FUNTIMES  7:08 pm July 27, 2009

Brilliant Piece Of Legislation Puts Birther-Loving Congressmen (BACHMANN BACHMANN BACHMANN) On The Spot

by Jim Newell

Amazing things have happened in the House this afternoon; go read all of what Sam Stein wrote, here, he’s good at these things. Briefly, though: Rep. Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii — former buddy of Barack Obama Senior! — introduced a resolution “Recognizing and celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the entry of Hawaii into the Union as the 50th State,” which now includes the line, “Whereas the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii…” SO WHAT’S IT GONNA BE, GOP congressmen with insane constituents?? Apparently they need some time to think about this standard symbolic resolution, because Michele Bachmann blocked the quick and easy passage of it on the floor this afternoon. Why would she do that? [Huffington Post]


Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


jagorev July 27, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Maybe she just hates Hawaii.

natoslug July 27, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Whereas Michelle Bachmann is a fucking multidimensional nutjob, we hereby resolve that she should be banished to any dimension other than this one.

thehelveticascenario July 27, 2009 at 7:15 pm

Clearly the next Birther tactic is to question the validity of Hawaii’s entrance to the union. Where’s the state certificate?!

Extemporanus July 27, 2009 at 7:15 pm

Ambercrombie wouldn’t have done this if
Obama were Asian.

I_P July 27, 2009 at 7:17 pm

What an absolutely, mind-bendingly beautiful piece of parlimentary fuck-you-in-the-ass-birther-bastards.

ManchuCandidate July 27, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Put her in the Phantom Zone. All kneel before Bach.

Darkness July 27, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Whereas Hawaii has 8 national parks, which preserve volcanoes

Not to nitpick… but volcanoes really can take care of themselves.

american mutt July 27, 2009 at 7:17 pm

I’m envisioning a horrible porn about whether or not some powerful black man is born in Africa and by the end all da white women realize he wasn’t. They leave sorely disappointed. Double entendres ensue. This porn will not sell very well.

Numbat Dundee July 27, 2009 at 7:18 pm

“This House resolves that in the in interest of justice, civilisation and, incidentally, for our own amusement, Representative Bachmann shall be held down and a pineapple inserted in her anus.” That’s change I can believe in!

I_P July 27, 2009 at 7:18 pm

[re=371833]I_P[/re]: Oh, also.

Joshua Norton July 27, 2009 at 7:19 pm

Boy, you can almost hear the Looney Tunes theme song playing.

Extemporanus July 27, 2009 at 7:19 pm

[re=371830]Extemporanus[/re]: Grr, Amber alert. (Sorry Abercrombie. Don’t tell Fitch!)

Tra July 27, 2009 at 7:19 pm

Rep. Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii is my new best friend. This will be immensely enjoyable.

Crab1 July 27, 2009 at 7:21 pm

A truer patriot was never born. Shine on, Michelle, you crazy diamond!

Numbat Dundee July 27, 2009 at 7:23 pm

[re=371835]Darkness[/re]: You have a point. It would actually be a good thing if obscene and ugly development was mandated to be zoned on the slopes of volcanoes.

TJBeck July 27, 2009 at 7:23 pm

Send it to committee. What happens if the senate passes a resolution honoring Hawaii, but not including the Obama thing?

One Yield Regular July 27, 2009 at 7:23 pm

Ah well, there goes Bachmann’s 2nd honeymoon.

Paul Tardy July 27, 2009 at 7:25 pm


WadISay July 27, 2009 at 7:28 pm

While they’re at it, include a “whereas” about how Hillary didn’t kill Vince Foster.

WhatTheHeck July 27, 2009 at 7:32 pm

Its like someone turned the lights on and the republican cockroaches running scared.
What to do? What to do?

I say they check themselves into a roach motel.

barneyfunk July 27, 2009 at 7:39 pm

It’s all a plot by the royal family of Hawaii to take over the U.S. God bless you and your brain slug, Michelle Bachman!

MGBYG July 27, 2009 at 7:46 pm

[re=371835]Darkness[/re]: I do believe these laws are to protect the volcanoes from being huge trash furnaces for the masses and possibly to keep the birfer-types from throwin’ in a virgin or two for good crops and all.

chascates July 27, 2009 at 7:55 pm

Possible good news ahead:

Bachmann joins Paulsen on GOP’s most-vulnerable-incumbents list

rereridiculous July 27, 2009 at 7:56 pm

It’s not the Obama being born there she objects to, it’s that she thinks that Hawaii is the 52nd state.

DogBreath July 27, 2009 at 7:57 pm

As a former resident of Minnesota and a product of its educational system, I would like to raise doubts about the validity of any “birth certificate” that Michelle Bachmann can produce and assert that she is not eligible to be a congresscritter because she was not born to human parents on planet earth.

Who_Knew_2 July 27, 2009 at 7:59 pm

In next elections; I refuse to VOTE for any government official who takes a vacation in Aug w/out fixing HealthCare!

Darkness July 27, 2009 at 8:01 pm

[re=371845]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Yeah, why should the hurricanes have all the fun.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 27, 2009 at 8:02 pm

Hey, if we refuse to recognize Wyoming as a state, does that mean Dick Cheney will no longer be President?

And, if this was so important, why hasn’t anyone made a big deal of the fact that Sarah Palin was born in the Canadian province of Idaho?

Autochthon July 27, 2009 at 8:39 pm

WHo VOTES for this woman??? I demand to see her birth certificate AND their birth certificates! It’s the only way I’ll believe any of ‘em are at least partially human.

On the plus side, this is a delightful and all-too-rare example of parliamentary fuckery…

Mr Blifil July 27, 2009 at 8:46 pm

You may be assured Don Ho never had to show fucking proof of birth.

hobospacejunkie July 27, 2009 at 8:53 pm

You’d think idiot Bachmann could’ve at least found a gullible freshman republican rep to do the dirty deed for her. Her god complex must be making her feel infallible. Expect entertainment to fly from her charmed mouth tomorrow.

Anita Cocktail July 27, 2009 at 8:58 pm

You know what this means: Elvin Twinklepeep will be back…

NYNYNY July 27, 2009 at 9:00 pm

The bill just passed unanimously- everyone voted Yea.

wizzlebiff July 27, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Scandalabra July 27, 2009 at 9:06 pm

[re=371904]Anita Cocktail[/re]: Thank you Anita, I have been looking for the site where I can contribute to Tinkerbelle. Enuf of this horror.

azw88 July 27, 2009 at 9:14 pm

[re=371906]NYNYNY[/re]: sad, now that they admit that Hawaii is after all a state, now Do Ho will be our next President. Once they reanimate his corpse by rubbing poi all over it.

lionboy July 27, 2009 at 9:17 pm

[re=371838]Numbat Dundee[/re]: The pineapple comment and resulting mental image will be giving me a chuckle all night. Well done!

BigAl July 27, 2009 at 9:22 pm

I just don’t understand why he doesn’t just produce the original typewritten one from the hospital. That would shut these people up quick.

Hooray For Anything July 27, 2009 at 9:26 pm

Eh, no big deal. The resolution will probably die in the Senate.

thecaits July 27, 2009 at 9:30 pm

Jesus fucking Christ. These people are so fucking stupid it depresses me.

Alpha O. Mega July 27, 2009 at 9:31 pm

Whereas, the seven castaways stranded on Gilligan’s Island had embarked on a three-hour tour from Hawaii, and

Whereas, Steve McGarett, the head of Hawaii Five-O, was the best plainclothes cop in the Pacific . . .

the lady MS. Sheila Dixon July 27, 2009 at 9:33 pm

[re=371919]BigAl[/re]: geez… where are you people from? Mars?I don’t understand why you won’t stick your original typewritten one from the hospital up your

GreatOldOnesParty July 27, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Today, we are all Hawaiians.

Extemporanus July 27, 2009 at 9:38 pm

[re=371898]Mr Blifil[/re]: That’s because his mom was a Ho, not a ho.

GreatOldOnesParty July 27, 2009 at 9:44 pm
BigAl July 27, 2009 at 9:46 pm

[re=371927]the lady MS. Sheila Dixon[/re]: I’m on your side. He could just give them what they ask for and shut them up forever. What a power move…..

Better American Than You July 27, 2009 at 9:51 pm

What is it about the Republican party that seems to attract so many women who are not only mean and stupid, but crazy also?

expatinOz July 27, 2009 at 9:53 pm

Whereas Tom Selleck once looked hawt in short shorts and a stache (even if he is a gun nut)

itgetter July 27, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=371906]NYNYNY[/re]: Yup. But why so many non-voting dems?

Keram2 July 27, 2009 at 10:23 pm

[re=371919]BigAl[/re]: No. Democrats need to milk this movement for all it’s worth. Passing health care reform with a public option is going to be hard as fuck, and the 2010 midterms are going to be a complete shitshow. So it’s to our advantage to be able to paint Republican lawmakers as tinfoil hat wearing, nutso birthers. Moderate republicans that flirt with Birtherism will appear to moderates and independents as fringe lunatics and stay in our camp.

Also, the whole Brither thing might give David Frum an aneurysm, which I’d love to see, if only for the laffs.

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2009 at 10:27 pm

[re=371933]BigAl[/re]: It doesn’t matter what he shows them — Birferism is a faith-based movement. In fact, like all crazed faith-based movements, they’d welcome strong evidence against their beliefs. It strengthens their faith to have it go against all reason.

facehead July 27, 2009 at 10:40 pm


Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 27, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Wait, so…….Hawaii is located in Africa? Now it all makes sense.

zwoof July 27, 2009 at 10:49 pm

So, she wants the all of the other loons to assemble and have their voices heard on this. ha
I’m sure the absentee nuts were so pleased with her call to quorum on this. They were all very busy at the time hiding in the cloakroom.

facehead July 27, 2009 at 10:51 pm

[re=371959]Rev. Peter Lemonjello[/re]: How else is Mr. Echo’s brother going to fly the plane to the island?

thursday July 27, 2009 at 10:55 pm

I would love to vote for Michele Bachmann. Over and over.

DoctorCulturae July 27, 2009 at 11:05 pm

Book’em Danno, murder one!

PsycGirl July 27, 2009 at 11:06 pm

[re=371838]Numbat Dundee[/re]: “This House resolves that in the in interest of justice, civilisation and, incidentally, for our own amusement, Representative Bachmann shall be held down and a pineapple inserted in her anus.” That’s change I can believe in!

How do you know the situation you describe is in fact a change?

ifthethunderdontgetya" July 27, 2009 at 11:07 pm

Orly Taitz, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann walk into a bar…

imissopus July 27, 2009 at 11:09 pm

I love my Wonkette, but I feel compelled to post this:

I hope it helps everyone climb down from the ledge.

PsycGirl July 27, 2009 at 11:09 pm

Orly Taitz, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann walk into a bar…

and the average IQ drops by 25 points.

dementor July 27, 2009 at 11:10 pm

[re=371933]BigAl[/re]: Sorry, Big Al, you’re a big fucking concern troll.

As you said on an earlier post, “I just don’t understand this. Maybe there should be a vote. Then the president can sign it and hold up his original type written birth certificate and say ‘here it is with Doctors name, hospital ect.’ Guaranteed second term.”

It was your “ect.” that gave you away. Now go back to school and learn how to spell so you can blend in with better society.

ifthethunderdontgetya" July 27, 2009 at 11:38 pm

[re=371978]dementor[/re]: Stop picking on Bi Gal!1!!

dementor July 27, 2009 at 11:43 pm

Oops. Sorry, Bi-Gal. You’re truly one of us. Carry on!!1!

Mahousu July 27, 2009 at 11:43 pm

[re=371978]dementor[/re]: Well, maybe he meant echt rather than ect.

What exactly is all this nonsense about hospital and doctor’s names on birth certificates anyway? I just checked our family’s birth certificates, from four different states, and only our daughter’s one, from California, even mentions the hospital name. None of them have any doctor’s name on them. I guess none of us will be running for President, then. Oh well.

Car Ramrod July 27, 2009 at 11:47 pm

[re=371949]Keram2[/re]: Not to mention the money they’re pissing away on lawsuits and publicity. The longer they drive that money down the wrong street, the better…

S.Luggo July 27, 2009 at 11:55 pm

As if.
From the Mormon Princess, Glennda of OZ:
Under pain of loss of both our Constitutionally guaranteed privilege to daily saunas, stoked by tiny Mexicans and our Second Amendment right to free back rubs by the boy/girl/boy/girl pages, the House of Anti-Freedom Representatives voted for the resolution, which originally read,
Whereas the Supposed 44th President of the United States, Barack Hussein Marx Engels Leninist Al-queida Christian-killer Obama, was born in Hawaii, a province of Uganda,

S.Luggo July 28, 2009 at 12:11 am

[re=371906]NYNYNY[/re]: “Yea” is islamo-libtard for, “eat more goat.”

lmj July 28, 2009 at 12:35 am

I don’t know what will happen. If some of the winger GOPer Congresscreatures have to go on record, will there ever be a quorum for this vote? Some one give odds, I may be interested in a wager.

shortsshortsshorts July 28, 2009 at 12:38 am

The White Man should get more of those White Women to STFU, BUT only if the white lady’s name is “Michele Fucking Bachmann.”

It’s like an artist asking a retarded child to run for office in the Midwest. YES WE CAN!1

TGY July 28, 2009 at 12:49 am


TGY July 28, 2009 at 12:51 am

Hey, remember how, when Obama went vacationing in Hawaii, some of the pundits claimed he was being elitist? Didn’t Cokie Robertson say he should ‘vacation within the US’? Though I can’t remember exactly, as I’ve passed so much water under the bridge. But hah. Fuckers.

TGY July 28, 2009 at 12:58 am

Bah. That’s Cokie Robers (it’s late), and it was:

‘…she mocked Obama’s choice of vacation spot, calling Hawaii “some sort of foreign exotic place.” ‘

Wet Work July 28, 2009 at 1:01 am

I think the sudden attack of Birtherism is directly related to Nobama Hussein’s push for communized medicine. If they can’t fight on policy grounds it’s only natural for the Repubs to play the “BOOGIE MAN!!! BOOGIE MAN!!!” card.

What else have they got? Whitey tape?

hobospacejunkie July 28, 2009 at 1:07 am

[re=372009]TGY[/re]: Cokie Roberts — journalism’s best evidence against nepotism, or something. Cross-pollination between politics & journalism, + one generation. More methane passes from her mouth on Sundays than a cow with diarrhea. What was the topic? H yeah, Bachmann crazy overdrive. Well I used to love her, but it’s all over now.

S.Luggo July 28, 2009 at 1:20 am
NYNYNY July 28, 2009 at 1:24 am

[re=371938]itgetter[/re]: Oh, there’s this fuckin awesome raver over at C street house tonight. I think most of the Dems are over there and missed the vote. I heard there’ll be a lot of Brazilian journalists who want to bang some Congressman. (And a prayer circle, jesus, bla bla bla)

Torak Nahtz July 28, 2009 at 3:40 am

Wait what, there’s a leper park in Hawaii? And Barack Obama’s wedding ring is white gold? So please tell us what you are trying to imply here.

lawrenceofthedesert July 28, 2009 at 4:04 am

Since she voted for the resolution after blocking several votes because there wasn’t a quorum, let’s all sing: “Michele, you’re swell, we’ll vote for you when we all freeze in Hell.”

gurukalehuru July 28, 2009 at 4:38 am

[re=371919]BigAl[/re]: No, it wouldn’t. P.S. You’re a retard.

the lady MS. Sheila Dixon July 28, 2009 at 4:57 am

[re=372057]gurukalehuru[/re]: Hey ! It’s my fellow truther! My other link failed. Have you seen “Loose Change”?

finallyhappy July 28, 2009 at 7:58 am

Columbia Hospital for Women was torn down. My kids were born there; now they are not citizens. The hospital I was born in was torn down; now I am not a citizen. Also I think both of these hospitals were destroyed by an inside job as opposed to planned demolition.

Thank you Birthers and Truthers- Now I Believe!

helzapoppn July 28, 2009 at 8:17 am

[re=371828]natoslug[/re]: Perhaps we can trick her into saying her name backwards. Works for certain other troublesome imps.

Manos: Hands of Fate July 28, 2009 at 8:20 am

[re=372006]TGY[/re]: Real Americans go on vacation to Akron, Ohio. Effete snobs go to places with nice weather or lovely beaches.

Anita Cocktail July 28, 2009 at 8:23 am

Haha, when my kids were born (in a large metropolitan hospital, mind you) they handed us a little booklet and in the back was a BLANK “hospital certificate of birth.” We were supposed to fill it out ourselves. Good luck getting a doctor to look at you, let alone signing your little memento.

Now can’t we talk about all the babies in the world named “Fe-MA-le” or “Nosmo King” or “Fallopia”?

Autochthon July 28, 2009 at 8:29 am

[re=372085]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: I thought they went to Branson, MO…

widget09 July 28, 2009 at 8:33 am

Why in the hell did we retaliate against Japan? Apparently Hawaii wasn’t even part of the US. Barrack should send every American a noterized copy of his birth certificate…..problem solved, I think not. If Michelle Bachman gets re-elected, we should bannish Minnisota from the US.

Terry July 28, 2009 at 9:12 am


Yep, the volcanoes didn’t want that neighborhood between them and the ocean and, voila, no more neighborhood.

finallyhappy July 28, 2009 at 9:27 am

[re=372047]Torak Nahtz[/re]: hey, no fantasy references here -unless it is the left behind series.

PsycGirl July 28, 2009 at 9:38 am

[re=371919]BigAl[/re]: Nothing will shut these people up.

ShortShadey July 28, 2009 at 11:37 am

[re=371906]NYNYNY[/re]: The resolution passed unanimously? This obviously means that Michele Bachmann is a traitor, in cahoots with both the Hawaiaan Health Department and Hawaiian newspaper editors from 47 years ago.

SpikeyDog July 28, 2009 at 12:43 pm

I’m sure that Michele wouldn’t read Wonkette, but I’ll bet she would like to hear from you. Let’s all drop her a little note to tell her how much we appreciate her stopping the adoption of this radical resolution. Her office email will only accept emails from her Congressional District, so I suggest you use the 56301 zip code.

drpangloss July 28, 2009 at 1:24 pm

C’mon Michelle you couldn’t try to throw in an amendment in on a voice vote to this bill, something on the order of “Whereas the current seated President is a Negro AND thats like having your fingers crossed when making a promise…”

Torak Nahtz July 29, 2009 at 8:11 pm

[re=372117]finallyhappy[/re]: Oh fuck, that’s my cover blown, then.

DR. RON PAUL/ELTON JOHN 2012! Abolish the Fed! Hobbits rox0rz!

celerant July 30, 2009 at 12:47 pm

You asshats, she voted for the resolution later in the day. She was merely performing a regular parliamentary procedure. She’s not a birfer. She was only postponing the vote for later when there was a quorum at which point she voted for the bill.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: