got to go. My buddy Francis MacComber said something about having G&Ts with the Little Woman after he finishes off this lion . . . .

  69. Darkness

    [re=375978]x111e7thst[/re]: I sometimes carry a “reamer” on my keychain since 1, it is light aluminum and no one ever takes it away, even going through the metal detectors to see a movie in detroit, and 2, it requires no skill or fitness, according to the army-navy shop clerk, since all you have to do is jam it point first into the soft flesh under the attacker’s chin.

  70. Neilist

    [re=376112]Lazy Media[/re]: I don’t want to get into a Name-Calling Competition with someone who calls himself a “Semi-Blue Dog Democrat.” You’ve won already.

    (A military officer? Dear lord. You don’t lead troops in FOAs, do you. If so, I suggest you look up “fragging” at your earliest. Also, double up the ceramic plates on the BACK of your vest. That’s the highest probability impact area . . . .)

  71. Birdcrash

    Mr. Millionaire Patriot didn’t achieve his self-proclaimed lofty financial status realigning some working stiff’s vertabrae; he achieved it by fleecing the gullible. Gullible take note.

  72. Servo

    I always find myself laughing at the paradoxical existence of gun freaks; that the single greatest threat to their security and so-called God-given right is themselves.
    The gun freaks’ folly is their assumption that an enemy is not unlike the paper or watermelon targets at the local Rod-n-Gun club range. The military wannbes’ stubborness, lack of discipline and willingness to learn (proud ignorance), and stupidity fueled by rage will result in an army of Keystone Kops that’ll stumble over and possibly shoot each other, should this nation ever fall into another civil war.

  73. drpangloss

    Like the song goes, “I’m only happy when it rains…. Bullets.” Weee Git yer Free Gunz Here!

  74. Neilist

    [re=376168]Servo[/re]: In contrast, I always find myself laughing at the paradoxical existence of Anti-Gun Freaks: For whom the single greatest threat to their security and ignorance of the world is themselves. The Anti-Gun Freaks’ folly is their assumption that there are no “enemies,” and that the rest of this country, the world, and life in general are “not unlike” [to use a barely literate double-negative formulation] the safe, secure and privileged environments in which they grew up and/or currently live. The Anti-Gun Freaks’ stubbornness, lack of intellectual discipline, unwillingness to learn, and proud double-standards have already produced an unorganized mob of Group Thinkers that stumble over, and shoot each other in, their collective intellectual feet whenever they talk about things like “Israel’s right to exist” (via an ethnic/religious armed camp that has, for the last 50 years, used an heavily armed minority to oppress the rights of an indigenous majority).

    But don’t let the facts, history or logic get in your way. Your FEELINGS are much more important. (And who cares about those bloody Palestinians anyway?)

  75. zhubajie

    [re=375935]My choice. My Wonkette.[/re] History repeats itself! 100 years ago, the army found it’s .38s were not big enough to kill Filipinos, and went to the 1911 .45 automatic!

  76. Neilist

    [re=376216]zhubajie[/re]: “Civilians”?

    My, how quaint. “Civilians.” Where have you been for the last 60 or so years?

    Here’s a Quick Update as to what happens to “civilians” who run into troops in wartime. In this instance, American troops:

    http://www.travelblog.org/Photos/695477.html

    (“Civilians.” Oh, my, how very droll you people can be.)

  77. Servo

    One of the few things that I learned from my mother is that trust and compassion are far more effective than any weapon. Fear and hatred feeds itself. She liked to demonstrate this by driving through gangland (Wilkinsburg. Jukesgrrl can vouch) on her commute. She taught me how to use my sixth sense which has served me well through my 40+ years of existence. I’ve been in the back streets and alleys of many cities in America, Europe, Asia, and Africa unarmed and alone. I never once felt threatened. Actually, I would occasionally get a slight nod by strangers that felt that I was one of them.
    The only people that offend and/or harass me are the Crackers Deluxe of the NRA.

  78. Neilist

    [re=376229]Servo[/re]: “Pay your respects to the gods and the buddhas. But never rely on them.” Miamoto Musashi.

    Nb. Old Mr. M was not a member of the NRA. The samurai class opposed the introduction of firearms, because guns would have given the peasant class an equalizer. Which would have prevented your “slight nod” from resulting in their lopped-off heads falling at their feet.

    But again, I’m boring you with all these facts, history and logic. Better you stick with your “sixth sense” . . . .

  79. meyotch

    [re=376137]Neilist[/re]: Hmmmm, I think I know a guy like you. Leans basically left, but can’t abide actually belonging to a cohesive group. Just stay away from solitary drinking and you’ll probably be okay in the long run.

    Tell me if I’m wrong. For some reason, it’s hard to tell a personality from snarky comments on a trivial, but entertaining, blog.

  80. billy rubin

    [re=376201]Neilist[/re]: Was that some sort of intentionally illucid meta-snark? I don’t get it.

    Seriously, why does it seem there is such a strong relationship between the number of firearms a person owns and social maladjustment? For some wacky reason, the folks who seem most adament about needing a gun are exactly the folks that seem like the sort of people I’d trust with scissors fingernail clippers, and they consistently go out of their way to demonstrate it. For some odd reason, gun nuts seem desperately eager to reinforce this stereotype to the rest of us over and over again. Go figure.

  81. billy rubin

    [re=376201]Neilist[/re]: Was that some sort of intentionally illucid meta-snark? I don’t get it.

    Seriously, why does it seem there is such a strong relationship between the number of firearms a person owns and social maladjustment? For some wacky reason, the folks who seem most adament about needing a gun are exactly the folks that are least trustworthy with scissors or fingernail clippers, let alone a firearm. Strangely, they consistently go out of their way to demonstrate it. For some odd reason, gun nuts seem desperately eager to reinforce this stereotype to the rest of us over and over again. Go figure.

  82. Neilist

    [re=376342]meyotch[/re]: As an initial matter, I don’t accept part of the hidden premise in that question: That the “left” in this country ever has been, or can be, a “cohesive group.” (One is reminded the the old joke: The problem with the Anarchists as a political force is that they have to get ORGANIZED!)

    I’d like to think that I am more of a Non-Denominational Grump. Fuzzy thinking; ignoring the facts; disregarding history; ignorance of basic scientific principles tends to annoy me, regardless of the political bent of the proponent. (On the other hand, no idea is so good that some fool will not advocate it.) The Idiot Ratio tends to be greater on one side or the other, depending on the subject. But it’s the same fundamental, and fundamentally annoying, problem.

    [re=376368]billy rubin[/re]: Of course YOU don’t get it. See infra. To elaborate:

    1. As far as I am aware, there is no scientific data for the proposition that there a “strong relationship between the number of firearms a person owns and social maladjustment.” Perhaps you are relying on what we used to call “ROOMA data”? (“ROOMA” = “Right Out Of My Ass.”)

    2. “Social maladjustment,” as you have used such a term, is a meaningless conclusion and/or circular reasoning, e.g., “social maladjustment” is something with which you personally disagree; a person is “socially maladjusted” because they own “too many” firearms [another undefined term], and they own “too many” firearms because they are “socially maladjusted.”

    3. “Gun Nuts” tend not to like being called “Gun Nuts,” particularly by ignorant, arrogant self-professed “liberals” such as yourself, who engage in ad hominem attacks rather than reasoned argument.

    4. Personally, I wouldn’t trust most of the posters in here with scissors or fingernail clippers. In contrast, most “Gun Nuts” learn the proper procedures for gun handling/safety, and follow the same.

    5. Guns kill people. Given human nature, it is a statistical fact that, ever so often, there will be tragic multiple killings by a deranged firearm owner. However, the same is true of automobiles: The Virgina Tech tragedy could have been caused by the deranged student driving his beat up, undergraduate-grade Honda Civic into a crowded pep rally. Also, motivated human beings are very good at turning otherwise legal items into weapons, e.g., combining nitrate-based fertilizer and diesel oil gives you a pretty effective high explosive, as per Oaklahoma City.

    To my knowledge, no “liberals” advocate the outlawing of automobiles, or nitrate-based fertilizers, because, “[f]or some wacky reason” (to use your phrase), some human beings use such devices for such . . . marginal purposes.

    For that matter, to my knowledge no “liberals” advocate shutting down, or otherwise censoring, the Internet to prevent the circulation of dangerous information, e.g., how to make improvised weapons or explosives.

    6. In the end, these issues involve personal, philosophical risk v. benefit analyses. Broadly stated, Anti-Gun Nut “liberals” are unwilling to pay the inevitable social price of widespread private gun ownership (intentional killings; accidents involving children), because they do not accept/agree with the rationale underlying the 2nd Amendment for whatever reason, e.g., such concerns are “outdated”; governmental oppression “cannot happen here”; if opppression happens, it won’t be directed at upper-class liberals like us, etc.

    In this country, for the moment, the Anti-Gun Nuts, such are yourself, are free to advocate these positions. But Gun Nuts are equally entitled to disagree with your personal, philosophical risk v. benefit analysis. Gun Nuts also are entitled to point out that the alleged “facts” on which your arguments are based are fictional, with no basis in history, human nature, or science — and/or are based on ROOMA data.

    But if it makes you feel better to continue the name-calling, be my guest.

    Just Remember: WHEN HONDA CIVICS ARE OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE HONDA CIVICS!

  83. Neilist

    [re=376386]Sick Puppy[/re]: If, indeed, “Less is More,” it logically follows that “Nothing is Everything.”

    (Don’t try figuring it out. It’s one of those nasty “logical” thingies that causes liberal “minds” to explode.)

  84. Marquis de Villers-St-Paul

    [re=376380]Neilist[/re]: You are still ignoring the fact a great deal of guns are made for killing people, as Honda Civics are made for carrying people from place to place. (If there’s something substantially bad/wrong in transportation, you should tell me.)

    So, guns are unethical: they’re “evil” by their nature in every civilization that has an issue with manslaughter. I think gun owners should come out of the closet and acknowledge they really are ‘Gun Nuts’. Nobody needs a gun for anything else than to shoot somebody – if not in real life, in fantasies at least. You can do your target practice with less lethal equipment anytime.

    (But then again I’m just a pink-hearted European socialist who doesn’t have to care about any Amendment you people have in your arcane Constitution. I’m here only for the Truck Nutz.)

  85. AKAM80TheWolf

    [re=376262]Neilist[/re]:

    What is it about gun threads that turns you into a complete asshole? Just curious.

  86. Neilist

    [re=376403]Marquis de Villers-St-Paul[/re]: A great many guns are not “made for killing people.”

    Admittedly, some are. But even modern military firearms are, to a degree, designed only to wound. Not out of humanitarian concerns, but because wounding creates a greater logistical load on the enemy.

    But to concede the point: Some firearms are designed to kill human beings. That does not make them unethical . . . unless you believe that all killing, even in self-defense, is “unethical.” That is an internally defensible position, but it is not shared by the overwhelming majority of human beings. (Even “French human beings,” if that is not a contradiction in terms.)

    Also, I suspect, but cannot prove, that such complete pacifism is not your position. Your wife/girlfriend/loved one is about to be raped and killed by a violent mob. Here’s a pistol. What’s your position. Oh Enlightened One? (Nothing like a good rhetorical reductio, is there?)

    Oh, wait! You can drop the pistol in Utter Horror and Contempt; climb in your Honda Civic; and then drive over the attackers. And back up, and do it again. That way you won’t be doing anything “unethical.”

    [Christ On A Bicycle: Don't they teach Critical Thinking or Basic Rhetoric anymore?]

    [re=376422]AKAM80TheWolf[/re]: Well, I thought I covered that in my prior post. But to repeat: I’m an “complete asshole” all the time. It’s just that the gun threads posts really dsplay the sort of flawed “thinking” that the Marquis just displayed.

    [Oh, Marquis? You weren't in the Marquis during WWII, and using all those "unethical" guns against the nice, ethical members of the German Army, were you?]

  87. Bobnoxious

    A free gun! And all you have to do is buy his 4-day Defensive Handgun Course for only $1,199.00! Now that’s generous!

    You get:
    A 4-day training course worth $2000. Actual price about $250.
    A 30-state CCW permit class worth $500. Most states give this class for free. If you go to a range to pay for it, about $100.
    Over 100 pages of practice manuals worth $280? Printed at Kinko’s for about $10.
    A stainless steel knife made in China worth $300? Really? Swap meet or eBay $10.
    A bench mat made in China worth $40. Swap meet or eBay $10.
    A T-shirt and hat made in China worth $50. Swap meet or eBay $10.
    A utility belt with holster, pouches, and flashlight, all made in China worth $230. Swap meet or eBay $45.
    Last but not least, a gun worth $600. Actually (from XDpistol.com), 9mm $494.99, .40 S&W $528.99, .45 APC $536.99. Averaging $520.33. Made in Croatia.
    Total – $4000.00 value. Actual price $955.33. Wholesale, probably much less.

    Yep, that’s a bargain, alrighty!
    How did Iggy become a millionaire? Selling toilet seats to the federal government?

    P.S. – That is definitely the gayest (sic) mustache I’ve seen since moving way from NYC 18 years ago. If he didn’t have such a tiny dick, Ignatius Piazza could be a gay porn star. He wouldn’t even have to change his name.

  88. Bobnoxious

    [re=376427]Neilist[/re]: Yes, Neilist, there are still a few schools that teach Critical Thinking and Basic Rhetoric. Unfortunately, most of those schools are colleges, so the great majority of gun-nuts will never see them.

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