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OP-ART BY LAURI APPLE

Shadow Figure(s) Behind ‘Wonkett’ Revealed

Wonkett is the Farrelly brothers.Your 24-hour Cindy McCain news network brings you this Hot Tip regarding the whereabouts and identity of the mysterious “Wonkett”: It could be any number of sick and depraved individuals scattered across the country. Part-time police composite artist Lauri Apple has graciously offered to render a few of the more likely suspects. Click the little picture to ENLARGE.

Everything is Funny!


4:02 PM on Wed July 29 2009
By Sara K. Smith
6472 Views

  1. slappypaddy says at 4:06 pm, July 29th, 2009

    i am wonketticus

  2. AggieDemocrat says at 4:07 pm, July 29th, 2009

    What about confectionery magnate Willy Wonkett? Oh.

  3. Suds McKenzie says at 4:12 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Where’s the Wookie?

  4. PlanetWingnuta says at 4:14 pm, July 29th, 2009

    i thought we were all wonkett

  5. stratonike says at 4:15 pm, July 29th, 2009

    I am Wonkett, and I shall have my vengeance, in this life or the next!

  6. rereridiculous says at 4:15 pm, July 29th, 2009

    how is wonkett formed?

  7. The Station Manager says at 4:15 pm, July 29th, 2009

    For the first time ever, I am honored to be currently residing in Spokane, WA (AKA The Inland Northwest’s Taint). We love you, Tommy!

  8. BenderFender says at 4:16 pm, July 29th, 2009

    I am wonkettlicious.

  9. AnnieGetYourFun says at 4:17 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Ahem, socialist bloggers from AROUND THE WORLD, thank you.

  10. jodyleek says at 4:18 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Do I Wonkett? Every chance I get.

  11. problemwithcaring says at 4:18 pm, July 29th, 2009

    The Station Manager: Ken looks remarkably like Tommy. When will Wonkett post his certificate of live birf from the US government?

  12. McDuff says at 4:18 pm, July 29th, 2009

    There are actually people named Wonkette? I thought Cindy really meant to type “Ronettes” because she doesn’t like the Motown sound.

  13. memzilla says at 4:19 pm, July 29th, 2009

    So if I’m commenting on Wonkett while drinking a beer, Cindy, is that just some kind of circle-of-life irony, or do I have to make a snarkified comment about your cold dead shark eyes, too?

  14. 4tehlulz says at 4:21 pm, July 29th, 2009

    SHOW US THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE “CHAD”

  15. cheeto_jeebus says at 4:22 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Je suis le Wonkette.
    Vous etes le Wonkette
    Nous sommes le Wonkette

  16. rereridiculous says at 4:25 pm, July 29th, 2009

    cheeto_jeebus: Ich bin ein Wonketter!

  17. cheeto_jeebus: Aujourd’hui, nous sommes tous le Wonkett.

  18. thefrontpage says at 4:26 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Don’t forget Reagan McClain Wonkett, an eternally-out-of-it, psychotic, weirdly-hated socialite from Arizona.

  19. Extemporanus says at 4:26 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Hey Lauri Appl, seems everything is funny to you.

  20. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO says at 4:27 pm, July 29th, 2009

    We are ALL Wonkett now!

  21. ogradybt says at 4:34 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Spokane’s just a big joke to everyone, huh?

  22. ici, nous parlons anglais ou rien.

  23. Chet Kincaid says at 4:35 pm, July 29th, 2009

    And the Wonketts red glare,
    F-Bombs bursting in air,
    Gave proof through the night
    That our blog was still there.

  24. Humpback says at 4:36 pm, July 29th, 2009

    What would you do for a Wonkett snark? What would you do now that it has a thicker chocolate shell?

  25. thehelveticascenario says at 4:42 pm, July 29th, 2009

    The Wonkett brothers kinda look like They Might Be Giants.

  26. BenderFender says at 4:42 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Four score and seven wonkett agos..
    Oour fathers brought forth on this continent,
    a new Wonkettn, conceived in Liberty, and
    dedicated to the proposition that all cupcakes are delicious.

  27. snideinplainsight says at 4:44 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Now I am becom Wonkett, the Destroyer of Blogs.

  28. Smoke Filled Roommate says at 4:45 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Wonkett is birthers.

  29. Baconcat says at 4:49 pm, July 29th, 2009

    You are all wrong. Wonkett is Willy Wonka’s wife.

  30. InsidiousTuna says at 4:50 pm, July 29th, 2009

    The word is “embiggen”, not “enlarge”.

  31. SayItWithWookies says at 4:52 pm, July 29th, 2009

    An anagram of Wonkett is Know Tet. Is Ho Chi Minh behind this?

  32. Tundra Grifter says at 4:53 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Sorry, Wonkett; I prefer the GOP’s Health Care Diagram.

    It’s less complicated.

  33. Extemporanus says at 4:56 pm, July 29th, 2009

    InsidiousTuna: For porn, the word is “engorge.”

  34. Bronkers says at 4:58 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Cogito ergo Wonkett est.

  35. S.Luggo says at 4:59 pm, July 29th, 2009

    In other news:
    But had he caught a case of the gayz, there would have been all heck and flapdoodle to pay.
    ******
    http://www.greenvilleonline.com/article/20090729/NEWS/907290359/1069/YOURUPSTATE01/Air-Force-Reserve-opts-not-to-discipline-Mark-Sanford-over-marital-affair

    Air Force Reserve opts not to discipline Mark Sanford over marital affair
    July 29, 2009
    The U.S. Air Force Reserve considered disciplinary measures against Gov. Mark Sanford over his extramarital affair but has decided to take no action, his command office told The Greenville News.

    Sanford serves as a captain in the Air Force Reserve. Adultery is considered a crime in the military, punishable under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Those in the armed forces also are subject to nonjudicial punishment for acts of adultery, ranging from a commander’s letter of reprimand, which can end an officer’s career, to forfeiture of pay.

  36. Giant Robot says at 5:00 pm, July 29th, 2009

    How come “former best friend”? Did she get caught pilfering Cindy’s meds?

  37. Winky the Wanker and Blinky the Bankster
    Robbed a five a dime
    Winky, said Blinky, ever the prankster,
    Why am I covered in slime?

  38. Minnie Mean says at 5:03 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Chet Kincaid: hehehe - I just laugh/snorted and scared the beejeezus out of my co-worker.
    Wonketts red glare, indeed!

  39. PrairiePossum says at 5:03 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Wonkett is a gay, muslin, negro, illegal immigrant panda bear with a buttsecks fetish. Also.

  40. Jukesgrrl says at 5:06 pm, July 29th, 2009

    I make my own Wonkett or I steal it from hotels. Why pay?

  41. Minnie Mean says at 5:08 pm, July 29th, 2009

    We are family. I got all my Wonketts with me!

  42. BlueStateLibtard says at 5:16 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Chet Kincaid: Wow, what an awesome war-blog song! I’ll be singing that (outloud) when I write fake comments on Repubtard Web sites.

  43. El Pinche says at 5:21 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Why has Lauri exposed the Underground? How can We destroy America when we’re supposed to BE WORKING IN THE SHADOWS!?!

  44. CaiteeCruelle says at 5:21 pm, July 29th, 2009

    “I’m Wonkett and so is my wife!”

  45. El Pinche says at 5:22 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Don and Carlotta look a whole lot like John and Mannequin McCain. Hmmmmm, the plot thickens.

  46. gurukalehuru says at 5:29 pm, July 29th, 2009

    We are all just cognates in the great Wonkett of the Universe.

  47. gurukalehuru says at 5:30 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Wonkette is people! C. Heston

  48. snideinplainsight says at 5:40 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Wonk me Amadeus!!!

  49. donner_froh says at 5:43 pm, July 29th, 2009

    The picture of Cindy McCain is amazing. I had no idea that Laurie Apple was so talented in photo-realism.

  50. WhatTheHeck says at 5:44 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Sara, me no want to enlarge diagram of Wonkett peoples. They scary-looking.
    Next time, could you kindly use a powerpoint presentation. Its what any self-respecting blogett would do.

    So here’s the story.
    The judge said to me: “Sir, didn’t you know you were soliciting a tranny?’
    Says I: “Your Honor, s/he looked convincing and told me her Wonkett was for reals.”

  51. Mad Farmer Manifest says at 6:10 pm, July 29th, 2009

    BenderFender: and should be given to ducks.

  52. boinggg says at 6:29 pm, July 29th, 2009

    I say Wonkett
    Wonkett good
    I say Wonkett
    Wonkett good

  53. Atheist Nun says at 6:46 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Does this “Wonkett” have a theme song? If not, I’d like to nominate Herbie Hancock’s “Rockitt”:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nK0Pi4wC8Hk

    (Cindy McCain makes an appearance at 1:40)

  54. qwerty42 says at 6:59 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Wonkette is a WARBLOG!!
    why isn’t that one of the options?

  55. Wonderman says at 7:15 pm, July 29th, 2009

    I like to Wonkett, Wonkett,
    He likes to Wonkett, Wonkett,
    She likes to Wonkett, Wonkett,
    They like to Wonkett, Wonkett…

  56. irisheyesagain says at 7:25 pm, July 29th, 2009

    I like that we’re an “underground cell”; makes us sound so dangerous! *sigh* Back to my blog, I guess.

  57. hockeymom says at 7:56 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Et tu, Wonkett.

  58. kipperthegod says at 8:02 pm, July 29th, 2009

    So, let’s get this straight, Wonkette is either (clockwise from aging blond)

    Hillary Clinton after any 2008 debate
    They Might Be Giants
    Demi Moore seen from a great distance (say, 1985)
    The Unibomber
    A post-office Wanted sketch of Levi Johnston
    A page torn from a children’s storybook on discount at BN.com
    Tim Blake Nelson, post coronary.

    Those are my choices?

  59. Minnie Mean says at 8:08 pm, July 29th, 2009

    got a wonkett in my pocket and I’m ready to roll

  60. CollegeStudent says at 8:19 pm, July 29th, 2009

    I am partial to Trollop Wonkett, always have been, always will be.
    In fact-Trollop, I’ll see you next tuesday, ummmkay babe?

  61. FlownOver says at 9:07 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Wonkett? I never even touched ett!

  62. thebeatgoeson says at 9:23 pm, July 29th, 2009

    thehelveticascenario: They Do look like the Johns! Now here’s a fun idea (or not) - matching up TMBG songs to various players in the political arena:

    Walnuts - I Hope I Get That Old Before I Die
    Fox News - Museum of Idiots
    The Poors - Hopeless Bleak Despair
    Sarah Palin - The End of the Tour
    Republican Senators in the Sotomayor Hearings - Your Racist Friend
    Barack Obama - Mr. Xcitement
    The Birthers - Stand on Your Own Head
    Congress - Whistling in the Dark

    Or maybe those last 2 should be switched?!

  63. guerilla-nation says at 9:57 pm, July 29th, 2009

    i’m gonna wonkett as soon as i can get that picture of cougs out of my head.

  64. thehelveticascenario says at 10:05 pm, July 29th, 2009

    thebeatgoeson: Don’t forget:
    Mark Sanford: Fake Out in Buenos Aires
    Or is that too easy?

  65. widget09 says at 10:54 pm, July 29th, 2009

    once i was a widget, now i am a wonketeer!

  66. Math Prof says at 11:06 pm, July 29th, 2009

    Ya’ll are socialists? Goddamn it, now what am I supposed to do. Next I’ll hear you are muslin lovers.

  67. thebeatgoeson says at 11:08 pm, July 29th, 2009

    thehelveticascenario: Don’t know that one - I only went thru the ones I have on my ipod - not the entire list at “this might be a wiki”.
    So how about:
    Fox News alternate: Fibber Island
    American People: Finished with Lies
    Conspiracy Theorists: The Shadow Government

    and for all the sheeple out there: The Bells are Ringing (lyrics-wise, anyway!)

  68. Obamaton says at 11:20 pm, July 29th, 2009

    rereridiculous: I believe the process is similar to the spontaneous creation of Santorum. At least it has the same squishy sound.

  69. gjdodger says at 12:27 am, July 30th, 2009

    We r n yr 7 housez, wonketting yr cnt trllp wyfe.

  70. LoweredPeninsula says at 1:05 am, July 30th, 2009

    Who is “Wonkett”?

    - She is Angkor Wonkett
    - Le Citoyen Américain
    - Yo Mamma

    Oh, and, aussi.

  71. meyotch says at 2:23 am, July 30th, 2009

    The Station Manager: If that’s the taint, ummm, you understand my question, right? The public must know. (I’m betting it’s Lewiston!)

  72. slithytoves says at 9:39 am, July 30th, 2009

    Bronkers: Do you mean, “I think therefore Wonkett is”? Which would be very Berkeley of you.

  73. Simba B says at 10:12 am, July 30th, 2009

    So did Cindy McCain travel back in time and release this press release?

  74. Bronkers says at 10:21 am, July 30th, 2009

    slithytoves: I did, indeed. Though Berkeley was not my inspiration.

    High school Latin was a very long time ago, but some lessons get chiseled into the brain pretty deeply.

    Ave atque vale.

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