but she can't even talk!

Sarah Palin Shopping Around Talk Radio Show

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But she's got a mind for teevee!The trade journal Inside Radio reports: “While not exactly shopping the GOP’s 2008 vice presidential candidate, sources say Palin representatives have been quietly testing the waters to see how much interest radio syndicators have for her.” Perfect! This is how Palin does everything now: passive-aggressively “gauge interest” and if people don’t kiss your ass enough, even though you commit to nothing, just say Fuck ‘Em and move on to the next assholes who won’t give you the proper respect. Then you can write a poem about it, on Twitter. [Inside Radio via Political Wire]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • rambone

    She would make an excellent stand-in for Jackie “Jokeman” Martling.

  • american mutt

    I know some people who will give proper respect to her asshole.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I hate to break it to you Ms Ex-Supreme intellectual Leader of US America’s Ice Box, but radio hides your only true strength, your looks. Why do you think Limbaugh’s on radio?

  • Tommmcatt

    I’m dead certain she could get on Howard Stern….

  • slappypaddy

    radio no good for babble spass, no good, someone need tell her, she a teevee person, tits and ass, sassy look in eye, she no good for radio, she go teevee, be star, many men be watch her and please selves when home alone, someone need tell her

  • ManchuCandidate

    She could, but would she ride the Symbian?

  • Tommmcatt


    Ooh, Jinx!

  • WadISay

    The only way I could stand Palin on TV was to hit the mute button. On radio, this doesn’t leave much.

  • sludjbunni

    [re=372967]slappypaddy[/re]: she’s my little rock and roll.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    There are two good things about this: 1) dear ole Snowbilly would be consigned to AM radio and 2) NPR’s minimum IQ requirements guarantee that she’ll never get hired on there.

  • problemwithcaring

    Only Sarah would consider “almost making a date with the fake-president of France” as radio experience.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=372974]sludjbunni[/re]: the pool’s in and well-used, and with this one, the patio’s dry

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=372979]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: So Juan Williams really was affirmative action…

  • god.was.stingy

    This is like Idi Amin trying to sell a cookbook.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=372985]problemwithcaring[/re]: Yup. He’s their token schizophrenic.

  • V572625694

    [re=372965]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=372967]slappypaddy[/re]: [re=372973]WadISay[/re]: Exactly. Snowbilly’s got a coupla years of looking good left in her. But her voice and diction are root-canal-without-anesthetic punitive. Say what you like about Rushbo, he’s fluent and his voice is…nah, can’t do it.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Jesus, I’d rather listen to 2 days of the ShamWow guy yelling at me than 1 minute of Snowbilly.

    [re=372965]ManchuCandidate[/re]: She also can’t do all that quaint [literal] finger pointing on radio. And her fans can’t see her bob her head to know when to applaud. I frankly don’t know what she is knowledgeable enough in to carry a 2 hour radio show ….

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …I’m not sure which is more likely to cause a rip in the space time continuum? Turning on the Large Hadron Collider or broadcasting her voice over a 20,000 watt antennae?!?!

  • eoberhauser

    I’m just still patiently awaiting those non-politically-correct tweets we were promised.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    With Sarah’s on AM, my wood shop radio can now double as a router/stripper.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=372996]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: …I’d rather have someone give me a prostate exam with a chain-saw than listen to her for 3 hours!

  • rambone

    [re=372972]Tommmcatt[/re]: [re=372968]ManchuCandidate[/re]:

    Sybian, eh? Methinks you might be on to something here. I’d tune in to see (hear?) that every day, in five minute increments of course.

  • Native of SL UT

    [re=372996]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: what she is knowledgeable enough in to carry a 2 hour radio show ….
    That is her special skill, to take a simple statement that would take you or I two minutes to convey and turn it into a run-on sentence that lasts 15 minutes and includes mentioning the troops and special needs kids and freedom and stuff.
    OK, so maybe that simple statement would take you 2 minutes.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Is there really a market for a Sarah Palin radio show when you can achieve the same effect by stuffing yourself in the washing machine and putting it on the spin cycle?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Baby, if you’ve ever wondered,
    Wondered whatever became of me,
    I’m living on the air in US America,
    US America, WKRP.

  • chascates

    Alex Jones is always looking for help. Someone mentioned she might go totally fundamentalist but I don’t see that. Extreme fundies, like Christian Reconstructionists, believe women are mens’ helpmates and should stay in the kitchen. Palin’s too bossy to be one of those. She’s one of the middle-of-the-road Rapture Queens.

    Look for the PUMA Radio Network featuring Sarah Palin on select AM stations this fall. Sponsored by the NRA, Midol, and Sky Blue Credit Repair.

  • TeddyS

    Welcome to my Real America radio show! This radio show is mine to talk to Real Americans about issues about Real Americans, you betcha’. And also to honor the troops, too, I won’t be making stuff up. My first is why President Osambo is not a Real American, because he was never even born! In the second hour of my Fox Radio Network radio show, the Real America, we will talk on other stuff, like why everybody picks on me and makes stuff up about me. My first Fox poll numbers are in and my new radio show, Really America, has already Number Oned, Numero Uno, as our illegal immigrant friends like to say when they shoot Real Americans. Now this message from my sponsor, the Democratic National Committee.

  • dr.giraud

    [re=372995]V572625694[/re]: I’d agree with you about her awful voice be unsuited for radio, except: Have you ever heard Mark Levin? If that screeching little troll can get an audience. . . .

  • Neoyorquino

    Quick preview of Radio Palin: close your eyes and listen as you start flipping randomly through the channels on your TV remote . . . non-sensical, incoherent strings of adjectives and conjunctions. Also.

  • S.Luggo

    Once Sarah goes on the radio, she will be able to finally remove her make-up (if that’s possible). We’ll then see (metaphorically speaking) who the real Palin is. http://www.lematin.ch/files/imagecache/150×115/promos/grippeA.jpg

    BTW: SP wants to know if radio another word for Twitter.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=372996]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Sure. But which would you rather listen to Sarahcuda discussing the merits of US policy toward Pakistan or Neal Horsley’s abortion folk songs on youTube? And, you have to choose one or the other on the threat of death.

  • Failed 2 Menace

    The exposure of her many intellectual flaws on a long-form radio show sounds at first blush like something to relish, but it is depressing to acknowledge that no faceplant she manages into any flavor of shit sandwich is likely to deter much of her delightfully anti-intellectual fan base.

    If they couldn’t catch on by now that she is all sham, what difference will more of the same make?

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=372960]rambone[/re]: sounds OK to me as long as Billy West makes and voices a Sarah Palin puppet too.

  • PrairiePossum

    Imagine a Sarah the non-governor and Joe the non-plumber radio show – comedy gold.

  • thegunner

    *************LIVE MEGHAN ALONE,,MWAHHHH,

  • chascates

    Tellingly, under this story on HuffPo is:

    “Chimp’s Memoir May Win Book Prize”

  • jodyleek

    But, think of the possibilities! Sarah and Rush get in a ratings war. You know Rush won’t like his devotees getting their daily dose of stupid from someone else, even Tundratits. Splits the wingnuts right in two and they get all shouty and such. It could be magically delicious.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=373004]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: A 3 hour Palin radio show would probably sound the same as you receiving a prostate exam with a chainsaw.

    Throw in an hourly recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance, some random wild animal calls & gunshots, and Lee Greendwood reciting Bible verse, and you got yerself a solid gold wingnut radio show, baby!


  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=373018]problemwithcaring[/re]: Well, since the former would never happen; she probably thinks Pakistan is the name of a moving guy (Packing Stan). So, I’ll go for the abortion song.

  • Extemporanus

    Sarah Palin has a face for radio, a mind for television, and a vagina for IMAX movie screens.

  • Todd Mecklem

    She’d have to wrestle Dr. Laura for the title of Wingnut Radio Queen…

  • Perrys Mollycoddler

    Mr. Wang Tang Sweet Pootang Ted Nugent, himself, can be her little wingnut sidekick.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    She can do her Greatest Hits: Putin’s Head, In What Respect, Charlie?, Crosseyed Flute, and Lots of Dogs.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=372995]V572625694[/re]: “her voice and diction are root-canal-without-anesthetic punitive”

    it hurts just to think about, and that’s the fly in the ointment of her being a GILF or a MILF or any other kind of ILF — in person, you’d have to listen to her talk (and she’d ask for money, i swear she would)

  • 4sheets

    Um, do we really need every truck driver in the country being whipped into wingflappery another 2-3 hours a day? Prius owners beware.

  • Pithaughn

    [re=373000]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Oh no!! All fear the Palin Boson! I wish I knew some quantum physics humour to add right here.

  • Dirty Harriett

    If she’s on the radio, nobody will see her trademark winks.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=373044]Pithaughn[/re]: Here ya go:

    Two electrons are sitting on a bench in the park. Another electron comes walking by and says “Hi there, can I come sit with you?”, to which the electrons reply “Don’t be ridiculous, we aren’t bosons!”

    (It’s funny because it’s true.)

    Here’s another:

    A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” it asks. The bartender’s reply: “For you, no charge.”

    Ok, ok, just one more:

    A: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
    Q: Let me atom!

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=373047]Dirty Harriett[/re]: How will we get starbursts without the winks and the fancy pageant walking? But actually, I don’t think she’s in the mood anymore to seduce U.S. America with charm. Lately, she’s just been a big ball of anger and hate. Bi-polar disorder will do that, donchaknow?

    [re=373013]TeddyS[/re]: Great script, TS! Are you the person who posted the resume cover letter from her speechwriter on Gawker yesterday? That was a prize-winner, too.

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=373044]Pithaughn[/re]: Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop. Cop comes over, leans in the window, and asks, “Do you know how fast you were going, Werner?” To which Heisenberg replies, “No, but I know where I am.”

    One more: Orly Taitz to appear on The Colbert Report

  • Godot

    [re=373035]slappypaddy[/re]: Ball gag, my friend. Ball gag.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=373054]SmutBoffin[/re]: Oh Thank you kind sir/madame for that link…Oh, the glorious comments!!

    “I watch every episode, Stephen is stupendous. He has mentioned the Certigate Controversy several times, always as a humorous jab at Obama. He’s never diminished the claims or ridiculed the questions we have, though of due to the format of the show his treatment of the topic is usually reduced to one-line quips. His is one of precious few television outlets that has not been cowed into silence on the subject of Barack’s eligibility.”


  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=372967]slappypaddy[/re]: +1

    How is Babble Spass formed?

  • Servo

    All squawk, all the time? I can only hope for more intense solar storms.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=372995]V572625694[/re]: “Say what you like about Rushbo, he’s fluent and his voice is…nah, can’t do it.”

    Yeah, but you tried. That’s what matters.


    -You’re listening to ‘Triggonometry’ with Rev. Trig Palin and the Rev. Dr. Governor Sarah Palin, AM 820 Christian Rock and Todays Politics.

    -Hiya everyone, this is the third hour, and like I promised ya, we’re takin’ calls. Chris, in Godless elite Boston, you’re on the air.

    -Hi Governor. Wait, should we still call you Governor, I mean, you resigned and

    -Oops, did you hang up on that man Trig?


    -Sasha in Idaho Falls, you’re on the air, how ya doin?

  • SmutBoffin

    “While it’s true that Colbert will probably mock you, he has a big following, so this will give you a lot of media exposure. [Huh? To what end? I think that the Birther movement has come to the point where there aren’t any people left who are stupid enough to get on board.] Just rehearse your argument so you can hit all of the key issues quickly. And be sure to focus on Vattel’s “Law of Nations” and Obama’s British citizenship at birth. [British? Double-huh? This one has gone ‘through the looking-glass’ and come out the other side, but with their brain on backwards.]”

    “Dear Dr. Orly. Please don’t go .It’s a trap.” [OK, this is just charming]

  • voyetra8

    Remember kids. The mainstream media sucks.

    Unless of course, your shit is syndicated.

  • Servo

    Please step away from the cyclotron.


    [re=373054]SmutBoffin[/re]: Sweet baby jesus. One of the comments: “I urge you not to do the show.” Ahhhhh. I love the taitz of orly in the morning.

  • widget09

    You mean there are not enough nuts on AM radio now? That screechy-assed voice alone shoud negate that! Maybe she should remain queen of the “twitter twats”. I still worry that there still may be enough dumbasses to put her dumb ass in office, I could picture some “night of the living dead” scenario like what happened in 00/04. BRRRAAIINS!

  • DustBowlBlues

    I have no idea who Dr. Orly is, but I glanced at that site and already have him pegged as one of those pathetic wingers who’ll do anything to be on the teevee. That said, my favorite comment is the cheerleader who says that Dr. Whoeverthefuckthisguy will use hi giant brain to humiliate poor, dumb Stephen Colbert.

    Right. Of course, this winger is probably too stupid to understand satire and will think Colbert IS humiliated.

    Well, I’m tired of all this winger talk. The old man wants to cruise porn anyway, so I think I’ll go get the medical dictionary and see if being post-menopausal means I’m too old to have an abortion. Talking about Palin makes me want to do something liberal.

  • torera

    Typical. She doesn’t even get it that it’s her looks people want, not her voice or her “speeches” or her “ideas.” She’d better find some way to make her pile before she has to start feeling bad about her neck.

  • Servo

    Tennessee State Senator Paul Stanley is the latest Repub busted having an affair!

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    I wish that picture didn’t give me a semi – curse you Wonkett!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=373079]Servo[/re]: Sorry—it was tachyon me to go fission for cheap laughs like that. I promise not to make another quantum mechanics joke unless I’m positive that it won’t Bohr you.

  • Joshua Norton

    Hey, Oxiclean needs a new spokesmodel. Maybe a snowbilly home maker would be just the thing. They really should retire the ones with the late Billy Mays. In fact, I just saw him on a commercial hawking insurance. He said it was the company he used to keep him and his whole family healthy. I don’t think dead people can really provide credible endorsements for health products.

  • Country Club Jihadi

    I’m sure that Hell has a short-wave station she can broadcast from, like KTRD or something. However, this bitch needs a one-way ticket to the Trinity Broadcasting Network to take over for the broke-ass Steven Baldwin and to get crackin’ on the exorcisms with Pastor Murthee. She would be a superstar on Christian teevee and I feel that she will end up there.

  • Sister Mary

    Radio show! How soon would a caller drive her to Glenn Beck’s “GET OFF MY PHONE” insanity!

  • Mumpedo

    [re=373054]SmutBoffin[/re]: yeesh. Well, my comment of “lololololol” as “Deepfried Oily Taintz” has lasted about 10 min without being scrubbed, but it does still say the moderator needs to way in.

    I thought Taintz was a Californian, whats with the east coast time stamp on comments?

  • barneyfunk

    Why does Wonkett hate the troops so much? Making fun of Sarah Palin kills American soldiers! Mooseburger said so!

  • Servo

    Just no “Planck the monkey” jokes, please.

  • kdaddy

    Hopefully broadcast from a quonset hut just outside Prudhoe Bay.

  • stew

    Radiowise, she may have to compete with this unemployed repub.


  • Hooray For Anything

    What’s the over/under for how long she’ll have a radio show before she quits…er…decides that bailing on her signed contract is a Maverick-y thing to do? One year? A year and a half? Two years?

  • EdFlinstone

    So now Sarah will be raping my ears with her mouth.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=373084]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Dr. Orly is a woman; she sounds & looks like she’s a former Romanian gymnast.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=373104]Servo[/re]: Though I’m not certain, I guess that means “stroking Schrödinger’s cat” jokes are out of the question as well?

    That’s a shame—they really quark me up.

  • what tha?

    She is going to join the Problem Media, god bless the troops, but what about pointing, hairdos, shoes, suits, and sneers?? Lost, all lost, if she is just some disembodied head on the radio. She may as well look like Rush Limbaugh on his whoopee cushion- who would know??

  • lumpenprole

    She could pick up work as one of those monomaniacal advice columnists for The Onion.

  • OzoneTom

    Unless she perfects the ability to transmit winks though the radio, there’s not gonna be too much groinal sparkling or leg-tingling going on out there in Real America.

  • Mr Blifil

    She and Joe The Plumber can get together and retool the “Fibber Magee and Molly” radio series, complete with hilarious exploding closets, fart sound effects, and bestiality. Tastefully applied, of course, with due reverence to the sacrifices of Oceania’s valiant heroes who give so much in freedom’s name.

    Or maybe she will be the voice of the Yu Wan Mei corporation. She does not waste time and knows how to fully apply her talents!

  • El Pinche

    The FCC is mandating, in name of our American troops, that all radios be equipped with band-pass filters that block out harmful screeching whining quitter audio frequencies to avoid damage to the human ear.

  • El Pinche

    [re=373114]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Speaking of firruners, if there was a fight between Orly Taintz and Arianna , Arianna would choke a clown bitch.

  • Trash Mountain

    Troops be praised! Our Fearless Quitter has passed the ball to shooting guard Sean Parnell to only come back in for the alley oop! Sarah Palin’s musings broadcasted all across the US of A, fightin’ em’ over there so she don’t have to fight ’em over here, right here in Alaska.


  • mcc

    AM radio? Seriously? Seriously? This is the future of the Republican Party, folks!

    They seriously do believe it’s 1993 again and all they have to do to win is the exact same things they did in 1993, don’t they.

  • Paul Tardy

    Actually radio sort of makes sense although I would have thought with her near Ukrainian looks, TV.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=373106]stew[/re]: [re=373090]Servo[/re]: well he is a member of KISS so that is to be expected…

  • boinggg

    I hate to admit it, but it could be just the thing for Palin. Her awful voice can be mellowed out with any number of enhancers that are available now. All she has to do is start out with a list of buzz words: media, troops, guns, abortion, etc. She can babble on for hours; and at such time her rabid fans master the touch-tone telephone, they can call her up and babble back about how terrible it all is now, what with the non-white people having babies all the time, making bombs, and mocking our Lord and Savior.

    Palin sees everything in life as a competition. So after she has achieved an amount of success in talk radio, she’ll set her sights on Limbaugh’s afternoon audience. God, how I would love to witness that fight!

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=373163]boinggg[/re]: Palin sees everything in life as a competition. So after she has achieved an amount of success in talk radio, she’ll set her sights on Limbaugh’s afternoon audience. God, how I would love to witness that fight!

    Like a good WWF match, that could keep Redtards occupied for awhile. However, only one message can spout from the unified guano faucet..
    On the plus side, I think she’d encourage a bunch of ‘lil Sarahs to ditch the pageantry gowns and belly up to Hate Radio in the name of Feminism and uh, smart communications-like stuff..

  • Joshua Norton

    a bunch of ‘lil Sarahs to ditch the pageantry gowns and belly up to Hate Radio

    Didn’t Ms. California Fake Boobs of 2009 already do that? And get a book deal? There’s money in being a stupid bigot. And you have a big audience because it’s a lot easier for repub-tards to coast along on their lizard brain than to strain it by actually learning things.

  • wilhed

    it never ceases to amaze how many women viscerally and immediately hate Sarah Palin. Much fodder for psychoanalysis of the female mind

  • Bruno


  • getoffmylawn

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have found the replacement for the late Billy Mays. Pity, because Billy was actually good at what he did.

  • krustysfather

    [re=373013]TeddyS[/re]: This is doomed to become viral: I can’t be the only person who pasted your comment into an E-mail and sent it to friends…

  • Better American Than You

    Her one modest appeal is visual, in a trailer-park-MILF kind of way. Her voice is that of a gaggle of cats doing a polka on a chalk board. To hear her interview someone like Little Jeff Sessions would create an aural battle so awful as to produce fusion in a spit cup.

  • Servo

    Depends on the cat’s state.

  • El Pinche

    [re=373192]Bruno[/re]: I almost laugh-sprayed my coffee on that last bit. Pubics and wee wees make el pinchee laff!!

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    [re=373190]wilhed[/re]: Sarah Palin is a hateful, spiteful mean girl. There’s none of that mysterious intuitive Sylvia Brown bullshit behind it. Many women hate Sarah Palin because they’ve met women like Sarah Palin and have good reason to find such women untrustworthy, contemptible, and generally miserable company. You don’t see many female people lining up for Ann Coulter either.

  • Gumboz1953

    [re=373190]wilhed[/re]: Actually, I’m a woman and I liked her, at first. Until she opened her mouth.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=373077]SmutBoffin[/re]: So Obama was a British Citizen at birth – just like George Washington!!!!

  • CorkPopper

    [re=373190]wilhed[/re]: I’m with Gumboz1953. On paper, she seemed appealing enough. Then she gave a convention speech that could be boiled down to “Fuck you and everything you think is important, like education and facts and improving your community and caring for the environment and so on, also” and she did it with a wink and a bitchy smile and I immediately began to hate her with white-hot intensity. Not complicated psychologically at all.

  • Deedle

    [re=373028]Extemporanus[/re]: Ewwww. I don’t want to know anything about the Palin vag.

  • worrierqueen

    I hear she’s got the inside running on becoming the next political commentator for Radio for the Deaf.

  • 102415

    Rumours from Alaska are that she’s looking at moving to the Hamptons. So much for loving Alaska. Poor Todd, I hope he gets some alimony and child support when they get a divorce.

  • HolyCow

    So what happens when she becomes part of the media?

    Will she blame her miseries on herself or blame herself for making things up?

  • nailinpalinnow

    Need to Detox from Palin? Try

    The Sarah Palin Detox Post