What is this? It’s the tragic result of 5,000 White House photographers with old-fashioned “click-y cameras” taking 5,000,000 pictures of the president and vice president (both in shirtsleeves) and the stars of the new Cambridge reality teevee show, No Motherfucker You Cannot Arrest Me In My Fucking House I Am a Harvard Professor …. Oh So Just Step Outside For a Moment?

Anyway! No more racism! In a million years, when you are a deathless space prisoner of the Spirogallion Spider Monsters, on Planet X8912 (Crab Nebula), you can tell your “kids” (spiders in your eyes) about the wonderful day when CNN and Pete Souza ended slavery and the Ivy League. Never Forget! [?]

Oh and Reuters called Obama the “bartender-in-chief.” But where’s the, uhm, birth certificate? Or, let’s see, the driver’s license? Might need one of those, to work at an American bar … unless you are basically any kind of illegal, in which case, welcome!

Donate with CCDonate with CC


  1. thank goodness the cambridge police can get back to doing their job – arresting the uppity colored folks in their own homes.

    sidenote: I shouldn’t be so hard on cambridge. one of the most racist dudes I ever met was on a train from paris to amsterdam. If the accent had been different, I would have thought I was talking to a small town alabama sheriff.

    nah, screw it. I should be that hard on cambridge. didn’t someone say officer crowley was a little league coach? I thought you either had to be a sadist or a drunk to coach little league?

  2. I thought for a moment before they zoomed in on Ol’ Gaffey McScranton that Obama had invited Jimmy Carter to negotiate the peace settlement. I was disappointed until I read the VP’s lips asking Gates if Ebony and Ivory was a misnomer on him (“Ebony”) working at an “Ivy” League.

  3. “I love beers and I love blacks. Negro gals don’t have European kidneys so they get drunk easier,” said Joe Biden. Race relations remain strained.

  4. [re=375082]gurukalehuru[/re]: He called Joe as back-up, since he didn’t want to have to arrest Hopey and his black friend in Hopey’s own home, on his lonesome.

  5. Your second paragraph about the space prisoners and spider overlords just gave Jonah “Slash/Fiction” Goldberg his idea for next week’s sci fi masterpiece.

  6. I don’t think there’s been an all-media-absorbing story over the past year that could hit a lower score on my give-a-shit-o-meter than this. Is this really what people give a fuck about? I mean, usually I can choke up a bit of mild interest on even the most retarded of issues, if only just to whine about how retarded they are, but this, this is just… nothing.

  7. [re=375082]gurukalehuru[/re]: We arrived at the same conclusion in an earlier thread.

    As did Fox News, in their own (literally) roundabout kind of way.

    (Sample Media Matters commenter channeling Wonkette: “good point. do not be surprised if the entire news coverage tomorrow is ‘Biden was there so there could be 2 blacks and 2 whites’ together.”)

  8. [re=375081]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Good catch! Now we can finally put all those “Obama is a secret Muslin” rumors to rest!

    But wait…didn’t the reports say that Biden had a non-alcoholic beer?

    OH. MY. GOD. Is Joe Biden a secret Muslin? Johammed bin Biden?!


  9. [re=375127]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: I am sick & tired of these motherfuckin’ cops arresting motherfuckin’ blacks!(?)!

  10. The uncaptured dialog:

    President Obama: Alright, muthafuckas, I’m gonna make you a Mullah Omar. It’s one shot of viengear, one shot of octane, and one missing eyeball.

    Crowley: [Gasps]

    Gates: [Laughs]

    Narrator: At this point, an unidentified party calls Vice-President Biden, who arrives on the scene a few minutes later.

  11. Oh Nobama. Teaching impressionable youngsters that alcohol is the way to resolve conflicts. What next? Bonobo-style bisexual conflict resolution orgies?!

    SHOW US THE MUSLIN BIRTH CERTIFIKKIT!!!!1111!!!!!1111!!1!!1! Also.

  12. How could Sgt. James “I didn’t vote for the guy” Crowley stand sitting their with the president he hates and his uppity, munchkin negro friend who called his mother names that made the officer teh sad? I can just see the convo…

    Sgt. Crowley: **in his head** “don’t call the president a nigger, don’t call the president a nigger…**sweating bullets**

    (sees Joe coming to sit down)

    Sgt. Crowley: **in his head, still** “whew; Joes here!”

    (Joe then proceeds to casually drop N-bombs with the president and Gates thus saving Crowley from becoming America’s first white victim of a lynching by black men)

    But, seriously, this is quite frankly one of the most ridiculous events I’ve seen in many a year.

    You see, I have a dream. I have a dream that, one day, all of America’s little white children from the red hills of Georgia to the hallowed halls of Harvard will grow up to be maladjusted, and illegimiately-aggrieved man-and-women-children police officers, easily jostled and angered when their self-believed superiority and ironically-believed oppression is called into question. I have a dream today!

  13. What an absurd event. This whole matter is quite simple:
    A white trash Irish mick cop, who hates everyone except other
    str8 white cops, and in Boston probably only those that are Catholic, saw only
    one thing…an uppity Negro who does not belong in that uppity
    Harvard neighborhood and so he arrested him, after all he was
    just a n*gger anyway. Negroes are NOT supposed to be superior men
    to white trash Irish cops…they are not supposed to go to Harvard…
    they are not supposed to be brilliant…the Irish cop is superior, in
    his own mind, because he is white, and Irish, and they feel they rule.
    Sadly this Irish cop has now learned that he is nothing more than white trash and
    Professor Gates IS superior. More intelligent, better educated, and far, far classier.

    Str8 white men are losing their power hold in America. Good. They didn’t do such a great
    job of running things. Let’s let someone else run it for awhile.

  14. Oh. Jesus. The cop was reasonably good looking, responded to stage direction fed to him by the White House, and spoke that “most important thing in the world to me is my family” jive the public loves these days. TLC is gearing up a show for him — I can feel it. It’ll be called something like The Real Boston and it will be on right after the Snowbilly Family Hour.

  15. [re=375177]Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas[/re]: Are you Irish? That was awfully harsh and bitter, and that’s coming from someone who’s surprised the officers isn’t getting the pants sued off of him and instead of treated to a beer at the White House.

  16. In viewing this picture, I can’t help remembering the one of the time that George W. had Duke Cunningham and Jack Abramoff over for a coke party in the Rose Garden, and then, after sunset, Dick Cheney appeared in a cloud of sulfuric smoke to sacrifice an innocent to his dark lord.

    That’s the kind of leadership you get when you have a real American as President.

  17. [re=375183]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: and then, after sunset, Dick Cheney appeared in a cloud of sulfuric smoke to sacrifice an innocent to his dark lord.

    So, THAT’s what that human-sized safe in his office was used to store. It all makes sense, now. I always assumed it was what he slept in, but it was actually for the storing of innocents (i.e. congressional pages and White House interns) to be sacrificed to the god Rea-Gan.

  18. WHY doesn’t the media cover the real story?? CLIMATE CHANGE caused this contretemps, not racism! The weather in Massachusetts has been exceedingly damp and humid – as predicted by climate change models – causing the door of Prof. Gates’ home to swell and become stuck, which is why he had to struggle to open it…and then all the rest ensued. Simple enough, people, zheezch!

  19. Pres. Obama: Bud-light is brewed by Inbev, headquartered in Leuven, Belgium;
    Joe Biden: Buckler Low Alcohol Beer style beer from Heineken in the Netherlands;
    Sgt. Crowley: Blue Moon is brewed by the Molson Coors Brewing Company in Toronto, Ontario;

    Prof. Gates: was served a local Boston brew, Sam Adams Light. I rest my case.

  20. [re=375092]Hieronymus Botch[/re]: Hey, Hopey’s a playa, but he’s not going into a first-time interracial threesome without a wingman.

  21. [re=375177]Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas[/re]: Yeah! Or perhaps the hypersensitive, obnoxious celebrity professor was deliberately dismissive and rude to the working-class guy who was just trying to do his job of protecting the professor’s life and property, to the point of pursuing him out into the street and berating him obscenely in front of a crowd of other cops and local citizens, undermining the authority he needs to do his job. Stupid celebrities, they suck.

    See? It’s like Rashoman. Nobody who wasn’t there knows exactly what happened, but Prejudice ™ can allow us to rant about what we THINK happened, based on our own biases. Thanks, Prejudice!

  22. Oblamma, just “cold chilling” (sorry, I’m white, I know, I’m working on it) with the rolled shirtsleeves. Damn that dude is good at degrading the integrity of that garden, and those lawnchairs. And the douchery wonders why we like this guy.

    Also, Blue Moon is some fucking nasty shit.

  23. [re=375214]Lazy Media[/re]: Yeah! Becasue God knows, Euro-Americans who happen to live north of the Manson-Nixon line could never be bigots!

    Changing the subject, did anyone catch the owner of Magic AssHat beer spew his outrage on Fox because the President didn’t pick and American beer.

  24. This POS will end up the next “Joe the Plunger” Make big time ass of self, get the president roped into it, Ka-ching! He suckered Gates outside so he would respect his AUTHORITA.

  25. Maybe now I will never have to listen to another passive aggressive white libtard stick up for the “uppity” professor while they imagine themselves to be some saintly post racial pioneer. If I’ve learned anything from this incident, its that Americans of every race and creed can come together in their hypocritical douchebaggery. Koombayah everybody.

  26. Hey, that was fun and now it’s TGIF. Tonight the Crips and Bloods are coming to the WH for a little swill and chill. Hoping for some constructive dialogue and hand signs. Watching Biden do the gang signs will be hysterical!

  27. I asked a friend what Blue Moon beer was (because I never heard of it myself).
    He said it was a sweet ale popular with some college girls.
    I’m just reporting.

  28. [re=375177]Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas[/re]: White, fat, and gray haired. We did ok as long as we were allowed to rape and pillage at will (see last 50,000 years of human history ). Don’t count us out though, if the shit hits the fan you will come running to us to help you rape and pillage!

  29. I was hoping for a pro wrestling type surprise ending with Crowley being elbow smashed from behind. This feud is too good to let die this early in the season. They need to study Andy kaufman-Jerry Lawler videos.

  30. Blue Moon is, technically speaking, a “white beer.” Not even a pale ale would do for this guy. Unbeleivable.

    Anyway, I know Barack made sure to switch out Joe’s tallboy for that low alcohol shite, rather than risk more racial-tourettes from his super articulate VP.

  31. They could have at least played beer-pong or something.
    They couldn’t have any kind of actual drinking contest, though, because whites beating blacks is
    the whole reason they got into this situation.
    If any of them were real men, they would have been drinking real man drinks.
    Real men hate their liver and brain-cells.
    I always one-up any beer drinking neanderthal by chugging doubles+ in seconds.

  32. Bostonian Queer in Dallas is a fake post. It’s probably some rightwing nut from one of those redstate blogs. I don’t believe he is from Boston, nor queer. He may be in Dallas.

  33. In 2000, Americans were given a chance to vote for a candidate who claimed that he was the kind of fellow with whom average Americans would like to have a beer. Now, eight-and-a-half years later, albeit unknowingly, Americans discover they have elected a president who actually WILL have a beer with one of them.

  34. [re=375318]simpethesis[/re]: Yeah, except that someone are bigger douchebacgs than others. You know, like the cop in this case.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleNever Mind, National Review Is Birthers, Too
Next article