Wonkette
According to “Wonkett” bylaws, everything Larry Craig does is 30% funnier by virtue of the fact that it was done by Larry Craig, the winsome bathroom goblin who repeatedly tried to appeal his own guilty plea after he was arrested in a “cruisy toilet” looking for a hot slice of man to get down with. The former senator has opened a consulting firm and has four whole clients! How much would you pay for his professional advice?
Larry Craig did spend nearly three decades in Washington, so he knows a thing or two about villainy, deal-making, and sodomy. His new consultancy, New West Strategies LLC, applies his ancient skills of witchery to the fields of construction management, mining and food processing. (Those are all antiquated Idahoan terms for “cruising constantly for gay bathroom sex with men.”)
Former Idaho Sen. Craig’s new consulting firm bringing in clients [Idaho Statesman]
He gives good advice on exactly how wide your stance should be and how many times to tap your foot.
Well, at least he’s not giving it away any more.
“How much would you pay for his professional advice?”
Depends what form of payment he asked for.
“Once you’re free of it, you really realize how free you really are,” Craig told the Idaho Falls Post Register.
We’re talking about Congress, the closet or both here Larry?
I could use a brush up on my fellatio skillz.
Isn’t it amazing how ‘Started a consulting firm’ always follows ‘Ended his Senatorial career in disgrace’ in so many personal bios?
that’s some sexy waddle action going on there
If I wasn’t such a lazy, sluggish Cheetos™ sucker, I’d get right to work on a serial comic featuring the exploits of my favorite superhero; “The Idaho Bathroom Goblin”.
“Should I go with two swift taps of the foot, or would three be a little sassier?”
I’d pay $5000/hour. He was so convincing when he said, so many times, “I am not homosexual.” Surely he’ll have no problem influencing corrupt congressmen to raise the maximum level of rat poison allowed in baby formula. Which he’ll convince congressmen needn’t necessarily be made from cow milk. Rat milk will nourish our toddlers just as well, and for a fraction of the price.
PLEASE PLEASE change the site logo to WONKETT just for today!!
I still think that Boise State should officially change its mascot’s name from ‘the Broncos’ to ‘the Bathroom Goblins.’
Is Larry on teh Twitterz? Because after the deliciousness of that post, Wonkett will be in “hot Water” again…
New West Strategies LLC, applies his ancient skills of witchery to the fields of construction management, mining and food processing.
Are we sure this is Craig and not Sally Struthers?
Consulting firm, gay escort service, it’s just semantics.
Is he advising to pitch or to catch?
Food Processing? Like whether to spit or swallow.
He’s now available to have his expertise tapped, if by “expertise” you mean, fat, doughy ass.
In which we learn: he’s writing a memoir too! And the title will be…
Across the Wide Standz-a Sea?
“food processing” = salad tossing?
New West Strategies LLC, where remittance is a wink, a nod, and a stiff one.
twowheeljunkie: it is high in protein and it is a non-vegetarian food product which vegetarians can have(if freely given!- I swear i read this on a veg site)
Well you know what they say, it’s who ya know and who ya blow.
Oh silly immature Wonkett, you just have to make fun of everything. Why don’t you care more like Meghan McCain.
I bet if I took that waddle to the state fair I would win first prize. I wonder if wind catches it like a sail?
I hate thinking of him having sex. I hate thinking of Sanford and Ensign having sex too. It’s almost as bad as imagining the noises Sarah Palin makes when she’s getting plowed really, really hard by what’s his name. I was talking about it with my wife in bed this morning and when we got up to make coffee we were treated to the very unpleasant sight of our cat and dog in front of the TV locked in an unbreakable 69 embrace. I’m going to give ‘em until tomorrow to cut it out and if they don’t I’m going to take the gun down off the mantle and shoot ‘em both. This is a sex lesson I don’t think my kids need to see right now. It’s affecting my marriage. It’s even affecting our animals. Everywhere I turn it’s sex, sex and more sex. I’m getting very anxious. Gnaa gnaa gnaa! Gnaa gnaa gnaa!!!
Larry:
I need consultation on how to best keep quiet in the stall, because biting into the roll of TP is giving me Cotton(elle) Mouth. Please assist. Thx.
Godot: swallowing your kids?
Dolmance: Gina Lynn is your friend.
Why did Craig call his new firm “Wide Stance Consulting?” Is that a good p.r. move?
And why, in a press release announcing the new firm, did Craig write, “I promise that if you call my Wide Stance Consulting offices, it will not be hard for you to reach a real person, and there will be no stalls on the phone when you call, and we will provide room for a rest from the usual hectic consulting company. We are Wide Stance Consulting, and make the hard things easy for you!”
Dolmance: Just let’em party like it’s 1939! Craig is like one of those quiet, modest Nazis who were never Nazis dontcha know.
Villainy, deal-making, and sodomy?
Why, you make it sound like those are BAD things.
Thuper, Tuber and Hummer, LLC
I thought he’d open a restaurant featuring the Super Tuber.
http://www.foodgoat.com/031125tuber5.JPG
I didn’t know glory hole manufacturers needed lobbyists.
Only 30% funnier for Sen. Craig? What is Palin? Some binary power of 10 to the xth?
finallyhappy: You made me LOL. That is just to funny. How about Vegans. If it is freely given then they are not exploiting the giver.
le petit mort: New West Strategies indeed. Odd. Their site is down… as it were. Guess it was time to run to Cinnabon.
hobospacejunkie: You ever try to milk a rat, sonny? With those little tiny teats? It’s labor intensive, I tell you, and requires specialized training and equipment. Be practical!
Also, on a side note, it is phrases like “winsome bathroom goblin” that keep me coming back for more from Wonkett(e). Sigh. You complete m(e).
SooperToobers_R_US?
Dolmance: I’m getting very anxious. Gnaa gnaa gnaa! Gnaa gnaa gnaa!!!
I think you meant, “Errrr, errrr”
Trollin’ for the stimulus.
Food processing = Santorum’s competition.
ServiceJervixJuice: “The Idaho Bathroom Goblin”
Wasn’t that a Mothers of Invention song?
Dolmance: I’m not sure why, but this is one of my favorite wonkette comments ever.
Dewey, Screwem & Howe
Dolmance: Long sessions of prayer and tasers will take care of this behavior.
I bet he has a franchise on C-Street already.
finallyhappy: …vegetarians can have(if freely given!..
As opposed to, uhm, what? Obtained via blow job rape?
Dolmance: Thanks for the image of Sanford and Ensign having sex…together…
A “consulting firm,” eh? Isn’t that what yuppies get called down at the bookstore?
dr.giraud: The Idaho Bathroom Goblin
I heard he’s on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all those Minnesota restroom attendants
He just be blowin’ them down
Assuming such a wide stance
He just be pumpin’ all of them up with his bag of
Idaho Bathroom Goblin juice
He just be pumpin’ all of them up with his bag of
Idaho Bathroom Goblin juice
dr.giraud: doloras: Good Gawd, the first ten issues would write themselves, with the Goblin battling the “Illinois Enema Bandit” for the extraction rights of Uranus.
Will he be in DC? Or back in Rexburg, ID? What will folks consult him about?
Zhu Bajie