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What does an ancient sea monster do when it’s finally free to shuffle out of its human skin-bag and return to the frigid bosom of the deep? Does it invade the corpse of a new host called “Liz Cheney,” or does it opt for more leisure time? YouTube has the answer.
10:31 AM
on Thu July 30 2009
By
Sara K. Smith
1795 Views
Wonkette
I swear that Vampire Squid told me to go Fuck Myself. Definitely a Cheney relative.
That sea monster lives in an octopussy garden under the sea. The Dick Monster lives in a dungeon under CIA HQ in Langley. One loves to be waterbored and the other loves to do waterboards.
Obviously our dear editor has had this vid on the back burner to pull up for that moment when she really needs some more morning masturbation time.
“This week, we ask the question: nature - just how retarded is it?”
Ia! Ia! Cheney fhtagn!
I think wonkett owes the Mollusca phylum an apology. The Cheney seamonster is clearly a Cnidarian subspecies: Physalia physalis torturous, aka Man o’ Torture and War.
I thought he’d do AFLAC commercials, then retire to Thailand to fuck & eat small children. Not always in that order.
We have to “take care” of our blue green planet - or we might get hit again.
Sure he is enjoying…
http://api.ning.com/files/Z20Y1Lym-bJqE42hZiT73g5FpVBGRGCMXTc9AW*iP-ol4AnFNedUYFEdBnQSzcajunQt5Bqap3t6I05QzoTwBzHLahnFhhV3/nosferatupeli.jpg
The Cheneus Retiredium is a most rare species, with only one known specimen remaining in the wild. It is known to kill its prey by shooting it in the face, then making it apologize, and then eating it anyway. The only known ideological weakness of this animal is lesbians: he has been known to have a tiny, tiny heart for them. However, it is not known if this is due to his lesbian daughter, or due to kinky kinky lesbian sex fantasies that all males, even of the species Cheneus Retiredium, possess. Nowadays the alpha C. Retiredium is seen stalking FOX talk shows, giving his unwanted opinion on matters political. The only hope for humans is to call Godzilla to Vasingtonia (D.C.) to battle this creature.
For the love of Mike, pleeaaase don’t show a picture of his package again. (shudder)
Awwwww cute. I mean the squid, not the Dickhead.
We just got an invite for a “Key Party and Foam Party” at Cheney’s Eastern Shore house this weekend–everyone has to stay overnight, drop their car keys into a bowl when they arrive, and bring swimsuits for an evening foam party. The Bush Twins, Liz Cheney, Chelsea Clinton and Meghan McCain are the co-hosts, so it should be fun.
We’re not sure why Chelsea Clinton is co-hosting.
The ex-VP made an appearance in my home province of New Brunswick recently to do some fly-fishing. This is our biggest celebrity sighting since Pierre Trudeau’s son came by a few years ago.
The resemblance is uncanny.
There’s an H.P. Lovecraft horror story explaining all of this. Cheney is gradaully morphing into a hideous sea monster/fish-like creature like all of his cursed New England race. As the transformation progresses, he becomes more and more monstrous (explaining why he’s so rarely seen), and his lower extremities become more fish-like (which is why he was in a wheelchair at Hopey’s inauguration). Eventually he will be unable to resist the lure of the sea, and will jump into Boston harbor to re-join his sea monster/fish relatives. Look it up.
this is an excellent opportunity for everyone to listen to this little ditty:
http://www.squidblog.net/uploads/Baterz-GiantSquids.mp3
Two things.
No mention of the creature needing a heart, and
I didn’t see shoulder pads on the beast.
Definitely not a Cheney reincarnation.
BlueStateLibtard:
An illustration of Cheney in his hybrid form:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2377/2399702653_3fc7f436f0.jpg
BlueStateLibtard: The Thing on the Doorstep….although Cheney’s from Wyoming…maybe more of a Nihansan…. Trickster Kills The Children
ioksotot23: “Then he cut all the babies’ heads off.” Yeah, sounds like something Dick would do.
Is that a picture of Duke from Doonesbury?
Ah, so this explains the Naval Observatory as Cheney’s VP home?
What a fabulous video. I particularly love the cognitive dissonance of the Pink Floyd-like soundtrack combined with that fun Disney-films-circa-1966 font for the captions, as though this were somehow an out-take from both “Mondo Cane” AND “Hello Down There.”
Clamps: And the fact that he was not arrested for war crimes and crimes against humanity while here probably had to do with the fact that the Attorney General was trying to figure out how to resign so he could make obscene profits of his own. Way to drop the ball, TJ. What could have been…
I presume he is still doing what he’s always done, hiding away in his underwater batcave scheming world domination.
Did anyone watch the “Goat/Chupacabra” video listed under “Related”?
It was posted by that faux-goober duo who are famous for sending in the stupid video questions for the YooToobz presidential debates. However, it has furries, fags, fats, and is somewhat fucked up—all hallmarks of a Wonkett[e] production. Which one of you weirdos is responsible?
Dick Cheney: Giving nightmarish invertebrates from the deep a bad name since 1643.