Wonkette
True fact: Texas has had the same governor since the 1970s, when a man with a thickly feathered coif captured the hearts of many Texan ladies and cowboys. His name was Rick Perry, and he decided to keep running for governor every four years because voters were too dumb and lazy to ever notice that the ballot didn’t change.
But maybe things will be different, someday, because Republican senator Kay Bailey Hutchison has announced, sort of, that she would also like to run for governor of Texas. And why not? It’s a pretty cush job. The legislature only meets once every two years for a couple months or so, and then they go back to their wildcatting and rodeos.
“Formal announcement: I am in. Then the actual leaving of the Senate will be sometime – October, November – that, in that time frame,” she said.
It was her most definitive statement yet that she would leave the Senate in the middle of her third term. Hutchison said she was basically forced to make the decision to resign because Perry refused to realize that seeking 15 years in the governor’s office was too much.
But then later her spokesman said she’d have to resign *if* Perry didn’t agree to get out of the race, so who knows. All is in flux. Chances are Hutchison is out in the fall, though, so the DSCC can make another dumb “quitter” video about her, too.
Hutchison plans to resign this fall to take on Perry full time [Dallas Morning News]
Yes, it is true that Rick “captured the hearts of many Texan ladies and cowboys”. Big floppy hats. Huge furry chaps in front; open buttocks in the back. Colorful bandannas. Republican cowboys must all be gay. That would explain his appeal.
About ten years ago, there was a rumor running around Austin that Governor Pretty Hair was having a gay triste with some guy and Mrs Perry found out. Tom DeLay came up with a million bucks to shut her the fuck up. The young cub reporter trying to out him was apparently shut up with very strong words about his well being. Kaye Bailey Beauty Queen is an airhead. I am praying that Gov Pretty Hair will run for Preznit so someone will out the mothuhfucker once and for all. I mean I don’t give a shit if Perry is gay except for the fact that he works so hard against my civil rights. He’s also real dumb.
“It’s a pretty cush job.”
And you get to live in Austin, which is pretty much the only tolerable city in Texas.
SlipperyDick: Now that you mention it, his stance IS a little Bruno-eque.
has “Lizard People” announced yet?
That leaves Perry free to become President of Texas.
Texas, ah Texas, I think you could fit all of the Democrats in Texas into a Yugo. They truly deserve the dimmest bulb.
Why should we care? Texas isn’t part of the United States anymore. F them.
I thought Perry was supposed to be fucking the Texas secretary of state? I don’t remember which one.
Whatever - I’m telling my parents back in suburban Dallas to vote Kay Bailey, the anti-secession candidate!
Is that Rick’s “This Photo Proves I’m Not Gay Photo And Any Subsequent Discovery of Me Propostioning a Man for Gay Sex in a Galveston Public Toilet is a Misunderstanding” photo?
Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas: I remember that quite well. I heard that Mrs. Perry was about 1/2 hour away from having a news conference when the $$$ came through.
Does anyone remember the election that sent Kay Bailey Hutchinson to the Hill? I was living in Texas at the time and I swear the only way that vacant headed heiffer got elected the first time was that her Democratic challenger was shown to have had a sex change operation and while of the previous gender had been charged with a major crime like murder.
I need to google that to be sure, maybe my memory is failing.
Like that other governor with fantastic hair, Perry will choose Kay Bailey Quitterson’s replacement for Senate. He should just parachute himself there and give us Texans a break from his fundamentalist School Board appointments.
“She’s coming out with both six-guns blazing, so it looks like it’s going to be a rough fight.”
STFU.
Actually, I wish Texans still solved their problems this way. It would at least be evidence of some kind of culture.
Kay just might mention that since Rick turned down the stimulus money that would have paid into our unemployment fund Texas will have to borrow $2 billion as soon as September. While he claimed the stimulus would have required an unfunded mandate that expanded coverage that cost will be less than the interest on the money the state will have to borrow.
Isn’t Sen Former Teevee person marginally pro-choice? I keep hearing that, but figure it’s a winger trying to slam her.
Meanwhile, on the Health Ins. debate, a group has been running attack ads in the OK district where the sole Democrat is in congress. Dan Boren, who truly gets shit from all sides since I might consider gunning the Ford through a mud puddle if I saw Boren by the side of the road during rain storm.
I’m trying to imagine what apocalyptic event would turn these morons into Democrats. The last time it was the Great Depression PLUS the Dust Bowl. Since I and my daughter and granddaughter also live here, I’m not really pulling for that to happen this time. But sexytime affairs, outed gays, shit like C Street that scares the civilized world, have no impact on the dumb crackers in OKTEX.
“She’s coming out with both six-guns blazing, so it looks like it’s going to be a rough fight.”
STFU.
Actually, I wish Texans still solved their problems this way. Evidence of some sort of culture. At least gunslingers only kill a small number of people, unlike the executives in tall office buildings. But that’s more NY anyway.
How big is her hair? 10 gallon (or more) hair = WIN in Texass.
“She feels to have a chance to unhorse Perry, she’s got to come into the state and make a full court press,” Buchanan said. “She’s coming out with both six-guns blazing, so it looks like it’s going to be a rough fight,” said University of Texas political science professor Bruce Buchanan.
Jesus Christ. Does everyone in Texas have the metaphorical imagination of an 8 year old? Why not throw in some ‘High Noon’ references?
My choice. My Wonkette.: Oops, bad connection. Just angry ’cause I got this Lone Star tat when I was drunk.
My choice. My Wonkette.: Actually, I wish Texans still solved their problems this way. It would at least be evidence of some kind of culture.
And, as a bonus, fewer Texans!
Mexico really got the better end of the deal when we stole Texas from them.
Terry:
That sounds like an outline for a new Carl Hiassen novel….
Sigh, it could be Kodos and Kang battling for the GOP nomination and the Dem. would still lose by 9 points. It also doesn’t make any sense to move from US Senator to Governor of Texas - the Texas Gov. is about the 5th most powerful position in the state behind the speaker of the house, the lt. gov., the railroad commissioners, and the wildcatter general. K-Bai must see this as a better retirement than voting “no” on everything in the senate for the next 8 years. Fortunately, the increase in Hispanic population will soon put these nutjobs out of power forever, but that’s probably ten years away.
The choice is Gov GoodHair and the Breck Girl (as Ann Richards used to call her). We Texans have a hair obsession.
Words:
No, Texas is less believable than South Florida. Carl needs to keep drawing his inspiration from the Sunshine State.
Terry: I remember it well. She ran against Bob Krueger (who was appointed by Ann Richards to fill Lloyd Bentsen’s seat) and famously promised to serve only two full terms if elected. Well, being a Repub, she LIED and ran for a third term.
The standard greeting at the National Governors’ Conference must be “Love what you’ve done with your hair,” to which the correct ritual reply is, “Oh, your’s is so cute!”
widget09: Actually to get all Nate Silver on you, Texas will have a white majority by 2020 which means a lot more Democrats cause the GOP can’t seem to shut the hell up with the racist jokes and angry put-upon white guy routine.
bored with gravity: God, with Perry facing a primary you know he’s going all out to find the biggest bible-thumping, Mexican hating, racist e-mail circulating, teabaggin, gun nut in the country to fill that spot.
The GOP wants to secede from Perry as much as Perry wants Tejas to secede from US America.
Please. Everyone knows Texas governors come from Connecticut.
bored with gravity: David Dewhurst looks like the replacement.
You don’t understand that the GOP Primary voters in Texas are really some of the craziest assholes in the known universe; their party platform regularly includes references to reinstating the gold standard, abolition of child labor laws, forcible Jesus tattoos on non-Christians, and of course a flat tax. I’m not sure they go with the “not totally crazy” alternative offered by the Breck Girl.
“Well, there were charges against Bill Clinton besides perjury and obstruction of justice. And I’m not saying that those are not crimes. They are.” -KBH, on MTP Oct. 2005
She still hasn’t explained what the fuck she was talking about.
Kay Baby Hutchison- I always think of her as the lady who forgot to have babies and then, when she was about 10 year post-menopausal, she bought a couple of infants. This is a true fack.
Terry:
Ah yes… point taken.
Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas: Still, all their neighbors know. All her friends know. The press knows. And how tough is it to look at the guy and know, too?
Cape Clod: I took a boring class about US America presidents from Bruce Buchanan at UT-Austin almost 26 years ago.
Also, I’m guessing KayBai is quitting the senate late enough to avoid there being a special election to fill the rest of her term, so her replacement can run as the incumbent. Dewhurst the Dickhead will complement Big Bad John the Moron nicely. They can obsess over future wise Latinas together at their weekly jesus circle jerk.
Also, I thought Rick Perry was pulled over by state police for speeding a while back, with his boyfriend in the car? He played the “do you know who I am” game, IIRC. I believe the officer responded “yes, you’re our closeted governor, now get out of the car.”
We pose the same question to Hutchison as we did to Corzine and Clinton: Why on earth would anyone give up a U.S. Senate seat to be Governor or President? Really. We’re not being snarky. Having and holding onto a U.S. Senate seat is literally one of the best political jobs in the country. Hell, first of all, you have incredible power–reasonable, reasoned power at that. Two, at the very least, you’re in office for six years for your first term, as long as you don’t break the law or fail to show up for votes. That’s a good political run to build from. Then, if you get re-elected, hey, that’s 12 years in Congress! Not bad. A third term? You’re suddently a “political veteran.” Third, the perks are incredible. Fourth, you get invited to tons of parties and receptions and dinners and social events–really. Fifth, if you play the cards right, you stay in office a few terms, collect an overly-generous pension, get a book deal, and get on some boards of some corporations and sign up with a speaking agency, and you are rolling in the money. A lot of money–legal, ethical money, at that. Then, there are about 150 other reasons to remain a U.S. Senator.
So it’s safe to reason that anyone dumb enough to give up a U.S. Senate seat to be a dumpy Governor or President has got to be losing their mind–and shouldn’t be Governor or President.
Stay in the Senate, people! It’s one of the best political gigs out there.
Texas has no need to actually embody the office with humans. They are all replicants. They’re all the same. Racists who favor the rich by fooling the poor. Repugnants. They even named one Smith. Governor Smith was taking a southern progress one summer, to a land by the river in which a certain citizen, Lee Otis, had been locked up for (”Who knows? They’re always doin’ somethin’ …”) to the chagrin of other citizens, who fell out with placards during the guv’s visit and chanted “FREE LEE OTIS! FREE LEE OTIS!” to which the guv asked an aid: “Whatta they got against beans??”
Texas, you gotta be from there.
finness: I, too, remember that. There was a hew & cry because she stomped over a bunch of ‘little’ people to adopt a nice, white baby, whom she named “Bailey” (eye roll). We always called her Kay Bailey Hairspray–just to add to the hair meme going on here.
All I know about Ricky Perry is I was on the queue for one of those Mormon kids, and I didn’t get one even though they had like more than 400. So Rick Perry cannot be trusted, not honorable, IMO.
Texas XXXs: “I believe I’ll vote for a third party!”
(Laughing) “Go ahead. Throw your vote away!”
One of the best Treehouse of Horror episodes.
Why are so many Wonketteers of the Texan persuasion? Do y’all live in the same Austin commune-cum-feed store-cum-book shop-cum-dumpster, or in the basement of the Alamo, or something? Take turns pedaling the stationary bike generator while someone else posts their comment? Are your bongs made out of old shotguns and tanned bull scrotums? Do y’all feel like dusty, sweaty, shit-kicking Ann Franks, ever? Do y’all say “y’all” all the time, or is that all just considered insulting to y’all?
Seriously, I don’t understand. But I marvel at your Birkenstock cowboy booted-bravery in the face of Birkenau-esque odds. I have just twatted a messsage on my twitter that if anyone in Texas has a phone, they should call 911 immediately to see if you’re OK.
Hang in there Wonketteros y Wonketteras! Help is on the way!
hobospacejunkie: Did you get extra credit if you sprinkled your papers with wild west metaphores? He seems to like those.
Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas: The word amongst senior political observers in Austin was that Perry had rented an apartment for his hunky friend, a carpenter I seem to recall — just like Jesus! But, Perry’s political career is a saga of unbelievable dumb luck, not of Texian cretinism — although there is plenty of that to go around. Obama carried the big cities in Texas, Houston, Dallas, Austin and the Democratic challenger for the Senate, Mayor Bill White of Houston, is one very, very sharp cookie.
Extemporanus: We thank you for your kind words. Now, I have to get in my Mercedes and drive down to the Whole Foods to get some organic food for my Papillons.
chascates: “While he claimed the stimulus would have required an unfunded mandate that expanded coverage that cost will be less than the interest on the money the state will have to borrow.”
You want the gov to neglect his banker friends? Selfish citizen.
Extemporanus: Heh heh…you said cum-dumpster. Very Craigslist of you.
Extemporanus: Well aren’t you just sweet as pie! That’s a right funny poem you wrote. Fact is, there’s a whole lot of Democrats in Texas, they just don’t happen to be the ones with all the money and power. This too shall pass. As for Governor Goodhair: the caught-with-gay-lover story is the least of his problems if he tries to run for president. He is, as we say in my neighborhood, dumber than a bag of hammers. Really. He’d make W look downright clever. Not only did he turn down the stimulus money that we’ll now have to borrow, but we’re spending $9,900 a month to put him, his wife, and whatever boy-toy he’s currently keeping in a house at the lake while the governor’s mansion is being rebuilt. http://media.www.richlandchronicle.com/media/storage/paper1245/news/2009/05/22/News/Gov-Rick.Perry.Accepts.Stimulus.To.Rebuild.Mansion-3743654.shtml
Oh, and Extemporaneous: Bless your heart. Y’all have a nice day!
Extemporanus: Nope, if I wanted to live in Austin I’d move to Berkeley. That place has become unbearably pretentious in the past 15 years. Now, I’m not claiming Dallas is any sort of urban paradise, but at least it’s got two things going for it that Austin (and most of the U.S.) don’t right now:
A) It’s pretty easy to make a buck or two without having to cruise public restrooms
B) Political corruption bordering on 3rd world levels that are way beyond any professional athletics in terms of entertainment.
On that note: http://preview.tinyurl.com/ntbn8n
If Kay Bay decides to vacate her seat I soooooo hope this guy wins her spot. He’s our lovely current mayor and as the article above highlights he’s about to have several billions of dollars worth of boondoggles hung around his neck as he’s pushed into the Trinity River. Oh, I get a tingle up my leg just thinking about the black-eye Dallas is going to get when their Calatrava bridge has to be torn down to prevent the city from flooding New Orleans style.
Can’t wait to see this guy get caught with a block of cash in his freezer and a Somalian mistress in his bed!
Minnie Mean: Uh oh. You’re local too, I need to watch myself…
Oh, No! He’s going to appoint Shelly Secula Gibbs to fill out Hutchinson’s term. Everybody hide!
Zorg: Um, thanks? I think? I’m pretty sure you said something positive, but your thick accent rendered it all-but incomprehensible. Translating it a few times didn’t seem to help much: “For us thank for their pleasant words. Now I goes in into my motor vehicle of Mercedes and into the however animal feeds for a certain biological food for my butterflies.”
Minnie Mean: Aww, well, shucks! Much obliged, ma’am. Keep fightin’ the good fight, and havin’ lotsa youngins. It’s starting to work for the Palestinians, so why not for Democratic Texans, right? Give Governor Helmethead my condolences regarding his mansion, and congrats to you for making a clean get-a-way.
I Am Not Your Gary Busey: Heartening to hear that you’re sowing unrest from inside the city walls. If I wanted to live in Berkeley, I’d move to Austin. But that ain’t gonna happen, as I’m much too attached to the big orange bridge and cruise-y public, um, everything going on here in San Frandallas.
Hutchinson gubernatorial website includes keyword phrases such as “Rick Perry gay”:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/2009/07/hutchison-campaign-site-contains-hidden-phrase-rick-perry-gay.php?ref=fpblg
Is it just me or does he look like Kevin Nealon in that picture?
Manos: Hands of Fate:
I’m pretty sure you meant to say Hispanic majority in 2020, not white majority. That is what is actually correct and also just makes more sense.
Only Texans truly understand how big of a stupid blowhard Rick Perry is. Everyone else can bash on Texas, but your own state is probably half-full of ignorant morons, too. This is America, after all.
The only hope for our state is that the youngsters and the Latino population gets out and votes out state-wide asshats. The small town local stuff is doomed forever, but if we get our numbers up, we have a chance across the state. Too bad the Dems can’t pull a strong candidate out of their hat to run against whichever hair helmet wins the GOP primary. All of our good options are vying for KBH’s seat when/if she resigns instead of taking on the far bigger challenge of the gubernatorial race. I guess at least the governor can only screw our own state and doesn’t have as much impact on screwing the entire country.
If you thought Rick Perry was bad, read up on who the person is with the real power in Texas– Lt. Gov David Dewhurst. In Texas, that office has more real power than that of governor. Maybe that’s how Bush got the idea that the 2nd in command was supposed to actually run things.
Extemporanus: Oh boy!
“We did not know these offensive word associations were being searched for by hundreds of thousands of Texans everyday nor do we condone the computer-generated existence on our Web site,” Hutchison spokesman Jeff Sadosky told the Austin American-Statesman.
Funniest. Apology. Evah.