Wonkette
In a story that’s not quite true but makes for a catchy angle that we’re happy to run with, a madcap old lady in Carroll County, Iowa, is selling her television machines, which now only have one channel, Obama Channel. Deloris Nissen, 78, clicks the damn clicker on these machines to try and find her Tuesday night programs, but all she sees is that same Obama in his golden halls or hamburger restaurants, doing god knows what. Enough! Sell them.
Okay, maybe this “Daily Times Herald of Carroll, Iowa” article plays it up a bit much: She’s an old lady with three teevees, so she bought an ad (in this same Daily Times Herald, coincidentally, instead of the crosstown rival, Politico) to sell two smaller, older ones. In this ad she wrote “Obama on every channel and station” as her “reason” for selling, language that David Denby would likely categorize as “a brisk, savory salted peanut of Midwestern god-wit,” while masturbating.
But still, the old gal really despises this Obama galoot:
In an interview Nissen said she is serious about selling two TVs - and genuine about her disgust with what she believes to be an overexposed president.
“I just got tired of watching him on every channel,” Nissen said. “I thought, my gosh, does he ever stay at the White House?”
Nissen, who voted for U.S. Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., in the 2008 presidential election, said she could live with seeing Obama come on television to make serious announcements. But he seems to be on all the time, Nissen said.
When the president does appear on a channel she happens to be watching, Nissen said, she quickly turns.
“I have the remote real handy,” Nissen said. “I have the batteries. I’m ready for him.”
Watch out, Ms. Nissen: when ObamaCare “passes,” he may pick you first for the Euthanasia Program!
Carroll woman’s answer to highly visible Obama: Selling her televisions [Daily Times Herald]
How will she deal without Matlock?
This ranks right up there with the which-beer-to-serve-at-the-”summit” controversy as useless slaughter of paper, or electrons, if they really die.
where’s that map of the united states of canada ? tell me iowa’s not on there. (Sconnie is, though - hooray for me !)
srsly though, what the hell does iowa have, anyway, besides these assholes, and corn ? no wonder SlipKnot is so full of insane hate.
Everyone darker than Andy Rooney looks like Obama to her.
When television becomes just too uppity.
She’s keep the flat-screen, though. Hmm. I would like to retroactively call trading in my VW station wagon a protest against Dick Cheney and George Bush, because it ran on gas. And when I gave my friend Ricky the duplicate Han Solo action figurine, that was a protest against Reaganomics.
Lord Growing: I snarkered!
Where will she get the information to buy her Sham Wow!?!?!??
“I have the batteries. I’m ready for him.”
I’m still laughing. Thanks lady.
“I have the remote real handy,” Nissen said. “I have the batteries. I’m ready for him.”
I believe that’s what Sen. Lindsay Graham said about the inauguration festivities.
Maybe she’d like Barry better if he wore a codpiece and played make-believe pilot like what’s his name did?
What a coincidence — I’m selling my teevee because Dubya shows up on it far too often. I saw his dumbass mug once in the last six months, and if I have to go through that horror again in the next half a year it’ll be just too much.
Hard to believe she resides in Steve King’s district. Without the teevee what’s left? Endless hours at Old Country Buffet and ranting about how the coloreds have ruined this fine land, I’m guessing.
She also sold her slave whips and shackles. It will never be the same with Nobama in the whitehouse!!
Well, this is just a little Peyton Place
and you’re all Carroll county hypocrites
Seriously folks, Iowa can’t even begin to compete for crazy with their northern neighbor.
She hasn’t needed it since Billy Mays died anyway.
PUMA Haka!
How will she watch her seniors porn? also.
Maybe we can get rid of her through Obama’s “Cash for Clunkers” program. Anyone know the trade-in value of a 1931 Nissen?
Scruffy_The_Janitor:
Senior Porn: An endless loop of a pre-deceased Ricardo Montalbán slooooowly cutting coupons out of the local “Fair Dealer” with his shirt open….
You can have the TV but you’ll have to pry my Clapper from my cold dead hand…
What’s really happened is that she didn’t understand those billions of commercials explaining that analog TeeVee is ending and digital is the new broadcast medium. She’s been watching static ever since.
Nissen just hasn’t been the same since those hilarious “Where’s the Beef” commercials went off the air.
silly old twit’s having a damscene vision, doesn’t she get it? she’ll soon peel the scales from her eyes and change her name to pauline.
V572625694: True, the beer summit is a stupid discussion, but since it’s on (and I can’t reach the remote to change the channel), I do think it’s pretty fucking funny that Crowley is having a beer made by a company with a long history of racism (Blue Moon is owned by Coors). That poor dumb cop just can’t get anything right.
Hey Jim, dust off the Spiderman/Venom pic. Haven’t seen that one in a while…
The batteries in my remote last a long time so I don’t think about them at all.
Course my remote doesn’t look like a penis, nor does it vibrate.
No snark like old lady snark, I always say!
LOL, the joke’s on her - noone has any money to buy her shabby-ass TeeVees! Besides which they’re bound to have that old-lady-smell on them, so if you factor in the cost of air-freshener it’s a ripoff … you may as well just keep the money & watch your dog scratch for fleas.
As a native of Iowa AND Carroll County, I am truly ashamed. But I also have to ask, where is all that love we got for the gay marriage thing?
She also blames Obama for the missing instructions in her Snuggie order.
Advocatus_Diaboli: Yes, but Gates is having Red Stripe, a Jamaican brew obviously made from fermented ganja. Un-Murkin, also.
gurukalehuru: MN figured out what the rest of the nation has yet to learn. Put the penultimate wingnut, an ex-wrestler, a SNL staff writer, the most liberal peacenik ever in the same state, elect them to office and and what do you get? Endless, ceaseless mega party fun time! AK is certainly having fun with it. Elect a freak show! It’s like your birthday and Christmas-slash-The Jewish holidays, together, Also!
PS: Iowa elected Gopher from Love Boat. Talk about exciting and new! Come aboard. We’re *expecting* you!
Poor old bat has been cranky ever since her son divorced his wife to marry a construction worker. That’s not Obama’s fault, Mrs. Nissen!
I bet she gets her TV for free too. What does she expect from socialized Television!
She liked it much better with the stories they used to show where the nigras got sprayed with the hoses. Now they’re not even funny, like that Nipsy Russell. Man. He was funny.
lionboy: Two words: Steve. King.
Favorite part:
She’s keeping a bigger flat-screen television and selling an older 20-inch Sony.
“It’s too heavy,” Nissen said of the 20-inch TV. “I can’t handle it anymore.”
That said, she doesn’t plan on selling it for less than $100.
Poor old clueless bat. She’ll be lucky to get $5 for it. The other day I saw a sign in the front window of a Salvation Army saying they didn’t want any more old TVs, there’s no market for them.
In defense of my home state of Iowa (now live in California), we are doing pretty well except for this one crazy, tv machine sellin’ lady. Oh wait, Grassley is kind of a douche too. Ok, except for these two crab asses, we’re a decent state; we vote democratic and let the gays marry! Woot!
For the record, senior porn is a looping video of Ronald Regan taking a nap interspersed with old “buy war bonds” and ovaltine commercials while the song “boogie woogie bugle boy from company ‘b’” churns away in the background. There are no black people in senior porn. Also.
Mrs. Nissen remembers the goold old days when one of her boobs
was labeled “whites only”
and the other one “coloreds only”
Those TVs don’t pick up anything without a converter box, so I’m guessing she’ll get $3 apiece for them at the garage sale, and then only if you throw in the Corningware dish.
queeraselvis v 2.0: I forgot about that legislative hemorrhoid.
HolyCow: Somehow I doubt she watches PBS
It’s like my beloved Grandmother (maybe she rest in peace) once said– she likes seeing black people on TV it’s just that there’s too many of them on
Daily Times Herald, December 8, 1941 Ten year-old Carroll County resident Deloris Nissen is selling her radio becuase she is tired of hearing President Roosevelt’s voice. “Today was the last straw” said little Deloris “with the way he went on about the country being bombed by those slant-eyed bastards”….
I don’t get the Obama channel. Must not be basic cable. Or is it pay-per-view?
oh, and she paid $5.50 for the ad, which she is unlikely to recoup (unless the local wingnuttigentsia make a media event out of auctioning off her teevees), so that’s full of fail.
Also: Carroll County? Big accident there a few years back as I recall.
Sad thing is that when I read the title of this post I was afraid it was going to be talking about an older lady my husband works with. She has gotten rid of her teevees since the switch to digital because it was just too much effort to get a converter. Now she watches no teevee. My relief when it said the lady was in Carroll county and not Linn.
V572625694: Electrons don’t die. Like the rest of us, they go through regular cycles of stimulation and discharge.
“I thought, my gosh, does he ever stay at the White House?”
Just as bad as Bush.
I bet she loved her some “Amos ‘n Andy” back in the day.
Monsieur Grumpe: “I have the batteries. I’m ready for him.”
That line absolutely had me in stitches. Obama-haters are so funny!
Tru fax: if you overexpose a black and white President, the white bits will turn so blindingly white that all of his policy details will be lost in the glare of Shiny.
Monsieur Grumpe: If she was really ready for him, she wouldn’t need batteries.
lionboy: I love Iowa. Your state introduced Obama to a whole lot of baby boomer black women.
Accordion-o-rama: And like all TV news anchors, they regularly go through spin-flip transitions.
Her TV’s white balance goes all the way from “pale” to “blinding snow.”
Gee, old AND bitter!
srsly though. he *is* on a lot. thank god for music video channels and porn. she should think about subscribing to those.
And people are complaining about the idea of putting old people to sleep?
as.the.world.burns: We have Tom Harkin, the great senator that proposed secret votes to oust obstructionist committee chairs. Did you not read that Wonkette post today?
Bet she loves her some Medicare though - despite the bitter
stew: is that another “Matlock” reference?
Georgia Burning: I can’t spell euthinizing. See.
Did she ever think that maybe her family is slowly trying to drive her nuts so they can get all her cash?
lionboy: Wugou: isadelia: Is fleeing a Iowa a prerequisite for commenting on Wonkette? Solidarity, my brothers & sisters!
No cable/satellite dish for Trinity Broadcasting? Well, she can still get the price of hogs every hour on the radio, I’m sure.
Zhu Bajie
as.the.world.burns: Hogs. It’s the New Zealand of hogs. Should be about time for the Biggest Boar Contest at the State Fair.
Zhu Bajie
Hurray for the childrens! Put away the XBox too old lady!!
geminisunmars: hahahahahha
Why in the hell don’t these wingnuts and fringe lunatics follow their own advice. When GWB was in charge, their favorite comment was. “If you don’t like it here….then leave the US of A.”
So my wingnut, birther, and lunatics friends, I ask you this.
WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING?