Much like the earlier generations of unemployed bloggers, Meghan McCain is just so deep in the Internet right now that she’s going double insane. Behold her nervous, illiterate twitters about somebody she doesn’t know who may or may not exist, on the Internet, and perhaps at minimum exists on the other side of the country, typing some sadsack stuff about wanting to die. Teen-agers are hyper-emotional, Meghan, sort of like you, except you haven’t been a teen-ager since your dad almost joined John Kerry’s presidential ticket.
Also: Let’s just pause a moment to say, Thank you, Tina Brown, for paying Meghan McCain some of your investors’ money to type on the Internet.
So, what happened? Who knows! Meghan actually went outside the other day and reportedly drove recklessly and the police had to stop her and punish her for being a dangerous monster trying to kill people on the public roads, and then she just holed up with her Twitter and went progressively more nuts while reading the random twitters of other people, and next thing omg she is making her poor publicist call the Seattle police department because Meghan is the new Bat Man of the Internet, and she will save you, but sort of like if the Bat Man just made his English slave “Alfred” call various police departments when there was trouble, in Seattle.
Well, one comforting thought is that nobody, ever, has written the suicidal message “they want death.” Because, you know, it would be “I want death,” and even then, probably not, because …. Meghan, are you even following the English-language feed of Twitter? Because we are starting to think you’ve accidentally connected to the Norwegian death metal twitters. Ask your publicist to maybe check your network connections!
Anyway, about that speeding ticket: Meghan helpfully posted a photo of this encounter, which — as per usual with Meg — asks many more dumb questions than it answers. If she’s driving, then why is the photo taken from the passenger side? Is her publicist driving? If she just leaned over to the other side of this vulgar SUV to point a camera at the highway patrolman, why? Oh, and this is New York City, eh? Where she lives, like it says on her Twitter? Not too much! This is Arizona, specifically the rocky desert highlands of Sedona, where Meg’s elderly father keeps a holiday-retirement castle with many tire swings for reporters and unemployed daughters. And if a highway patrolman pulled over an obvious Mexican drug lord in a black SUV, and the drug lord was pointing a dangerous laser at the cops, why didn’t these brave law-enforcement officers shoot to kill, like when Barack Obama tries to break into the White House at night after his smoke?
But maybe Megs really did save a life! Her mysterious twitter-bummer friend (Cindy?) has become so embarrassed by this whole episode that he/she decided to CHOOSE LIFE! Meghan McCain will embarrass America to greatness!
(Sorry about this whole post, really. Ugh, now how to climb out of this rabbit hole of banality?)
Read More:
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- John McCain's Twitter Thinks It's Better Than Our Lord Jesus Christ
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{ 55 comments }
I can haz cake? Or death?
So what you’re saying is Meghan McCain still hasn’t gotten laid.
I can haz HuffPo investment moniez bak nao plz? Kthnxbai.
laser pointers? similarly in philly, a bunch of phillies fans were causing a ruckus at the game with those laser pointers. is this the new, modern weapon?
Thanks to our brave troops for protecting our freedom so Meghan McCain can have a publicist. Also
[re=371396]TGY[/re]: Oh…cake please!
“they want death” was probably written by someone who watched the whole Palin resignation speech.
Maybe Meghan and the Grifter will go on a cross-country twitter spree, and with any luck it will end a la Thelma and Louise .
Jeebus, what’s with the Rolling Stones thing all over her Twitter page thing? Shouldn’t it be all Cannibal-Corpsey now that she like teh METAL?
Dear Meghan, keep saving lives on twitter, you can help the country one person at a time and maybe even write books about it, too, and go on Oprah, also, and never, ever, run for office and be a big loser who almost destroys the country by picking a near-retard to be the president in waiting like your daddy did, and you’ll be just fine and we’ll all be happy.
btw, whatever happened to Bridget?
your good friend, Kalehuru
Meghan McCabe 2 teh RESKYOOOO0000!!!!111
Ill sav u d-pressd emo twatter!
a flock of sparrows at dawn makes a more sensible noise than this naive brat’s twitterings.
Rolson141 is that little fat chick, (Ashley?), who carved a backwards B in her face, she’s just found another way to attention whore herself. Stand down Meghan.
please pray for him everyone, I am shaking.
Way to get god’s attention, Meghan.
Too late.
He’s already floating face down in the harbor.
http://myloc.me/show.php?id=enq5
Silly Megs. It was me! I always say shit like that when getting my auto-erotic asphyxiation on while im tweeting.
[re=371408]bfstevie[/re]: God Bless, and Semper Phi.
Five and a half moving violations, Alan!
You know, I’ve often wondered how Meghan McCain, who has done nothing except carry half the DNA of a POW/failed presidential candidate, manages to stay in the public eye so much and be on TV and stuff, and I know: because she has a publicist, duh. I gotta get me one of those.
If they want to commit suicide, there’s the ever popular Aurora bridge a few blocks north of here. Just be sure you clear the Adobe and Getty Images buildings. They hate it when jumpers smash their cars.
[re=371433]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: via telegram?
…End it for….STOP
…Me please…..STOP
…I hate…….STOP
probably a confused gun nut, afraid he won’t be able to defend himself after Barry outlaws armor-piercing bullets.
e.g., “if you want my gun, you can take it from my cold, dead hands. After I’ve offed myself”
Dear Megs, I’m thrilled to see you CARE about people you don’t even know. That’s quite an improvement over 99.9% of your fellow Republicans! If you really want to help U.S. America, you should check out what’s going on with The Family on C Street. Evil married men are hurting their wives and children!!1! That’s pain you know something about … oh, forget it … that would be your dad’s FIRST wife and kids.
Meghan: If the cops come to your door to follow-up, be sure to have your Birth Certificate ready!
[re=371436]Suds McKenzie[/re]: It’s so wonderful to hear from a patriotic small town American for values liberty and victory.
[re=371413]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I told her a million times that I was just kidding, jeez.
[re=371421]gurukalehuru[/re]: OT. I just have one question about that whole 9/11 thing. Boxcutters??!!??
Louder Than Words llc – http://www.loosechange911.com
Regarding the Meg’s photo of the cop car — if she was driving and then leaned over to take a picture of the cop car in the passenger-side mirror, she’s lucky the cop didn’t think she was making “furtive” movements and shoot her in self-defense.
Oh, wait, she’s white. Never mind.
it’s not what anyone thinks! this poor fellow was apparently being dragged out to sea!!
here he is on land:
http://myloc.me/show.php?id=egJY
next tweet is from the cold pacific!!
http://myloc.me/show.php?id=enq5
[re=371428]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I never know how to respond when someone asks me to “pray for so-and-so”. It’s like they just asked a vegetarian to eat a hamburger for them. Uh, sorry, I don’t do that, nothing personal…? But they inevitably get all pissed off and stuff.
I have lost my sunglasses
rolson141 2:07 PM Jul 25th from TweetDeck
Twitter is such a stupid, stupid thing.
Meghan saved him even though he’d just been making fun of Sarah Palin! That means she’d try to save us all too! Have we been too hard on her?
God, if I called the cops every time someone on my friends lists talked about suicide, they would’ve blocked my number by now. “Hey! Call us again and we’re gonna pull a Skip Gates on your ass, get our drift?”
[re=371494]CorkPopper[/re]: I just give a glassy stare, murmur “mmmm”, and resume my masturbation.
[re=371494]CorkPopper[/re]: “I don’t believe in god, but I’ll think real hard about your friend if you think it will help”.
Prediction: At the first inkling of a steady guy buddy, Ms. Megs will disappear from public view, not for nefarious reasons, but for, as she will state, personal reasons. Can someone please call Jon Voight? His country is calling.
[re=371494]CorkPopper[/re]: Depending on my mood and the situation, my response could be anything from a blank stare to “Wouldn’t you rather I did something useful?“
Young Republicans going Emo … well, now I’ve seen everything.
How long would Boehner have to stay out of the sun to get pale enough for black lipstick and eyeliner?
Oh God, some Torchwood fan from Seattle (land of the everlasting blues) goes all batshit crazy over the offing of Ianto and Meghan doesn’t get it AT ALL. Let’s pray for her.
This is just more proof for me that Twitter is bs.
I will NOT Twitter. Come on people! Who will join the NoTwitter pledge with me??
[re=371673]proudgrampa[/re]: Dude, you could be using it to disseminate cute, useless info about your grandchildren. If you’re taking the pledge, I’m impressed. And, no, I don’t Twit or Twat or Twitpix or read books on my phone.
Just out of curiosity, why does she call it McCainBlog “ette”? Does she mean that her blog should really only be considered to be a scaled-down, diminished version of a proper blog? Cause that would be an admirable acknowledgement of the insignificance of her own contribution to the body of journalistic output.
Or is she simply using it as a gender indicator, presumably to ensure that everyone reading it is aware that is, in fact, female? Because, besides the increasingly obsolete nature of this type of usage of “ette”, I’m reasonably certain that blogg “er” is a gender neutral term. Perhaps she’s insecure about her gender identity and so feels the need to publicly assert it?
Are the fat jokes still off limits? Not that Meghan is all that fat or anything. I’m just not very creative.
(with apologies to Monty Python)
Megan: I’m going to call the police.
Publicist: Shouldn’t you call Twitter?
Megan: Call the Twitter Police!
[re=371747]mercure[/re]: Your whole comment is very nearly ironic considering where you posted it.
This post should win the Pulitzer for everything!
[re=371673]proudgrampa[/re]: Twatting is Tyranny.
I am with you.
Tell Alex Jones that Twitter is a plan by the Eleeets to kill off 80% of us so they can be immortal ala Highlander and he will join too.
Turns out the idiot who wrote “I want to die” was a neo lib who found out his vote really made history. He finally saw he voted for an empty suit talking head idiot named hussein who cant speak off the cuff or his racist proclivities get revealed. The country finally sees that empty suit dumbo ears obama is more like a Rev Wright clone who hates white people so much he thinks any black person (even admitted racist like Prof Gates) could never be wrong so he calls an entire police dept in cambridge mass stupid!
Even the New York times recently called Obama a liar when talking about his Govt operated socialist health care program that is dead and will never get passed by congress.
Yep, the neo libs votes that made history, they elected the first complete idiot and moron as prez of the USA
Turns out the poor neo lib who wrote “I want to die” on twitter found out his vote really did make history.
He finally saw he voted for an empty suit, talking head idiot named B hussein odleyeoh (or something) who cant speak without his telepromted speech written for him or his racist proclivities might get revealed.
The country finally saw that empty suit dumbo ears obama is more like a Rev Wright clone who hates white people so much he actually thinks any black person (even admitted racist like Prof Gates) could never be wrong, so he calls an entire police dept in cambridge mass stupid!
Even the New York times recently called Obama a liar when talking about his speech concerning his Govt operated socialist health care program that is dead and will never get passed by congress.
Yep, the neo libs votes that made history, they elected the first complete idiot who is a closet racist & sociepath for prez of the USA.
GREAT JOB NEOLIBS HATE MONGERS!
[re=372484]American1st[/re]: Very baroque, in the sense of three very slight variations on a repetitive theme.
[re=372484]American1st[/re]: Hi Troll! I’m confused about one claim you make. vis: “NEOLIBS HATE MONGERS” Personally I don’t hate mongers at all. I have even been referred to as a monger-lover by some of my less enlightened neighbors. I think if you’d give them a chance you’d find mongers just like you and me. Please give mongers a chance.
[re=372484]American1st[/re]: obvious troll is obvious.
Also:
God, sometimes I wish I was connected to Meg on Twitter, because I could have told her that contacting the Seattle police, even via publicist, wasn’t likely to result in… how you say? Action.
Quote from daily beast. “Later, when I went on my own small bus tour through Ohio”. is megan admitting to riding the short bus?
Every single one of you is a piece of shit. I wish the worst upon all of you.
Hmmm… I know I’m late to the party here, and it seems that this photo is no longer available on (the aptly-named) Twitpic. Regardless, there are a couple of logical incosistencies inherent in this image that lead all but the most casual observer to one inescapable conclusion; that pic has been “photoshopped”.
The photo appears to have been taken from the front passenger seat of the stopped vehicle, yet if one zooms in (try +), clearly visible through the windshield of the law enforcement vehicle is the arc of a steering wheel above the dashboard. Unless that photo was taken somewhere in the U.K., or unless law enforcement vehicles have suddenly started sprouting passenger-side steering wheels, that would indicate that the photo has been “flipped” left-to-right.
However, if the above-mentioned flipping had occurred, then the text of the “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear” would appear backwards. Yet this is not the case. So either A) the entire photo has been flipped and the text re-flipped (and blended to the background) so as to read correctly, or B) the photo was indeed taken from the passenger side, and the steering wheel image edited in, or C) some combination of the above and/or other photographic tomfoolery has been applied to this image. By whom and to what end I offer no conjecture, but that the photo shown above has been altered in some way(s) is apparent. Am I missing something in this analysis?
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