Hiya, Cougs! “Everything?” Hard to say. But the McCain Family’s illiterate psychobabble, on Twitter? Always! Jesus. Why won’t these satire sites GROW UP AND GET SERIOUS? [Twitter]

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  1. OMG…that avatar…staring at me with those cold dead eyes….arrrrgggghhhh…I’m turning to stone…

    But seriously…you know what’s funny…when a dottering old rageaholic calls his wife a trollop and a c*nt…that’s funny…

  2. Damn you, Wonkett. I stopped following Meghan ages ago (because reading her Tweets made *me* want to kill myself) and now I’m going to have to start following the whole clan.

  3. I was going to make pithy comment re:Cougar McCain’s inability to spell, but Don Juanquete beat me to it.

    So I’ll just make a comment re: my inability to make a pithy comment re:Cougar McCain’s inability to spell.

    Now my head hurts.

  4. You’ve made a very powerful enemy, Wonkett. Keep your eyes locked on that rear-view mirror, since the next Budweiser rig you see on the highway might be piloted by a heavily-sedated blonde and her husband, whose rictus-grin forewarns your own death.

  5. Great, now the McCains will employ the patented Palin approach: whine, attack through media surrogates, organize a protest that draws 5 geriatric PUMAs and then resign from office. WAY TO GO, WONKETT!!!!

  6. Cindy is the brains and backbone in that family. Too bad her plans for her husband didn’t work out so well. The daughter, well, you just have to hope for the best.

  7. Seriously, this cluelessness is why those people lost the election. Or maybe she’s actually extraordinarily brilliant in revealing that, in fact, everything IS funny to us. Everything except that scary avatar…yikes.

  8. YES!

    Cindy reads Wonkette! HI CINDY! *waves*

    Not everything is funny to us, but epic charlatan failures like your husband and daughter are!

    BYE NOW, and don’t forget to bookmark us!

  9. Well, if Cindy would visit more often, she’d find out that, yeah, everything is funny to Wonkett. Esp. rich beer heiresses that break up a marriage, gets the dude, only to find out he’s a cranky old bastard that calls her nasty names in front of other people. Now that is HI-larious, Cindy.

  10. [re=372200]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: And thanks to Cindy and her whole brood for giving us plenty of laffs! Like Sarah Palin! We’d have never known who the Governor of Alaska was (or that it was still a state) had it not been for the McCain family. Really, Cindy and John, thanks for unleashing that plague on an unsuspecting population. Now THAT’s funny!

  11. It’s disturbing to think that my alcoholism has in some way contributed to the McCain lifestyle. I probably by all rights own about a fifth of her wardrobe.

  12. Cindy’s bio: Aside from being with my family, working in a clinic or mine field is where I would rather be.

    If I’m reading this properly, being with her family is worse than working in a mine field. Surprisingly honest of her.

  13. Hey Cind, your daughter broadcasts live her attempts to get someone else to do a good deed in order to make herself look like a good Samaritan. I, for one, do think that’s pretty funny. Or pathetic. Take your pick.

  14. Maybe the McCains are taking a cue from Palin on how to deal with people.

    Which would be hilarious and really depressing at the same time.

  15. Know what’s really funny, Cin?

    When an heiress forces a doctor who works for a charity she founded to illegally write bogus prescriptions for Percocet and Vicodin in other people’s names without their knowledge and the heiress winds up eating 20 painkillers a day, which she claims she needs because of ruptured discs and the stress of her Senator husband being investigated on federal corruption charges in a bank scandal that costs US taxpayers $3 billion.

    Then, after said heiress is forced into rehab by her family, she fires Dr. Feelgood, and the doc reports her to the DEA, which launches an investigation, and, in a stroke of darned good luck, the US Attorney decides not to press drug charges on an heiress who is the wife of a US Senator, and all the heiress has to do is pay a fine and do community service, and info on the case is not released to the public.

    Until the fired doc threatens to sue for wrongful termination, but says he’ll settle for $250,000, and the corrupt Senators lawyer then cries “extortion,” and the doc drops the lawsuit. Just as DEA investigators are about to publicly release details of the illegal-narcotics-from-a-charity-and-no-jail-either-scandal, the heiress suddenly reveals her drug addiction to sympathetic reporters. In the wake of the scandal, the charity, which helped sick kids around the world, ceased operations.

    That, Cin. That is really funny.

  16. [re=372168]GIJoeIce[/re]: It’s like 4th grade all over again. Let’s be those cool kids who go play tetherball and make fun of meg and cindy’s clothes.

  17. Wonkette is just too damn French for Cougar McCain. Wonkett is the WASP version.

    And the c*nt has a perfect right to be waspish today. She just find out that absolutely no one at the most prestigious beer bash in decades choses to drink Budweiser.

  18. Hi Cindy, you saucy cunt. I only use that term because it is WALNUTS! pet name for you and it is so cute. Got any good new cookie recipes available, also too?

  19. [re=372168]GIJoeIce[/re]: HAHAHA you made fun of somebody and then got yelled at by her mom!!!

    Next the the loudspeaker will order the Wonkette to report to the principal’s office and tonight the Wonkette will be hanging out with the kids that smoke behind the tennis courts . . .

  20. [re=372225]the deliverator[/re]: Except it’s not about tetherball and clothes, it’s about the future of our fucking country and who is going to be making that future. With luck, we can satire the McCains out of the picture.

  21. You know you gotta have a pretty easy, care free life if you can waste precious time worrying about what we say about you at Wonkette. Swap?

  22. Oh, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy. It’s nothing personal. We’re just snarking on your brain farts while we wait for Sarahcuda to twit something really monumental.

    But don’t worry, I have contact the Thought Police and contact Strunk & White.

  23. It only seems like everything is funny. Behind the humor is a seething rage at having deal with the notion of people like Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber being given legitimacy and a serious place in the national political conversation. You know what I mean? HENGH?

  24. To be fair, Cindy, it’s pretty rare that a Wonkette post mentions your daughter without at least one of us mentioning that we would, in fact, tap that.

  25. I do believe that Twitter pic is using its eyes to strangle my soul. Luckily, her terrible spelling gives me the hope to live on. Long live Wonkett!

  26. Madame McCain, I hope you (and your twitterati) are reading.

    I just took a quick look at twitter and most of your supporters in this slap fight seem to be of the opinion that we here at Wonkette are unfeeling, crass individuals who would react to a rape victim on a subway platform by stepping over her and cursing her for making us miss our train. The fact is, we would help our fellow man just like your lovely daughter did…only we wouldn’t get our publicist involved and liveblog the entire event.

    If we did liveblog ourselves in an act of heroism, we would rightly be called attention-seeking douchebags. The fact that one is a “celebrity” does not change that equation.

    There, now you’ve made me explain the funny. Are you happy now?

  27. What’s REALLY funny is that Thursday, Barak is hosting a beer-bash at the EFFING WHITE HOUSE with the whole media of the free world watching, and NO Anheuser-Busch products will be in evidence. Haw!

  28. Yea. This is so funny that it makes me feel sorry for her (which is the best kind of funny). You could almost hear her inner thoughts…”Let’s see those bored assholes make fun of this direct, straightforward observation. Hey Wonkett….D’oh!

  29. Is failing at spelling and grammar prerequisite to being allowed to register Republican? I mean, come on people. At least develop a nodding acquaintance with spell check.

  30. [re=372270]Minnie Mean[/re]: I hope we don’t get put on double-secret detention.

    I just know he’s going to look right at me and say fat, drunk, stupid and putting comments on the Wonkette is no way to go through life.

  31. I know this was deadly serious:

    Missing my Vente Cinnamon Docle Latte. Little short on Starbucks in Honolulu. Its a terrible habit but delicious.
    11:34 AM Jul 24th from TwitterBerry

  32. “Lately I have had a bulldog on my mind. I saw a puppy and fell in love with it. What do you think, one more dog. Bring the grand total to 5? 5:13 PM Jul 20th from TwitterBerry”

    Is that any way to talk about your family, Cindyhm1?

  33. [re=372300]GDTRFB[/re]: Satire is like an illegal migrant in Maricopa County. Sheriff Joe will make sure it’s taken out back and properly beaten and sodomized before it’s handed over to the Border Patrol.

  34. [re=372322]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: while she’s waiting for a servant to bring her another Vente Cinnamon Docle Latte to swallow her fist full of vicodin.

  35. Hiya Cindy. How ’bout you take Keith Olbermann’s cock outta your mouth and try seeing it from our perspective. We’re not the ones who helped ruin a marriage and then foisted a POW-hating potty-mouthed angerbear on US America who in turn loosed a barely literate, ethics-free snowtard on the White House. When it comes to families you put the fun in dysfunction. So yes everything, especially about you & yours, is funny, now that you mention it.

  36. God! What is with the whining Republicans? They trashed the joint, got rich doing it and now they are pissing and moaning all over the place. Enjoy your ill gotten gains and shut up!

  37. Hey Cindy, Meghan and John McCain, all your staffers and all the Palins:

    Why is everything so unfunny to you?

    And why are all of you so bat-quano crazy?

    Stop being national embarrassments, and shut the hell up, for gawd’s sake!

  38. I feel just a little bit stupider for reading all her Twitter updates. When your main thought for a day is “The BB Storm needs to be discontinued”, you either need a hobby, a job, or pharmaceutical assistance to reach a nominal level of brainwave stasis.

    Reading that makes me feel like I just drank a Bud Light. My stomach hurts, my eyes are sore, my head is pounding, and the need to vom is almost overriding.

  39. I’ll tell ya what’s not funny, Cin: your daughter on Bill Maher’s show.

    Actually, it was a little funny in a holy-shit-I-can’t-believe-this-blithering-nitwit-has-a-six-figure-book-deal-when-she-has-done-nothing-distinguishing-in-her-life-and-Paul-Begala-just-OWNED-her-smarmy-ass-you-would-think-with-all-their-money-her-family-could-have-sent-her-to-a-good-school-fucking-rich-people-hey-Megs-try-suffering-through-this-lousy-job-market-with-the-rest-of-the-proletariat-you-might-learn-something sort of way.

    On the plus side I never drink Budweiser. Tastes like urine-soaked feces. Now get back to your wonderful humanitarian work and LEAVE WONKETT ALONE!!1! Also.

  40. [re=372357]imissopus[/re]: Point: The Preznit decided to drink Bud for his Boston Dètente Summit on Thursday. He is one sly shut-cher-mouth.

  41. Oi, I thought we’d seen the last of that vulpine painkiller recepticle. Then again, this does seem to be a habit of hers, to every so often pop her head over her levvy-like collar she always wears and spew venom and ignorance before popping back down again. Mommy, make Lady Macbeth go away.

  42. Also Cindy, please change your avatard. You look frighteningly skeevy and dead-eyed, like a stepford wife. You aren’t a stepford wife, are you Cindy? Because that would be really FKNFNY. But really, who would know the difference, right?

  43. [re=372334]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Why thank you! I try to be mean only to over-entitled, self-obsessed, self-indulgent, law-evading assholes who have done things like invoke the safety of “the troops” when accusing a Democrat of voting against a war-funding bill when they know damn well that a)the Democrat wasn’t voting against soldiers and b)their asshole husbands voted the very same way on the very same bill.

    I guess it’s just my bad nature.

  44. Unleashing Sarah Palin in this Nation was not funny, Mrs. McCain.
    So please, in honor of the American Soldier, quit makin’ things up.

  45. Hawaii is lovely. Good to be here. The wreath laying was incredibly moving. For my father and his high school classmates.
    10:01 PM Jul 22nd from TwitterBerry

    For the rest of us, though, it was really just ehhhh, whateves.

  46. Ha ha! Page views all around! More for our “Wonkett,” and more for that hollow eyed wraith and her lovably incoherent daughter.

  47. Four hours later, and Cindy still hasn’t tweeted again. She’s just letting that burn sink in. And those eyes, the stern “We are NOT amused” gaze…do I even dare to comment at Wonkette any more?

  48. [re=372522]GDTRFB[/re]: I meant satire, Maricopa County, Border Patrol and sheriff joe. For Cindy, plz replace with Cindy, SEAL trainees, Coronado Beach, and Big Daddy.

  49. It’s obvious Wonkette has a crush on Meghan McCain… they’re just like a 3rd grade boy who pulls your hair instead of saying he likes you.

  50. [re=372255]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: If given the choice of tapping Cindy or Megs (the other choice being a bullet to the brain) I would definitely have to go with Cindy McCougs. She seems like the type who would light up a cigarette after a good fuck and languidly inquire when you would be leaving. Meghan seems like a crier.

  51. Cindy? The “e” on the end of Wonkette was not a pill, and you should not have eaten it.

    Also? We know you just found out about the internet, but please don’t ask us to explain how to use “The Email” or forward badly written chain letters filled with animated gifs to us and 300 other people, m’kay?

  52. Right below that she had this hilarious touch of her own:
    “Navy flight school in Pensacola. A good place to learn to fly.”

    Maybe she was a bit tongue-in-cheek, as that’s where hubby learned to fly. And crashed 3 planes besides his Vietnam shootdown. Now another young McCain is taking to the air. Keep watching the skies, Floridians!

  53. Cindy, you forget too quickly what it is like to be young. How else is Wonkette going to get into your daughter’s pants? Yes, I mean all of us.

  54. [re=372249]I Am Not Your Gary Busey[/re]: Back off Not Busey. Cindy and are and Lurve! and as soon as she dumps the cryptkeeper she’s buying me a helicopter and 3 more homes. Right Cindy? …Cindy?

  55. [re=373061]WIDTAP[/re]: Back off MF’ers she’s mine. She is my Cylon goddess. Besides Widtap, you are apparently married now.

  56. [re=372162]mookworthjwilson[/re]: “But seriously…you know what’s funny…when a dottering old rageaholic calls his wife a trollop and a c*nt…that’s funny…”

    And Cindy woke up from the ravishing of her life to ask, “Where is that *magnificent* wonkape?”

  57. Cindy, darling…you misunderstand. In truth, certain things that John eats TASTE funny. Maybe you should give the “Little Cougs” a little soapy love?

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