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Hey Columbus Dispatch, you have a Moral Obligation to release audio of this interview with Sen. George Voinovich! All Americans must hear this terrifyingly transcribed hell-screech of the Southern Republicans: “We got too many Jim DeMints and Tom Coburns. It’s the southerners. They get on TV and go ‘errrr, errrrr.’ People hear them and say, ‘These people, they’re southerners. The party’s being taken over by southerners. What the hell they got to do with Ohio?'” So next time you and a sexytime friend are on the sidewalk and hear some nearby people saying “errrr, errrrr” to each other, you can turn to your sexytime friend and whisper, “These people, they’re southerners,” and sound cool and smart and learned in tongues, and then you can bone, hooray. [Columbus Dispatch]

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78 COMMENTS

  1. Tell Voinovich that a panniculus is a much more reliable way to identify southerners, and doesn’t involve whispering behind anyone’s back

  2. *sigh*

    For the record, Southerners do not go “errrr, errrr.” The correct pronunciation is “errruh, errruh,” followed by the obligatory “y’all” or “all y’all.” Other than that, spot on Voino!

  3. This validates the Kinsley Hypothesis: most so-called gaffes are just inadvertent statements of the truth.

    [re=372429]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Had to go to Wikipedia to find out what a panniculus is. Or could’ve just looked down.

  4. Wait, what kind of name is “Voinovich”? I think we better see a birth certificate, pronto!

    (Actually, I went to school in northern Ohio, and about half my classmates were named something like Voinovich. It did make pronunciation easy for me when I studied Russian.)

  5. Birthers keep on screeching
    Carrying on ’bout the Muslin
    Screaming rants about certificates
    I miss Dixie once again
    And I think its a sin, yes

    Well I heard Voinovich errr about her
    Well, I heard ole George put her down
    Well, I hope Voinovich will remember
    A Southern man don’t need him around anyhow

    Sweet dumb Jesusland
    Where the taxes are so low
    Sweet dumb Jesusland
    Lord, we’re going home to you!!

  6. [re=372464]ManchuCandidate[/re]: What doesn’t taste better when you coat it in bread crumbs and cook it in hot oil? Gimme a big plate of chicken-fried sushi, please!

  7. hahaha Senator of Nothingsville sez whuh? I mean why are all those people moving FROM tardbelts like OH & MI to the South? Also Howard Dean sez Yyyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarghh! So suck it Voiny.
    /my parents are from Toledo….

  8. [re=372429]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Quite right. And as a public service here are some specifics on panniculi:
    Grade 1
    Panniculus barely covers the hairline and mons pubis but not the genitalia.
    Grade 2
    Extends to cover the genitalia.
    Grade 3
    Extends to cover the upper thigh
    Grade 4
    Extends to cover the mid thigh.
    Grade 5
    Extends to cover the knees or beyond.

  9. You know things are getting weird when even people from the midwest are saying bad things about people from the south. It’s one part of Real America is turning on the other part of Real America- who will win?

  10. [re=372497]head58[/re]: “Tekeli-li” and “Ia! Fhtagn!”

    Southerners all speak some sort of Polynesian-Welsh hybrid language?

  11. I’ve read that a Southern accent (DeMint, Vitter, et al) is now more and more considered the “normal” American accent rather than a Midwestern accent (Cronkite, Tom Hanks, etc.). I’m sure this has something to do with the dumbing down of America, also.

  12. [re=372497]head58[/re]: All the vowels are backward. You walk up a heel, but that thing on your shoe is a hill? You eat deal pickles and that’s not a big dill?

    That said, I’d choose Raleigh or Richmond over any city in Ohio. I prefer to be employed, even if it’s among people who pronounce the word “oil” as if it had one syllable.

  13. [re=372440]V572625694[/re]: You funny. But I guarantee if you had a panniculus you’d know it. For more fun search your Wonkette for panniculus. We’ve had some good times recently.

  14. from the comments there: ” Red Boy:

    Obama’s biggest problem: NO BIRTH CERTIFICATE. And Voinovich insult of the south is shameful. Southern GOP is the only ones leading right now. Traying to take back America!”

    Now I’m imagining souther politicians and birthers out hobo sledding sledding together on cafeteria trays. It’s a beautiful image, but I’m not sure how it will make Obama show us his birf certifkit.

  15. [re=372453]Terry[/re]: I visited the state once. I have to agree with you. Ceder Creek was fun, but I was a little nervous getting on the roller coasters knowing what kind of stress loads they needed withstand.

  16. [re=372493]Hooray For Anything[/re]: clearly the midwest. and us local liberals define the midwest as Michigan, Illinois, Wisconsin and Minnesota (also recently Iowa). except for Bachmann’s Minnesota.

    come to think — you don’t suppose there’s some way we could gerrymander Bachmann’s district OUT of MN, do you?

  17. What part of the “Southern Strategy?” do these chowderheads not understand? The part about coopting and pandering to the Wallace Democrats (and not Henry Wallace, you weisenheimers)? Or the part about cooking up their own brand of fear, hatred, white supremacy and gun violence to to win the same dumbfuck vote that southern race baiters had locked up for years?

    These G(r)OPers are so out of touch with their own history, they probably forgot what they ate for lunch–and definitely forgot who paid for it (the AMA, Big Pharma, etc.) Asshats, also.

  18. It’s fun to see the GOP stressed so many ways: northerners vs. southerners, straight Johns vs. closet gays vs. pedos vs. furries vs. diaper-wearers etc., retards vs. idiots, and Steele vs. everybody. They’re becoming more and more like Democrats.

  19. Southerners are trying to “take back America”? Didn’t that work out semi-disastrously 145 years ago or thereabouts? Oh, I’m sorry; that was their “going Galt” phase.

    P.S. YOU’RE RIVERZ ARE ON FIRE VOINYVICHY LOL.

  20. People from the Deep South don’t pronounce the letter ‘r’ at all, Voinovich, you bohunk retard. And it’s well known that the worst-sounding accents in U.S. America are from the Midwest, centered on Michigan, but including Ohio.

  21. Why doesn’t my senior senator do the honorable thing and switch parties in a desperate, transparent attempt to stay in office, like they do in that gay neighboring state, Pennsylvannia?

  22. As a life long resident of Northern Ohio ( people still live here, GASP! America) I agree with Voinovich. I would rather eat glass every day for a thousand years than live in the south, also.

  23. The most beautiful sight in the world must have been the night they burned Old Dixie down. I would have sang, “Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah,” over and over with tears in my eyes.

    Oh, if we could only do it again. Sniff, sniff… Whine, snivel… Snurk…

  24. I believe that Cleveland, Youngstown and some other Ohio garden spots have been certified “Unfit for Human Habitation.” Worst places for jobs, worst places to raise your kids, worst urban decay, worst for childhood asthma…. Maybe Ohioans say “errr” when they try to catch their breaths.

  25. Every summer when I was growing up, my family used drive from Milwaukee to D.C. to see my grandparents. Dad would always time the return trip so that we hit Cleveland around mid=afternoon, and then he’d make us roll down our windows.

    It was his unspoken way of reminding us that there were worse cities in which to live than Milwaukee.

  26. [re=372570]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Makes you wonder what Talk Like A Pirate Day sounds like in Columbus (or the South, depending on your position in this lofty debate).

    Aaaarg, errrr, aaaarg, errrr. with a Avast, y’all thrown in for good measure.

  27. [re=372615]Extemporanus[/re]: Good thing Child Protective Services didn’t hear about that. You’d have been raised by the sisters at the orphanage. Or wolves. Or, if you wound up in the hands of a particular N.J. rabbi, harvested for parts.

  28. I use the Santorum test–if they wipe the Santorum off their junk with the Wall Street Journal, they’re Northern Republicans. Southern Republicans use Moon Pie wrappers and Dale Earnhardt commemorative dish towels.

  29. It’s the first shots of the resumed war between the pin/pen mergeristas and the Northern cities vowel shifters!

    Maybe means a millhunkie Serb-American senator with a funny name gets to beat an errr-errr soundin’ Scots-Irish Southron upstart with a cane this go-around, to start the proceedings in a manner befitting, as it were…

  30. [re=372521]Cape Clod[/re]: That’s Cedar POINT to us (former) locals.

    And all this equating the South with Ohio has got to stop. Ohioans do not eat fried green tomatos. We grow’em in a summer garden and eat them fresh or our grandmas can them for eating during the winter or a Great Depression, which ever comes first. We do not fry tomatos in pig fat. We do, however, fry pork products in pig fat, like our Germanic forefathers did.

  31. [re=372521]Cape Clod[/re]: Cedar Point is the amusement park – Cedar Creek was the Civil War battle turned from defeat to victory by Ohio’s own Phil Sheridan who, along with Grant and Sherman obviously didn’t kill enough of them.

  32. Errr, errr! (Translation: That Veronomitch guy nailed it.)

    Err, er! (Translation: The South has done slid offa the political map).

    Eear, oar, err! (Quitter Snowbilly is moving to Dixie to complete the comical collapse of the GOP).

    Er! (Also.)

  33. Southern Ohio and Indiana are pretty damn southern! The south ends (in Ohio) somewhere between Cincinnati and Dayton. Indianapolis actually boasts it’s the northernmost southern city! (They need something, I guess). It’s the Appalachian south, too, not something slightly refined like Memphis or New Orleans.

    Zhu Bajie, too long a resident of Cincinnutty.

  34. [re=372446]Mahousu[/re]: “Wait, what kind of name is ‘Voinovich’?” Serbian, I believe. Remember when Milosevic et al. had their Bosnian peace conference in Dayton? And M. was wondering there would enough naughty entertainment for him? (In Dayton!!)

    Zhu Bajie

  35. [re=372717]McDuff[/re]: Get real. When someone can’t make a living in Hazzard County, KY, anymore off tobacco subsidies or illegal whacky tobaccy plantations, they head for Cinci! Some move on to Dayton.

    Zhu Bajie

  36. ‘errrr, errrrr.’

    My southern credentials are impeccable, and I have no idea what the hell that’s supposed to be. If he had said, “eh, law”, on the other hand…

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