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Oh yeah you might want to see this, right? It’s Sarah Palin’s “goodbye and fuck you all, except the military families, you keep us safe” speech. Check it out!
QUITTERS 10:23 am July 27, 2009
Sarah Palin’s Last Words
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 112 comments }
like fingernails on a chalkboard
At 20 minutes long? No, I don’t.
I am praying every day…to fully marginalize these assholes forever…oh please make this dream come true for me…
CARIBOU AND JINDALOO
TWO AND ZERO AND ONE AND TWO!!!!!!!
I just can’t watch it-the snippets on the news this AM were too much, so strident and shrill…and crazy.
Dear “media”, please slam back.
I don’t have time for this. Would someone write a synopsis of the speech in one sentence or less?
Hang on, give me a sec… Uhhhhh, no. Sorry. Just can’t seem to muster up two shits and a whistle for whatserface.
NEXT!
wtf is she talking about? can anyone actually get through this whole thing?
She’s quitting to hunt the press from a helicopter full time, obvs. Bloggers first! MOO HA HA!
Sarah. Remember that being a journalist is kinda like being an ex-governor… only you have actual responsibilities.
[re=371129]Bypartizoa[/re]: You get first comment and how apt, since you speak for us all. I woke to NPR and the sound of that screechy voice saying stupid things and thought, why the fuck do I bother with NPR? Why not just listen to one of the gazillion “christian” stations, all of which seem to have the most powerful transmitters in the land. Ever notice that? How you can always get reception on one, and they all suck alike?
I digress: A semantic question. Is it just that I haven’t read enough of the “vast array of what’s put in front of me” like Sarah Palin and therefore don’t understand the new grammar and syntax, or is progress never used as a verb, except by her?
“Alaska will advance and appreciate great progress now that they won’t have me as governor.” That sentence makes perfect sense.
But: “Alaska will progress without me and my hillbilly clan” just sounds weird to me. Except for the prepositional phrase.
Support our troops. Also.
[re=371134]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Synopsis: I quit.
I would’ve been cool if Pedobear chased Sarah Palin … and she shot him, before or after boarding a helicopter. And then ate his heart.
So, t honor our military, we must not tell lies about Mrs. Palin.
Dumb bitch.
Any idea if she’s set up her new Twitter? I’m looking forward to her dropping political correctness for some full on mavericky plain talk! Sarah P.. The gift that keeps on giving.
Oh my god, I can’t do it any more. Her description of Alaska as a place where everyone there is a soldier fighting nature for the future of tomorrow also against the media teeming along the road that is good life and country pride. Ack, I’m infected!!!
A ton of Krazy Glue could not repair the disjointedness of this speech.
Why does Caribou Barbie think that stringing together talking points = speech good? Is it exposure to the meth fumes? Perhaps toxic lead levels in the moose chili? Or is it just basically Thought Apnea?
Hey Mooselini, the University of Idaho called, they want their degree back.
Does anyone else thinks she’s gotten really thin as of late? Not just her rhetoric, which
was always anorexic, but her face…she’s looking very drawn. Did she run over a gypsy?
Could I get a nice vinaigrette on this please?
Also.
Unfortunately, over the next 18 months, we’ll see her face in Borders Books, hear her nasaly voice on the radio, and see her quaffed, bespectacled head nodding on the teevee. The Snowbillie will agonizingly milk her “15 minutes of fame” right up until her divorce from Todd for (fill in the blank) in fall 2010!
The Jehovah’s Witnesses are gone and I’m finally back among my people, potty mouthed losers with sarcasm in their souls. You have no idea how good profanity and vulgarity sound after 3 long weeks culminating in a weekend where I was denounced as a pagan at my own dinner table. Fucking Jehovah.
Hmmm. . . . Does Jehovah fuck? Let’s ask Sarah Palin’s witch doctor/exorcist. He must know.
[re=371140]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Pro-gress’, to paraphrase the late great Bucky, seems to be a verb. Prah’-gress, on the other hand, does not. Sorry, best I can do.
If this woman wrapped herself with the flag any tighter, she’d cut off the circulation to her tiny, tiny brain.
I suggest searching youtube for “sarah palin porn” and watching that stuff instead.
[re=371134]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “A large vat of narcissism, heavily laced with equal measures of vitriol and brain damage with a dollop of pandering to finish.”
The handy thing about this synopsis is that has universal applicability to any of her verbal tantrums.
Oh, good. Palin is taking rhetorical lessons from old Richard Nixon speeches. This bodes well for her future entertainment value.
(Long time skulker, first time poster.)
What a rip-off. I watched the whole enchilada, beginning with the insane “north to the future” weather report through the “God helps those who help themselves” Puritanical concluding drivel, and no announcement that any of those kids of hers have gotten knocked up. I swear Trig is showing.
Just cogitate on what kind of speech Trig would write, and that’s what Sarah delivered.
Who’s she going to pick a fight with next? David Letterman–check; Katie Couric–check; bloggers–check; liberal eelite media–check; belway insiders–check. Who the hell is left for her to bitch about in order to get coverage?
Maybe a stint on “American Idol”.
“I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows, if I fail, if I succeed, at least I’ll live as I believed, no matter what they take from me, they can’t take away my DiGNiTYYY..”
You go girl! Far, far away.
I got to 1:09. “I guess it really splits the chichacos from the sour doughs. [Laughter].” Also.
Remember how George Martin cut up tapes of calliope music and randomly re-spliced them as the background for “Mr. Kite?”
Same thing.
Watching Sarah Palin use the English language is like watching a toddler play the piano — the kid enjoys making noise, and everyone else just hopes that someday he’ll either start doing it right or get bored and stop. I gave up after “In honor of the American soldier, could you stop making stuff up?” From the woman who’s protected us from Russia for the past two-and-a-half years, that’s just precious.
“You represent what could and should be an respected, honest profession that could and should be a cornerstone of our democracy. Democracy depends on you. That is… That’s why our troops are willing to die for you. So, how about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit making things up?” – Palin on the media
Something about pots and kettles….
*wink* *point* pause *smile* all aboard the delusional, narcissistic, self-absorbed express! patriotism *pander to the troops* *point* pause *swipe at media* *point* *pause* blah blah blah
[re=371160]Keram2[/re]: I see. So you’re saying you think that her brain had a source of oxygen BEFORE the application of the flag tourniquet?
[re=371157]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Dustbowl, get thee to friendlier skies m’dear! That’s dreadful.
[re=371136]PoliticalGraffiti[/re]: Ya, it’s comedy and it makes my day. it’s a like a faux tragic monologue in a shakespeare comedy by the petulant asshat.
34 seconds before she mentioned the military! The over/under was 25.
…a fair return on your Alaskan-owned natural resources.
Oh good, a shout-out to socialism.
My fellow Americans,
Family. Second amendment. Life. Also for our soldiers, for our freedom. Our soldiers. Our freedom. Small government. You know what I’m saying… *wink*
*CHEER. HOORAY. CLAP, CLAP, CLAP*
Liberal media elites also! Big government. And also what about our guns? For the soldiers. For the soldiers! Our guns. Our rights. Hollywood mainstream media. Not like us. *wink*
*CHEER. HOORAY. CLAP, CLAP, CLAP*
I just want to say: Small government. Life. *wink* Freedom isn’t free. Soldiers. Our guns, for us — not them. Also. Mainstream media elite! Hollywood. Small government, not big government. Taxes. Bad. Also. They’re not like us. I’m one of you.
*CHEER. CLAP, CLAP, CLAP. GOD BLESS AMERICA*
They are our soldiers. For our freedom. Not free. It’s not free. 9/11 was a day with big government, media elite, for our soldiers. Firemen. Freedom isn’t free. God. Our family values. They won’t take away our guns. No matter the liberal elites and their taxes. Also.
*HOORAY. CLAP, CLAP, CLAP. SO PRETTY.*
And so I tell you, fellow Americans, for our soldiers. They protect us also. No more lies, no more Hollywood. They’re not like us. Also. Media… bad. High taxes, big government, take our guns away. No. Not like us.
*CLAP. SOB. SHE REALLY SPEAKS FOR ME. FOR US. SO PRETTY.*
Failin’ Balin’ Palin is, what, 45? 46? She’ll be pushing 50 by 2012, and with that much duplicity, hate, and anger roiling around in there, her shelf life will have expired by then. When she looks more like Liddie Dole and less like Tina Fey no one will care what kind of bullshit she’s spouting.
Lookist sexism’s a bitch.
“Candle in the Wind 2009″
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin and the American people
Goodbye, Alaska’s rose
May you ever, grow in infamy
You were the chick who placed herself
In a campaign you tore apart
You called out to our country
And you winked out “You betcha”
Now you belong to private life
But the rags still spell your name
And it seems to me, you live you life
Like a calculated shrew
Never admitting, Trig’s origin
When we know it’s not you
And your public comments will always land here
Among Wonkette’s snarky news
Your campaign burned out long before
Your legend never will
This speech has Down Syndrome.
[re=371166]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Jesus. He was too liberal – and never being married and hanging out with a dozen fishermen he picked up at the docks – he was probably in favor of gay marriage too.
Haha I love when she’s 5 words into one of her typical meandering 20-second-long sentences and you can tell immediately it’s building up to an applause line for the troops.
I dunno if this nationalist demagoguery and demonization will work here, but she would have become the first female President of Nazi Germany. And for the record, I doubt I’ve ever compared any politician to a Nazi – I may have expressed hope that the leaders of the Democrats knocked on Joe Lieberman’s door at 2 a.m. dressed as Nazis and drag him away to scare him – but this is just calling a spade a spade.
I just couldn’t get past the 10 second mark. Nope, couldn’t do that to myself, so thanks for the overviews, everyone.
[re=371153]jodyleek[/re]: See, SP thinks that everyone is hating on her because she is too fat, that must be why, and so she has returned to her bulimic ways.
Ye gods, that speech is like a Mobius strip of stupid.
More cowbell.
I love that little piggy face she makes when she thinks she’s made a good point and gets some applause. It reminds me of my four year old granddaughter. Except that it’s cute when the latter does it.
And does she not get that “Straight Talk” belongs to McCain, and he thinks she’s a moron? As for declaring war on the media and running for office: Good luck with that. It should endear her to the perpetually ignorant underclass, which I estimate to be 29% of Americans. That’s the percentage of Bush Junior’s approval rating when his term finally ended.
[re=371134]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “OUR SOLDIERS are dying because the MSM inappropriately brandishes its right to the press — LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!”
Unbelievable. Sarah, nobody’s fighting in the war you declared against the English language. Leave the troops out of this, for Trig’s sake.
Sweet baby Jesus. I made it 12 minutes in. MAKE IT STOP!
“Be wary of accepting government largess… Melting into Washington’s powerful ‘care-taking’ arms will just suck incentive to work hard and chart our own course right out of us. And that not only contributes to an unstable economy and dizzying national debt, but it does make us less free.”
Cue working class crowd, wildly cheering against their own self-interest.
Au revoir Baby Flume.
WTF? Did she say without hunters there would be no food???
Does she think cows and pigs are hunted down in the forest?
Why does anyone care what this idiot says?
[re=371161]facehead[/re]: Good suggestion! It really, really works!
Rivers carving wood up north the troops for country. Frost sometimes!
Hitler has the sadz, too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IzNPEGWNos
“Ice fog, frigid beauty” – is that a self reference?
I’m waiting for her MILF porno website.
Vogonian poetry is easier to listen to than this twatwaffle’s rants.
[re=371187]MzNicky[/re]: I predict that within a year she’ll realize that she’s going nowhere in politics.
First item on agenda: Have a makeover, finally get a decent haircut and contact lenses. Offer her services to Faux news, but demands she get Huckabee’s slot with a regular feature on Todd and his snowmobile. Huck relegated to Saturday night at 11:00 ET. Contract comes with no-credit-limit cards for Neiman’s and Nordstrom’s.
But then, I hate her so much because, as NRO pointed out, being a liberal I have post-abortive guilt and resent her because, except for doing everything in her power to deliver a stillborn kid, managed to successfully deliver her look-I-didn’t-abort-this-retard prop baby.
Our brave troops died for this crazy moosh?
So I’m thinking about pitching a reality show where we lock Palin, Jon Gosselin, Skip Gates, Dick Cheney and Bobby Brown in a house together.
No plot. No challenges. Just a rolling camera.
Think of the hilarity that would surely ensue.
I’ve always heard that a room full of monkeys with keyboards would, over thousands of years, produce all of Shakespeare’s works. Give the little fuckers 25 minutes and they could write speeches for Sarah.
[re=371212]Cape Clod[/re]: +1
[re=371193]geminisunmars[/re]: Your premise assumes she ‘thinks’ and has a conscience. I am sticking with the ‘ran over a gypsy’ idea. If Sarah offers you a piece of pie, DO NOT eat it.
How can I miss her, if she won’t go away?
Acknowledging my own selves (all ten of my personalities) as liberals who read and listen to news on the elite mainstream media, we all are praying to Sarah’s God that she be blessed to become the Republican nominee for President in 2012. What better sign could there be that the Mayans were correct?
[re=371153]jodyleek[/re]: Totally. I think she’s on the Scientology barley water detox shit.
I heard it on C-SPAN radio, natch. I do remember her saying something about how grateful her entire family was to have served the state and the country. Not sure if I heard that right, but it would not be out of character. She loves/hates the attention but, like her intellectual mentor George W Bush thinks governing is hord. She must have a huge TV deal in the works. I will definitely watch her show. With the sound off of course.
I quit around 5 minutes in but I think I can summarize as follows: The troops died for my sins. Right?
I keep seeing surveys that show she appeals to Republicans but pretty much no one else. I want very much for someone to break down results by the takers’ educational levels. I bet she rules in the 8th-grade-or-less category.
[re=371193]geminisunmars[/re]: Transcript: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/akmuckraker/sarah-palins-farewell-add_b_245215.html
Don’t mention it.
“How about, in honor of the American Soldier, you quit makin’ things up?”
She should have said that to Dubya.
[re=371231]bumfug[/re]: Could? I think you were looking for the Declarative, not the Conditional, form here.
Just how about we remind them hollywood starlets that we will fight for our constitutional second amendment rights, also.
That was the scariest line, ya know.
Now whats this about Alaska being a gateway drug?
Wait, and forgive me if I’m wrong, but does this mean there’s not going to be a “Who’s Nailin’ Palin 2: Electric Boogaloo”?
Has she ever finished anything? Though to be fair she seems to have brought all of her babies to term.
[re=371265]S.Luggo[/re]: Thank you! Here’s some video for your enjoyment. replay….
[re=371265]S.Luggo[/re]: Uh, thank you? I got to “suggesting America apologetics” and my brain stopped up. I’ll try to read it again later, when I’m feeling more masochistic.
letterman: The Top 10 Things Overheard at Sarah Palin’s Farewell Party…
http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/07/letterman-palin-july-24-top-ten.html
I can’t believe she had that “speech” on a teleprompter. Like, it was really written somewhere.
You can smear lipstick on your pitbull, but it will still embarrass you by snarling, growling, barking, drooling and licking its butt in public.
“How about, in honor of the American Soldier, you quit makin’ things up?”
Good old Sarah. She never met a cliche she didn’t like. Or understand.
I personally love the line about the troops and will use it personally from here on out. Like:
“So, how about, in honor of the American soldier, you go out with me?”
Or
“So, how about, in honor of the American soldier, you hire me?”
Or
“So, how about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit calling me to pay my credit card bill?”
[re=371201]itgetter[/re]: “Be wary of accepting government largess… Melting into Washington’s powerful ‘care-taking’ arms will just suck incentive to work hard and chart our own course right out of us. And that not only contributes to an unstable economy and dizzying national debt, but it does make us less free.”
Before she said this she went on about their right to money from Alaska’s oil.
Hypocrite.
Facinating that the gubnor of a state that sends every last citizen an annual check of “gubment largesse” would be so bitchy about it, and that the audience would applaud wildly. “Yaaay! No gubment handouts! Yaaaay! Except the fat gubment handout they send me every year! Yaaay!”
jeezus, I couldn’t even last five minutes.
*chug*
“It is because I love Alaska this much, sir, that I feel that it is my duty to avoid the unproductive, typical politics-as-usual lame-duck session in one’s last year in office.”
So hilariously lacking self-awareness, and the sheer conviction with which she says it, as though anyone who can’t see the simplicity of her reasoning is clearly harboring an anti-Freedom agenda, is just priceless.
“I will be able to fight even harder for you, for what is right. And I have never felt that you need a title to do that.”
Not since O.J. set out to find the real killers has someone set me so at ease that efforts are about to be made on my behalf.
[re=371229]hockeymom[/re]: Loved it! I’m looking forward to the episode where Cheney “accidentally” shoots her in the face with his shotgun and then Bobby Brown and Skip Gates call her a racist. Oh wait, she probably is a racist.
I’d like to see SP start her fight for us in Afganistan.
She got one thing right: It IS a beautiful day. Now, grizzly mom, STFU and practice your fancy pageant walking.
The finished draft of her speeches look like this.
What is with the giant corsages? Is it my imagination, or are they getting bigger every time she wears one?
[re=371197]DustBowlBlues[/re]: that little piggy face
Oh my, you have a way with words. I always thought she looked like some kind of terrible insect without her glasses. But little piggy is much more fitting.
How come freedom is relatively inexpensive, if not free, for the rest of the world?
[re=371157]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I’d invite you to my place, but…
“Sarah Palin is scheduled to be GUEST SPEAKER in the Air Force One Pavilion of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum SATURDAY, August 8 for a 50th Anniversary Gala of the the Simi Valley Republican Women Federated”….. (caps theirs, not mine)
I can (almost) see the Reagan Library from my house. Thank God for Wonkette, you supply oxygen to my brain.
[re=371201]itgetter[/re]: That sentence broke my brain.
“Be wary of accepting government largess… Melting into Washington’s powerful ‘care-taking’ arms will just suck incentive to work hard and chart our own course right out of us. And that not only contributes to an unstable economy and dizzying national debt, but it does make us less free.”
[re=371201]itgetter[/re]: Melting into Washington’s powerful ‘care-taking’ arms will just suck …
That sentence made my panties moist. Is that wrong?
Sarah Palin wants to represent the hunter/gatherer segment of the American electorate.
Anybody know where is her SarahPalinnoPCallthetime twitter?
AkGovSarahPalin twitter has died, and I need a fix
And then Sarah Palin boarded a helicopter and went off to hunt Rod Blagoievich in the jungles of Argentina, on reality teevee. It’s the most dangerous game…..
Her inevitable Fox News show is going to be fantastic, if entirely incoherent.
This is some crazy stream of not-even-a-tiny-bit-consciousness. I simply cannot listen to this for 19 minutes. Whenever Sarah speaks that jibbery jabber what make talky words I have a petite mal seizure. And, like most real Americans, I have no health insurance, so I can’t afford my anti-seizure medicine. Also.
Sarah: meth + midnight sun = crazytalk
[re=371189]Styrofoam Boots[/re]: “This speech has Down Syndrome.”
This speech has three of EVERY chromosome.
The Best And the Brightest of the GOP!
I get that they want to take back power at all costs (even lying).
But to do what? Seriously, what’s their endgame?
I might respect them a bit if they gave people some truth.
Or maybe they really are just puppets waiting for the loudest, pushiest wackjob to grab the strings.
I haven’t watched a Palin speech in full since she was warbling in front of the turkey slaughterin’ man. I feel that she really peaked there and if I watch too much more of her nonsense I will ruin the sublime perfection of that moment.
On the other hand, I love having others watch them and tell me the worst bits, so I guess I’ll miss that.
[re=371166]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: or blame all her problems on? Oh, that’s right – she could blame herself!
[re=371563]Tra[/re]: It will certainly be funnier than the Half Hour News Hour.
You can see the smoke wisping out her ears. They need to get that Bot in for its 50,000 cliche service before it completely burns out.
I couldn’t get beyond the giant boquet on her tit. Is she taking fashion advice from Barbara Bush now?
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