major mea culpas

John Cornyn Meant To Say We Need F-22s To Bomb *China*, Not India

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Like many proud leaders of the Grand Old Party, Texas Sen. John Cornyn recently said something inappropriate and terrible and damaging to his country while defending something expensive, war-related, and unnecessary. Last week he argued against curtailing the Pentagon’s F-22 program on the grounds that we will need those bad boys to bomb various countries in the future. He then listed four countries that the United States currently has no intention of bombing, one of which was INDIA — the American ally — what with the “increased exercise of their military power.” Ha ha, eat an ICBM of dicks, India! But this was all just a misunderstanding, according to Cornyn’s spokesman. He meant to say that we need F-22s to bomb China soon. China. This just clears everything up! Cornyn/Santelli 2012…

“It (the F-22 program) is important to our national security because we’re not just fighting wars in Afghanistan and Iraq,” Texas’ Republican Senator John Cornyn said in a TV interview. “We’re fighting we have graver threats and greater threats than that: From a rising India, with increased exercise of their military power; Russia; Iran, that’s threatening to build a nuclear weapon; with North Korea, shooting intercontinental ballistic missiles, capable of hitting American soil.”

Turns out the Senator had a ‘slip of the tongue.’

“Senator Cornyn misspoke saying ‘India’ when he meant to say ‘China.’ As Founder and Co-chairman of the Senate India Caucus, no Senator has greater respect or admiration for India or values our relationship with them more. Sen. Cornyn regrets the mistake and apologizes for any misunderstanding this may have caused,” his spokesman Kevin McLaughlin clarified after the remarks were brought to his notice.

Ah yes, the “Senate India Caucus,” we all are familiar with Senator Cornyn’s very important work there, about India, and the Indians — “dot-dot” Indians, of course, not “naked dream-catchy Mexican” ones.

But wait, was that about bombing China with F-22s soon?

US Senator mistakenly calls India a security threat, apologizes [Times of India]

Sponsored Intermission

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Hopey dont play that game

    Which one makes chop suey? That’s the one I want to bomb.

  • jbd

    Local shorthand has become either “dot not feather” or “ruppee not wampum”. “Slurpy not firewater” is apparently also acceptable.

    Invert as needed, obviously.

  • ManchuCandidate

    All furriners look a like to “Big” John.

  • btwbfdimho

    He’s from Texas, so he probably meant Buffalo.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Of course we are going to bomb China. They have us by the short hairs, financially. And presto, No repayment of trillions in loans.

  • V572625694

    Is there any reason why a person who confuses India with China shouldn’t have an important role in determining our foreign affairs and defense policies? No, of course not.

    Thanks, Texas! Keep bringin’ the crazy!

    And damn, if we’re going to bomb countries as big as China and India with little fighter jets like the F-22, we’re gonna need a whole lot more of ’em!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=371790]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: Chop suey was created in San Francisco at the end of the 1800s.

    Give me about five minutes to finish eating this delicious little girl, and then feel free to bomb away.

  • slappypaddy

    Senator Cornhole’s a wingnut’s wingnut, he doesn’t care who we bomb, just so long as we bomb someone, and soon, pleeze, his balls are turning blue.

  • STepper

    Cornyn was just confused. That’s okay as he is a certifiable idiot.

  • user-of-owls

    This addled piece of fecal matter better pray to his dashboard Jesus that he doesn’t need to call tech support anytime soon.

  • user-of-owls

    Oh, and by the way, did anyone notice what the acronym for Senate India Caucus is?

  • Lord Growing

    Then there are the time travelling F-22s being sent to 1960 Hawaii…
    I’ve said too much.

  • Mr. Spanky

    Easy now!

    What the heck is wrong with a super-cool jet fighter that costs a mere, $300M a copy and only needs $50,000 per flight hour in maintenance to keep in the air?!

    I’m talking Major Stimulus! True, High Tech Welfare!

    Never mind the fact that mere RAIN washes off its stealth coating. And when it opens its weapons doors to actually shoot something, it is as stealthy as a Boeing 747.

    Sounds like the ideal plane to send our brave Air Force pilots on suicide missions over Shanghai or Mumbai!

    “Get Some! Get Some!”

  • chowkster

    [re=371792]jbd[/re]: Curry, not Casino

  • DollarStorePregnancyTest

    [re=371792]jbd[/re]: Around here the correct distinction is “casino” or “call center”

  • DollarStorePregnancyTest

    [re=371811]chowkster[/re]: damn you!

  • Hooray For Anything

    I think the question to ask is there something about India we don’t know? Also, why aren’t we passing bill after bill after bill over these lunkheads?

  • qwerty42

    Wasn’t saving the F-22 part of the dreaded Gay Agenda? or was it not? Hard to be sure, but if the Republicans are for it …

  • Extemporanus

    Jim’s wonderful “ICMB of dicks” construction brought to mind Louis C.K.’s brilliant deconstruction of the phrase “Suck a bag of dicks.”

    For those wishing to skip the foreplay (No!) and get right to the dick sucking, forward to the 2:15 mark.

  • iantenna

    he could have taken a lesson from my in-laws and just used the all-encompassing “los chinos” which, in their world, means anybody from over on that side of the world.

  • SmutBoffin

    What does Big John know that we don’t?

    Fuck, the Great Moon War with China is really happening isn’t it? I mean, I liked it as a joke, but now I sorta don’t anymore…

  • assistant/atlas

    For that kind of money, those puppies better have missiles made of pure Jesus or something. Also, can they hurry up and secede already? We’ve got all the stupid we can handle at the moment.

  • Vegastard

    Canada. Meant to say, “Canada,” with their fancy-pants socialistical health care system that actually works.

  • Paul Tardy

    Here’s a thought, if they make the F-22s in China, we could afford them, especially if the Chinese loaned us the money to buy them.

  • Tra

    Awww, reminds me of the early days of the Bush administration, when they were hankering to go to war with China. Remember that? It was their first attempt at an insanely self-destructive and unnecessary foreign policy, before they got real good at it. Good times.

  • WadISay

    I got the trots from an Indian restaurant a couple of weeks ago. As far as I’m concerned, bombing them is OK, too.

    [re=371832]Paul Tardy[/re]: An head-spinning reversal of Lenin’s meme that the capitalists will sell the Communist countries the bullets the Commies use to kill them.

  • Darkness

    [re=371832]Paul Tardy[/re]: You know, it sounds so disturbed when you say it that way . . . not at all like our economic strategy for the last 30 years…

  • Oldskool

    We could get rid of Senator Einstein with a new map of the border fence showing Texas south of it… and tell him it’s to keep out Canadians.

  • azw88

    Fuck the Indians, they never shoulda let that Ghandi fella lead them off the reservation and over to that silly subcontinent that is making the Himilayas taller by smashing into China.

  • Servo

    Afterall, we really got our money’s worth from the $2.1B per copy B-2 stealth bomber and the now-retired $111M per copy F-117 stealth “fighter”, which was really a bomber that held a whopping two (2) laser-guided bombs.
    BTW, I think a bomber would be better suited to drop bombs. Fighters are for interception and dogfights, which don’t happen much anymore because of BVR missile capabilities.
    Stealth is a bullshit technology that can be easily countered. Hell, Wesley Clark knows that.

  • Uncle Glenny

    [re=371816]qwerty42[/re]: Yeah, I got all confused about that, too. However, WingNutDaily has come to the rescue, and it seems we the F-22 will shoot down the homosexual agenda (link is to ballon-juice, not WingNutDaily – I’m not that cruel).

    I know I saw it somewhere else but can’t find linkee. (Was it here??)

  • chascates

    I got laid off from my job after an INDIAN company bought it, not a Chinese one. He might have been right the first time.

    No, Cornyn is never right. And he’ll get reelected.


    Okay, what pop star is going to die to cover up this white man’s, uhmm, gaff??

  • randomsausage

    Cornyn only changed his mind because an aide told him that the Black Hole of Calcutta belongs to some Bollywood Boy-toy

  • Hopey dont play that game

    [re=371802]Extemporanus[/re]: Obviously you hate Trig and the troops.

  • rereridiculous

    Cornyn is a true American hero. He doesn’t see race or nationalities. No! He sees all people and countries as equal under the eyes of the mighty powerful bomber.

  • jbd

    [re=371862]MGBYG[/re]: I’m voting for Canadian harlot Celine Dion. That or Canadian harlot Brian Adams. Not that I have anything against those people….

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Cornyn is wise. Clearly we could never win a war against India as our soldiers have not been trained to break out into song like the Indian army.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    All snark aside. After the last eight years in Iraq, imagine our exit strategy from India. Now imagine it from China.

  • give us a bob

    My impression was that the Neocons got their little war in Iraq by exercising some discipline w/in their ranks and not blabbing on national media their we-gonna-bomb-em-real-good wishlist in the years before 9/11. Something to do with that whole element of surprise thing, I gather.

    Thus, wouldn’t probably serve national interests better to encourage more such utterances? Just put the whole list on twitter, across several consecutive tweets if they can’t fit “Russia, China, India, Iran, Cuba, Libya, Syria, Egypt, Nork, Lebanon, Honduras, Venezuela, Mars, and Oregon” into 140chars.

    And Bolivia? Why not Bolivia too?

  • Mr Blifil

    Why can Uruguay still not get a shred of respect. Bomb them already, just so they can have some street cred, fur fuck’s sake.

  • hobospacejunkie

    The lesson to be drawn here is don’t spread planning & production of a fighter plane over 40 states. This platypus of fighter planes was the ultimate pork project & killing it is proving to be the whack-a-mole game to end all whack-a-mole games.

  • noodleman

    It’s so funny, even in the age of Google and the Internet, that Republicans can’t get their dates or their data straight. The Chrysler “K” car platform, referred to in the article, was developed in the ’80s — not the ’90s — and only involved passenger cars. The “L” platform was used for pick-ups and trucks. It’s a serious enough mistake because the “K” car had been abandoned by Chrysler by 1990 by which time Ford’s new platforms (e.g. Taurus, Escort) had exceeded Chrysler’s in popularity.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=371899]Mr Blifil[/re]: Leave the poor Uruguayans out of this. They got a Tupamaro president and beef that would make your peenie melt. Viva Tupas!

  • richardwb1

    [re=371809]Lord Growing[/re]:
    No, you haven’t said enough.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    No no no. Cornyn is actually planning to invade India at the behest of his constituents (Lockheed). That wasn’t a “slip o’ teh tung” it was a total gaffe.
    “Whoa! Wait! Did I say ‘INDIA’? I meant CHINA! Yeah, China. We need to bomb them. Not India. We’d NEEEEEEVER bomb them.”

    All China has to do is say “EMBARGO MUTHAFUKKA!” And boom…
    there goes all the little knicknacks and doohikeys needed to build our military hardware.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I think he did mean Indians! They have many, many braves and new firesticks and could be a real threat to West Texas.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=371844]WadISay[/re]: No bombing India–I love Bollywood. Chak De! (India), for instance. Besides, John Abraham lives in India and since he’s the most gorgeous human being who ever walked on legs, he must be spared. (See “Water” by Deepa Mehta.)

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=371875]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Excellent. Very funny.

  • jbd

    [re=371792]jbd[/re]: After an appeal to friends:

    Apu not Tonto
    Brahmin not wiseman
    Puri not frybread
    Tanks not tatonkas (you have to make the horns with your fingers)

  • S.Luggo

    Iraq Iran Indonesia
    Hey, don’t take those, man.
    I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.
    I already took them, man.

  • imissopus

    We need to finish the job those pussy Brits couldn’t take care of on their own. Limey fruits.

  • Gallowglass

    I get India and China mixed up all the time. Who can be bothered to keep track of all the brownish heathen types, anyway. Certainly not a United States Senator. What would he need with a rudimentary knowledge of the world?

  • nosnikreplliw

    “naked dream-catchy Mexican” ones. ???

  • zhubajie

    Probably it’s hard for him to tell which heathen country to smite first, the rag-head one or the slanted-eye one. G-g will have to tell him, like It did Bush II!


  • zhubajie

    [re=371815]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Well, it is a heathen country which has been known to give fundie xtn missionaries a hard time, and it has been building up its military (just launched its first nuclear sub yesterday!), so it makes as much sense as threatening China.

  • zhubajie

    [re=371890]give us a bob[/re]: No, it was because Iraq is in the Book of Daniel and the Book of Revelation, and India and China are not. Check it out: “Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen!”

    Zhu Bajie

  • Zorg

    John-Sahib, jab tu paida hua tho aagey se ya peechey se nikla tha chutiya?

  • gurukalehuru

    So, Joe Biden gets crucified in the press for suggesting that Russia’s banking system might not exactly be up to standard, and Cornholio gets a pass for suggesting we bomb Russia, on account of he said something even stupider in the same sentence, which he then covered up by saying something stupider still.
    I move that Joe Biden gets a pass on absolutely anything he says until Big John produces his birth certificate, with an officially notarized flag pin attached.

  • Unlearned Hand

    I assume Cornyn feels we need the F-22s to take care of the dire threat posed by the Comanches. Casinos, or WMD labs?

    Also, India just launched its first nuclear submarine this week. Something tells me threatening them with non-existent fighters isn’t the best plan we could come up with.

    As for the Russia thing, that’ll take care of itself. Probably through a polonium-laced chicken fried steak.

  • Don Juanquete

    Where would our English teachers and math tutors and IT profs come from, if we bomb India?
    And who would win the speling beas?
    We’ll all become the spoopids then.

  • LoweredPeninsula

    Wait, wait:

    As Founder and Co-chairman of the Senate India Caucus, no Senator has greater respect or admiration for India or values our relationship with them more.

    Ummm, he’s the founder and co-chairman of the Senate India Caucus? Really? How maddening must that be to Indian Americans? Of all of the congressional douchebags it had to be Senator Cornyn.

  • Paul Tardy

    In all fairness if your only job skill was riveting aluminium together, and the world was going toward airplanes made of plastic composite, you would be pissed at losing your government sinecure during a recession, especially after you voted for all those pay and pension bump ups for your brother police fire airport screener postal workers. Bush’s inclusion of airport screenres into the civil service was brilliant. Talk about guilded welfare, with the economy in the dumper they’re look at pictures of peoples luggage job is now mostly waiting for people with luggage to look at.

    Maybe they can get work in auto, uhhh, truck driving, uhhh, help me with this one.

    Hey Yo F-35 all the way yeah. Those Chi-coms still take off horizontal like. Anybody heard from the V-22 lately? Anybody?

  • McDuff

    Taking the claim that the F-22 needs 30 hours of maintenance for every hour of flight at face value, an F-22 based in the U.S. would fly to Hawaii, land, spend a day on the ground undergoing maintenance, then fly to Guam, spend a day undergoing maintenance, then fly to Japan, spend a day undering going maintenance, fly to Thailand, spend a day undergoing maintenance, and then, maybe only then, be available for combat against the Indian hoards. Yup, the Airforce Ground Crew Full Employment Act of 2009 was well worth every dime L-M paid its lobbyists.

  • Godot

    The F-22 isn’t a bomber.