We read that CNN and MSNBC each have been displaying a “Beer Summit Countdown Clock” during their programs this afternoon, and here’s proof! (What’s that alert on the bottom there? Something about many humans dying in that country we invaded and occupied just for shits and giggles? Ha ha, weird, whatever.) But maybe the Beer Summit will be GOOD FOR AMERICA, and Washington, which has just been making everyone insane this week, unlike other weeks.

America could use a few calm pictures of its president and a white person and black person drinking outside, and later, when it rains, going inside to play some Mario Kart 64. Can our president land the secret shortcut jump in Wario Stadium on all three laps? The future of the public option & national racism depends on it.


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  1. In honor of this event, and in honor of how fucking stupid this whole thing is, I will drink an entire CASE of beer. So there, Barry!

  2. According to Matt Yglesias, the WCTU is on the case now (so to speak). I think they are with the Republicans and angry about FDR and the repeal of Prohibition. So there’s that. also.

  3. Waiting for this moment is probably just how my parents felt when they were waiting for the first images of Neal Armstrong landing on the moon.

  4. [re=374810]rambone[/re]: That be Donna Brazile–former DNC chairwoman or some such. She has a way of puttin’ the white boys in their places with a charming smile, sweet southern drawl & a pithy ‘you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about; shut your damn piehole’ type of remark.

  5. This whole thing makes me want to drink. And not in a good way.

    Also,the Wario Stadium shortcut is off limits. Always. The Rainbow Road shortcut is in play. Always. And I hit the jump on Koopa every lap. Always.

  6. [re=374824]Noonan[/re]: “And I hit the jump on Koopa every lap. Always.”

    Too risky — short course, not enough time to make it up if you miss.

  7. Apparently he’s drinking a Bud. Can you imagine if he had some kind of elitist-America-hating Arugula-microwbrew that’s not what real Amurricans drink? OR A STELLA???!!1?!1?!

    So because right wing nutjobs go apeshit over stupid things, he has to drink some over-fizzy swill that is like sex in a canoe (fucking close to water).

  8. That there Donna Brazile has somehow parlayed a string of D losses on the electoral front into a successful carreer as a finger popper in Wolf’s Situation Room. A dire situation indeed.

  9. [re=374810]rambone[/re]: You’re just imagining that, prevert. However, the set design’s pointy thing and circle symbolism is indisputable.

  10. Anybody else think it was presumptuous of Nobama to make it a “beer” summit? Beer is, after all, an acquired taste, and some people simply don’t care to drink it. He has failed the hospitality test IMHO. No wonder his ratings are heading south. Guests show up and your just gonna shove beer in front of them? Come on, it’s common sense. I am a fabulous host and I just can’t abide this lack of courtesy.

  11. Gonna be lookin’ VERY closely to makes sure Obama and Gates aren’t drinking pinot noir or something. Why do black ELITISTS hate the white working class, and their best friends, corporate CEOs? Oops, I forgot, Sgt. Crowley is a union member, so gay sex and reconciliation.

  12. [re=374837]Canuck13652[/re]: Yeah, I’m maintaining Chimay is going to be in that pilsner glass (or will he go ‘whole hog’ and drink the swill right out of the bottle?)

  13. This must be that day when brown can stick around, the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right.

  14. [re=374832]Jim Newell[/re]: Notice that I said I hit the jump every time, not I attempt the jump every time.

    When you have stone cold confidence in not missing, you don’t run any risk of not having enough to make it up.

  15. I’d say the whole beer summit is a fucking waste of time except for my firm belief that drinking beer is never a waste of time. Of course, my real fear is that it is going to set a bad precedent. If Barry does this every time a cop arrests a black person for just being black the White House is going to turn into a frat house (except integrated).

  16. [re=374837]Canuck13652[/re]: if it ends up with all of them singing Danny Boy or something then … I don’t know, good sign/bad sign?

  17. [re=374850]Noonan[/re]: The real trick is leaving bananas on the final huge-ass jump at Wario Stadium. If you drop like four of those at a diagonal angle, you’ll knock at least two people back a 1/4 lap every time.

  18. Obama: Crowley, Gates, it is so good to see you both again.

    Crowley: Indeed sir.

    Gates nods.

    Obama: The birth certificate forgery was a masterpiece.

    Crowley: Thank you sir. I don’t think anyone will notice that my sister was head archivist for the Hall of records in Maui. It is a shame she had to be eliminated.

    Gates: It was necessary.

    Crowley: I know.

    Obama: Guys, relax, focus on the bright side. For you to create this cover story to deflect attention from our real intentions … pure genius.

    Gates and Crowley: Thank you sir.

    Obama takes out a Marlboro cigarette.

    Gates: You need a light sir?

    Gates lights Obama’s cigarette.

    Gates: So what should we do now sir?

    Obama smiles, pushes a dark red button behind him. A nearby curtain unveils and the prostitutes are revealed for their pleasure.


  19. Despite the lackluster beverage choices annouced, I’m happy to see beer consumed (openly) at the White House again. Back in the day, all you could get was near beer for the squinty guy and unicorn blood for the boss.

  20. [re=374837]Canuck13652[/re]:
    I pefer that he drive the wingnuts insane with a Colt 40. However, he can wash out the Bunk Lite bottle and fill it with a beer worth drinking. A Smuttynose sounds really tasty.

  21. In 100 years, there’ll be a fatty boom batty blazed in addition to the beer. Except it won’t involve racist white cops or classist black professors. It’ll be called the Blunt Summit, and it’ll be because a Morlock got uppity with an Elohim.

    I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

  22. [re=374857]qwerty42[/re]: My prediction is that the evening will end early after Officer Crowley tells Obama and Gates that he is surprised to see that they are drinking beer instead of Hennessy.

  23. [re=374877]S.Luggo[/re]: Good point. But even that math is wrong, depending on your POV.

    ANY black blood makes a person BLACK, according to my local GOP/Klan-Abroad chapter. So there is that….

    Besides, what is 1.5 X three fifths?

    I can’t do the “new” math. Haven’t been able to since 1962, when they started teaching that whole “invert your fractions” thing.

  24. Well I for one am glad that CNN has taken time out of their busy Michael Jackson schedule to wallow in this like a pig in mud. Shame on you all.

  25. [re=374835]Canuckledragger[/re]: The “Rub-a-Dub-Dub”-ish sub-chyron is equally retahded.

    Although, when I say “the President, the Professor, and the White Cop Opressor” out loud, it does kind of work…

  26. [re=374820]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Yes and CNN very wisely pairs Donna with Bill Bennett knowing that she’s too nice to reach across the desk and slap the ever living shit out of him when Billy Boy says something stupid. Although it may just be that Donna doesn’t want to develope carpel tunnel.

  27. Hey! I just realized what’s going on in that picture of “Blitzed Wolf”, “Brazilian Whack”, and “Cross-Eyed Republican African-Apologist” who’s street name currently escapes me:

    They’re role-playing the fucking summit!

    White guy sitting on one side of the table, black guys on the other, separated by the (literally) huge “situation” between them. Shit, Brazile’s even miming crackin’ open a 40 of O.E.

    Nice job, Mr. Newel!

  28. Wapo has video of a photo shoot going on while these fellows enjoy there frosty mugs, it sounds like a locust invasion. Also, who the hell invited Biden?

  29. I must say that it is a damn shame that we fought the Civil War way back in the day with so much horror and bloodshed. Apparently if Abe had invited Jeff Davis to the WH for a brew, all of the racial problems in this country could have been solved then.

  30. I could smack Obama for stepping into this. He even said some time ago, in response to Holder’s “stupid” comment that, “Conversations about race are not particularly helpful.” He was so right. This is so bad for him.

  31. It would be great if the ‘Hooray Beer!’ guy jumped out from behind a tree every time Crowley tried to make a point.

  32. [re=374861]Extemporanus[/re]: That is foul and reminds me of an old beau of mine whose belly I had to lift up in order to do the love act with him…

  33. Drinking Game: Say “Barack Hussein Obama”. From that plastered teabag chick video from crazy teabag day. She kept slurring Barack Hussein Obama a gazillion times.

  34. [re=374919]Nerdalicious[/re]: [re=374916]Limeylizzie[/re]: [re=374910]joe twelve pack[/re]: [re=374882]hockeymom[/re]: Why is everyone always so worried that Biden might say something inappropriate? I think he’s very articulate. Clean too.

  35. [re=374880]Limeylizzie[/re]: [re=374910]joe twelve pack[/re]: [re=374919]Nerdalicious[/re]:
    Biden had to be there. Otherwise, all we’d be hearing from the wingnuts is how it was “two against one” and “unfair” and “boo-fucking-hoo!”

    Does anyone know if “Joe Sixpack” showed them his tattoo? It’s pretty damn gaffe-y.

  36. Hello beer snobs. Uh, I like the idea of the beer summit. Biden kind of ruins my take on it, so I’ll pretend he’s not there.

    The president is in effect ganging up with Gates on the white cop. This is kind of a historical first, and probably why he invited white Joe. Regardless of that, Obama still gets to intimidate the fuck out of white cop, who did not vote for Obama, by bringing him into the White House. Yet Obama still looks like a nice guy while doing so.

  37. Peebo’s drinkin’ Bud Light? He’s Preznit. He could have any beer in the goddamn world and he picked fucking BUD LIGHT? Is this to appease the bitters? Newsflash Barry, they’ll always hate you so just suck it up and drink something decent and foreign.

  38. [re=374918]Limeylizzie[/re]: Words can’t express how terribly sorry I am.

    But when you said “It’s either me or the panniculus!”, I had no idea you were serious.

    Ohhh, my darling thin Lizzie…please, please, please take me back! I’ve just been so damn skinny without you!

  39. [re=374924]Extemporanus[/re]: “Biden had to be there. Otherwise, all we’d be hearing from the wingnuts is how it was “two against one” and “unfair” and “boo-fucking-hoo!”

    Even though I’m depressed about this, that was funny.

  40. Is everyone missing the most important part of this whole thing? Barry the so called “Secret Muslin” is drinking ALCOMOHOLS. The only way he could make conspiracy theorists heads explode with any greater force would be to BBQ some pork chops at the same time.

  41. At the bar on 36th St. in NY, Tim the barkeep works parttime at NY1, the cable all-snooze channel; cnn on the box in the corner blathering on and on like it was a nuclear summit swap meet; dear jeebus. We exchanged looks of disgust, he poured, I overpaid. the end. Fuck Amurica.

  42. [re=374837]Canuck13652[/re]: The profits for Hopey’s brewski go straight back to some pomme frite mayo dipper in Leuven, Belgium, fwiw…Birtherdeadenders rage! ERRR!ERRRRRR!

  43. Who the fuck shows up to a beer summit to drink a non alcoholic beer? I always knew there was something I didn’t like about Joe Biden. Never taken a drink of alcohol in his whole life? Really?
    I will now echo the sentiments about Hopey’s Bud Light. Pabst Blue Ribbon would have been a better selection. could have sealed his hipster cred in stone after the mom jeans fiasco….
    Jesus Christ, still no good news on healthcare or end to pointless wars huh? Back to Michael Jackson.

  44. I don’t think I’ve seen the distance between cable news and the blogosphere (the latter of which has been absolutely consumed all day with incredibly obscure procedural tactics within the U.S. congressional committee process) greater than it has been today.

  45. Bud Light my left foot. Weve got the whitest president since Gerald Fucking Ford. Barry drinks’ Wolavers, ‘ ‘Peak Orgaic,’ or ‘Long trail,’
    ONLY .. wish CNN would get off their ass and report whats really going on at the summit

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