DUDE IS EVERYTHING OK?  4:02 pm July 31, 2009

Smooth Move, Dana Milbank!

by Jim Newell

This wretched thing again. Dana Milbank and Chris Cillizza of the Washington Post ran with a very clever theme for this week’s “Embodiment Of All That Is Wrong With Washington” Theater comedy segment: what wacky made-up beers would various public officials drink if they were invited to the Beer Summit?! Cillizza jokes about how scumsucking ex-Rep. Chip Pickering, who divorced his wife after cheating on her constantly, for years, would drink “Bitter Woman From Hell,” now that she’s suing him — crazy women! — while Milbank suggests Hillary Clinton would drink “Mad Bitch.” Hmm! We’re sure Washington Post editors will discipline Milbank appropriately. (They will give him a raise.) [TPM via Washington Monthly]

 
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{ 47 comments }

Knob Gobbler July 31, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Hush everyone. All hail the “dick whisperer”.

Buzz Feedback July 31, 2009 at 4:09 pm

I can’t be bothered to watch it, so I’m just going to call them wankers and move on. I say good day!

WhatTheHeck July 31, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Can this shit.
Jesus told me not to dance, play cards, or drink the devil’s brew.

Country Club Jihadi July 31, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Dana might like a Summer’s Eve Disposable Ale.

wx insider July 31, 2009 at 4:13 pm

They must be graduates of the Al Franken School of Comedy. I can’t stand to watch this crap.

x111e7thst July 31, 2009 at 4:13 pm

The bad news is that Dana & Chris are not dead yet.

ZARF July 31, 2009 at 4:15 pm

I bet those are their robes in real life.

kth July 31, 2009 at 4:18 pm

They should call that segment Masturbate Theatre.

Scruffy_The_Janitor July 31, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Scruffy recommends these two come out of the closet.

V572625694 July 31, 2009 at 4:26 pm

God it’s just so brilliant and original to goof on the beer selections. These guys are geniuses!

Coffee Clutcher 187 July 31, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Jesus. Oscar Wilde wants his robes back.

Extemporanus July 31, 2009 at 4:28 pm

[re=375716]kth[/re]: *Golf fap*

Min July 31, 2009 at 4:30 pm

It’s like a joke, only different.

lochnessmonster July 31, 2009 at 4:36 pm

I can’t watch that Chris guy until he gets his speech impediment fixed! Why oh why do people who can’t speak get communications/journalism degrees?

Native of SL UT July 31, 2009 at 4:36 pm

This is proof positive that it is far easier to go from comedian to senator than from reporter to comedian.

Dreamer July 31, 2009 at 4:42 pm

Oh God! Those two are embarrassment for the profession of journalism! I can’t watch these delusional dorks – who told them they are funny.

hobospacejunkie July 31, 2009 at 4:45 pm

[re=375757]lochnessmonster[/re]: Ain’t that the fuckin’ truth. Word to Cilizza: if I’m distracted by your horrible lisping then you aren’t communicating anything to me. Please leave television and never return.

Also, regarding Milbank. It’s pretty much settled he’s gay, right? Which is fine, it just seems the Hillz/strong woman phobia overwhelms his senses.

Texan Bulldoggette July 31, 2009 at 4:58 pm

What’s with men named Dana harboring all this hate toward hmmm… everyone — just because they’re mad that they’re mommas named them after women! (see Dana Rohrbach-R-CA–major Dana dick also.)

HomoPolitico July 31, 2009 at 5:19 pm

They fired Frumkin for this?

TGY July 31, 2009 at 5:24 pm

You don’t need to make up beer names for humor. I realized this while drinking ‘Blithering Idiot’, a very powerful ‘hops wine’.

All I gotta say is: Old Rasputin Imperial Russian Stout – the only beer that’s been shot, stabbed, poisoned, and drowned as part of the brewing process. It makes Guinness seem like lemonade.

Below the Beltway July 31, 2009 at 5:36 pm

These douchebags make me embarrassed to tune into any TV program where they might appear. Yeah, I’m looking at you, MSNBC. Then again, I suppose hosting these idiots pales in comparison to providing a platform for racist ideologues like the toad-faced Pat Buchanan.

Extemporanus July 31, 2009 at 5:59 pm

[re=375706]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: They are quite refreshing!

wonderboom July 31, 2009 at 6:05 pm

Come on! How am I supposed to get pissed off and make fun of something so ridiculously not-funny?

My day is ruined.

assistant/atlas July 31, 2009 at 6:28 pm

[re=375772]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Please don’t malign gay people by saying Dana Milbank is one, the gheys have enough problems as it is.

And he’s obviously not gay. No gay man would be caught dead wearing such an ugly-ass silk smoking jacket. Also, gay people are funny when they’re bitchy and usually not anywhere near as misogynistic.

Allyson July 31, 2009 at 6:43 pm

Nothing says “Mad Bitch” like Dana Milbank’s face…

wheelie July 31, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Well order me a pitcher of Lol beer and a snifter of LMFAO whiskey and a Psml chaser!

These two merry japesters are Ivy League hoots!

wheelie July 31, 2009 at 7:10 pm

[re=375907]wheelie[/re]: Dana Milbank has authored an astute ‘skit’ as comedians have it, prompting a knowing ‘guffaw’ from this wit-loving university graduate! Oh boy, they really let their hair down with this one!

I get a lot of jokes, and I had no real difficulty getting the jokes in this humorous piece!

I mean, “Ménage à Stella Artois.” Author, author!

I can’t wait to mail this on to my other college grad friends.

BeachLover July 31, 2009 at 7:18 pm

While viewing I could not help but to think of what I overheard a 900 year old Dublin Grannie standing 2 feet from a church door, while having a smoke waiting for Mass to begin. 2 little hooligans running to church almost plowed into her. Her comment “Ah, for Fuck’s sake”. I only wish she were here to put these fools in their place. Knock the smug, delusions of grandeur right out of the.

BeachLover July 31, 2009 at 7:19 pm

While viewing I could not help but to think of what I overheard a 900 year old Dublin Grannie standing 2 feet from a church door, while having a smoke waiting for Mass to begin. 2 little hooligans running to church almost plowed into her. Her comment “Ah, for Fuck’s sake”. I only wish she were here to put these fools in their place. Knock the smug, delusions of grandeur right out of them.

norbizness July 31, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Look for them in the new feature length movie, Cunt and Cunter.

eclecticbrotha July 31, 2009 at 7:40 pm

I hear Milbank’s favorite beer is called Smegma Malt Liquor.

DoctorCulturae July 31, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Video vanished! Ye gods, conspiracy!

Delicious July 31, 2009 at 10:18 pm

More funny, please.

kth July 31, 2009 at 10:41 pm

[re=375950]DoctorCulturae[/re]: No, they took it down because of all the complaints. Now we’ll have to wait another week for these tools to show us their asses. Thanks a lot, killjoys!

kth July 31, 2009 at 10:54 pm

linky here: http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2009/07/the_post_responds.php

can just kind of picture that ombudsman in a terminal fetal curl

lmj July 31, 2009 at 11:21 pm

I don’t care about the Hillary bashing. The Puma’s will crush like a bug, but very slowly, to maximize their suffering.

But, a beer satire. that is STALE HORSEPISS (nyuk nyuk nyuk!)

That was already exhausted by the numbl witted youngins about an hour after the tasting menu was announced. Old media, Old humor Old dudes. And I think I am older than both of them, but somehow, these guys seem reeeallll old to me.

MoreZitiPlz July 31, 2009 at 11:33 pm

Everybody thinks they’re funny. Hell, I think I’m funny. But if I were to do some shit like this, I’d run it by somebody first.

hobospacejunkie August 1, 2009 at 12:33 am

[re=375900]assistant/atlas[/re]: Please accept my humble apology for calling Milbank gay. I suppose that makes him asexual or a beast man, because, if I may speak momentarily for straights, we ain’t taking him.

LoweredPeninsula August 1, 2009 at 1:13 am

[re=375992]kth[/re]: Win

“can just kind of picture that ombudsman in a terminal fetal curl”

[re=376013]lmj[/re]: And Win

“The Puma’s will crush like a bug, but very slowly, to maximize their suffering.”

And, Dana is a Mad Queen Bitch. Also.

SayItWithWookies August 1, 2009 at 1:18 am

The really shocking part of this story is that anyone watched it long enough to get to the Mad Bitch part. Because it’s just Dana and Chris reading funny beer names and tying them, without any sort of punchline or humor whatsoever, to politicians.

But for their grand finale they will be telling jokes that they ripped off from Dane Cook and will then disappear into a dimension of irony so tightly coiled within itself that they will become undetectable by any instruments known to modern physics.

Oh, and HuffPo still has a copy of this vast nihilistic wasteland of comedy, if anyone feels they’re missing out:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/31/dana-milbank-suggests-hil_n_248889.html

Mr Blifil August 1, 2009 at 1:26 am

Nihilistic cynical troll says what?

DoctorCulturae August 1, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Oh Comedy, where art thou? Meh. Dead air.

marlee August 2, 2009 at 6:35 pm

I don’t understand. Why go to all this trouble? Why not just drag a pile of WaPo’s out to the national mall, burn ‘em, and piss all over the charred, tattered remains?

Also: should we really be picking on Dana & Chris, when they’re already facing an unpleasant reality in which (as others have noted) no one wants to sleep with them, and they are not dead yet?

What kind of sick bastard could green-light that thing is beyond me. Who are their supervisors, and are they aware of the Internet?

snideinplainsight August 3, 2009 at 10:06 am

Hey, do they make a beer called “Ethically and Fiscally Bankrupt Fourth Estate Porter”?

thefrontpage August 3, 2009 at 11:29 am

The vast majority of print people, including dozens of people at the Post, Times, USA Today, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, L.A. Times, Examiner, Gazette, Sun, local papers, and at newspapers and magazines and web sites nationwide, at all levels:

Please do not do video. At all. Stay off the video thing, completely. For everyone’s mental health.

Print and video are different mediums. Most print people are not trained to do video, are not right for video (hell, even most video and television people are not right for video or television, and most of them shouldn’t be on air, either), and there is such a huge gulf between the skill sets for print journalism and doing videos, you should even be attempting video without at least several years of training. We’re talking diction, presence, breathing, elocution, speech patterns, body language, poise, the use of body, expression, hand, eyes, diction, speech patterns, pacing, timing, not to mention proper editing, timing, pacing, camera work, sound work, lighting work, production work–do you see what we’re saying?

Most print people should not be doing video. This advice can start, effective immediately, with these guys at the Post. It’s just embarrassing–juvenile, childish, unprofessional, embarrassing, and ridiculous.

Just report the news. That’s what journalists should be doing. Just report the news. You don’t need to be doing anything else.

BMK August 4, 2009 at 10:05 pm

[re=376059]SayItWithWookies[/re]: “But for their grand finale they will be telling jokes that they ripped off from Dane Cook and will then disappear into a dimension of irony so tightly coiled within itself that they will become undetectable by any instruments known to modern physics.”

Win, dammit, win!

aleks September 15, 2009 at 4:35 pm

None of that was funny for the reasons they thought.

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