want everything plz

New Poll Shows Why Its Own Poll Question Is Useless

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What? Good a picture as anyOh ho ho, read this and you might think our political system has been GRIDLOCKED or something for the last 20 years! “Most Americans continue to want the federal government to focus on reducing the budget deficit rather than spending money to stimulate the national economy, a new New York Times/CBS News poll finds. Yet at the same time, most oppose some proposed solution for decreasing it…

Fifty-six percent of respondents said that they were not willing to pay more in taxes in order to reduce the deficit, and nearly as many said they were not willing for the government to provide fewer services in areas such as health care, education and defense spending.

Might want to rethink that plan you have to jack up income taxes on 56% of Americans, Obama. Good poll!

Here’s a great idea, fresh out of Wonkette’s think-tank wing: The government gets in touch with every $1+ million annual earner in the country and asks each of them, “If the government raised taxes on your $1,000,000 annual income by $9,000 in order to deliver health care to 40 million Americans, would you (a) just pay the taxes (b) stash money in an off-shore vertical trust scheme to avoid paying or (b) literally move to another country to avoid paying this tax increase for health care?” For those who select either (b) or (c) or for some reason both, the government will just take 100% of their money, stun them with cattle-prods, and feed them to the Uighurs. Eliminates all deficits, gets everyone health care, properly sates the Uighurs, and culls rich assholes from the new age of elegance.

House Panel Restarts Health Talks [NYT]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ManchuCandidate

    56% of US America people who answered this poll are seriously retarded.

  • BenderFender

    my head heards from being on that mechanical bull…

  • AxmxZ

    New poll finds most Americans want things, don’t want to pay for them. Also, they are quite fond of presents and prizes and sweets and surprises, which is why they are also goddamn fat.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This from a country whose citizens keep trying diet plans that let them eat like pigs and not exercise? Color me shocked.

  • Oldskool

    Why do they insist on polling a nation of dumbfuks. Isn’t it enough that we elected Bush twice. Why do they keep on embarrassing us with our asinine opinions.

  • Hooray For Anything

    Whomever said: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time” did not factor in the American public

  • shortsshortsshorts

    DOODS! If we started by cattle-prodding the rich and giving them a 100% tax rate— then slowly moved the rate down from there, that’s a TAX CUT. It is the only way to make this work.

  • qwerty42

    poll finds Americans want to have cake and eat it too. When asked, most common responses were:
    1. “Because this is America and we can do anything.”
    2. “I dunno.”
    3. “Porculus! … waste! … fraud! … ”
    4. “Don’t try any of yer double-meaning words on me!”
    5. “axiom of choice.”

  • norbizness

    Shorter all polls: “We dumb. Dumb as hell.”

  • Extemporanus

    So that’s what “razorbacking” looks like. Boy, was I ever doing it wrong!

  • Trash Mountain

    I smell hypothetical bias in this polling. You see, because NYT is a liberal anarcho-pinko homo elitist institution, no Pro-America American would dignify these pollsters with a response, it being a mortal sin and all. So these pollers are just cold talkin’ to anarchists who just HATE AMERICA SO MUCH they would simply tear everything down, for fiscal responsibility. Totally consistent answers.

  • hobospacejunkie

    I thought for sure this was a Ken Layne post. I am pleasantly surprised to find Mr. Newell advocating for an eat the rich policy. Feed ’em to the Uighurs if they are fine with 12,000 people/year dying because they don’t have access to medical care. The richest country in the world should be embarrassed that any of its citizens go to bed sick & hungry.

  • lochnessmonster

    Soooo…they are unhappy with what congress is doing/not doing and don’t want them to do it/not do it so in essence congress is doing what the people want? Which is nothing?

  • WhatTheHeck

    Polls should only be taken with real ’Merikans in the comfort of their own trailers.

  • widget09

    d: I’d take the $9000 and invest it into some hare brained fanincial “instruments”. That idea GWB had about “privatizing social security” would have really ripped the rug from under us, Eh?

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I’d tax all foreigners living abroad.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=373911]hobospacejunkie[/re]: HAHA. You talk as is the richest country in the world isn’t run by people who jack off to the idea that some of their compatriots go to bed (“bed” being figurative here, as many don’t have furniture) without food or medicine. Fap, fap, fap, all over their piles of money.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=373918]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Abroad? Are you trying to exempt Obama?

  • user-of-owls

    The poll also found that 56% of Americans continue to believe that Saddam Hussein was responsible for the budget deficit.

  • Lord Growing

    What’s this about using money to reduce the deficit? Can’t they just send in some bad-ass special agent to fuck it up? Like they did to the computer in Eagle Eye or something? This is America, people.

  • Min

    The Founding Fathers would be so proud.

  • nestor

    d) I WILL TEABAG YOU NOBAMA!!11!!!!!

  • thehelveticascenario

    We’re here! We’re queer! We don’t want any more bears!

  • dr.giraud

    [re=373919]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Exhibit A (for asshole): Bill Kristol explaining to Jon Stewart that some people don’t deserve health care.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=373920]S.Luggo[/re]: Obama, as an undocumented alien, under my plan, would still pay no taxes.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=373924]Min[/re]: Our founding fathers weren’t even naturalized Americans! Why weren’t these people deported!

  • Gorillionaire

    Can we just see how “yourmirrorimage” has weighed in on this poll?

  • assistant/atlas

    I still don’t understand why some smart liberal hasn’t used the “maid coughing on your silverware” argument to get the rich to pay more munniez.

    It goes like this: Your maid is too poor for healthcare, so she will get swine flu or Ebola or something and it will remained untreated and she will come to your house and cough all over your silverware and kill you and your children.

    So…higher taxes or death….your call richies….

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=373919]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I just said we should be embarrassed. I didn’t mean to imply that anyone actually is.

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=373943]assistant/atlas[/re]: So…higher taxes or death

    or cake.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=373938]Gorillionaire[/re]: It seems “yourmirrorimage” is having a little trouble logging in, so they asked me to pass this comment along for them:

    Terrible use of the human language but then again you’re ont human so go lay down by your dish.

    Also, there was something about you looking like a “little botched O-dumb-a abortion”(?), but I didn’t quite catch all of it.

  • Tommmcatt

    You feed the Uighurs, and what do you get?

    Fat Uighurs.

  • Jukesgrrl

    This poll isn’t surprising. The majority of Americans run their personal budgets the same way. “What? You can’t buy an $800,000 house if you make $21,000 a year? Why not? This is America.”

  • jbd

    Jim, while I appreciate the renewed alt-text effort…. Take some lessons. When in doubt just run the front-ass-ambulance-with-furries picture. That was just… random.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    84% of respondends said “yes” to the question “do you like good things?” while 86% responded “no” to question “do you like bad things?”

    Of the 84% who liked good things, we found that 77% of those respondents answered “no” to “are you willing to pay for good things?” while 79% of those repondents agreed with the statement “paying is a bad thing.”

  • user-of-owls

    There’s a snark nugget in there somewhere about Uighurs not eating pork (capitalist pigs? porkulous?), but I ain’t got it. You guys seem to think everything’s funny, any ideas?

  • Fox n Fiends

    Just tax the South and everything will be fine

  • Voyou Charmant

    I seriously hate at least 56% of Americans

  • shortsshortsshorts

    INSPIRING announcement:

    There will be “some of us” trolling humanevents.com tonight, because, well, polls like this exist, or something.


  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    When did this country start getting run by public opinion? Is this something new that I missed?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Hey, just because I like going to truck stops to get blow jobs through glory holes in the men’s room, that doesn’t mean I’m gay. It is logic like that that keeps the America strong.

  • BlueStateLibtard

    Jim Newell, you are on a roll today.

  • Servo

    Roughly the same percentage of US American adults that read on a 4th grade level, you betcha.

  • imissopus

    I believe it was Adlai Stevenson who, when told by a woman at a campaign event that he had the vote of all “thinking Americans,” responded “That won’t be enough, madam. I need a majority.”

  • user-of-owls

    [re=373955]Tommmcatt[/re]: You feed the Uighurs, and what do you get?

    Another day older and deeper in debt.

  • honkyman


  • Athar

    Decades of the Right Wing promoting home-schooling over actual schooling has had it’s effect, that much is certain. These FOX NEWS addicts are just looking for a good high cliff to leap off in a group suicide.

    Just look at the goons, do you think one in ten of them has the kind of health insurance that would even begin to cover a week-long stay in the hospital? And the morons are out there booing President Obama because he’s black.

    The Swine Flu can’t come too soon for some people.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=373955]Tommmcatt[/re]: You feed the Uighurs after midnight, and what do you get?

    Gremlin Uighurs.

    ACTUAL TRUE FUN FACT: The Uighur capitol of Urumqi is the most inland city in the world. The Chinese goverment forcibly relocated the Uighurs to that location centuries ago because they wanted to keep the furry little Muslims—with whom they still fighting—from getting wet. This explains why the United States government has been so intent on relocting the GITMO Uighurs to sunny little islands completely surrounded by water.

  • Bowdoin

    Shoot, I like polls. Don’t dis polls. I started paying attention when in early ’99 when Lewinsky was first coming into her own a preponderance of responders, over 60%, agreed that (1) Clinton’s business was private totally and that privacy should be respected, and (2) he should immediately confess any and every fact relating to his affair with that intern.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=373958]Jukesgrrl[/re]: That’s one of my big pet peeves, how everybody says “why can’t the government balance the budget when every good, hard-working ‘Merikan family has to balance their budget all day?” when the reality is almost every fucking family is up to their ears in debt paying off mortgages on their McMansions, car payments on their SUVs, and credit card fees for the 44 inch flat screen TV.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=374003]user-of-owls[/re]: “Sixteen Han” by Urumqi Ernie Ford? You’re a hoot!

  • Canuck13652

    This is, of course, proof that democracy is flawed. If you had a referendum asking “Do you want amazing schools, great healthcare, roads that are paved, bridges that don’t fall down, low taxes, and a unicorn?” everyone would vote yes.

    Once we stop actually letting people vote, we can turn the country around . . .

  • YesWeKant

    Go Uh-merica! The land of you-will-give-me-something-for-nothing-or-else-I-will-shoot-you-with-my-2nd-amendment-guaranteed personal-assault-rifle.

  • Hooray For Anything

    [re=374044]Canuck13652[/re]: Good thing there’s no state- especially a huge, dense, and vitally important state- that allows their citizens to vote on everything possible via referendums and ballot measures. Boy, I bet you that wouldn’t work out too swell.

  • norbizness

    [re=373926]thehelveticascenario[/re]: http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2787311641/

  • Canuck13652

    [re=374053]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Living in such a state, where the brilliant people of that state voted to say I can’t have gay buttsechs married because THINK OF THE CHILDRENS!!!11!1 (and Jesus), I’m not a fan of letting the masses vote. Seriously, people should have to pass a test. Or own property. Or have at least a masters degree.

    Actually I think Americans are just retards. Switzerland works just fine.

  • chascates

    At least it’s not as pessimistic as the fair and balanced Rasmussen polls are:

    “Nearly one-out-of-two U.S. voters (49%) now say the nation’s best days are in the past, a five-point jump from last month and the highest level of pessimism on this question in a year. ”

    As California goes, so goes the nation.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=373988]BlueStateLibtard[/re]: Fucking serious. Truer words have never been spoken. Jim is rock out with the cock out today.

    HOWEVER that should only be taken figuratively, please.

  • imissopus

    [re=374030]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I saw an interview with Joe the Plumber just the other day where he said the same thing. But good luck explaining to those retards the differences between microeconomics and macroeconomics.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=373929]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Alberto Gonzales says, cool. Still, he wants somebody to pay for all of his collect calls to Heritage Foundation and the Cato Institute.

  • S.Luggo

    … nearly as many said they were not willing for the government to provide fewer services in areas such as health care, education and defense spending. ….

    The above is called a question which answers itself.

    Better: To achieve universal health care, would you willing for the government to provide fewer services in areas such as: health care for anyone but yourself, educating the children of Mexican drug lords, to protect Islamo Iraquistani Christ-hating Arabs, the Mars Program?


  • LoweredPeninsula

    List of more appropriate poll questions:

    – Can you hear me know?
    – Would you like another?
    – Who let the dogs out, and why?
    – Why does Obama hat police/white people/soldiers and other assorted Real Americans?
    – Can’t we all just get along?
    – Who shot J.R.?
    – To be, or not too be?

  • the prophet of Deseret

    Wait, not one of the libtards here has referenced your Holy Show on this one? When the textual evidence is so clear?

    “Because nine percent think it’s too high and shouldn’t be cut! Nine percent of respondents couldn’t get their arms around the question. There should be another box you can check for ‘I have utterly no idea what you’re talking about; please, God, don’t ask for my input.'”


  • Carly

    Quick way to evaluate gold stocks:I think there’s a lot more upside for gold from here. We hear all the predictions of $2K or $5K all the time. This is the best – and realistic too! – explanation of why gold is going higher and a quick way to evaluate gold stocks: You can read his report here: tinyurl.com/cheap-gold-now

  • Carly

    Quick way to evaluate gold stocks:I think there’s a lot more upside for gold from here. We hear all the predictions of $2K or $5K all the time. This is the best – and realistic too! – explanation of why gold is going higher and a quick way to evaluate gold stocks: You can read his report here: http://tinyurl.com/cheap-gold-now

  • gurukalehuru

    If you are an oppressed minority group which could do with a bit of international good will, it would help not to have a name which lends itself so easily to comedy – I’m talking to you, Uighurs…and Kurds.